In Love with Two People? – How to Make Up Your Mind

in love with two people

Can you ever be in love with two people at the same time? Of course, you can. But can you carry it off without breaking hearts? Well, that’s tricky. By Rachel Madison

Have you ever found yourself falling for someone when you’re already in a committed relationship?

Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time?

If you have, you aren’t alone.

While it may infuriate your partner or seem morally unethical, falling in love with two people is as simple as falling in love with one person.

It’s no different, and it really shouldn’t be.

After all, love is an emotion that can be experienced when the symptoms are right.

You like someone a lot, you find them attractive, and you’re sexually excited to be with them, and bam! You fall in love.

Now you meet someone else. You find them attractive, and you’re sexually excited to be with them, and bam again! You fall in love again with a new person!

[Read: How to know if you are in love]

Are you in love with two people?

It’s ridiculous to assume you can’t fall in love with two people.

Many teenagers and even lovers in committed relationships feel threatened when they find themselves in love with two people.

Relax. You really don’t love your partner any less just because you find yourself falling in love with someone new.

I remember experiencing the same conflicting feelings a few years ago while I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now ex!). He had to travel to conduct his research for a year and a half, and there I was, all alone and waiting for him to return. And incidentally, I met another guy whom I really liked. And he liked me too.

A month later, I was madly in love with this new guy I had met. But then again, I was still in love with my own boyfriend too. So there I was, confused and deliriously happy. I was in love with two people and I was ecstatic with the fact that I had two people who loved me back!

But I didn’t ever assume I was in love with two people, I just knew I was cheating on both of them. I felt like a wily temptress who was luring single men into her bed. At that point of time in my life, I couldn’t accept that anyone could ever fall in love with two people at the same time. It just seemed wrong.

But when I look back, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It could happen to anybody.

Can a person fall in love with two people at the same time?

The answer is simple, yes, you can.

But the bigger question is, do you want to?

Falling in love with two people and holding both of them close to your bosom is not as easy as it sounds. At the same time, love is not and has never been a once in a lifetime experience. You fall in love with different people in different ways. And at times, you end up feeling romantically excited towards two different people at the same time.

While falling in love with someone is inevitable, it’s still in your control to pursue it or let it go. If you really want to, you can avoid falling in love with a second person by simply taking a step back and putting a stop to the flirty conversations and the sneaky dates. The feelings of love and lust may linger for a while and fade away, and the best part is that it won’t emotionally confuse and torment you. [Read: Is it limerence?]

How do we end up falling in love with two people?

As I’ve mentioned earlier, falling in love is not an exclusive and unique emotion that never repeats itself. But that being said, it’s not really easy to fall in love with two people at the same time.

It’s always easier to fall for someone else when you’re already in a later stage of love with your present partner. When you’re in two different stages of love, the emotions you experience don’t contradict each other. And it’s two unique experiences that come together at once. [Read: Stages of love for men]

You may be passionately in love for the first few months with your partner, but mature love is very different from the passionate fiery love you experience at the beginning of a relationship. So when you experience the same fiery passion with someone else, it’s easy to experience both stages of love at once.

Don’t compare your lovers

Most people who fall in love with someone new start comparing their new flame to their older lover. And almost always, they assume the new lover is sexier, more loving and more caring. But is that really true?

Remember, sexual passion may fizzle out as the years go by, but true love matures into a happy relationship. On the other hand, a new lover may excite you and remind you of your earlier years in love, but you have to realize that the lusty excitement of the new secret relationship will only last for a few months or a few years. So if you ever have to compare your lovers, compare them for the compatibility instead of the passion. After all, there are always ways to bring back the sexual chemistry even in an older relationship. [Read: Is it true love or is it just lust?]

The problems of being in love with two people

As a society, we’re not ready to fall in love with two people at the same time. And that’s the biggest problem there is. You may truly love someone other than your partner, but it’s always looked at as an illicit affair, not a budding romance.

So the best way to deal with the problem of being romantically involved with two people is to walk away from one person. It’s hard, but it is still the best way out.

But if you do want to have two lovers and can’t imagine parting with any of them, here are a few things you need to think about and work your way around it.

# Would you partner accept it?

If you want to be in love with two people at the same time, you have to let both your partners know about it. Do you think your partner would have the emotional maturity and strength to accept your choice? [Read: Are you ready for an open relationship?]

# Jealousy in love

You may try to balance your love life with two partners and make sure you give both your lovers equal attention, but can you ensure that one of your partners will not end up feeling jealous about the other? [Read: How to deal with a jealous boyfriend]

# Would your partner want to get even?

Let’s face it. You have two lovers, and you get to have twice the fun all the time. What would you do if your partner wants to get even and tries to have a sexual relationship with someone else just to satiate their bruised ego?

# Morally unethical

When you share your bed with two lovers, it’s not something that’s morally accepted. Can you deal with that?

I have a friend who’s immigrated to the United States from a little community in Tibet where polyandry (a woman has multiple husbands) is actively practiced. She has two fathers and she has no idea who her biological father is, and since she’s given equal parental love from both the men, she has no intention of ever wanting to know who her real father is. While such forms of love are commonly accepted without any psychological effects in some scenarios, it can lead to confusing relationships in other cases over the long term.

What to do when you’re in love with two people?

The answer is subjective, but simple. Do what you feel is right. It can’t get easier than that. In most cases, the best possible way to deal with falling in love with two people would be to break away from one relationship and live happily with the other.

And if it’s just a little crush we’re talking about, then perhaps, you don’t need to confuse yourself over your emotions. Crushes come and go, and even if it does turn serious, you always have the option of walking away from a new prospective lover if you must.

Ask me and I’d tell you one thing. Love is complicated, and it’s easier to be in love with one person, whoever you may pick. Pick two and you’ve just doubled your complications. So unless you really have no choice, try not to fall in love with two people at the same time!

[Quiz: Would you cheat on your partner?]

So are you in love with two people at the same time? How are you dealing with it? Or what are the consequences of it? Share your stories here.

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128 thoughts on “In Love with Two People? – How to Make Up Your Mind”

  1. Patty Ace says:

    Loving two men is really frustrating and hurtful…i have been with my boyfriend for almost two years already and i even live with him but i fell head over heals for my best friend who has liked me for the longest time….last night was his birthday and our friends rented a hotel room to party in…well lets just say that me and him ended up alone and had sex…it felt soo right but then again i cheated on my boyfriend and i feel terrible…me and my best friend agreed on keeping it a big secret from everyone and to play it off but deep down we want to show everyone how much we care for eachother…my boyfriend used to be best friends with him until he found out something may have been going on between us so now he prohibited me from seeing him…i dont know what to do right now…my feelings for these two guys are huge and i cant stay away from either one of them,

  2. Doratheexplorer says:

    It’s tough because yes as a society we don’t accept being in love with two people at the same time but sometimes it’s unavoidable!You may meet someone who has so much more in common with you than your current partner and although you love your current partner,you long to have this magical romance with the other one you have fallen for.Thats when it gets complicated because you don’t want to break your current partners heart but you have so much more in common with the new person you slowly get to know over time.Its not really cheating if you have fallen head over heels with someone else and haven’t had a sexual relationship with them but you long to be with that person.that’s when it gets emotionally tricky!!!!

  3. Robin says:

    So, I m in love with two men. I m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I love him a lot. I really wanna marry him and have kids with him. But there is another guy. A good friend of mine who is here in the same city. I don’t wanna continue this forever but I care for both of them. People can talk about the morals, the troubles, the problems with such a situation but nobody can deny the beautiful feeling when you are loved so much. I don’t wanna think about what’s right or wrong ,I just remember his eyes when I m in his arms.I believe I have discovered two different ways in which you can love a man.

  4. Daride says:

    Well this is an interesting topic. I have been it this situation for 2 years once upon a time. It is the hardest thing a person will ever go through. I lost both women and I assume most will lose both eventually.

  5. paige says:

    i have know this person for 16 yrs, been friends him, know all about his failed relationships, walked our dogs together, talked endlessly. always wanted a guy that could carry on a two way conversation with. we have been talking alot on the phone (different states) from 2-7 hrs in at least twice a week. we have (had) numerous compatibility points. i was going back for a visit and had plans to physically find out if this is real or not, one weekend thats all i was asking for. the problem? he is casually dating someone who is not compatable the way we are. the results: he felt too conflicted to continue, i got thrown away. does it make any sense? no. he is pledging his loyalty to someone he can’t even be honest with. makes no sense at all. if we all waited for perfect timing we wouldn’t have so many divorces. it took 3 weeks of sadness, he was my best male friend. but the offer is off the table and i’m ready to move on. his loss.

  6. Dayna says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for five years and I love him more than anything. Unfortunately, I also love his best friend in a different way. They are like opposites.

    Glen is sweet, sensitive, committed, and has been incredible to me for all this time and I can easily imagine my life with him. Tom is very opinionated, sort of wild, but still passionate and kind. We used to hate each other because our opinions clashed and we both are very strong willed. I can’t tell Glen about this because he would feel jealous and I don’t ever want to hurt him.

    I feel like I have to just forget about Tom, but I know that he feels the same way even though we haven’t broached the subject because we both love Glen so much. I can’t stand the thought of losing either of them, or them losing each other. I wish we could all just be together, but I don’t know if that would be a possibility. It obviously seems clear which one I should be with to the outsider. However, I’m not sure I can handle both being around and not being around Tom. I wish everyone wasn’t so judgmental about these sorts of circumstances. I know I can’t choose Tom because of the pain it would inflict on Glen, but I am not sure if I should tell Glen about how I feel so he can help me cope of so Tom and I aren’t alone? I have no idea and I’m not the kind of person to cheat. Any helpful coping mechanisms would be great.

  7. melissa says:

    I hear a lot of stories about boyfriends and girl friends but what if you are already married? I have been married for 10 years now to a wonderful man, and each day the love we share just gets stronger! However I became close to another man who was also married, he ended up leaving his wife and he believes he is in love with me, says he’s willing to wait for me, etc…

    I do have feelings for him as well but I have such conflicting emotions, I feel like I am betraying my husband’s love for me and if he knew he would think that I don’t love him anymore and that is not the case. I would do anything for him and yet at the same time I can’t get this other guy out of my mind either. I hate this because I used to be a firm believer in not cheating and loving one person for the rest of your life, I never thought I would find myself in the hot seat! Where no real answer seems to be the right one… for now all I do is just take it one day at a time and see where fate leads me.

  8. cedslyc says:

    BS! you cannot be in love with to people. Yea you can LOVE two people but NOT be “IN LOVE” with two. Being in love is completely different then loving any one. if you truly loved the first one you were in love with you would have waited centuries for their return and not cheat on them. that is just an excuse and shows that you do not know what love is. So if you THINK your in love with two people.. You are NOT. You really are in love with the second one and not the first. Now the first person you were in love with you love them and care for them.

  9. Debbie says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, we have been on and off because he has broken up with me, cheated on me, and I broke up with him because I couldn’t handle him being so mean. I have always taken him back because I love him and care so much about him. Over the past month or so I have fallen head over heels for this new guy who lives about a 2 hour plane ride away. I don’t know what to do because I don’t know who I should be with. My boyfriend or ex bf wants me back and is willing to change everything to make me happy, he loves me and wants to marry me. The new guy likes me a lot and wants to see me happy and just not to get back together with my ex bf. If I choose between them I lose one of them. I don’t know how to choose because I love them both and each of them I would have to take a big chance on and change my life for…. Help please! πŸ™

  10. El says:

    Ive been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for almost 1 year and we’ve had to deal with a lot of things including my depression and he’s been and absolute treasure and helped me with it and im so happy when im with him! But another man has started talking to me he has depression as well and he gets what im going through and i can talk to him so easily and im completely comfortable with him..i think i;m falling for him!!! HELP!!!!

  11. owls says:

    Two and a half years ago I met my boyfriend in one of my university classes. Between my dating others and the friendship and professional relationship we developed, it took a year for him to finally tell me how he felt – I was unsure, but we started dating. He was wonderful and silly and fun, but then four months later he broke up with me due to growing stress over work and his illness. I was unexpectedly devastated. I cried for days on end, was paralyzed with social anxiety, and felt like I shouldn’t go on. I felt like I’d gone insane. But at a show about eight months ago that he hosted, I met someone else. He listened to me, he did everything he could to comfort me even when I all I could talk about was the lingering pain and anxiety from the first guy, and even after all the horrible, jealous pain I put him through he still wanted me to stay. I was so confused, I didn’t know what was right. I kept pushing him away, thinking the first guy was finally going to ask me back, then he would seek me out again and would tell me that it was all going to be alright. He made me feel wanted and loved, and I just wanted to feel like I wasn’t worthless.

    Just five months ago now the first guy asked me back out. We’ve finally fought and yelled and revealed how much pain we’re both in to each other, and we’ve never been more comfortable around one another… but I think about the second guy constantly. I wonder what my life would be like with him. We have painful, silent phone calls, and occasionally I run into him – the most recent time we kissed. We’ve had sex since my boyfriend and I got back together, and it didn’t feel wrong at all. I know I’ve done something wrong, but it wasn’t guilt-ridden; it was just sad. I know I have to tell my boyfriend, I know I have to be honest. But I’m going to lose them both, I know it. They’re such opposites, yet they’re both such creative, prolific, and incredible people. I don’t know what to do. I love them both.

    I’ve realized that the only right thing to do is leave them both, but I’m so scared.

  12. Eline says:

    I’ve been dating now for almost two years. But I’m also in love with another guy. I had an affair with this guy… I still love this guy and my partner too. Sometimes it’s so difficult!

    I can’t forget him. We haven’t seen each other for 6 months, and every day I miss him more. Sometimes I don’t understand myself, because I’m happy with my partner, he’s a nice guy. I don’t want to leave him, but I’m so in love with the other guy, every day I think about him!! It’s so frustrating… I want to forget him, but I can’t…

  13. Lillian says:

    This is absolutely brilliant. Thank you, truly.
    I have often said in terms of cheating and being emotionally unfaithful that it is a form of what I call “compartmentalizing.” It’s not that you love either of them any less. It’s that you refuse to allow yourself to be carried off in a swell of undue emotions. This works for a time, but not forever.
    You CAN be in love with two people at the same time. However, in most cases, you CANNOT have your cake and eat it, too.

  14. MikeBonyak says:

    I am now in a three way relationship. My girlfriend brought in another girl who i happened to like in the past. Now i cant find myself not thinking of them. I smell them whereever i go, even if i am in a place they have never been, i dream of them, and never could hurt them. but the balance of them is hard. even after two days i had to resolve differences. it is a true test of determination, trust, kindness, and most of all love. if you dont think you can balance them perfectly as they want it, but fairly, dont attempt it. it will ruin it and maybe even get you dumped forever depending on how many people find out. because society hates it as a whole. so congratulations to whoever found true love with two people and havent screwed up. you all are roles models. in a sense.

  15. Kendra says:

    Hi, I am currently falling in love with one of my best friends while in a relationship with another.
    I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years. We knew each other through mutual friends for years before this but nothing ever came of it.

    My best guy friend I have known about 7 years. We are close in regards that we talk to one another a lot about everything. We have been extremely emotionally intimate I guess is what you could say. He is attractive physically, but I am drawn to the way I am able and he is able to communicate. We have basically grown close because of writing to one another about situations in our lives.

