Dating a Bisexual: 12 Things You Should Never Say

dating a bisexual

Are you dating a bisexual? As curious as you may be to know more about how that works, there are a few things that are best not discussed right away!

The LGBTQ community has been struggling with a huge problem since the beginning of humanity. Ignorant and misguided members of society refuse to acknowledge that they are within their rights to choose their orientation and not be expected to explain themselves.

Instead of being able to live their lives peacefully in an accepting world, they are forced to justify their choices when it is evident that all they want is to be able to love a person without being judged. It’s not a trend that came out of nowhere. Your sexual orientation is a choice that sets you free. The person you love is expected to respect that choice and not judge you for it.

What’s it like dating a bisexual?

When you find yourself dating a bisexual, the only thing that you should be concerned about is how you can be the best partner for your new lover.

You will laugh, you will fight, and you will love. That is all that matters. You deal with the things that happen outside your relationship together. Of course, you’d want to know more about who they are and how they came to be, but it’s up to them to show you. You can’t make up a story inside your head and expect them to confirm it.

Don’t assume that the things happening in movies and television shows can be applied to your partner. Doing so will only degrade them and make them feel that you don’t genuinely appreciate their presence in your life.

What you shouldn’t say to your bisexual partner

Discovering your bisexuality can be stressful in this era of bigots and hypocrites. Adding to that stress, by being an asshole, won’t do your relationship any good. That is why you should refrain from making an issue about your lover’s past and present sexual orientation, and you can start by not saying any of these phrases: [Read: 20 almost-sure signs to know if your boyfriend is gay]

#1 “So, you’ve done it with a girl/guy, right?” Not every bisexual or homosexual, transsexual or even heterosexual person has had sex with someone just to confirm their orientation. Your sexual orientation is not a badge for sex.

#2 “You’re probably open to doing a threesome, right?” Apparently, so are you. So does that mean you’re bi, too? Doing a threesome means adding kink to your sex life, not trying out your partner’s options. [Read: 20 things to know before getting into a threesome]

#3 “Do you think any of my exes are hot?” If, for example, your girlfriend answers this with a straight face and an affirmative, that means they are leaving your ignorant ass for your ex. Your bisexual partner is not necessarily attracted to everyone – especially your ex!

#4 “Are you sure you got tested?” It’s not the question itself, but the assumption that bisexuals are an STD hazard. Anyone is susceptible to an STD, especially if they’re not careful. Consider your partner’s sense of responsibility, instead of their sexual orientation.

#5 “But I thought you were done experimenting?” Just because a person is committed to someone, it does not mean that their sexual preference automatically reverts to the current relationship. It is a part of your identity. It is not a passing phase.

#6 “Are you sure you’re into my [insert term for genitalia here]?” If they weren’t, they would not be dating you. Stop worrying about whether your partner prefers what’s down under, and focus more on giving them an orgasm instead.

#7 “Since we’re dating, does that mean you’re straight/gay now?” Since you’re dating, it means that they are sexually attracted to you. The label is not as important as the fact that they chose you and you chose them.

#8 “Tell me if you’re going to start liking my friends, okay?” Being bisexual does not make you a flight risk. They are not going to jump on the chance to hit on your friends just because they are capable of being attracted to people of the same sex or otherwise.

#9 “Are you sure you’re not attracted to your friend?” When your partner realized that they were bisexual, they did not develop a sudden burst of passion for their friends. They are still your partner’s friends. Nothing more. [Read: 10 answers to dumb questions people ask lesbians]

#10 “Was the sex better when you were with a girl/guy?” The sex would probably be better with you if you didn’t ask stupid questions like that. It doesn’t matter if you both have penises or if you both have vaginas or if you both have either – what matters is how you apply yourself using these organs. Am I right, or am I right?

#11 “Thank goodness, I made you straight/gay!” You think you’re responsible for changing your partner’s sexual preference? Your partner decided this on their own. Respect that decision, and don’t make them regret it.

#12 Do you ever miss being with a guy/girl? When a bisexual is in a loving relationship, the only person they continue to miss is the person that they are with. Isn’t that the deal with all loving relationships? [Read: Dating a bisexual man – 10 things women NEED to know!]

Your sexual orientation can and will be discussed in your relationships, but that’s all. It is not the basis for how you treat or talk to your partner. Loving a bisexual person is like loving any other person. When it comes to relationships, they shouldn’t have to be classified in a group of their own.

That’s what happens when you ask ignorant questions like the ones mentioned here. You end up making a mockery of their identity. You forget that their love for you is a testament to where they currently stand. They deserve a mature partner who is focused on important things, like what your future will be like together and if you’re willing to take care of each other until you grow old.

[Read: The best of both worlds? How to date a bisexual woman]

A bisexual person can date someone of the same sex or the opposite sex, but they don’t choose sides. They don’t switch orientations. They just love their partner. And it’ll do your relationship a lot of good to remember that.

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Danielle Anne
Danielle Anne
Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...
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