Dating a Bisexual: 12 Things You Should Never Say

dating a bisexual

Are you dating a bisexual? As curious as you may be to know more about how that works, there are a few things that are best not discussed right away!

The LGBTQ community has been struggling with a huge problem since the beginning of humanity. Ignorant and misguided members of society refuse to acknowledge that they are within their rights to choose their orientation and not be expected to explain themselves.

Instead of being able to live their lives peacefully in an accepting world, they are forced to justify their choices when it is evident that all they want is to be able to love a person without being judged. It’s not a trend that came out of nowhere. Your sexual orientation is a choice that sets you free. The person you love is expected to respect that choice and not judge you for it.

What’s it like dating a bisexual?

When you find yourself dating a bisexual, the only thing that you should be concerned about is how you can be the best partner for your new lover.

You will laugh, you will fight, and you will love. That is all that matters. You deal with the things that happen outside your relationship together. Of course, you’d want to know more about who they are and how they came to be, but it’s up to them to show you. You can’t make up a story inside your head and expect them to confirm it.

Don’t assume that the things happening in movies and television shows can be applied to your partner. Doing so will only degrade them and make them feel that you don’t genuinely appreciate their presence in your life.

What you shouldn’t say to your bisexual partner

Discovering your bisexuality can be stressful in this era of bigots and hypocrites. Adding to that stress, by being an asshole, won’t do your relationship any good. That is why you should refrain from making an issue about your lover’s past and present sexual orientation, and you can start by not saying any of these phrases: [Read: 20 almost-sure signs to know if your boyfriend is gay]

#1 “So, you’ve done it with a girl/guy, right?” Not every bisexual or homosexual, transsexual or even heterosexual person has had sex with someone just to confirm their orientation. Your sexual orientation is not a badge for sex.

#2 “You’re probably open to doing a threesome, right?” Apparently, so are you. So does that mean you’re bi, too? Doing a threesome means adding kink to your sex life, not trying out your partner’s options. [Read: 20 things to know before getting into a threesome]

#3 “Do you think any of my exes are hot?” If, for example, your girlfriend answers this with a straight face and an affirmative, that means they are leaving your ignorant ass for your ex. Your bisexual partner is not necessarily attracted to everyone – especially your ex!

#4 “Are you sure you got tested?” It’s not the question itself, but the assumption that bisexuals are an STD hazard. Anyone is susceptible to an STD, especially if they’re not careful. Consider your partner’s sense of responsibility, instead of their sexual orientation.

#5 “But I thought you were done experimenting?” Just because a person is committed to someone, it does not mean that their sexual preference automatically reverts to the current relationship. It is a part of your identity. It is not a passing phase.

#6 “Are you sure you’re into my [insert term for genitalia here]?” If they weren’t, they would not be dating you. Stop worrying about whether your partner prefers what’s down under, and focus more on giving them an orgasm instead.

#7 “Since we’re dating, does that mean you’re straight/gay now?” Since you’re dating, it means that they are sexually attracted to you. The label is not as important as the fact that they chose you and you chose them.

#8 “Tell me if you’re going to start liking my friends, okay?” Being bisexual does not make you a flight risk. They are not going to jump on the chance to hit on your friends just because they are capable of being attracted to people of the same sex or otherwise.

#9 “Are you sure you’re not attracted to your friend?” When your partner realized that they were bisexual, they did not develop a sudden burst of passion for their friends. They are still your partner’s friends. Nothing more. [Read: 10 answers to dumb questions people ask lesbians]

#10 “Was the sex better when you were with a girl/guy?” The sex would probably be better with you if you didn’t ask stupid questions like that. It doesn’t matter if you both have penises or if you both have vaginas or if you both have either – what matters is how you apply yourself using these organs. Am I right, or am I right?

#11 “Thank goodness, I made you straight/gay!” You think you’re responsible for changing your partner’s sexual preference? Your partner decided this on their own. Respect that decision, and don’t make them regret it.