    When my current boyfriend and I were19 and he was 23 at the time we started dating. Me and my best guy friend were also growing closer to a more than friend level. We ended up meeting up one night to talk and decided to rent a hotel room to hang for the night and have some beers/wine coolers. We never did anything intimate except that I gave him a massage. However I felt drawn to him and knew I wanted something but waited for him to make a move. When he didn’t I moved on with my current boyfriend.

    Now 5 years later my boyfriend and I have our own apartment and two children together. I feel like I am the one constantly moving the relationship forward. He is a great father, he takes care of me, he is loyal, he loves me for me and I am okay being myself with him. HOwever, I don’t know if I could see myself building a future with him. Over the years I have struggled with the way his family is and I have helped him to break away a lot from them and how they treat him. IN regards to finances especially they really control his life. They still have access to his finances and pay his bills with his money and pay their own with some of it. This leaves us with no room to more forward with our future together for us or our children. Around the time I got pregnant with my second child I started to lose focus of my relationship. I was having mixed feelings about where to go with him. I felt like I was the one pushing for us to have a future together and be married. I know he cares about me and loves me but i just started to lose that feeling of wanting to be intimate.
    At the same time I got back in touch with my friend, the guy I had wanted to be with but never made the moves. Over the last year and half it is now we have grown closer than ever and he’s met my boyfriend and he knows pretty much everything I’ve been feeling about my boyfriend with regards to wanting more of a future and him to stand up and be a man and be our own family. I just feel like if my boyfriend loved me enough we wouldn’t have to go to his mother every month to get his money so we can pay our bills and rent and buy our kids things they need.

    Well, my best guy friend and I were talking about getting together around the time my daughter was born, just to talk and hang out. We would flirt and things changed from being about me and my boyfriend and my issues to being about well if I left my boyfriend I shouldn’t think that no one would want me because I have kids and how we could start hanging out and seeing where things could go.
    Well, instead of doing this, I introduced him to one of my single mother girl friends and they hit it off. My girl friend knew of my feelings for this guy and said she wouldn’t go there with him, but I knew they both needed someone and I thought it would be good for them and good for me to break away from him in any intimate ideas and just go back to being there as friends for each other. So well we did for about 5 months now and he and my friend got a little serious, but this past week they decided to call it quits. They’ve struggled with balancing the ideas of what they both want right now. He wants a girl who will do things with him and make it known she cares and she’s very independent and doesn’t “need” a guy, she just wants a guy who will love her and cuddle with her, but he wants to feel needed. I love him I really do. I cry knowing he is hurt right now. He told me all he really wants for his birthday is someone to like him. And I try so hard to still feel for my boyfriend now, but we’ve gone through my bday, mothers day, our anniversary and just feel like when Im with him theres no spark there anymore. Im just going with our day to day flow with our kids, we go to bed at night, I say I love you. I kiss him but I feel nothing. And the guy I think about is my friend and he’s the one I feel for. And when we hang out and we talk I get that tingle inside. I feel young and flirty and fun again. I want to feel that way. I want to fall in love again. Just don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend because of the father he is, what we’ve been through together and the loyalty and respect he has for me. BUt I love my friend because of the person he is, the way I feel when I am around him and the fact that he is someone I know I can always go too.

    Can anyone tell me what should I do? πŸ™

  16. Trina says:

    I’ve been married to my husband for 5 years, but only 2 years in to it I found myself falling in love with another man. The other man was always there for me to talk to, and he made me feel great about myself and always told me how smart I was. Things didn’t turn out so well with him and we went separate ways. That was almost a year ago, but I still feel like I love that man more than I do my own spouse.

  17. Sydney says:

    I have been married 15 years and have 2 kids. My husband and his friend and I all decided one night to experiment with sharing me sexually. It was a consensual chioce between us 3. We thought it would just be sex until me and my “boyfriend” started to fall in love, while I still am in love with my husband. We all 3 talked about it. My boyfriend decided he was getting jealous of sharing me with my husband and my husband felt wierd about that. It feels as though my boyfriend cant share me, or see me ever becoming his own, so he ended the realtionship 2 days ago. I am hurting so bad and my husband supports me but he just doesnt understand. I read these stories from you all and most of them are about secret affairs. I feel so empty and alone,,,,,

  18. B says:

    Ive been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years now. I accepted my bf because I felt like I could have a future with him. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love. Since then, we’ve gone through heaps of ups and downs,
    At this moment, I really want him but I’m very doubtful as to a future together.

    At the same time. I met a guy a work, we’ve been working together for almost 2years as well. In the beginning we hardly talked, I always thought he was a snob. In the last year or so, we have gotten much Closer. We always go to breakfast and lunch together, he shares food with me, and we text a lot outside of work. He’s always been there for me and is generally a very sweet , generous, and reliable person. I’ve always known that we clicked and get along really well but because I’ve always been with my bf and he recently said he had a gf (only claims,never really talked about her or had any proof the relationship exists). Not to mention that I didn’t really see him that Way for the longest time…
    He left our workplace today and I found myself crying my heart out. ESP after he hugged me and told me he will miss me.
    Only then I realized how much he meant to me.

    Logically I don’t think we would work.he gives me a really safe and comfortable feeling, like a high school crush but deeper. I can’t imagine being physically intiMte with him but. Actually when we first became good friends I remember being mortified at the idea of kissing him on the lips but now I think I wish I had the chance.

    What I’m confused about? Am I in love with him? I know I’m in love with my boyfriend now but that took a long time and is now very much tainted by all the crap we went through, I love and hate him at the same time.

    With the other…. I cqnt figure out whether im in love or if it’s infatuation. I just feel so happy with him. That and I’m hesitant to have a physical relationship.. Which makes it illogical to want to have a life long relationship..l right?

    I don’t know. I wish I could always be in this space where I could just be plain and happy with my colleague. Just holding hands and cuddling, (definitely a new idea since most relationships end up with some sort of intimacy and also baby making!)

    Sigh. I’m getting really close to my 2 year anniversary with my bf and all I’m thinking about is whether to get back to this ex-colleague and tell him how I feel. πŸ™

    Which is most probably unwise.

  19. Ash says:

    Ive been married for almost 9 yrs.I can say that d relationship is ok but I can feel that I am not happy anymore.Then 3 yrs ago me and my 1st love started communicating each other. At first we just reminisced what happen to both of us.But after a month my old feelings for him started to grow again.I dont know what to do but there is no time I didn’t think about him. And the worst part is dat I love him more than my husband. For now we still communicating each other, and the worst thing is that my feelings for him is getting deeper. I want to leave my husband for him but I dont what to do or how to start.I want to be with him for the rest of our lives.I do love him and I don’t want to lose him.What should I do

  20. Katy says:

    I’ve been with my fianc

  21. kitty says:

    i split with my ex nearly 2 years ago and have since started a new relationship i love my new partner very much but i still love my ex aswell i know we would never work as thats the whole reason hes my ex but i cant get rid of these feelings unfortunately i cant just stop all contact with him as we have 3 children together which makes it a lot harder for me. i realltly doblove my new partner and want to marry him etc but need to.know how to get rid of these feelings for my ex

  22. Carrie says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for about one year now. We had been friends for a couple years before we had started dating and I fell head over heels for this guy. I mean, he’s everything that I ever wanted. Incredibly handsome, smart, talented (musician), very committed, determined, etc. He became my best friend. But, we have somewhat of a long distance relationship. And he is straight-edge. (no drugs or alcohol) I like to drink and smoke. Occasionally go to parties and do my own thing with my friends. In which he totally doesn’t approve of. We have two different lifestyles but still, we fell in love and it was completely amazing in the beginning.

    But I also love someone else. We have known each other for quite awhile, as we live in the same town. We are just alike. We enjoy the same music, have the same opinions, and we laugh at each others joke. There’s just no judgement between us. He likes me for me. At least from what I can tell.
    He’s quite a bit older than me though. Like, 6 years older. Which doesn’t seem to bother him or I. We became friends through mutual friends and talking to each other. And next thing I knew, we were texting every single day. Making sure one another was okay and talking about our lives and what we were interested in.
    We had talked about hanging out for quite some time. So one day I went to his house. Before I even got in the car to go over there I felt like throwing up. I had butterflies like crazy. I was so anxious and nervous to see him. It ended up just being us sitting outside for hours just talking.
    We hung out a few other times and it was the same thing.
    But our texts started getting more serious and we had both told each other how we felt. We knew that we both cared about one another. And we would do anything for the other. I’m there for him and he’s there for me. I trust him.
    So, the last time I went to hang out with him…there was a lot of weird tension and at times it was awkward. But it was only because we wanted to be close to each other.
    So, we were.
    He would put his arm around me, kiss my cheek, tell me I was perfect, hold my hand here and there. Then we couldn’t help but cuddle. And of course cuddling lead to other things.
    We didn’t have sex. But when we kissed and touched it was so raw, and passionate. We wanted each other so badly.

    But I LOVE my boyfriend. I can’t see him not being in my life. I can’t see the other guy not being in my life, either. I have developed stronger feelings for both of them than I could have ever Imagined.

    My feelings are so unfair. Loving two people at once is so painful. You just know that you’re going to hurt someone no matter what and lose them. Or even lose both. I’m no where close to knowing i’m going to do or what I even want to do.
    I just wish it was okay to love two at once.

    I’m so incredibly happy, but so incredibly sad and confused.

  23. Erin says:

    I’ve been with my now boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him to death. He is so sweet and kind to me…but the problem is. I am still In love with my ex we dated for 3 years. I feel like I never was over my ex when I started dating my now boyfriend. My ex and were young and so I love. But we didn’t have the best relationship, and yet I couldn’t let him go and I still can’t. My boyfriend now has no clue about me talking to my ex. And I feel bad but I just don’t know what to do πŸ™ I wanna make the right decision and its hard because they both still love me and I sill love them both.

  24. stacey says:

    this makes no sense..
    loving two people at the same time is possible but being in true love is different..
    if you start to love the second person then you can still love the first person but intensity would never be the same..
    after all no two human beings are same..
    so think before you act or say you are “equally” in love with two people

  25. Trina B says:

    I have been dating my bf for 6 years on and off. He actually broke up with me going into our 4th year of the relationship; he wanted to be single. During that time I became extremely close to another man. He and I were like two peas in a pod. We got along great and are very complatible. But he was in a commited relationship at the time. My ex came back about a year later and I took him back. I completely stopped communicating with the other guy because I wanted to put my all into my BF. Its been about a year and a half now and I have started to communicate with the other guy again. This time I am not so happy with my relationship, and he is no longer in a relationship. I have found that my feelings for him never went away and I feel like he is the man for me. I can see us being together for a long time. But Im so confused because I love my bf very much and we have been through alot together. I just dont know what to do.

  26. Steph says:

    I just wanted to thank the author. I was in a situation like this and made a decision but felt constantly guilty for making this choice and hurting someone. Now reading this, I realized there wasn’t much else I could’ve done.

  27. retrobabe says:

    I am in such a tough state….I have been with my bf for a short period of time but the things he has done to me… no woman should have to sustain it! He treats me really bad, ignoring me and being abusive! During the ignoring state, I met somebody, OMG he’s such a darling! All the things I ever wanted in a man, I’m BEING OFFERED by him! Now for me to decide. Since my boyfriend NOW realizes he has competition, he has now turned into MR LOVA LOVA! He wants me to come back n fall in love. HELPPPPP!

  28. laila says:

    hi..i’m in a serious comitted relationship for 4 years now,im 23 years old.we were very close and are stil close but in a very different way in comparison to old times,in the sense that we used to spend lots of time together but dont now due to our med school busy lives.i had a crush on this cute doctor recently,and he approached me first,despite me being occult,i bailed on him so many times,and even revealed my relationship status to him but somehow we went out as i started feeling bad for him.he told me he likes me on the first date itself and we kissed which i regreted very much later and i told my boyfriend about it,he understood and asked me not to repeat this again,i tried cutting down on all of his calls and messages,he insisted on going out agan,n promised not to touch me again,but things got wild as we got high we spent a night together but never had sex,i feel terrible now that i cheated on him,i cant pour this out on him as our finals are approaching,it would be unfair.and this another guy is really nice but i need to cut down on him,im just not sure what to do..i need help. im constantly feeling guilty and suffocated

  29. ggarwood says:

    I am thankful I came upon this site. I now know I am not alone. Loving two men is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

    I have been married for 5 and a half years to an amazing man. He is the type of guy that will bend over backwards for me. I love him but not the way I used to. Problem is, an ex of mine and I started communicating with each other about 2 years ago. My husband knows I’m in contact with my ex. He’s ok with it since my ex lives in a different country. My husband says he trusts me, even though I don’t trust myself. My ex and I didn’t have a bad break up or anything like that. He had to go to war and didn’t want me to wait for him in case he never came back. He was the first guy I ever loved so it was hard for me when he left for his tour. That was10 years ago. Anyway, we have been chatting a lot and have realized how much we still love each other. I went to go see him recently and I brought some friends with me so that I wouldn’t cheat on my husband. All was well until we had to say goodbye. My friends waited in the cab for me while I said goodbye to my ex. Hardest goodbye ever. Worse than when we broke up. I did not want to let go of our hug. We have a connection that I have never had with anyone else ever. It’s something neither one of us can explain. As we were breaking away from our hug, he kissed me. I melted. I didn’t want to leave but I had to. My girlfriends made sure of it.

    I told my husband everything when I returned home. He said he wasn’t happy about the kiss but he’s happy I didn’t sleep with my ex. My ex and I have talked and I am making plans to go and see him on my own. With no distractions this time. I am extremely honest with both of these men. I felt no guilt about the kiss and I have yet to feel guilt about planning to go see him again. I can’t see myself ever leaving my husband but I also can’t see myself without my ex in my life. I know I am selfish but what are you supposed to do when your heart is split in 2? It is unfair to both men but I don’t know what to do. It’s not sex. It’s the emotional connection. I feel disconnected with my husband and connected to my ex. But I took my wedding vows and don’t want to break them. So confused.

  30. Vanessa says:

    My Bf still miss his ex and he admitted that he still loves her… :'(

  31. Caroline says:

    Okay so ive had a boyfriend for like a year and 3 months now but we broke before the summer cause he didnt really know how to be a good boyfriend tor and treated me bad but i still liked him so much, so we began talking again over the summer but that one week we were broken up i hung out with a guy i had a class with at my house and we always flirt and stuff and we have this thing for eachother. He is the sweetest nicest attractive guy that says the nicest things to me that my bf never said to me. My bf is young and still learning alot of relationship type things so i understand and all, but sometimes hes just straight up rude to me but i love him alot and we always have a good time together usually. When im with that other guy tho, he blushes and always says he loves talking to me and just always makes me smile. He also has a gf tho, thats the thing we both are in the exact situation. I love both of them. What do i do?

  32. Karen says:

    I am in love with two men. One is younger than me and I have been seeing him for about 2 years. I do not see him that much, but when I do, I adore him. He has stressed to me that he is not interested in getting too involved and likes it the way it is. We occasionally sleep together. Because he feels this way, I figured, well then it would be ok to meet someone else,which is what happened. He also likes to be with me but doesnt want to get too involved, we also sleep together but not very much at all. I had told the first one that I had met someone else and slept with them and he was angry and said that I had cheated on him. I didnt think so. The other says it is my choice if I would see someone else but that he would not like if I slept with someone else. If one of them would commit, I would leave the other. Of course I would miss which ever one it is, but I want a relationship and I would enjoy one with either one of them.

