Is flirting cheating when you’re in love with someone? Here’s something you really need to know and understand before jumping to conclusions. By Cheryl James
Do you flirt with an attractive friend when your partner isn’t around?
Or a better way to put the same question is, do you enjoy having a happy conversation with an attractive friend or coworker?
Most people press the panic button when it comes to flirting.
And almost always, that’s because they don’t understand what flirting really is all about.
What is flirting?
Flirting is a simple idea. It’s a conversation where you attract the other person using your charm and your conversational skills.
If you attract someone while talking to them, you’re already flirting with them. Of course, sometimes, that could happen unintentionally too.
If you flirt with someone, it doesn’t have to mean that you’re interested in sleeping with them. You’re just having an interesting conversation that makes you realize just how attractive you really are.
Even when you decide to go out with your own partner, you dress up and wear something that may show a bit of skin. But your partner already knows how you look naked. So why are you revealing your assets to other guys? It’s because you like looking good, don’t you?
And that’s exactly what flirting does on the inside. It makes you realize your own sexuality. [Read: 10 ways to look really sexy without trying]
Read this before flirting with someone else!
Just so you know, flirting outside the relationship may not work for everyone. It never works if you’re dating an insecure partner who feels threatened whenever you’re around someone your partner perceives as more attractive.
If your partner has low self esteem, they would definitely hate you if you flirt with another person or if they even hear that you flirted with another person.
So before you go flirting with everyone else, keep your partner’s insecurity and jealousy in mind. [Read: Are insecure men ever worth dating?]
Why does flirting feel so good?
Before we even get to chatting about whether flirting is cheating, let’s get to why flirting feels so good. Here are 4 good reasons.
#1 It helps keep your sexuality alive and makes you feel better about your own attractiveness.
#2 You become a better flirt, which makes you a better tease and a better conversationalist.
#3 It makes you feel more confident about yourself and your own abilities.
#4 It doesn’t leave you frustrated or restricted by your relationship.
If you can flirt naturally, it shows that you have all the charming traits in you already, and that makes you a really good catch.
The difference between harmless flirting, touchy flirting and talking dirty
Is flirting cheating? Well, it depends on the kind of flirting you have in mind. There are 3 types of flirting you could indulge in when you’re talking to someone outside the relationship.
#1 Harmless flirting. This is the kind of flirting where you use your gestures and your voice to have a happy conversation. You tease and you laugh, and you have a great time. This is perfectly acceptable even when you’re in a relationship. If your partner can’t handle it, it only means they’re insecure or feel offended when you give anyone else your attention. [Read: 15 shocking and yet subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend]
#2 Touchy flirting. In this kind of flirting, you do all of the above and yet, you take it one step further. You exercise your hands and almost all the time, your hand’s resting on some part of your friend’s body. You may place your hand causally, but it could definitely be misinterpreted by everyone around.
#3 Talking dirty. When anyone talks about flirting, every prudish mind thinks of this kind. Flirting is casual. Talking dirty definitely isn’t. If you talk dirty, compliment the other person sexually or try to get them to sleep with you, then that’s completely unacceptable when you’re already in a relationship. [Read: How to talk dirty to your own guy]
So if you do indulge in a bit of flirting with others when your partner isn’t around, restrict it to the harmless kind. It’s safe and fun, and no secure partner takes offence of it.
Flirting and the need to feel appreciated
All of us have the need to feel appreciated. And that’s why we dress up, use makeup, workout or get a better job. Somewhere deep inside all of us, we need reassurances from someone else to feel good about ourselves.
When you get into a relationship, you feel great about yourself because you’ve found someone who truly loves you and finds you *exciting*. But as time goes by and the sweet and sexy compliments start to become a routine, it forces you to look for reassurances from outside the relationship. [Read: 25 compliments for guys they'll never forget]
If an attractive colleague compliments how good you look in a new dress, you feel good about it even though you already know you’re wearing a cute outfit, don’t you? That’s the power of reassurance.
And it’s the same feeling you get when you flirt with someone else. It helps you realize how sexually attractive you still are, and that makes you feel more confident and sexy.
Is flirting when you’re in a relationship really cheating?
All of us flirt naturally, whether we realize it or don’t. Many lovers who don’t want their own partners to flirt with anyone else may just be hypocrites. Of course, you may not like the thought very much. But put yourself in your partner’s place. Wouldn’t you enjoy a conversation with an attractive someone other than your own partner?
The more you suppress your flirting side, the more you’d feel like you’ve lost your sexuality. And that would in turn affect your confidence in bed. So is flirting cheating when it can make you a better lover?
Times when flirting can be a lot of fun
#1 Your partner isn’t around, and you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone you admire or find attractive.
#2 If you’re talking to someone who won’t misinterpret your conversation, and is flirting with you just to have a fun conversation.
#3 You’re feel unsexy and you really need to feel like you still have the sexual charm in you.
Times when you should avoid flirting
#1 Your partner is insecure or you’re dating someone who’s extremely jealous. *good luck with that relationship!*
#2 You’re talking to someone who will misinterpret your conversation or assume that you’ve started falling for them even if you’re only trying to have a fun conversation.
#3 Your partner’s friends are around, and they would want nothing better than to exaggerate the situation and spread slutty stories about you *because they’re probably jealous*.
#4 Your relationship is going through a rough patch and you need to focus on building your relationship instead of sweet talking someone else. [Read: Top 20 reasons for divorce that most couples overlook]
Flirt, but never leave your partner in the dark
Flirting is healthy for a relationship, but both of you should be aware of each other’s abilities to sweet talk someone else. You need to have a great relationship with your partner, and both of you should have a lot of trust and love in the relationship. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]
And most importantly, don’t set different rules for yourself and your partner. If you’ve flirted with someone behind your lover’s back, you partner has every right to do the same thing too.
After all, you’ve flirted now and then and you know it was harmless, so why restrict your partner from having a pleasant and interesting conversation when you’re not around? [Read: How to handle controlling behavior in a relationship]
And let’s face it, you have no choice anyways! All of us flirt or brighten up when we meet someone attractive.
Love recklessly and flirt with caution
Would you hate yourself if you have a warm and pleasant conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Would you hate receiving a compliment from anyone other than your own partner? It would make you feel better about yourself, wouldn’t it? [Quiz: Would you ever cheat on your partner?]
Flirting is a natural ability of humans, and it makes us feel really good about ourselves. And as long as you know where to draw the line, it’s all fine. Instead of restricting yourself or behaving like entering a relationship means banning all happy interactions with the opposite sex, learn to accept that even if you or your partner indulges in a bit of harmless flirting now and then, it doesn’t mean either of you love the other person any less. [Read: What should you do when you start liking someone else?]
If you love your partner, it’s within your moral control to hold yourself back from going any further or cheating on them. Restrictions from outside won’t change anything. So if you must flirt to feel good about yourself, go right ahead, but always remember to give your partner the first preference and always avoid making them feel insecure or neglected.
So is flirting cheating? Well, it all depends on the way you look at it. If it works for you and your relationship and makes you feel attractive, I’d say go for it. But if you feel like it affects your relationship negatively, then hold your reins back and do something else to feel good about yourself.
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