#12 Do you ever miss being with a guy/girl? When a bisexual is in a loving relationship, the only person they continue to miss is the person that they are with. Isn’t that the deal with all loving relationships? [Read: Dating a bisexual man – 10 things women NEED to know!]

Your sexual orientation can and will be discussed in your relationships, but that’s all. It is not the basis for how you treat or talk to your partner. Loving a bisexual person is like loving any other person. When it comes to relationships, they shouldn’t have to be classified in a group of their own.

That’s what happens when you ask ignorant questions like the ones mentioned here. You end up making a mockery of their identity. You forget that their love for you is a testament to where they currently stand. They deserve a mature partner who is focused on important things, like what your future will be like together and if you’re willing to take care of each other until you grow old.

[Read: The best of both worlds? How to date a bisexual woman]

A bisexual person can date someone of the same sex or the opposite sex, but they don’t choose sides. They don’t switch orientations. They just love their partner. And it’ll do your relationship a lot of good to remember that.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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4 thoughts on “Dating a Bisexual: 12 Things You Should Never Say”

  1. Gloria says:

    “Thank goodness I made you straight!” WOW! Before I was engaged to my fiance, I considered myself bisexual. I have been very open to him about it and he accepts it. He knows that I will not go out and pick up women and he knows that he is the one I truly want to be with now. He was weird about it at the beginning of our relationship, but when I explained how my tastes had changed and were now leaning to him, he was okay with it. He knows that I think women are beautiful and he agrees. Being open with each other about it has worked best. If he ever says this to me, I probably will slap him though!

  2. bisexual girl says:

    I’m a bisexual and I’m quite open with the opinion of other people and I would date any sex. If a guy is into me, sure, okay we can go out and I’ll even have sex with him. As well if you’re a girl, I don’t have a dick but I sure can use my hands. I have a lot of things I can do and I think being bisexual is really good for me and the best thing about me. I really like how open I am to anything. That’s why I’m bisexual. I may like both sexes but I also love everything in between. I see beyond the criticisms given to me. I look at it as a compliment because it makes me widen or broaden my view of the world and how it really is.

  3. Rels says:

    I dated a bisexual girl before and it was awesome! I got to have sex with three different women because it was her fetish. I was really fine with it because what guy in the right mind would say no to 3 girls having sex with him? It was a dream guys, I’m telling you right now. If you guys were in my shoes, or well, if you guys were me, you would really have the best experience of your life. I didn’t know that it would really feel different having sex with 3 other vaginas and the sensations you get from fucking another hole to the next. I all did anal with them and it was awesome! I came 5 times in an hour and that’s a new record for me because I usually need time to recuperate after one blow out. I was so horny that my juices just kept on cumming out if you know what I mean. It was awesome and I sure did hope that our relationship would really last but it didn’t. She cheated on me with another guy and that guy took over my throne. Oh well, what am I going to do, I enjoyed it and I didn’t regret a thing. I just wish that I got to do it a few more times. I really want to date another bisexual again with that same kind of fetish and do it all over again. I bet it’s really rare though and I may have to search all the parts of the globe to find another one but it will sure be worth it. I’m never going to date a straight girl again, no matter how hot she may be. I turn down straight girls on the spot because I ask them of their sexual preferences on the first date. I specifically ask them if they are bisexual and if they aren’t I didn’t want to continue dating.

  4. Pan says:

    Bisexuals can be content with one partner of one gender. When somebody describes themselves as bisexual (or pansexual, or any of the other various similar terms), it’s a label to describe to whom they might be attracted. That’s it. When you describe to anybody your kinks or physical preferences, there’s usually an understanding that they’re just that: preferences. Not requirements, not necessities in your life. It’s the same thing here. Are there bisexual people who want living situations in which they’re involved with both sexes? Sure! And that’s fine, as long as everybody involved is comfortable. But that’s not the case for everyone, and suggesting otherwise is really playing into the same stereotypes you’ve just claimed to disbelieve.

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