  33. Haley says:

    I am in love with two guys. One of which I have been on and off with for abou three years, the other one I have had a connection with for about a year. Like you, I never thought it would be possible for me to love two people at once, but they are totally different from each other and I love all things abou each of them. When I with the 3 year guy he makes me feel safe and secure, and I can tell by the way he talks and by his actions that he truly does love me. But on the other hand when I’m with the one year guy he makes me feel alive and sexy by making me laugh and treating me like a woman.. I know I have to choose one but I don’t know how to decide which one is better for me. I love them both and I don’t think I could walk away from either of them. What should I do?

  34. Hope says:

    I really don’t understand why everyone is pouring their heart out on here. It’s not like the author is going to give you any tips by the looks of it. But looking at the comments and subject I can relate and it’s not easy because you know deep down you could loose them both, yet you don’t want to let go. Selfish perhaps but it’s reality we all have to face.

  35. Noah says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, or…was. Long-distance, got to see each other twice a month. I love him dearly I want to marry him. At the same time, I’m so used to doing my own things. Since it’s long distance, I literally do everything on my own. Meeting new friends, going to places, work, etc. These two years have been wonderful, if not, perfect! We never had a single argument or fight. Im always so calm when Im with him. As much as I want this to work, I fell for someone else.

    At work, I fell for a new person I met. In the beginning, I thought he would only be my friend. He ended up showing so much love towards me. He was so attracted to me. I think you know how the story goes. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend to be with him. This was it. I thought… It was an “old boyfriend gone, new boyfriend together” thing. If only it was this easy, I wouldn’t have been Googling for posts like this.

    I came to realize how much argument I get into with my new boyfriend. With this new boyfriend, we’re not as perfect and he has a lot of habits that I really don’t like. Since I cheated on my “boyfriend turned ex”, he was upset. As much as he did not want this, he didn’t get in my way. Now that I think back, he was quite mature handling it.

    My ex forgave me and said we could still be friends. In fact, we are really best friends now. I can tell him things and he wouldn’t mind. He also tell me things such as he’s meeting new people and liking the new girls. I am happy where I am right now. I am really thankful that my ex decided to be my best friend instead of ignoring me. I remember once in an argument with my current boyfriend, I told him that both of them were important to me. I wasn’t afraid to hurt him.

    Even though he’s my best friend now, I’ve come to realize that I love both of them just as much. In different ways, of course. To this day, I still wonder why my ex forgave me and decided to be my best friend. He says that he’s thankful because I brought him to God.

    Right now, if I were to choose someone to marry, I wouldn’t know how to pick. Perhaps this is why I’m still not married and I’m still in a relationship. I’m very lucky that I’m only 22 right now. I think I still have time to decide. I bet, all three of us believe that time will tell. Time really will tell. I wish someday Lord Jesus can lead my way and write my love story. Who knows, maybe he’s already doing it. Lord, I love you. I also believe that he who loves you most, will see most clear.

  36. sean says:

    I have been in a 6 month relationship with my bf and i was seeing this guy before i was with my bf and recently i havent been able to stop thinking about him and my partner and me are always fighting and he is never happy with what I do. the other day I met up with him and it was like fireworks and he confessed how he likes me alot and couldnt stop thinking about me. I dont know what to do as my sex life with my current bf is terrible and I just dont feel comfortable being with him.

  37. Jess says:

    Yes I’m in love with two people. Im getting married in a few months and I couldnt be happier. I love my fiance he and I are a good match in almost everything, However there is this other guy who I have been friends with for a while and have had feelings for. I pegged it as a crush and pushed it away. but It hurt to be away from him and I thought about him on a daily basis when I put some distance between us. I finally go the courage to do something about it. And I couldnt be happier with the result I love spending time with him. I know that when I get married this relationship cant continue. He feels guilty about our feelings since I’m spoken for. But I dont feel guilty because It dosent feel wrong to be with him or both of them. I just wish loving two people could be more simple

  38. Secret girl says:

    I have been dating my current boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. Me and him have been inseparable our whole relationship, until I met his friends brother. He was a little older then me and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He ended up trying to talk to me and we hung out a few times too (with my boyfriend also). We ended up getting drunk and having sex. We hid it from everyone for a while. Then I broke up with my boyfriend to be with him. After a month I told him I still love my boyfriend and I needed to be with him. We got bak together and the other guy got mad. He ended up telling everyone about our relationship, bit I denied everything. My boyfriend refused to let me ever see or talk to my secret lover again. But to this day I still talk to him every night, and for longer then my actual boyfriend. I tried to tell myself I was not in love with him. I didn’t think it was possible to love two people at once. And here I am.

  39. So Confused says:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years and for the past year I’ve been in love with someone else. What makes it complicated is that he introduced me to this other person (they are friends). The other guy is so sweet, smart, funny, considerate, and has many great qualities. I miss him when he’s not around and am always wanting to spend more time with him. I find myself thinking about him all the time. I think he likes me too but doesn’t want to betray his friend. I want to confess my true feelings but am afraid of hurting people’s feelings and am afraid to have my feelings hurt if he doesn’t like me back.

  40. Tom Arnett says:

    This a site for women only? I have experienced this emotion, loving two women at same time; it’s disconcerting.
    If men are allowed here, I’ll post my story

  41. Glinda says:

    I am the other, the one he is ‘in love’ with while at the same time loving his wife. it’s too hard when the wife doesn’t know. as the other, i will lose. i plan to tell her so that the affair will have no chance of continuing. i need that unfounded support to end what has turned out to be an emotional hell.

  42. Anonymous Female says:

    I’ve was married to my first love, even though he was a cheater. Even cheated on me when we were in a long distance relationship which turned into being engaged. After 2years he met someone at work and he told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. We just bought a house but had no children. We separated and divorced. I met my then bf who was the best lover ever…but after a year he needed space. K, then the ex started coming around. I was dating both. But ended up re-marrying the ex. Years later the ex bf found me and we had an affair. But then ended it. Two yrs later he’s back in my life. I love them both. But now I have 2 kiddos…I dont have the right to be selfish. Sure is difficult. Not so black and white when it comes to love. Y’all need to stop judging. Everyone has a story. Everyone.

  43. Alex says:

    I was with my first love for almost 2 years It was an up and down relationship, but it ended because I moved away. Breaking up for this reason gave me no closure, even though it may have happened eventually anyway, but after about sometime I met a new great girl and thought I had moved on… Me and my ex started talking again as friends and eventually she tells me she’s still ridiculously in love with me and I realized I feel the exact same way. The issues are that I am in love with my new girlfriend, who is great and is where I am living for the foreseeable future. But just the love and passion I have for my ex is so much more powerful currently than they are for her. I talked to my ex about us a number of times now and in the current situation we can’t even try things again for at least a year. Anyway I feel like I’m emotionally cheating on both of them (stayed loyal physically).

    Moral of the story is I love my girlfriend, but still super in love with my ex even though we can’t be together.

    Just wanted to vent, anybody out there have an opinion let me know please!

  44. Peter says:

    the good part of this article is that is about only when the GIRL is in love with two men.
    The author “forgot” to mention what happens in the case that the man is in love with you and another woman.
    Would you have the “emotion maturity” to accept it?

  45. Amy Innocent says:

    I’m so glad to read everyone’s stories and know I’m not alone!! I live in a small town where multiple lovers is really not acceptable at all.

    I’ve struggled with multiple lovers for many years. While married I occasionally had another lover, but usually dropped them abruptly after feeling my husband’s pain. The last lover lasted three years and ended my marriage after my husband fell in love with someone else. This devastated me. Looking back, I don’t know why I wasn’t totally understanding. I could have endured my husband’s affair like he had endured my love affairs.

    Anyway, here I am, divorced and living alone on another continent than my husband. I have a sweet, loving boyfriend who also has an angry streak. I see another man about once a month and our erotic play is thrilling. I really don’t want to be with either for the rest of my life. I feel like moving away and clearing out my life of these emotional difficulties!!!

    I have a strong sex drive and I feel alone because most women my age (54) don’t seem to. I can’t imagine being without a sexual partner and I can’t imagine being with only one for the rest of my life. The alternative of several changing partners, is not very satisfying either. I’m in a horrible slump like I’ve never been before as I take inventory of my life and try to make a better tomorrow.

  46. Candy Dee says:

    Patty Ace, I have to exact same situation as you. I was also with my boyfriend for almost two years. Me and my boyfriend were going through a lot of problems and were about to break up. I was hanging out with my best guy friend as he came out to me that he always liked me, kissed me and then we ended up having sex. It felt to right and perfect, but I too also felt horrible for cheating on my boyfriend. I broke up with my boyfriend after that, but I still care and love him very much but at the same time I care about my best friend a lot too and this new found connection between us feels so right. I don’t know what to do. I know that they both deeply care about me and they both want to be with me. I am so lost on what to do. This is the most confusing situation I’ve ever being in.

  47. Miella says:

    I am currently in love with two people, & it scares me to the core. About 3 years ago, I met this amazing man, who I just connected with, in the most unique, most unexpected way. He liked me for who I was. But our timing was never right. He lives an hour away from me. It doesn’t seem like much, but when you’re a CEO of your dad’s company, and go to college, and also have a social life, it’s kind of hard to drive that hour (not including traffic) and then going all the way back home, at God knows what hour of the night. I understood. He admired that. We talked on an off through out the 3 years, and whenever he would end up being in a relationship, I’d cut him off and out of my life, because I couldn’t bare seeing him with someone else. We occasionally hung out, and when we did, it just felt right. Natural. Like drinking water. It was just something that you did. But timing was still not right. The distance was his main issue above all. However, recently, we have began talking again, and we couldn’t be more close. Yes, he’s still an hour away, still a CEO, and still has his social life. But he’s finally ready to be willing to make the time and put in the effort. Which is what I have waited for all along. My heart has always belonged to him. However… our timing couldn’t be more wrong. I have also, met someone who i believe is my soul mate. 9 months ago, I met a man who is now my current boyfriend. He is also the first man I’ve given myself fully to. (Lost my virginity to this man). I have never felt more comfortable and more myself with this man. I love him more than anything in this world. But that same love, is just as powerful as the love with Man #1 … I don’t know what to do. My heart and head tell me two different things. Go with the man who stole your heart 3 years ago? Or go with the man you met 9 months ago, but feels like it’s been 2 years of history? I just don’t know. I know deep down who I should choose. I just don’t know if I am in denial of the truth… or hurting the other person. How do you tell someone you’re in love with someone else? That your heart has belonged to someone else. I don’t know if I could live with that. I’m at a cross road and don’t know whare to turn.

  48. Eac says:

    Seeing all these comments realising I’m not alone is comforting. I have been married for 11 yrs and have two kids with my hubby who I love very much, however I have alot loved a man I have known pre my husband, we lost contact for a few years and found each other again, he is now married with three kids but we always loved each other and I know it is despicable but reality is I love him he loves me, and same with our partners. It took us almost 4 years to decide that we have to live with things as is, I’m frustrated as it is difficult juggling two relationships and tried several times to walk away from this man, he tried to walk away from me as we both don’t want to do this to our families and there’s no excuse except we cannot stop loving each other. In all these years we have never slept together until recently which didn’t turn out well as our guilt was more than we can both bear, and again we tried to stop seeing each other but doesn’t want to lose each other we have now again not to ever sleep together again but however you look at it we are still cheating and that makes us cruel to our partners. Some days I really want all of it to end I just don’t know how and where to start loving two people is a burden but feelings can send someone out of control and if your weak which clearly I am I have no hope. Also, for my kids sake I need to really end all of this not sure how to approach this?

  49. Dani says:

    I’m so glad that I’ve found a forum to express my thoughts about loving two men.
    It hasn’t been easy at all. I guess I have to put myself in the “girlfriend who has been in a dead end 5+ year” relationship. I simply refer to it as a dead end because it lacks growth. There’s no mention of marriage or children.

    My boyfriend is content with just being “life partners.” He is my first long term relationship. We have been through a lot together.

    This second man came into my life a year ago. He’s quite younger (8 years to be exact).
    I met him in the most suspecting place (at work). I didn’t pay him any attention at first. I would ignore his stares. I would ignore his attempts in trying to spark up a conversation. I’ve always been a woman who would dismiss any type of attention from a man.
    I decided to let my guard down and help him with a particular task at work.
    Speaking to him made me feel like he was worth my time in getting to know.

    It’s 10 months later & he’s still around.
    His life isn’t ideal for me. I don’t like how he chooses the “trap life” over getting a regular 9 to 5 job. He’s in the streets. πŸ™ I never thought I would even find myself around a person in which society would label as a “thug”. The tricky thing about love is that it is unconditional.
    He’s a good person and the complete opposite of my man. It’s like night and day.
    While my boyfriend has a career. He has never been in jail. He comes from a two parent household of loving parents who have been married for over 30 years. It’s like his family is like The Huxtables. I love them very much.

    My boyfriend is a very easy-going and calm person. He’s into sports. He loves anime. He loves video games, computers, and anything else that’s technical. That’s what drew me to him because we had so many of the same interests. We didn’t meet on the best of terms. He was technically in a relationship when we met. He soon broke up with that girlfriend and we began dating. The first year was rough because he was fooling around with another woman. I had to ask him to make our relationship exclusive. Two years had passed and things were starting to go well. Then all of a sudden I noticed things like unanswered texts/calls and trips out of town. To make a long story short, my boyfriend had been carrying on multiple affairs for years. When I call him out on it he acts as if its something I can get over. He then promises to be true. But now he has all these female friends that he claims are innocent. I don’t trust it one bit. Been trying to break up but keep getting sucked back in because of the love I have for him.

    As with the other, he grew up in a broken home. He had to survive by selling drugs and becoming part of a gang. He is in and out of jail. I try to help him with showing how to be positive and live on the right side of the tracks. He keeps saying he loves me and so glad how I bring positivity to his life.

    But I worry about him getting locked up of getting killed.
    I feel like I have to be a voice of reason,

    Don’t want to let them go but something’s got to give.
    I feel like I’m going crazy.

  50. Richard says:

    Well obviously im in love with to women, both of them are my ex’s, one of them is trying so hard to get back with me and was my first in you know what, while the other one is my first love. My first love and I started talkinq again we havent talked in a long time but after all that time I still feel that we have feelings for each other. Mean while my other ex we have gone through so much together, we both are young and we have alot of first time expiriences. While my first love and I when we were together we didn’t do much because we were in high school and I was very shy with her. But now that im a little older that shy thing as gone away and I know things could be different, I don’t know how to deal with this I dont want to lose neither of them. But I know I can’t be with both of them. In one hand I have my first love and the curiosity of how could things be different this time, in the other hand I have my ex which shes doing everything she can to get back with me, like everything possible.

    All this is so hard I know alot of people out there are going through similar things, I know we all are feeling like we are going crazy.

