People feel as though they can’t ask about lesbian sex, despite the fact that it is happening all around us! Here are 10 facts on the nitty gritty.
While in discussions with friends, we will happily chat in great detail about our sex lives. Despite this, the taboo of lesbian sex continues to be prevalent.
If you are a lady thinking about having sex with a woman for the first time, a man who gets seriously turned on by lesbian sex, or are just plain curious as to how it all works, rest assured that you are not alone.
How does lesbian sex work?
It is important to be able to freely and openly talk about lesbian sex. Having an open mind and listening properly will keep this topic from being shrouded in mystery, awkwardness, or fear of offending, and be considered the wonderful, fulfilling, awesome thing it is. [Read: 18 empowering reasons to love being a lesbian]
#1 Can lesbians have sex? One question that is likely to frustrate any lesbian when prying into her sex life is actually questioning whether she has one at all.
If you want to learn about lady action, that’s one thing, but use your common sense and try not to go into the conversation totally clueless. Sex happens in a huge number of ways, and who are we to judge what “counts” and what doesn’t?
#2 So… what exactly do they do? Girl on girl relationships can enjoy sex lives as varied and exciting as straight couples do.
Foreplay, different positions, weird places, toys… you get the picture. All that’s missing is the penis, and with it the worry that if it is not performing, then sex is pretty much over before you’ve begun. [Check out: Top ten female fantasies]
Women can have penetrative sex, oral sex, anal sex, and all the other good stuff. They might need a helping hand from time to time, but hey—who doesn’t?
#3 Is one person “the man“ when it comes to sex? This question may be met with scorn if you ask a lesbian couple, but it is something that many people often wonder about.
Again, it is all about normalizing lesbian sex and realizing that it is not that much different than sex straight people enjoy. OK, so there may be some couples where one partner likes to be more in control–but again, that is the same in heterosexual relationships.
Generally, if you are thinking about guy-on-girl sex, is one of them always dominant? Does the guy always go on top? Didn’t think so.
Surprise, surprise—it is the same with lesbian sex. It’s all down to what they feel like at the time. They switch it up and enjoy it just the same.
#4 Is it better? People often assume that lesbian sex must be better, since women know women’s bodies and instinctively know which buttons to press to give pleasure, and that they must be having hot, passionate, orgasm-filled shag sessions day in day out.
The truth is that practice makes perfect. Sex can be awkward, messy, embarrassing, and hilarious, and no two women are the same.
That awesome thing you can do with your tongue may rock one lady’s world, but might be ticklish or just plain weird for another. Communicating, experimenting, and having fun are what it is all about. [Check out: What are you feeling? Is it love or lust?]
#5 What kinds of toys do they use? The sex toy market is seriously big business. However, just because this is the case, it doesn’t mean that every lesbian couple in the world is rushing out to buy the biggest strap-on they can find to fill the hole *pun intended* left by an absent penis.
Some ladies enjoy experimenting with all kinds of toys, games, and gadgets, and others do not. That’s just the way it is.
#6 Why do some lesbians have sex with girls who essentially just look like men? This is a hugely common question, and not an unfair one. It can be difficult for a heterosexual person to understand the appeal of having a sexual relationship with a girl who has short hair, wears no makeup, and dresses very masculine.
“Why not just get out there and find yourself a nice young man?” they cry. To this, we respond, “Did your mama never tell you that looks aren’t everything?”
Straight people hook up for a myriad of reasons, and lesbians are no different. Connection on an emotional level is hugely important to some people, if they are going to dive into bed with them, and if they don’t have an emotional connection with guys, they might find they do with girls, which makes them super attractive—whether they look masculine or not. [Read: 10 answers to dumb questions people ask lesbians]
#7 I kind of find girls hot. Am I a lesbian? The lesbian fantasy is incredibly common, and one that is shared by a number of straight women all over the world.
However, just because you like the idea of getting frisky with a lovely lady, that doesn’t mean you should dump your boyfriend, tell your parents you’re gay, and rush out to the nearest lesbian disco to find what you are looking for. [Read: 9 sure ways to tell if you’re really bi-curious]
It is important to remember that fantasies are just that: some of them you might want to act on, and some of them are perfect for simply getting you in the mood to have sex with your partner, whoever that may be.
#8 What is scissoring? Ah, the age-old question! This is one that has circulated many a time, yet people still pull the same slightly concerned/intrigued face, and can’t quite believe it is real.
In truth, scissoring is real, and is a position that is deeply ingrained in the sexual repertoire of many a lesbian couple. While it might take on slightly different variations, scissoring is essentially genital-to-genital contact and, according to the ladies who have tried it *which is many*, it feels pretty damn good!
#9 Do lesbians have one-night stands? Of course they do! If you have ever been to a gay night club in any big city, then you’ll already know that the answer to this question is 100%, absolutely, a resounding, big, fat yes. [Check out: Top 7 gay-friendly vacation hot spots on earth]
Not all lesbians want to fall into relationships so they can walk around, complimenting each other’s dresses, braiding each other’s hair, and watching re-runs of Sex and The City.
They are horny, flesh and blood, sexually-enlightened human beings, and that means if they want to down six tequilas and have a night of hot, passionate love-making with someone they may or may not regret in the morning, they will!
#10 Do lesbians want to have sex with, like, every girl? Believe it or not, the answer to that is no, so stop freaking out that they are hitting on you just because they said “excuse me” in the supermarket.
They have types, standards, and tastes just like everybody else. Sure, they might get crushes on ladies that are in heterosexual relationships, and sure they might have one too many Pinot Grigios one night, and start flirting outrageously with you in front of your husband’s face, but that doesn’t mean they are sexual predators who are going to grope you as soon as you let your guard down.
Now you know! Lesbian sex can be dirty, carefree, experimental, boring, awful, brilliant, loving, emotional, and everything in between. Really, as long as everyone‘s having fun, what‘s the difference?!
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Bethany was born and raised in Scotland and now resides in Brighton where she lives with her partner and rather disobedient cocker spaniel pup. She works as a f...