Everyone is fearful of something. For some, it’s a spider. For others, heights. And then there are some who have a fear of sex – genophobia.
We’re only human, so it’s normal for us to develop our own phobias. Genophobia is the physical or psychological fear of sex or sexual intimacy. First of all, this fear can develop due to various reasons.
I had this fear when I was a virgin. I was terrified of having sex. The thought of having sex had me getting anxiety attacks to the point where I would break up with the guy right when it was around the time to be intimate.
Luckily, I was able to overcome it with the help of my boyfriend who was helpful. I mean, it was in his interest… but nevermind… he helped me overcome my fear. This is a tricky fear to overcome since it’s not an easy one to talk about.
This isn’t about you being afraid of the dark, which most people can relate to. This is about being afraid of sexual intimacy, which most people won’t understand. But, I’m here, so you’re not alone.
#1 Find the root problem. No one simply just develops a fear of sex overnight. Something had to have happened. Do you have a past of physical and/or sexual abuse? Are you having self-esteem issues with your body?
To every fear, there is a core – the center which started it all. You need to sit down with yourself and open yourself. What happened in your past to get you to this point?
#2 Know the symptoms. Maybe you’re not sure if you do have genophobia, the fear of sex. However, with anxiety, comes symptoms. If you’re watching a sex scene in a movie or making out with your partner, try to become aware of your symptoms.
Now, they’re different for everyone, but the main symptoms of genophobia are panic, terror, shortness of breath, increased heartbeat, sweating, crying, avoidance, and shaking.
#3 There’s no universal cure. Like I said before, everyone is different. So, if you think there is just a magical pill to cure this, there’s not. Your recovery from this is greatly tied to the cause of your genophobia. Though, that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to move past this phobia. You will, but it’ll take a while. [Read: First time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it]
#4 Talk to a therapist. To be honest, if you don’t have a group of support people around you, you won’t be so giving with information. Makes sense, though, this is a delicate topic. Even if you’re talking to friends and family about your fear of sex, you should consult a therapist. They’ll be able to look at your issue as a third person and will also have tools for you to use during the treatment.
#5 Talk to your partner. If you’re in a relationship with someone, however, your genophobia is causing issues within your relationship, so you need to talk to them about it. They may be thinking that your lack of intimacy is caused because of them. So, what you need to do is talk to them and ensure them this isn’t because of them.
#6 Do not accept your anxiety. Many people learn to adapt to their anxiety and live their life with it. However, you don’t have to do that. Anxiety isn’t productive and it won’t allow you to grow as a person. Yes, you have anxiety, however, you should not let that be an acceptable factor in your life. [Read: Losing your virginity and having sex for the first time]
#7 Is it your first time? If your fear of sex is simply because you’re still a virgin, well, that’s understandable. Seeing sex in movies is much different than what actually happens in real life – it definitely doesn’t go as smoothly. But really, I’m not saying that to comfort you – sex is messy. [Read: Dry humping and the virgin’s guide to orgasms]
#8 Don’t follow porn. Porn is made to get people off, and for that purpose, it works. But listen, porn isn’t real. Girls do not normally have breasts like that and men do not have skyscraper-length penises. Don’t allow porn to control your sex life, because porn isn’t real. [Read: 25 common porn myths many people still believe]
#9 Read up on the anatomy. If you’re suffering from genophobia, one way to increase your confidence is to study the human body. Learn where the scrotum, clitoris, testicles, and labia are. Knowing about the body will help you relax since you’re already prepared. That being said, don’t learn about the human body through pornography, it’s not going to help you… trust me.
#10 Find the right person. You don’t have to have a one-night stand, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you’re trying to let go of your fear of sex, make sure that you are with someone you trust and someone who’ll be able to guide you through it and be patient. You want to be comfortable and safe with the person you’ll be having sex with.
If you suffer from genophobia – the fear of sex – if you put your mind to it, you’ll overcome it. And then sex will slowly be an enjoyable activity for you. It’s going to take some time, trust me, but once you find someone you’re comfortable with, you’ll pass through this.
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A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...