  51. sai says:

    yes, I’m very in love for two guys. I am happily married for an amazing man for 13 years. Six years ago he accepted a job oversea and came home for 3 months vacation every end of his contract and came back to work leaving me with our two kids. we have regular communication like daily chats, txting and long distance calls. One time he conforted me to find someone elese to fill up his physical obligation as we missed our normal lovemakig. I had one guy I met in a party and we bcame friend and ended up in bed. I confessed to my husband and instad of getting angry or jealouse, my hubby approved me to have ilicit affair with a new guy as long as we used contraceptives to avoid me concieving as my husband does not want me to ge pegnant by this new guy. This new guy is also married so we agreed that our relationship is purely lust and sex, however we both love each other as our sex is most satisfying and wonderful and since then I felt I am the happiest wife for having a guys in my life…

  52. Vulnerose says:

    A guy had a crush on me 3 years ago. For 3 years and two boyfriends he’s been crushing on me, staying with me through thick and thin but I never accepted his feelings. 2 years ago I got with what I believe to be the most perfect match for me. He was perfect in every way and everyone (even the first guy) could see that. His dad separated us about half a year ago but we still talk and still have some hope for the future. The first guy and I have become close even though I still believe the second and I are perfect. I really love them both more than anything in the world. I don’t want to hurt either of them. For the first time in 3 years I started hanging out with this guy and he’s wonderful. But my ex is also wonderful. GAH! They both love me more than life and I’m just really confused. My ex would be more emotionally and financially stable but the first guy is just so.. passionate about what he does and believes in and he puts me in awe every time we talk. I’ve decided not to date until I have my own place and not feel the pressure of others approval on my decision… I want it to be purely my decision.. but what will I do when that time comes…

  53. Jenifer says:

    I have been in a serious relationship for 10 yrs. I had four children whe we met 12 yrs ago (I had just gotten divorced). We have a 8 yr old child together. My children look at my boyfriend as their step father even though we are not married. I’ve been seeing someone else off and on for these ten yrs. It was a long distance relationship. I’ve always loved the other person also. He now lives in the same city as I DO. My boyfriend has been working out of town for a yr. I’ve been seeing the other guy again for four months. I’ve told my boyfriend and he wants me to move to where he is working. My kids found out also and they are upset with me. I decided it was best to move with my boyfriend but now I miss the other guy like crazy. I feel like not only am I homesick but I am also depressed. I don’t know if I should go back home or accept the decision I made and stay where I am. The other guy is very hurt he wants me to go back home. I’m confused. I love them both I, I think I’d be happier with the other guy but my kids are happy with my boyfriend. Does anyone have any advise?

  54. Miss V. says:

    Wow! I see I am not by myself. I was with my current bf for 4 years, recently I ran into an old bf whom I had been in and out of love with over a 20 year period. I broke up with 2x. We recently got back together, it crushed by current bf. Well, what a huge mistake I made to ever leave my bf of four years. I ended up breaking up with the guy of 20 years for the third time because he is so mean and inconsiderate towards me, and has no desire to communicate with me when I bring up his rude ways. My bf of 4 years is 12 years my senior, but he gave me the world and loved me very deeply in a way I have never ever been loved and cared for. I left him initially, because I got bored, but what a big mistake. I called him and begged him back because I realized I still loved him, and I missed his deep love for me. I still think about the other guy when I listen to certain songs, but I am not going back. Gonna stick with the bf of four years- the love is real, and after all, that is what I really desire in a man.

  55. crying inside says:

    It is so comforting to read all of your stories. I have been married for 5 years and my husband is wonderful but I have another friend who I’ve known for 8 years and I hadn’t seen him for a couple of years but this year we kinda started bumping into each other and since he’s friends with my husband and we ended up on some camping trips together. we started talking more and I know I love him just as much as my husband. I always have.. we texted back and forth a lot for a while but my husband found out and was extremely jealous cuz he thinks we slept together. We didn’t it never has been that kind of a physical relationship just long talks and long hugs. I haven’t seen him now for 4 months. man do I miss him some days I just want to cry because he is so gentle. I miss his hugs.

  56. Daniela says:

    I have a bit of a dilemma. I live in Washington and I have been in a very happy relationship with a guy for almost 7 years. My mom recently had a horrible accident, and she lives in New Zealand. She’s my only surviving family left, so i dropped everything and came down here to be with her. She almost lost her live, but thank God, she lived through it and is going to fully recover.

    It’s going on the 4 months now. Well, I met this doctor at the hospital where I spend most my days, and he’s not her doctor, but he’s always around the ward. I at first had an innocent crush on him, but now after a few months, my feelings are growing. And we’re both very much into each other. I know it unethical for him to ask me out because my mother is a patient there, and I cannot ask him out because i’m in a committed relationship, but we had ran into each other the other day, and it was very apparent that we’re very much into each other and that once my mom leaves the hospital, then doors would open up.

    I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend very much and I miss him terribly, but at the same time I cannot get this doctor out of my head. The attraction is so strong. In the last 7 years, I have never felt this feeling, apart from when I met my current boyfriend. To add to this, my boyfriend and I are absolutely the best friends, however our romance has suffered a bit, we haven’t had sex for over 8 months now, so before I left, it was going on the 5th months. And we tried many things, but it keeps going to that comfortable zone, where we love spending time together, but when it comes to sex, it’s almost like we don’t see each other in that way anymore. Yet, I’m very attracted to him.

    I’m really confused. I don’t know what to do. I might be here in NZ for another few months and I know if I got some alone time with this doctor, things would happen. I’m excited thinking about him and yet extremely scared. I know that new relationships are fun, and after a few years it always becomes a bit of work. I know all that, yet I cannot help but wonder.

    I’m trying to figure out why I’m attracted to this new guy, without comparing the two men, but one thing that keeps coming up, this new guy is very responsible and smart, confident but shy. Very caring.

    So I’m not sure if this is just an infatuation, a crush…something that will pass if I give it enough time. Or is it that person that you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with? Because every time I look into his eyes, it’s like i know this man and have known him for a long time. So weird.

    Should I pursue and see what happens, or do i just shut down, try to forget and get back home to my man? I’m very conflicted. Anyone? Thoughts?

  57. Leila says:

    I met this guy in high school…I slowly realized that I like him. By that time, he already had a girlfriend. I was so confused because he would still call me late night and we would talk about anything. I started to like him even more. But later on, I told him I wasn’t comfortable the fact that he had a gf and was talking to me in that way. College came around, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend…I thought that possibly he would be excited to be with me or something…he asked me to come see him as if I was his gf…that was such a confusing request…I said no. During all that time, I started seeing other people. I met this amazing guy. Him and I got together 2 months after dating…for some reason I was excited to tell that other guy that I was in love and everything…i find myself telling him things I shouldn’t. To this day, I’ve been with this amazing guy for 4 years and we recently got engaged. I’ve been training myself not to think about that other guy…but just recently I found myself doing that. I’m trying really hard because the guy that I am with right now is amazing, i am positive that he is better than the high school crush. I dont know if im holding on to what could have been?????what is wrong with me?????If I could drink a pill to make me forget about him I would…..

  58. IRock40 says:

    Hardest thing ever to sort out in my head. Married to the man I love and any woman would want to love..but long for another who isn’t married..but attached. The passion I feel is indescribable. I have learned at 40 it is ok to feel like this. I am never leaving nor wish to leave my life. Yes, I have this point and going forward, that will not be me.

  59. Sick of twisted ppl says:

    I am sorry this is total BS you are trying to justify cheating on your current partner! If you loved your partner there would be no reason to try to find someone else or be with someone else. I am sorry when you love someone you would do anything to protect their heart from breaking! To me it just sound like you are self centered and like instant gradification! Do you think either of your partners could actually trust you ot believe anything that you said! Eventually both would get sick of your shit and move on!

  60. Jewel says:

    Ok so here’s my situation. I’m in a long distance relationship with my bf for half a year now. I love him very much and our relationship is beyond perfect. He loves me just as much and has never treated me wrongly. The trouble comes in when my ex bf came back into the picture. Now before my current bf, I was completely madly in love with my ex. We had planned a future together and everything was just right. Think is we broke up because of something so unreasonable we both found it to be a mistake later on. I honestly didn’t want to move on because I wasn’t half over him yet. But then my (current) bf picked me off my feet and I’ve beenin love with him ever since. Just a few months ago my ex came back and we started talking again. All my feelings for him are back again. I told him I have a bf now but he told me to break up with him BC we are meant to be together. He promised he’s changed and really want us to work. Trust me its all I’ve been waiting for. But I love my bf and I can’t imagine breaking his heart over an ex. But like I said.. I never was over my ex. For the time being my ex is at boot camp for the marines and wants to get back together when he comes back in 3 months. I have till then. But I honestly don’t known what to do. I love them both dearly.

  61. Rachel says:

    I’ve been married for over 35 years. We have been through it all. Kids, bankruptcy, unemployment, you name it and we have weathered it together. Our love was mature, solid and happy. Then, an old friend came back into my life. I’m talking from 40 years ago. I loved him when we were kids and talked with him a couple of times throughout the years, but just seeing him, and talking, brought back all the old feelings. Try explaining that to your husband. You can be in love with two people at the same time. Your love can be in different stages or on different planes and still be true love. At my age, I wouldn’t dream of leaving my husband and breaking his heart. On the other hand, you only live once and my time, though not immediate, is coming to an end. Why shouldn’t I love the second one too? After all of the life I’ve been through, this is by far the most difficult to reconcile. There is not a single answer.

  62. Kim says:

    I’ve been married for 16 yrs with 5 children and last month I met another guy. He was only supposed to be a hook up, just something different. Now I find myself no stop thinking about him. I fell in love with him hard. He won’t admit it straight out but he’s in love with me also. We text each other everyday, on his lunch breaks and when he gets home from work. It feels so good being in his arms, when I’m in them i never wanna leave. My husband brought up the fact that he can tell that I fell for the other guy and mentioned a 2 weeks separation, i would like to do that but i dont want to hurt my husband or children.

  63. Diane says:

    I had been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, we had been fighting a lot and I decided that I no longer was going to deal with it and broke it off. I met a girl shortly after and started dating her. I was always curious about women, so I thought this was my opportunitity to see what was out there. Little did I relize that I fell hard in love with her. The problem was I never completely stopped communicating with my ex. And before our split we had been on again off again so he didn’t believe it was over for real. So here I am 10 months later in a relationship with a woman, not ok with my sexulaity and in a relationship with my ex. I don’t understand why I cannot break it off with him complete me. I know that I am being unfair to both but I cannot choose between them.

  64. B?STILLE says:

    I had been absolutely in love with a guy for the longest time, just waiting for the right time to tell him. But then another guy asked me to go out with him. Convinced that my first love would never want me back, I accepted. So my boyfriend and I grew attached to each other and our relationship was perfect. Just then I saw the first guy again, and a friend of his got him to admit to me that he liked me. At that point I was completely confused. I tried to get myself to break up with my boyfriend and start from there, but I see his beautiful face and I just can’t do it. But then again, every time I speak with the other guy, I feel so wrong and out of place. I honestly don’t know what to do.

  65. Delly says:

    I was with my partner 6 years had two kids…. Split up met someone new after about a year or more but now I dunno if I still love my ex or new part ever…!we have been together 8 months can anyone help me here please

  66. Annie says:

    I feel awful. I feel confused. I have two equally great guys. The first one has been friends with me since I was born. He has always been there for me. He is my rock. My go to guy. We realized we really like each other. In fact I love him. More than anything. I trust him and he would never let harm get to me. Only problem is he has a girlfriend who he is very fond of and I have a boyfriend who I love and adore. He has proven to me on such deep levels that he truly loves me and would never hurt me. Neither my best friend or I want to leave our current companions for each other but, there is a burning jealously of each others significant other. One night my friend really needed me, his father died and we went for drinks, I didn’t drink but he had a very large and strong margarita. Little while later were at his house and one thing led to another and he attempted to kiss me. He failed because the moment was interrupted by my six year old niece walking in the room. I wanted the kiss to happen so badly at that moment I was excited and full of bliss. Later my thoughts began to pan out. I began feeling guilty. I felt like I had “emotionally cheated” on my boyfriend. I don’t even know how I would be if I was kissed by him. He is so sweet to me and I believe he loves me. Then I go to my boyfriends house and can be just as happy with him as I am with my friend. These two are driving me insane. I can not have both and I simply can not choose. I am lost.

  67. Tide897 says:

    I truly believe ANY and ALL justification, explanation, reason, or “proof” of this horrible idea is just a selfish person’s way of saying it is ok for them to hurt someone else’s heart. “How do you come to that conclusion…” you may ask me? Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is the answer lies within each of you so you won’t have to look very hard to get it. The bad news is, you’ll still ignore it, deny it, or even debate yourself when you do find the answer. And for those women that are still completely oblivious, it is very simple: not a single one of the ladies above could tolerate, withstand the hurt, or manage the schedule of being on the receiving end if the hurt and pain that you’re causing (just because neither of the men know doesn’t mean no one is getting hurt). From that single point alone, comes the first bursting of your cheating bubble…..that is, If you love someone, you don’t purposely do things that would hurt them.

    “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” ~~~ Johnny Depp

  68. tlw122080 says:

    I had a boyfriend for 6 years. We lived together with his roommate. We were all good friends. Our roommate was a guy and he owned the house we all lived in. I was so in love with my boyfriend and became great friends with the roommate. It was amazing getting attention from two men. The roommate was single.

    After a few years the roommate sold his house and me and my boyfriend moved out on our own. I started hanging out with the roommate and his girl friends. My boyfriend wouldn’t go out and hang with us. I was getting all kinds of attention from the roommate. I started to fall in love with him. I moved away with him even. When I broke things off with my boyfriend, I was still very much in love with him but knew that I couldn’t be with him because we didn’t want the same things in life. I really wanted to move away from home and be somewhere warmer with a better economy. He wanted to live down the street from his parents practically.

    Well, this was all 3 and a half years ago. I still love my ex. I love the roommate who has now been my boyfriend for the passed 3 years. I just recently told my ex that I was with the roommate. My ex and I have talked on and off this whole time. My boyfriend knows that I still love my ex. My ex knows that I am with the roommate. I have been honest now with both of these men. I don’t know why I can’t let my ex go. I’ve tried everything from limiting contact to completely cutting off contact. I went 3 months without talking to my ex and felt as though I was going to go crazy from not speaking to him. He still loves me too. I feel like I’m in hell. I hate feeling this way for them at the same time. It isn’t fair to them. I just feel so unhappy. I think I might just be addicted to my ex. No matter what I do, I can’t let him go. I thought telling him the truth about the roommate and I would set me free. Now I just feel worse than before :/

  69. Travis S says:

    I went through this situation a few years back and now i am in a whole new relationship. I find that loving both persons is hard and u do tend to lose both if u try to hold on to it for too long. But making the choice is never easy and i feel like it gets harder as time goes on. But no one should feel that loving two persons is wrong and feel obligated to leave the old flame for the new or the new for the old. Its a decision i think that u must choose if u can live with in the end and that if ur partner can live with it. Not due to what society says but rather u find most ppl tend to lose out when they do and u never know if one of those persons might had really been the person u cud be with for a long time

  70. Shyanne says:

    I have a girlfriend right now, and although I believe I love her, i have started to fall for one of my friends, and he knows about her and about my feelings for him. He said that he would give me a year to decide how things will go, but it hasn’t even been that long and I’m freaking out trying to understand myself.

  71. Fatally attached says:

    Well I’m 22 years old and have been married for 4 years, and I have been madly in love with my wife since our sophomore year. She’s my everything she completes me. Recently she started to develop feelings for one of her female coworkers and we had a threesome. I ended up developing feelings for her because we are so alike. I love her and I love my wife. This other love of mine is 9 years old than both my wife and I, but that changes nothing. I’m attracted to her mind and body. We share so many things in common. My wife says she loves her too and I have no idea if this is acceptable… I have no one to vent to because we have to keep it a secret because she’s married. I do think want to replace her husband nor do I want her to replace my wife I just want to feel loved and love them both…

  72. Fatally attached says:

    Well I’m 22 years old and have been married for 4 years, and I have been madly in love with my wife since our sophomore year. She’s my everything she completes me. Recently she started to develop feelings for one of her female coworkers and we had a threesome. I ended up developing feelings for her because we are so alike. I love her and I love my wife. This other love of mine is 9 years older than both my wife and I, but that changes nothing. I’m attracted to her mind and body. We share so many things in common. My wife says she loves her too and I have no idea if this is acceptable… I have no one to vent to because we have to keep it a secret because she’s married. I do think want to replace her husband nor do I want her to replace my wife I just want to feel loved and love them both…

  73. Confused says:

    I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I treasure him dearly and it would absolutely kill me to leave him. However, recently I met a guy who is younger than me. He is a broken lil chap, but he is really charming and caring towards me. We could go on talking for a million years. His characteristics are very different from my boyfriend’s, and I guess that is also why I get so attracted to him. Should he have had more in common with my boyfriend, I might not have developed such feelings for him. We are very close, and since my boyfriend is studying overseas, he has been taking care of me and we’ve even slept together. I feel torn between them, and extremely guilty towards both because I feel that I’m not good enough for both and that they can both be hurt by me. Please help!

  74. yallareselfish says:

    Every single one of these posts are demeaning to human kind. U are not in love with 2 people it is physically impossible. U may lust one and love the other or be infactuated. Regardless ur selfish. I am in this situation. My wife of 7 yrs told me she is still in love with her ex husband but she loves me and I need to move on so I can be with a better person for me I deserve the best. Thats a crock of crap considering its the same type of elementary bs as its not u its me speech. Being one of the men in this 3 way relatiinship. U should fess up and ditch one of the people u are supposedly in love with. If u fell in love with a 2nd person then u werent in true love with the first. Meaning its over and if u consistantly try to be in a demoralizing relationship with 2 people u will fail with both people and get what u deserve and be alone. U obviously have something wrong with u and should take a year off of relationships and work on ur self. Work on not being selfish because u clearly have an issue with this.

  75. Sai says:

    Oh my god ! Thank goodness I bumped/clicked into this site as I was searching for answers about my current situation. All these stories have made me feel a little more comfortable and less guilty about how I’m feeling because so many other people go through the same things. Society really looks at you in disgust it sucks.
    I’ve been struggling with a solution to my problem. I see there are a lot of similar but different problems many others have had. Robin was the only one who sounded to have something similar to mine I fell for two guys one who lives far and one who lives in my town.

    Quick summary:
    I have been in a Long Distance relationship with someone I met online for about 6 years now.
    And around 2013 I ended up getting into another relationship with a friend in my hometown and. We’ve known each other for 3years now and started dating for about a year now.

    Beginning Story:
    I met guy1 online. I have terrible memory , but Somehow guy1 had managed to reach me by text during valentines night. By then it had been months since he had talked to me(so he said) and I was already in a relationship. But that night he told me how he had never forgotten about me ,I mean he remembered my number and my MIDDLE name! I had a very unstable cellphone sometimes it’d be disconnected for weeks and just the fact that he remembered my middle name was a shock. So we talked for a few days I told him I was in a relationship and that even if he liked me I couldn’t do anything but be a friend ,but something i don’t know what or why I felt the way I did but something in me felt I needed to keep this guy and even thou it was hard to be with someone who lived miles away from me we still managed to keep in contact and video and call each other. No matter what happened we still loved each other.
    But then during high school of 2012 I met a guy who was a friend who ended up liking me a lot and for a while I was confused about if I liked him too while being in and out of other relationships While still talking to guy1( no I’m not a slut I haven’t slept with anyone and they weren’t back to back they were separate relationships as one would naturally have when being with someone for the first time). Thing is this guy ended up being guy2 in the end. And because guy2 lives where I live we did a lot together. Things I’ve been wishing I could do with guy1 if only he lived here too.

    Thing is around last year of 2013 when making things official with guy2 around October ,I was still talking to guy1 for a little until he decided he would go to the army to build a future for me and him(a foundation as he called it). I thought he was joking. During the duration of no communication with guy1 I have been both good and bad with guy2 we had some happy moments and some annoying moments almost enough to want to break up for good,but this guy loves me so hard almost as hard as guy1 that I over sighted things and passed the lines.

    I don’t know if Cedslyc is right about it being BS about falling in love with two people ,but I know I care for them both equally and feel great having them in my life. I want to say I Love two guys, but the reality of it is that I don’t know how to listen to my heart. Which is why I’m stuck wanting them both.

    A few days ago (about a week now) I ended up breaking up with guy2 because of how I’ve been feeling with him. Felt kind of out of it like our relationship was unstable. I kept trying really hard to see a future with him but I keep forcing something that should happen naturally and I don’t like the images I see because all I see is this okay life with too much sacrifices and a lifestyle I don’t want. Something wrong always happens and frankly I felt exhausted but I still show love for him. Suddenly guy1 Finally contacts me from training (happy hour/personal time) and finds out about my relationship with guy2 and is disappointed. I felt so crappy. But what was weird was that it happened on the same day when I decided to break up with guy2 , how ironic . Coincidence ?? Idk if it was meant to happen so fast but it did and I’m in a pickle because guy2 was demanding to know what was goin on ,weren’t we happy why did I break things off so suddenly and so fast without warning? He asked if there was another guy(which is funny because he used to make jokes about me having side niggas, turns out he was the other guy) so I ended telling him the truth , they both deserved it ,but it sucks to hurt people u love and care for.

    Anyway we’ve been trying to be friends and smooth things so he can move on slowly because he considers me his world and his one piece of joy and it’s hard for him to let me go so suddenly so we are doing this to easy out of it , but somehow he feels there is still hope for us and I feel like I believe him. I’ve been with him for some time now that I’ve just been comfortable with him and my feelings keep coming back(yes even thou it sounds like I was falling out of love with him which is why I broke up with him , but we’ve been through a lot together and I do love em so it all comes back). But I also love and care about guy1.

    Its hard idk what to do or decide on. I need help on finding a way to decide what’s right in this situation. They both love me hard and no word of a lie when they say they love me it feels like it’s with the same intensity and it’s hard to choose. I’ve known one for years and I’ve been with the other personally for a whole now. Grrrrrr Please Help. Any advice or critic as long as helpful is appreciated. (‘ ~ ‘)

  76. Sigh says:

    Hi, I was actually conflicted with 3 guys (we shall name A, B and C) and I’m pretty sure A and B had feelings for me, but nothing came out of me and B (we both did not make any move on each other (he told me before he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend) so we put it down. At around this time there was another guy, we shall name Z, who chased me but i didn’t like him that way but he was a genuinely nice guy but i was really confused because i didn’t want to force myself to accept him when i don’t have feelings for him so i rejected him after a face-to-face talk one day, and then i went on with my life. What I did not expect was that A confessed to me two days later and on the same day we went official. I liked him and had feelings for him but my getting attached to him at that point in time was more of needing to get away from the confusion i was facing.

    But anyways things developed well between A and me, and we went pretty far sexually (not all the way but almost there), and for a period of time we were all each other needed. I completely fell in love with him and never thought about B or C in that way anymore. Then came in the stress and problems from a hectic school life (we are all 18) and things started to get awry. He wouldn’t make time for me anymore even though i was more than willing to make time for him (we were all having busy school lives as it was the year of our big exams) and although we danced together in the same club, we wouldn’t talk at all because he was too concentrated on dancing and i didn’t want to talk to him as i was kind of angry. He has a best friend, whom I shall name K. On her birthday, he went out with her and blogged about her in the most sweet way possible, writing that his life was made for her and such stuff. Things weren’t romantic between them, but i felt horrible that even a friend could be more important to A than me, his girlfriend. I sought out many friends to talk about this problem and all the other problems that have emerged between A and me and all my friends had the same advice – break up with him.

    It took me a while to muster the courage to break up with him because i was madly in love with him. One day we talked about all the things that we have been keeping inside us and he suggested we take a pause in our relationship. I agreed, and knew that this was the best for the both of us. However, the next day we went to a concert together and after that we talked about it and i asked him what was his definition of a pause and he said we weren’t a couple anymore. And that was not my definition of a pause. I felt like he was breaking up with me to focus on his studies and life and only wanting to be with me when he was free of troubles. It was like I was never on his priority list. I spent a few weeks feelings horrible about this, and slowly being all moody and stuff, and i finally made up my mind to break up with him.

    We had our dance concert and about a week later i sought him out to break up with him (he avoided meeting me, always giving the excuse that he was busy so i did it through a 3 page long text). He did not reply the text and i felt altogether crushed. He continued to ignore me even in school and i started to develop separation anxiety and social anxiety and mild depression. I almost cut myself, but i confided in one of my teachers who knew him too and she helped me out of it.

    At around this time we were 4 months into our relationship and after we broke up, i began to get close to C again. We studied together from the start as we both had the same studying place and he has a girlfriend, from the start, so i forced myself to give up on him in the past. He knew about me and A’s problem as he knew A too, and he talked to me about it. He was really concerned and would always ask me if anything happened or if there was anything to update him about. I knew i used to have feelings for C so i kept supressing it because he had a girlfriend and i wanted them to be happy, and many times i have gave him advice for him and his girlfriend.

    But I started to develop feelings for him unknowingly. I would look forward to studying with him after school, and talking until late at night, when i would finally go home, and i could see that he was really happy to see me everyday too. We became really close friends and talked about anything under the world, and we had similar habits and cliqued really well.

    Time passed and our big exams finally came. There was something stirring in me as i knew that after our big exams, we wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore as we wouldn’t have the need to study together anymore. The day before our exams, he came to me and patted my back and told me “good luck man” (he never ever did that, our friendship was without skinship) and that was when i realised that I had feelings for him. I realised that the feelings never passed in the start. I felt utterly horrible for having feelings for a good friend who was happy with his girlfriend but at the same time i felt good that i was finally able to get over A, whom for about 3 months i wasn’t able to function properly without.

    I am utterly unsure if I have feelings for C to replace A in my heart so that i wouldn’t feel as hurt as before or if the feelings are true. Sometimes I feel like I still love A a lot, but every time I will start thinking about the way he has treated me so I programmed my heart and mind to stop thinking about him as if he will come back (he promised that he will make up to me after our exams, which is about to end) And sometimes I feel like I really like C a lot, in a platonic way, I like our friendship and the way we clique well and the way we show concern for each other, but sometimes something stirs in my heart when i’m talking to him.

    I know there won’t be a future for me and A, as he is not someone that i can envision spending my future with, being married and all, but I love the way we clique too. At one point in time we were like two people made for each other, and I don’t think I can ever be around him without feeling that sexual tension between us (I am very sexually attracted to A), which also means we will have to give up our friendship if I were to break it off with him for good after our exams. I don’t want to give up a friendship with someone i can be so intimate with (both sexually and emotionally), but I don’t think i can do it. At the same time I’m not sexually attracted to C, but it’s more of emotionally attracted to him. He was one of the few whom I could feel genuinely happy with when i had depression, and I really enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. (We studied with other people but by the end of the day we were always alone together and we did things like eat midnight meals and buy for each other small stuff, and talked till i missed my last bus)

    I’m conflicted between my feelings for both of them, and I’m also conflicted on whether I’m feelings this for C because I need a replacement in my heart for A. Again, I’m conflicted as to whether I really love C because I had feelings for him before, and it never seemed to actually pass, so it definitely is not infatuation. And I’m also conflicted on whether I should get back together with A, after our exams. Help…

  77. Lost says:

    Call it what, but I believe a person can be inlove with two people in two different ways. Either that, you are inlove with two people or are afraid of reality. I was the other girl. My friend and I crossed the line of friendship and were both surprised by what we found in one another. At the same time, he has been dating a girl for over six years who had broken up with him because he chose a life of solitude. When him and I got together I talked him into marriage, and told him that I believe he would make a very good husband and a dad one day. He believed me, and he went to find his ex girlfriend and proposed marriage to her. He did not say anything to me about this, but he started drinking so heavily that made me suspect that something was not right with him and when I enquired, I found out what he has done. I confronted him and he admitted to it and told me although him and I shared something which was unexplained and inevitable and which was very strong, he was indebted to his long time girlfriend whom he has met as a young girl and is now a young woman and he has hurt her by choosing solitude over the years they’ve been together.

    We’ve been friends for long, and I’ve always wanted him to get married, but I know he loves me and I love him but I need to understand that he loves the other girl too. It is the most painful thing ever. I’ve cut all communication with him to let him go, but I think about him every day. It was a sticky confusing situation for him I suspect, but I hope he is coping now with me out of the picture. Seeing him drinking and doing things out of guilt was hard on me, not that it is any easy on me right now either anyway.

    But yes, things happen when we least expect them to. It is not selfishness, and I guess the sooner we accept reality the better. It’s something a person should experience to understand.

  78. what to do? says:

    Its not just women who experience this, I do too. Im a man whos been in a relationship for around 6 years but a year ago I met another woman. We spent so much time together, talking, laughing and flirting that it was inevitable thatbwr would form a bond. Then suddenly i had to move away and didnt see her for over a year. I drowned myself in work and making new friends and tried to forget the feelings I had for this other girl whiost still being with my partner. Then all of a sudden we meet up again and im confused. I know i love my gf but im also in love with the other woman. Ive told my gf about it and shes quite supportive but i cant commit tk her because I feel guilty about my feelings for the otger girl. Worst thing is the other girl probably knows that I have feelings for her, but im too afraid to tell her for fear of ruining a friendship if she doesnt reciprocate those feelings. But at the same time i know that she does have more than a lustful attraction, but neither of us are brave enough to make the first move. Its a confuaing and quite frankly, depressing situation to be in amd i wouldnt wish it on any other,,not even my worst enemies.

  79. Lindsey says:

    I’m in love with two guys. My boyfriend of 6 years and my best friend (who is my ex). I never really stopped having feelings 4 my ex. I’m in love with my boyfriend as well. I really wanna be with both of them. I can see me marrying both of them and having kids with both. The only problem with my ex is he lives in a different state. I hate this.

  80. lost and lonely says:

    After a period of emotional turmoil, and loneliness, I found myself alone for a while. It was then that I started talking to a friend of ten years. He is a very calm, dependable person, 15 years older to me. I liked talking to him, then we started calling more often, and it was exciting knowing a person. We had a lot of similarities, and he started getting close over the phone. As he is married with two kids, I tried to tell him not to cross the lines. But when he did, I could not keep myself away. I was too much attached to him. And I had begun loving him for his inner self. We first met a year back, and since then we have met thrice. We also went on a vacation last December, when I tried telling him, that irrespective of the fact that I love him, and could die for him, its immensely painful that he goes back home to his wife. He told me he loves both of us. We even contemplated the possibility of all staying together. I know, his wife will never accept it, and perhaps, even I may not be too happy for long, but still I found myself accepting the idea. Which in itself is the most peculiar thing I have ever heard of. I did not believe in it myself, but I am even ready for that, just to be with him. So, thus my days were moving. In love and pain….

    Then something else happened. Or is happening.

    I had fallen first time in love, 19 years ago. I loved him with complete devotion. Finally when I let him know my feelings, he did not love me back. But there was no hard words there. Then he got married. I never had him, so I did not lose anything as such. It was painful, but there was peace in my heart. In my life, whenever I had been badly hurt, I took refuge in my first love… within my heart. Four years back, when I was visiting the city where he stays, he asked me if he had hurt me. This led to exchange of emails and calls. I told him about myself.. my feelings.. and my life after that. So, we have been friends since then. I meet him once every month, at his place of work. And then he came for lunch at my place. The frequency of his calls increased. And we talk more often now. He used to talk of going for a day-trip, but mostly it was just a mere suggestion. I used to look forward, or be serious about it, and be hurt when it did not happen. But just a week back, he wanted to take me for a trip. I had looked forward to it all my life, but today I was not so sure I wanted to go. But I can’t deny him anything and we did go. It was the closest we were in the last 19 years. And more than how I felt, it was his feelings that were warm, and his growing attachment, that surprised me. He told me that day, that he had read all the emails I had sent him earlier, where I had expressed clearly all my thoughts and emotions, because I was very sure that he never would read them. He said thats how he became attached to me. After two days, he wanted to go out again, and we did go for a few hours. That day I had a bad headache, and he was so caring and so concerned, and this is the first time I saw this side of him. We both know, we are getting closer. And there was a time, when I would give anything for this. But today, I am confused. I know both men are married, and I would have none for ever. Then why still this pain? Though we are well within the limits of friendship, my heart feels completely at home with my first love. And that brings in a feeling of guilt, for the other person, whom I had completely submitted myself to. If he would be mine, or me completely his, my decision would be easy. But, with him away from me, and his stay with his family.. I feel left out and bitter. At such a moment this new surge of emotion is warm. But I am not as happy as I should. My biggest fear is getting hurt again from my first love. I do not want that at any cost. Else, I would not be able to survive. This is my place of refuge, when I am hurt… But I can’t say “no” to him, when we are still well within the limits of friendship.

  81. Living with two men says:

    I am in love with two men, on two different levels. One is my husband of almost 9 years. I love him deeply and absolutely love the life we have built together. However, as he has gotten older, he has struggled more sexually. We have been swingers since we got married and have had one regular partner for 7 of the 9 years we have been together. This man is the second person I am in love with. A couple of months ago my boyfriend moved into our basement. The first several weeks were chaotic and full of emotions as we attempted to adjust to the situation. My husband, who has never displayed jealousy, suddenly didn’t know how to handle having another man to share all of my time with on a daily basis. My boyfriend didn’t like the idea of sharing me sexually anymore, even with my husband. After some talking, most of the kinks have been worked out and I rotate every other night with them. I figure at some point one or all of us will end up hurt as this lifestyle can only be sustained for so long before one or both men will want more and more time and less sharing. I did not intend on falling in love with the second man, it just happened after years of passion and friendship. I wouldn’t recommend trying to be in love with two people to anyone else.

  82. big picture says:

    Just another person who is in deep with two people. One with 4 years of history who has been away for 2 years and the other a best friend that grew into something more intimate. I’ll skip the details because I really wanted to write this to say thank you to everyone for posting their stories. It is not easy to share something this personal for the entire internet to see. I for one, almost never comment on anything of the sort. Yet I am so grateful to see a numerous amount of men and women in the same boat as myself. Although our situations are all a little different, humanity finds peace in general commonality. I’ve found there is no easy/right/wrong solution but I still thank you all again for just creating this small amount of peace and comfort.

  83. Simon says:

    Madly in love with two people over 4 years, completely open and honest about it, one was happy to share, the other’s heart I broke :(. Because I felt that one was pushing me to make a decision, and the other wasn’t, I went with the other. Still love them both as much, still friends with the girl I made sad.. but I wish that she could fall in love with my partner, whom she considers a bratty kid that stole her boyfriend.. and that we could have tripartite magic relationship with kids with two mums, and all the love gushing everywhere. But then again, if society was more open like that I’d probably be in a gay relationship with my best friend from school and my life could have gone very differently. Which would probably be equally good. Why exactly is it that some people find other people’s (not including non-consensual, except consensually) sexual and spiritual practices offensive? Ah well, we’re all pretty open people. See what the future brings, although she seems happy with this guy she’s met, and he seems awesome, so I think I’ll hang back til she’s in a different place, not exploitatively, just in a not getting in the way of her current happiness with confusing old feelings type way.

  84. Lost says:

    I am so relief that other people are dealingwith being I love with two people. I have no idea what to do about my situation, but sometimes I thinkthat maybe I don’t love either of them. Maybe there something in me that needs healing. I have always had multiple boyfriends and eventually we ll broke up. Now I have two men who seemed to love me very much and I feel so guilty living one of them as this is something that I ll have to do. This is soooo hard.

  85. MrDRols says:

    I’m glad other people feel like this. I currently am in love with two people. My best friend for years is currently my girlfriend. I recently met a young man whom Ove become head over heels for. I have never felt anything for another guy I always thought I was 100% straight until I met him. We clicked very fast and have gone through a lot emotionally since we met. I have currently slept with both of them now, pretty much right after the other. My gf does not know that we have found this little love me and him and we don’t intend on saying anything at least yet. It sucks because it’s not just the sex that I want from him it’s his hand and his heart. If I could hold him with my right arm and my girlfriend in my left and never let them go ever I would die happy. I have spent a lot of hours now going back and forth cuddling endlessly. It’s weird because they are almost soooo similar that they are like the reverse gender of the same person. Is that why I love hem both? Because he’s like my gf? Feels the same to touch, same tempurature, same horoscope. They way my heart feels when I hold either of their hands is exactly the same. It honestly has kind of bf. ccrekindled my love for my gf as well since we had been kind of on a bumpy road to say the least. Even my sex drive is wayyy up and now my gf is saying our sex is better and she hasn’t felt more satisfied. It makes me feel good inside too when I get to see them both together. The three of us our pretty inseparable so it’s kind of this little bubble Ive been living in. I never want it to stop. I love two people like soul mates.

  86. Jody says:

    Ok, soo here we go. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and I’m extremely committed to our relationship. Well, about 3 weeks ago, he insisted we take a break, which tore me in two. I was depressed and I missed him soooo much. After a few weeks though, my best friend and I “fell in love” and 3 hours later, my boyfriend wanted me to forgive him and take him back :/

  87. Darian says:

    Okay, well, I’m only 17 and a lot of people think that because I am young, I’m not really in love and that I don’t know what love is. Quite the contrary. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, he’s a senior and I’m a junior, and I love him more than any words can describe. He is the love of my life, but the problem is that I believe I love another guy now too. He’s funny, he’s smart (like scientist smart), he makes me feel like I’m the greatest thing in the world, he helps me with problems, he’s beyond cute, and he’s also way taller than me, which if you knew me, you’d find to be very rare. But my boyfriend he’s handsome, sweet, funny, not too smart but I like it because I’ll win any argument with logic, and he loves me and will do anything for me. The problem is, he doesn’t really help me with my problems, he is boring to talk to now that we’ve been together for so long, and he’s basically cheated on me before. A couple times actually. The other guy though, he does love me, but I’m afraid he’s so self centered because he’s an only child and has one of those really nice new challengers for a car, and he wants me to cheat on my boyfriend, I just could never do that to someone. I can’t gather enough up because my boyfriend is the greatest thing, even though he doesn’t sound it. We’ve moved passed those problems and were great. He treats me perfectly now. He was also the first and only person I have had sex with so far, so he holds a big place. On the other hand, I wanna try someone new. I’ve forgotten what butterflies feel like when I talk to someone and forgot how great they were. I feel no matter who I choose I’ll be treated like a princess both ways, I just find myself caught up between reality and a dream. PLEASE HELP!

  88. Kimberly says:

    I have been together with my boyfriend for just over 4 years now, we started dating when I was 16 and he was 20, he was my first long term relationship, I lost my virginity to him. He’s a very caring, loving, thoughtful person, anyone would want to be with. My life revolved around him, I would literally see him everyday, then I got a truck and started going to truck meets, never expected to fall for someone else, I met this guy, we just had an instant connection that I had never experienced, there was that spark that was missing in my own relationship. I felt so guilty, but I guess it happens .. So I started talking to this new guy, I could just be so open with him, I didn’t even feel comfortable telling my boyfriend some of these things because if I ever told him similar things he would basically ignore it or think nothing of it. I’ve never cheated and don’t ever want to. My bf found out that I had feeling for this other guy,, I knew I was causing him so much pain, I couldn’t stand to see him in so much pain… And I was in pain torn between both guys, the new guy offered to back out of my life if I waned him to because of all the confusion, and I finally took him up on his offer, I didn’t talk to him for over a month, then one night I needed hell with some lights that he installed in my truck and as soon as I saw him and hugged him I knew those feelings would never go away. Now I just don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend but I’m always going to wonder and want to be with this new guy… I wish someone could just tell me what to do, and so it for me. I hate seeing people in pain.

  89. Harley says:

    Okay so I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, We were so in love at first, after the second or third year we fought a lot, now me and him have been doing great. I’m super happy with him. But I’ve always felt like me and him were so different. The way he looked, the way he acted, I wanted something else. But I fell in love with him so young I realized he wasn’t right for me until i was already attached to him. I’ve been with him for so long I love him dearly. Recently I started talking to this friend of mine I haven’t seen since high school, he always liked me but I never felt the same way back. Me and him started talking and hit it off instantly, the minute I looked at him as more than just a friend I could never get my mind off him. I always felt so guilty talking to him with these feelings because I have my boyfriend. This other guy moved out of state so I cant see him, He wants to buy me a plane ticket and be with him. Which moving to a different state is a big deal for me. I don’t know what to do bc I still love my boyfriend so much, but I am falling in love with another man. I don’t want to lose either one. I’m scared if I leave my boyfriend I’ll regret it but at the same time I’m scared if I dont I will always have that “what if” feeling haunting me. Today I have to make a choice of which one I have to be with. My boyfriend can’t take it anymore I cannot blame him. Loving two people at once, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through.

  90. jeanette says:

    I was in love with this man about a yr ago a long distance relationship we only spoke on the phone he was married and he wasent happy with his wife as she was nasty to him so he went to his mums we got talking on facebook then after while on the phone he has kids but we feel in love and were sorting out when we will meet but not long after he walked out on his wife she found out she was pregnant so he went to give it a second go so it was yrs I was alone then I meet someone on a dating site long distance relationship we spoke on facebook to now on the phone known each other for about 7 weeks I love him but yesterday on facebook I started talking to the other man I spoke to on facebook about 2 years ago I love him to im stuck im going to sit them both down as we will be moving in the same place soon im going to tell them both how I feel see what happens from there help

  91. farah says:

    You are not in love with 2 people,u are in love with 2 different attributes.

  92. Mart says:

    I agree with a previous post I read, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one experiencing this. It is hard to deal with. I have a boyfriend of 4 years that I believe myself to be madly in love with. Until recently I realized that I have feelings towards a friend of about 6 years. We had a thing that never ended in a relationship but we both knew we wanted it but due to some unfortunate events it never happened. I moved on and am now with my boyfriend. Well I thought we could remain friends but he is still in love with me. And I think I am too. I feel like such a horrible person. I don’t k ow what to do. It’s so unfair to my boyfriend. I love them both I just don’t know who to commit to. I know I should just choose to be single again until I figure myself out. It’ll be hard but that’s the best for me and for them as well.

  93. Mart says:

    My situation is so similar. I am 22 but I’m dealing with the same thing. I’ve been with mine for 4 years and he’s so sweet and loves me and does so much for me but this other guy, well we have history and he’s such an awesome listener and he loves me so much too. It’s hard to choose! What I have decided to do is to not choose either but choose me. Figure out who I really want by being alone. Maybe the one who truly cares will really show it when I am single? Hope this helps! Good luck to you!

  94. Mortician'sDaughter says:

    …. I’m in deep and irrevocable love with two people who don’t love each other anymore… I have no bloody clue what to do… They’d want me to choose, but… I can’t… But at the same time, I can’t go on like this, trying to balance between the two… And I can only walk down the aisle to one of them… :/

  95. Mortician'sDaughter says:

    …. I don’t have a definition of what we Humans call ‘Love’, my friend, but… Sometimes we don’t have control over who we may feel this way towards… Being in a three way relationship, life was perfect, til the two others decided they couldn’t be together anymore… I physically and mentally and emotionally cannot choose between the 2 people I love the most… Who are we to define what Live can or cannot be? If it really is a bunch of feelings and hormones… If, logically, there are many, many people throughout the world who would be ‘compatible’ to us… Maybe I just bumped into two compatibles at the same, wrong time. :/ maybe something is “wrong” with me… But who are we to define what we can or can’t be?

  96. Mortician'sDaughter says:


    Whether you decide that just because I’m a ‘young, reckless, clueless and lustful teenager’, I know I am not just going through some phase or crush… Whatever you think love is… This is what I have come to know it to be. And not yet an adult or so, I have sufficient understanding of Life and the World..

  97. Pat says:

    I’m so happy to find this! I am in the EXACT same position as you. I have been with my boyfriend now for a few years, we live together too. I have friend who I used to like back when I was 13 and now, 10 years later, I think I still have very strong feelings for him. I know he loves me very much. We had a thing when I was 18 but it never went anywhere and we stopped talking for a couple of years…He hasn’t been with anybody else since me, I know that for a fact as he’s like that, he’s not the type of guy to go out and meet girls or be a big flirt, this guy is 100% genuine to what he says (which is hard to find these days!). But the hard part is, so is my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend to bits and I don’t ever want to hurt him, he’s dealt with so much being with me over the past few years.

    So i’m stuck too, I think “I’ll just be single, not be with either of them” but I cry my eyes out even thinking about leaving. Just so you know, I haven’t cheated on my boyfriend and not planning on it. Love sucks sometimes!!

  98. thistletail says:

    I can empathize. I wish you luck.

  99. Bobbi2015 says:

    I AM the third person, from a too-young marriage 40+ years ago. He had lost his wife of 40+ years a few months before, unbeknownst to me. Another woman “helped” him through the grief of suddenly losing his wife, and they – of course – ended up in a relationship. He and I had no connection all those 40+ years, and we live 800 miles apart. Six months later after his wife’s passing, I felt a sudden and intense need to visit his city and Googled him. I found him, we made email contact and it was good. We were interested in seeing each other. I showed up for a short visit and voila – all the connection feelings and love from years ago resurfaced.

    He has a strong connection with the other woman, but there is something so essential between us, we have to explore this even at risk of someone getting hurt. We have now visited each other a few times, and daily spend hours on the phone and FaceTime. He isn’t ready to “make a decision” and nor am I ready to commit to a closer relationship but for now, it’s good. The other woman is feeling threatened but I cannot help that, I have to think of myself and him first, while we see if there is enough there to recreate our lives together again, and if we want to do so. A therapist friend told me the other woman might have served an essential purpose in his healing process, getting him through it, and readying him for his next step. (I hope so)

    He was “the one” back then, and probably still is. His presence had always cast a pall over my life, and affected every other relationship including over my own long marriage that ended in divorce some years ago. Clearly we love each other intensely, now we need to see if we still like each other enough to make a life together.

    So he loves two women, and we are both trying to figure it out at 60+ years old. Crazy world. One lesson I already learned – to go with the strong feelings I have – in my case, the need to visit his city and see him, that coincided with the passing of his wife and him being at a point afterwards where he could be receptive to re-meeting me. I had no expectations going in and it was a total surprise that we both connected in the way we did. (By the way, no sex until the second visit, when he came to my city to visit me. And that was a good decision.)

  100. A-Fucking-Idiot says:

    I appreciate this comment.

    I’m being the shit person in this scenario and looking for answers and all I’m getting are articles telling me its okay.

    They are exactly what anyone in my scenario would want to read, and reading this bullshit has just made me hurt my girlfriend out of my own selfishness because I read this type of garbage and figured “oh I guess its a thing”. No. It is not.

    Love is about commitment, which is a decision. If you dont make that decision, you aren’t truly committed. Which means your choosing NOT to be in love.

    Fuck I am a fucking moron and I’ve ruined everything because of all this garbage online.

  101. hithere says:

    seriously, you weren’t doing anything wrong while cheating on your boyfriend? hahaha. you’re a bitch!

  102. Midori says:

    I really need help! I like a girl but I just started dating this one guy 2 weeks ago. At the time I felt stronger feelings for him but as i got to know this girl I am growing more feelings for her! I don’t know what to do. She now knows I like her and she doesn’t know Im dating this guy. I really love them both and I feel so confused. Help!

  103. asdfjkl; says:

    Glad to know I’m not completely alone in this.
    I started dating my current bf 9 months ago. We have gotten ridiculously close, and developed into a mature love that i believe can flourish. He’s seen me at my absolute worst and never given up on me, and I believe we could be happy together forever.
    However, very early on in the relationship (about 7 months ago) a very close friend and I admitted we had feelings for each other. We started having sex every time we went to parties together. At first, even though it was always a bad thing, I thought it was just some lustful fling that we could easily put an end to. No strings attached, right?
    Time went by and the other guy and I never stopped. Over the summer, he was across the country and we continued to stay in contact. Meanwhile, my boyfriend was not across the country, and we continued to grow closer. He was my rock, with him I felt completely safe.
    The other guy and I helped each other through a lot. After all, he was my best friend before this started. He was always sad. He had a lot of emotional baggage that he couldn’t seem to escape. The only time i saw him genuinely happy was when he was drunk, which was more often than was healthy.
    The other guy and I had a falling out because we always said “we can’t do this anymore” but we couldn’t stop. So he took the step to say “this is damaging us. we need to completely cut each other off.” This made both of us miserable.
    We lasted about a week.
    That same week, my boyfriend wrote me a letter, telling me I saved him by always being there for him and how I was so kind and genuine. It was so sweet, it made me cry. But the crying was out of guilt too. I loved my boyfriend so much, and It’s like, I’m lying but i’m not. I’m lying about what’s going on with the friend, but I’m not lying about my feelings for him. I love him, God i love him. I just don’t think he’d believe me.
    When i saw the other guy again, things were different. We weren’t just these drunk, lust-crazed teenagers, we were romantic. He told me he really missed me. We were at the beach, completely sober, and he told me he loved me. The worst part is, this was the first time i think I’d seen him genuinely happy while sober. I’ve known him for a year and a half.
    I’m falling so deeply in love with both of them. And as the other guy put it “you’re going to have to hurt one of us eventually.” and hes right. If i don’t, i’ll lose both of them, if i don’t lose myself first. I’m afraid i’m already getting to that point.

    For an age/environment perspective, we are all in college.

  104. Guest says:

    I have been stuck in this situation for at least 6 months now and still have no idea how to deal with it! The whole saga stretches back to almost 3 years ago and still there’s no sign of closure. I started a new job a few years back and within a few weeks i had become very close to my assistant manager. She had every asset I would want in a long term partner in terms of personality and looks and we made each others days in work really enjoyable. The problem was I was a 21 year old, really only just starting my adult life. She on other hand was a 29 year old with a long term partner with whom she had bought a house. With her being in such a serious relationship I never even considered that she would feel the same as I did so I never tried to make anything of it, I respected her too much to try and disturb (what I thought was) her happy home life. I had a few mini relationships with girls that I would talk about with her on our bus journey home from work to the town we both live in, she always seemed so interested, but i always just assumed she was being nice by asking me things, like any normal friends do. Anyway, after over a year of working with her and becoming as close as two colleagues could possibly get without actually entering some sort of romantic relationship, the rumors started to float around the workplace and both of us were asked about any budding romance between us, we both denied that there was anything there and laughed it off to ensure our friendship weren’t effected. Fast forward another 6 months and she had transferred to a new workplace that was in our home town, obviously I was saddened by it but thought eventually I’d get over it and carry on with life as normal. She had told me before she was transferred that she knew job vacancy was opening up in her new place of work and that she would do anything she could to get me in. That’s when I started to think she may have had feelings for me, but there was always a chance that she just enjoyed working with me and knew I was good at my job, so I still couldn’t bank on it. I did end up transferring over and we were as close if not closer than we were originally, spending our days together and texting and talking on Facebook, we were joined at the hip, but still her life at home was the same as ever. I eventually decided that I couldn’t go on living in hope that one day she would tell me how she felt, because in my mind that day was probably never going to come, I had to let go, so I did. I started seeing a girl my own age, which at this point was 23. A beautiful, shy but loving student who lived in a town only an hour away. The first time I met her I knew she was special and after a few months of dating we entered a relationship together and I was happy! I had finally found somebody to fill the hole in my life that I had hoped my assistant manager would fill before hand. Everything was perfect and I had fallen in love again and this time I knew for sure I was loved back. After working in the new workplace for about 8 months I got a new job and completely left the company I had worked for the previous 2 and a half years, the days leading up to my last day were emotional and my assistant manager made it quite clear just how much she would miss me and would always stay in contact, by this point we really were furniture in each others lives. After I had left for my new job, I felt could distance myself a little from my the woman I had spent so long admiring and forget about any feelings that I still had for her. The problem being that I didn’t forget, being apart just made me miss her, I mean my new girlfriend was amazing and beautiful, but she didn’t have the place in my life like my former colleague had. I had spent 10 hours a day, 5 days a week for the last 2 and a half years pretty much side by side with my now former assistant manager, there was no way my new girlfriend could be as close to me as that. My former assistant manager started organising nights out and work parties all of a sudden after I’d left, way more frequently than when I worked there, and of course I was invited to them. I was glad to be able to still see all of my old colleagues without having to go into my old place of work, which did sometimes feel like I was imposing. But I did wonder why, why now of all times is my assistant manager (who’s now 32) organising all these nights out? Well you can imagine why! I could feel the flirting on her behalf intensify, the drunken nights out and the texting and the phone calls I had with her all of a sudden became way more suggestive than ever before, still not giving too much away, she told me without ACTUALLY telling me that she wanted me, it was like cryptic messages in things she said and did and with me knowing her so well I was well aware of it. Then one night in the early hours of the morning, I stumbled out of a taxi to let her out, right outside of her and her partners house, I held the door open as she got out and before I even knew it her lips were pressed against mine, she pulled away and looked at me and said “text me” with a big smile on her face. I sat back in the taxi and I exhaled the biggest exhale I’ve ever done in my life… I knew I was in trouble. Here we are 6 months later and I’m ashamed to say I’m still romantically involved with both my former assistant manger and my student girlfriend. I’ve slept with my 32 year old former colleague on a number of occasions and am still connected to my old place of work as my housemate and best friend took my old job after I left. Yes you guessed it, another way of my old assistant manager keeping me close. Shes now left her partner of 12 years and has told me she loves me and is determined that we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together, or at least to try and give it a go. While my girlfriend on the other hand has had plenty of suspicions about her, she doesn’t know just how much has happened. I feel like the biggest traitor in the world and have never been unfaithful up until this point in my life. As I write this I’m sitting on my girlfriends bed waiting for her to come home from work, using her laptop to try and find an answer to this entire fiasco! I am definitely in love with 2 people at the same time. And I honestly cannot thing of a harder situation in my life than the one I’m in right now. I think everybody on this page knows where the answer lies, its with themselves… but it’s always helpful to read other peoples stories, it might just help you find an answer, I hope I find mine soon.

  105. Also_confused says:

    Hey! I’m in a very very similar situation. I’m working away from my boyfriend of 2,5 years and I met another person. I think I’m in love with them both and I’m feeling really guillty… How did your story end?

  106. Isabel says:

    I guess you’re right.. we only live once! But It will never be easy!

  107. isabel says:

    I have two boyfriends, I’m feeling confused and scared….. but happy. I’m simply avoiding braking up with my old boyfriend. The relationship is not good, but we still love each other and we share many things in our lives. My new boyfriend is younger than me but he is everything I want! They don’t know about each other, I’m keeping both relationships in secret but It’s getting harder and harder to maintain them both. I’m running out of lies and excuses, specially on weekends. I’m happy to know I’m not alone in this very difficult situation. I feel somehow relieved..

  108. Remy says:

    I am in the same boat. I don’t know what to do eather.

  109. me says:

    if you love two people at the same time, go with the second one cuz if you really loved the first guy you wouldn’t of fallen for the second guy~ Johnny Depp
    that’s just what I would do. but its probably to late to help now so ya hope it worked out πŸ™‚

  110. Maria says:

    Your story sounds identical to mine. I’m in the exact same scenario and I came here looking for an answer but instead I came across your post. I’ve been struggling with this for 2 years now and it’s only getting worse by the day. My boyfriend is someone any girl would be lucky to have but what I have with the other guy isn’t something I would find in a life time. I’m torn between the two now. I was so sure about my relationship and my life but now I don’t even know who I am anymore. I wish I had some advice I really do but I don’t. All I can say is keep your head up; you’re not alone. Just know somewhere out in the world there is a lost soul struggling the same struggle as you. Best of luck to you love.

  111. Anonymous Nichole says:

    I’m in this situation too. Only that he has only known this girl for four months but can’t leave her because he feels he is confused and will hurt his mom. I’ve loved him for 5years and he opened up to me only 1month ago it’s not been easy as we are great close friends. We’ve even gotten intimate and I just want to be with him. What do I do? I don’t want him confused or hurting.

  112. xonewmoon says:

    I was in love with someone else while I was in a 2 year based relantionship. I feel guilty for having eyes for someone else, but I always remembered that my partner cheated on me constantly with multiple girls, and I still took him back . I could say I was one of those dumb girls. The other guy was sweet and caring when my partner was always insulting me , making me feel bad about myself and so much more. I was always scare to leave to my partner because I didn’t want to break no hearts, even though he broke mine multiple times. I wanted to go with the other guy , but it never happen.. Because of my decisions wanting to stay with someone who I had hoped will changed in the future. and recently the second love came back to the picture wanting to talk to me once again, and he came back to tell me he’d kill to be with me. And it’s been over 6 months we stopped talking!
    My fear was to start new with someone else, because of the same reason.. They change afterwards. But this guy? I’ve known him for like 1-2 years now , and he still tells me he loves me.
    I hate to break hearts ???? But eventually I will have to do it..

  113. Confused Myself says:

    Hello im so confused of myself. But good thing i found this site. Im goin to tell you about my love life and i have no idea what to do :'( . My current age is 16 and i really need your help asap and im kind to read all of your advices or suggestions for me. I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 1 year and 11 months now. My parents were really mad because he’s 29 and work as carpenter and paint houses. My bf and i gone through a lot of hardships especially our contact is not known and hidden. And i always hide my phone. The problem is the age gap of my bf which my parents strictly didnt allow me. But i still continue this relationship. But the time goes by, everytime he sees me he always ask for s*x and i think its petting BUT ITS TOO MUCH, i dont want to get pregnant and i dont to see my parents hurt just because of recklessness. But i love hugging kiss and cuddle and i think thats normal in relationship. But my bf he’s kind, understanding, make an efforts specially to travel find me and hardworking mature too. I dont know what should i do. And here’s my another problem. I’ve fallen for another guy 18 yrs old and studying marine like nautical and its also LDR relationship therefore i really miss this guy. The guy is studying too since navys training ground is strict there’s a curfew. we only communicate weekends and friday night but in the summer and holidays he doesnt have class so everyday we chat and talk. I also feel im being loved through efforts and patience of this guy.

    I dont know what to do. I dont know if im stupid crazy or what. Please help me what to do :'( even though i know that there’s one to walk away. It’s really hard. :'( ive been crying all night and daylight everyday. :'( and felt my heart is choked up due to love problems. :'(

    Please reply me asap :'( im sure that anyone of u can help me. πŸ™ and i make sure that i will reply too. You can send message too to my gmail:

    Thank you for your time reading my post about my life πŸ™‚ :'( GodBless you πŸ™‚

  114. Confused Myself says:

    Hello im so confused of myself. But good thing i found this site. Im goin to tell you about my love life and i have no idea what to do :'( . My current age is 16 and i really need your help asap and im kind to read all of your advices or suggestions for me. I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 1 year and 11 months now. My parents were really mad because he’s 29 and work as carpenter and paint houses. My bf and i gone through a lot of hardships especially our contact is not known and hidden. And i always hide my phone. The problem is the age gap of my bf which my parents strictly didnt allow me. But i still continue this relationship. But the time goes by, everytime he sees me he always ask for s*x and i think its petting BUT ITS TOO MUCH, i dont want to get pregnant and i dont to see my parents hurt just because of recklessness. But i love hugging kiss and cuddle and i think thats normal in relationship. But my bf he’s kind, understanding, make an efforts specially to travel find me and hardworking mature too. I dont know what should i do. And here’s my another problem. I’ve fallen for another guy 18 yrs old and studying marine like nautical and its also LDR relationship therefore i really miss this guy. The guy is studying too since navys training ground is strict there’s a curfew. we only communicate weekends and friday night but in the summer and holidays he doesnt have class so everyday we chat and talk. I also feel im being loved through efforts and patience of this guy.
    I dont know what to do. I dont know if im stupid crazy or what. Please help me what to do :'( even though i know that there’s one to walk away. It’s really hard. :'( ive been crying all night and daylight everyday. :'( and felt my heart is choked up due to love problems. :'(
    Please reply me asap :'( im sure that anyone of u can help me. πŸ™ and i make sure that i will reply too. You can send message too to my gmail:
    Thank you for your time reading my post about my life πŸ™‚ :'( GodBless you πŸ™‚

  115. Confused Myself says:

    Hello im so confused of myself. But good thing i found this site. Im goin to tell you about my love life and i have no idea what to do :'( . My current age is 16 and i really need your help asap and im kind to read all of your advices or suggestions for me. I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 1 year and 11 months now. My parents were really mad because he’s 29 and work as carpenter and paint houses. My bf and i gone through a lot of hardships especially our contact is not known and hidden. And i always hide my phone. The problem is the age gap of my bf which my parents strictly didnt allow me. But i still continue this relationship. But the time goes by, everytime he sees me he always ask for s*x and i think its petting BUT ITS TOO MUCH, i dont want to get pregnant and i dont to see my parents hurt just because of recklessness. But i love hugging kiss and cuddle and i think thats normal in relationship. But my bf he’s kind, understanding, make an efforts specially to travel find me and hardworking mature too. I dont know what should i do. And here’s my another problem. I’ve fallen for another guy 18 yrs old and studying marine like nautical and its also LDR relationship therefore i really miss this guy. The guy is studying too since navys training ground is strict there’s a curfew. we only communicate weekends and friday night but in the summer and holidays he doesnt have class so everyday we chat and talk. I also feel im being loved through efforts and patience of this guy.

    I dont know what to do. I dont know if im stupid crazy or what. Please help me what to do :'( even though i know that there’s one to walk away. It’s really hard. :'( ive been crying all night and daylight everyday. :'( and felt my heart is choked up due to love problems. :'(

    Please reply me asap :'( im sure that anyone of u can help me. πŸ™ and i make sure that i will reply too. You can send message too to my gmail:

    Thank you for your time reading my post about my life πŸ™‚ :'( GodBless you πŸ™‚ :'((((

  116. Jeanette says:

    My best friend (guy) loved me..he asked me out twice, over a gap of a year..I declined politely..I fell in love with another guy who is actually amazing ..we dated for half a year now..But lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my bestie and I find myself falling in love with him.. Things haven’t been smooth with my boyfriend but he loves me a lot and is serious. I find my bestie really compatible with my life.. Torn between these two men. What to do?

  117. farahjichi says:

    This is the ultimate propve that you don’t really know how being in loves , it has nothing to do having more on common with that and less with the other.

  118. Shante Jones says:

    So I have been married for 16 years and haven’t always been good I married my husband at the age of 20 in the beginning he started cheating on me and we separated and I met someone we was going out having fun and begin to fall for him we became friends with benefits and I liked him a lot but because I didn’t know what direction to go I went back to my husband and he got back with his kids mom now him and I continue to sneak around and it’s hard for us both to leave each other alone but we don’t want to break up our family

  119. Susie says:

    I am relieved as well. I was so confused, so devastated. I left my husband for another man. And then was so happy with the second guy and still am, but started missing the husband shortly after. I love them both to death and cannot make the choice, it is affecting my life in all ways and I wish I could just not let it happen. But it happened in the moment when me and a husband were going through some misunderstandings. Now I am so deeply in love with this new man, who by the way is just a man of my dreams, but my husband wants me back and it bothers me and it almost feels right to give the hubby another chance and stop that brand-new relationship. But I so deeply love them both… wish I was stronger.

  120. Truth says:

    I was in love with two people and it was the hardest and most hurtful thing I have dealt with. Constantly having to lie to someone you love and constantly hurting them. I had an ex-girlfriend whom I had dated for a year and I broke up with her because I needed space. During that time away, I met someone else that sparked my interest. Not only was I physically attracted to this person, but I connected with her in ways that I did not connect with anyone else. Soon that turned into dating and I blindly initiated something without paying attention for my unaddressed feelings for my ex. The relationship went really well for the first three months – call it the honeymoon phase or infatuation – but when things got tough, and this period ended, the blinds came off. I noticed things in my partner that were not pretty. I came to realize that she had even purposely done things to make my ex-girlfriend notice that now she was with me and that she was “history”. All of my feelings for my ex-girlfriend came to the surface at once. I cried miserably at how blind at I had been. Not only blind to the actions of the girl I was with, but also about how I had ignored my feelings for my ex-girlfriend. I made a rash decision and broke things off with the partner I was with and I ran to my ex-girlfiend in hopes of rekindling what we had. My reckless talks of love and apologies made her melt and she took me back with a smile on her face. I thought I had gotten so lucky and that everything had been resolved, but I was wrong. I had destroyed my newly ex-girlfriend. I was selfish, ruthless, and inconsiderate. No matter how strong my feelings were for girl one, I had no right to just drop girl two in the air. It practically happened over the night. Actually, it literally did happen overnight. My compulsive thoughts and actions had made me break someone’s heart into pieces without a second thought. Even though it was a new relationship, and a short one at that, I loved that girl. I loved that girl so much. I shared friends with her, I ate with her, I closed my eyes in bed next to her, I even worked with her. This was someone who was a very busy person, but she dedicated her time to me. She worked two jobs and went to school full time, but she made the time to listen to my long stories and she attentively listened to me even when I talked about irrelevant things about my day. No matter how bad her intentions were with some of the actions she took, this girl loved me with all her heart. She acted out against my ex because of insecurities of her own, but who doesn’t have those? we’re all human and we make mistakes, but no one deserves what I did to her. What seemed to her like a great relationship – one in which she had finally opened up to someone, one where she had finally let someone in to be by her side instead of always being tough and independent, one in which she had no confidence in, but she had completely fallen for – just died overnight. The shot that must have crossed her heart must have been unbearable. Words cannot describe the pain that I feel for my actions a year and a half later. I still dream about her and I still have lingering feelings for what it was and what could have been. Moving forward is always an answer, but its hard to move on when the wound still stings. My ex-girlfriend who had just taken me back thought that her prayers had been answered, but she had no idea what was coming to her. She was longing for me to come back to her, she still loved me from the time that we had spent together and although she knew that I had started dating someone else in the time that we were apart, she had faith that I would come back like I did. Once again, like with girl number two, I was blinded by the thought of being back with my ex-girlfriend. I thought that I had made the best decision in my life. I spent a good month with her until little by little I got knocked down by my feelings for girl number two. I kept thinking to myself that maybe I made a mistake. I told this poor girl the truth about the turmoil in my head. These news broke her heart, but she loved me so much that she sat with me through it. She listened to what I had to say and told me that if I really thought I made a mistake, I would be breaking her heart, but that she would support my decision. This girl was an angel. Someone I did not deserve at all, but I obviously did not see that back then. She was by my side as I was struggling with who to be with. Eventually, I was able to get back with the girl I had broken up with overnight a month back. She was furious at me, and she was hurt, but again I was selfish and inconsiderate, all I thought about was my own feelings and how I could make things right with her for myself and not for her. We got back together and she hated what I had done. I did not see that the damage I had caused was too great for us to reconcile. She had grown insecure and did not trust me. She did not trust my actions or my decisions. She was constantly angry with me and demanded that I do things that would make her feel better about what had happened. From one day to the next, I was not allowed to ever say my ex-girlfriend’s name, I was obligated to throw away anything I had ever received from her, I had to delete any pictures in which both her and I were together (even if it was a group picture), I was not to talk to my ex, and definitely not even make eye contact with her if I saw her at social events. Desperate to remediate and salvage my relationship with her, I listened to and followed every word she said. Each time I threw away something that my ex had given me, I felt so much pain, I felt like I was throwing away a part of myself, a good, happy, joyful memory. Each time I deleted a picture, it was painful, and that feeling kept growing, but I did anything to be just be on good terms with her again. There is no period in my life in which I had shed so many tears. The pain broke me and each time I had to do something like this, I was just clinging onto the idea that I have already gone this far and what more could she ask for. One day she told me that she wouldn’t feel safe until I met with my ex and told her that there is no chance to ever get back together. She did not just want me to forget her and make her feel forgotten, but she wanted me to break her with my words. This is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. I have hated myself for doing this for so long. Needless to say, after much arguing and emotional abuse, I agreed to do this. I met up with my ex and told her what needed to be said. It was the first time that I had gone into a conversation with someone with the full intent of hurting them. Typing this out makes me sick. I cannot believe that I was so emotionally broken and lost that I went through with this. I did this to the same girl I called an angel earlier. The same person that took me back, the same person that sat with me when I thought I made a mistake, and the same sweet girl who loved me and had done nothing wrong to me. The pain was unbearable and it still haunts me to this day. Once the deed was done, I was in so much emotional pain. I loved these two girls, but I had hurt them so much and I was in a place where I did not know if the decisions I had made were right. My ex-girlfriend contacted me and begged me to not let her go, to please keep her as a friend, and that she knew that there was no way that I meant the things that I had told her. I was weak and vulnerable, not that its any excuse, but I budged, and I broke my word once again. I was not to talk to this girl ever again, but I began doing so in secret, against my girlfriend’s wishes. While I was trying to fix my relationship with my girlfriend, I kept a secret friendship with my ex. I knew this was wrong, but I was so emotionally twisted that my judgement was impaired. I was almost like a drug addict, I knew continuing down the path I was going was just going to lead to worse things, but I needed to continue doing this to relieve me from my pain, from my heartache, and from the hate I had acquired for myself. I hated that I couldn’t make a decision and I hated myself for acting in this way. I had become deceitful, sneaky, calculated, manipulative, selfish, and obsessed. If anyone though that things could not get worse, they were wrong. The secret friendship I had with my ex turned into something more. I began to cheat on my girlfriend with my ex. This back and forth ordeal is disgusting to think about in present day, but it takes someone to live through this to understand how one can get to this point. It is never an excuse, but rather an explanation of how the events came to be. There is logic involved and there are feelings which can be volatile that lead to these things happening. I kept telling myself that I needed more time to decide who to be with long term and that is why I was still with both of them. My relationship was hard and damaged; there was no trust but there was still a glimmer of hope for things getting better. My relationship with my ex was a waiting game in which my ex was waiting for me to break up with my girlfriend eventually. She knew that I could not make a decision and she decided to give me time with this. This wait turned out to be a little over a month long until it got to the point where I needed to make a decision. There were days where I just wished that I was strong enough to let them both go because I was clearly not good enough for either of them. I had turned into an awful person who did things that I never thought that I would do. So many times I thought to myself I’ll just tell them something they don’t want to hear and they will both hate me forever. I was too much of a coward to follow up on those thoughts. I did decide on something however, I decided that I loved my ex too much to keep putting her through this and I told her that I had decided to stay with my girlfriend. I broke her heart, but it was the best thing I could do. My confusion and indecisiveness with this did not seem to get any easier so I decided to let her go so she can find someone better that won’t put her through this, that won’t hurt her, won’t leave her, make her wait, and most importantly treat her like the kind and loving person she is. I did not talk to her after that day. I worked on my relationship damn hard. I built back as much trust as I could and I did everything in my power for months, but I never came clean about the secret relationship I had held with my ex. One day, my then girlfriend found out about it. This did not end our relationship immediately, but it definitely made it crumble down with the passing days. Within a month, she left me, never to speak to me again, until present day. As I write this I feel the pain, the same pain that I felt as these events transpired. I remember both of my ex-girlfriends. I remember the good and the bad for each and it all hurts the same. Some can say that I deserved everything that happened to me, some can say that with definite certainty. Others can say that they understand what I went through, but that does not excuse my actions. All I can say is that I loved two people. I loved two people so much that it tore me apart. Love can happen at many levels. You can love someone for the way they talk, laugh, live. The way they make jokes with you, the way they look when they are asleep, the way they look at you when you hold them. You can love someone’s imperfections or even just the state of your relationship. Making yourself a better person or you seeing them be a better person because of the way you are. There are so many ways one can be captivated by someone else and falling in love with two people is definitely possible. I truly believed all that time that I was doing everything in search of true love. That I needed to make a decision on who I can see myself with truly forever because I would be letting go of a person that was so dear to me. I believed that the one choice I make had to be the absolute best choice because there was no turning back. It turns out that I hurt the two people I loved the most more than anyone I have and it turned out that even though I had told myself that there was no turning back, I kept going back and forth. I hope that someday I can forget myself for the things that I did, and I hope that some day I can love again like I loved these two. Until this day, I remember both of them, I believe that they will always have a spot in my heart even if I never will in theirs.

  121. Love says:

    Sorry girl, hate to burst your bubble but you choose to fall for the second. If your boyfriend had done the same thing you wouldn’t be so happy. People think love isn’t a choice, it definitely is. If you don’t want to be loyal that’s up to you. I feel bad for the men in your life.

  122. AB says:

    I’ve been in a relationship for almost 6 years. I met him my sophomore year of high school and today we are seniors in college and are still together. About a year ago I met another guy in a class that I immediately clicked with. He became my best friend and I talked to him everyday. My boyfriend would even let me have him over and we would all hang out in our friend group. It was obvious that he really liked me and that I started to have feelings for him too. I tried to ignore it until one day he made a move on me and I couldn’t resist. I had to make the decision to either break up with my boyfriend or ignore the other guy. My decision was to break up with my boyfriend because I felt disconnected from him and this other guy filled the void.
    I dated the other guy for about four months. I felt guilty those entire four months because I did not tell my first boyfriend why I ultimately broke up with him. I thought not telling him I broke up with him for another guy would make the break up easier for him. It didn’t matter because he already had an idea.
    We both live in the same apartment complex at the college we both go to so over the summer my first boyfriend would see my car and assumed what I was doing.
    After the summer and when school started up again I felt so guilty that I had to tell my first boyfriend the truth. I only lasted about four days until it was eating me alive. Being around him again made me miss being with him since we were in the same friend group. I decided that it would be easier for me emotionally to be back with my old boyfriend than to be with the other guy for the rest of the college year.
    When the other guy moved back into college I told him how I was feeling. I told him I was in love with two people and that it would be easier for me to go back to my original boyfriend at this point. He completely understood but was also very upset. He didn’t like that I was making a decision based on where we were and the people around us, which I agreed with.
    The next day I went and told my old boyfriend everything not even intending to get back with him right then. However, he asked if I came to get back with him after I told him the story and that he wouldn’t wait for me to make a decision between the two of them. So I told him I would get back with him because if I didn’t he wouldn’t even ever talk to me or see me again. Everything went back to normal immediately and I didn’t feel as guilty anymore. Unfortunately, the other guy was the same major as me in college so everyday I would deal with the possibility of running into him and wondering where he was. We stopped talking because that was the most obvious thing to do.
    So here I am today, 6 months later, still having a horrible time. I think about the other guy every day and I’m still with my boyfriend of 6 years. The other guy was almost my twin, we were so similar and he was probably the best friend I have ever had. I think that’s the hardest part; losing your absolute best friend. I have issues comparing the two still and wonder why I didn’t choose the guy that was the best friend I have ever had. My boyfriend is also my best friend but he is not as similar to me as the other guy. I just want a sign or an absolute clear answer to help me with the emotional stress that seems to never go away. I think my mind thinks there’s a chance I can still be friends with the other guy but I know that would never happen. It’s just so hard to accept. I’m just afraid I made the wrong decision and that I might regret it.

  123. Anonymous says:

    I have been in a relationship with a guy in my university for about 2 years now. We love and care for each other seriously. On the other side, my cousin brother is also recently in love with me as well. At first, i thought he was just playing around but as time pass by, i knew he was serious. I talk to him every night for hours and i liked him but i didn’t love him. I told him not to wait for me and move on but he tried his best to win my heart. Few months later, i begin to feel differently towards him. I was afraid i might fall in love my cousin. Unfortunately, i did and i told him. At the same time, i still love the guy I’m in love at first. These situation makes me feel guilty. It’s like i could’t escape from both of them. I care and love both of them but i have to let go one of them. My parents has agreed the relationship between me and my cousin. The guy I’m in love at first is not the same religion as mine and somehow i knew my parents will never agree for that. I’m totally confused. I was only able to pray for a better understanding. How could i love two person at the same time ? i could not betray them. I don’t have the heart to hurt them. I don’t know what to do and how to end this. I feel like i don’t want either of them. I just want to move on all alone. What am i suppose to do ?

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