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Are You in Love with Two People?

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Can you ever be in love with two people at the same time? Of course, you can. But can you carry it off without breaking hearts? Well, that’s tricky. By Rachel Madison

in love with two people

Have you ever found yourself falling for someone when you’re already in a committed relationship?

Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time?

If you have, you aren’t alone.

While it may infuriate your partner or seem morally unethical, falling in love with two people is as simple as falling in love with one person.

It’s no different, and it really shouldn’t be.

After all, love is an emotion that can be experienced when the symptoms are right.

You like someone a lot, you find them attractive, and you’re sexually excited to be with them, and bam! You fall in love.

Now you meet someone else. You find them attractive, and you’re sexually excited to be with them, and bam again! You fall in love again with a new person!

[Read: How to know if you are in love]

Are you in love with two people?

It’s ridiculous to assume you can’t fall in love with two people.

Many teenagers and even lovers in committed relationships feel threatened when they find themselves in love with two people.

Relax. You really don’t love your partner any less just because you find yourself falling in love with someone new.

I remember experiencing the same conflicting feelings a few years ago while I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now ex!). He had to travel to conduct his research for a year and a half, and there I was, all alone and waiting for him to return. And incidentally, I met another guy whom I really liked. And he liked me too.

A month later, I was madly in love with this new guy I had met. But then again, I was still in love with my own boyfriend too. So there I was, confused and deliriously happy. I was in love with two people and I was ecstatic with the fact that I had two people who loved me back!

But I didn’t ever assume I was in love with two people, I just knew I was cheating on both of them. I felt like a wily temptress who was luring single men into her bed. At that point of time in my life, I couldn’t accept that anyone could ever fall in love with two people at the same time. It just seemed wrong.

But when I look back, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It could happen to anybody.

Can a person fall in love with two people at the same time?

The answer is simple, yes, you can.

But the bigger question is, do you want to?

Falling in love with two people and holding both of them close to your bosom is not as easy as it sounds. At the same time, love is not and has never been a once in a lifetime experience. You fall in love with different people in different ways. And at times, you end up feeling romantically excited towards two different people at the same time.

While falling in love with someone is inevitable, it’s still in your control to pursue it or let it go. If you really want to, you can avoid falling in love with a second person by simply taking a step back and putting a stop to the flirty conversations and the sneaky dates. The feelings of love and lust may linger for a while and fade away, and the best part is that it won’t emotionally confuse and torment you. [Read: Is it limerence?]

How do we end up falling in love with two people?

As I’ve mentioned earlier, falling in love is not an exclusive and unique emotion that never repeats itself. But that being said, it’s not really easy to fall in love with two people at the same time.

It’s always easier to fall for someone else when you’re already in a later stage of love with your present partner. When you’re in two different stages of love, the emotions you experience don’t contradict each other. And it’s two unique experiences that come together at once. [Read: Stages of love for men]

You may be passionately in love for the first few months with your partner, but mature love is very different from the passionate fiery love you experience at the beginning of a relationship. So when you experience the same fiery passion with someone else, it’s easy to experience both stages of love at once.

Don’t compare your lovers

Most people who fall in love with someone new start comparing their new flame to their older lover. And almost always, they assume the new lover is sexier, more loving and more caring. But is that really true?

Remember, sexual passion may fizzle out as the years go by, but true love matures into a happy relationship. On the other hand, a new lover may excite you and remind you of your earlier years in love, but you have to realize that the lusty excitement of the new secret relationship will only last for a few months or a few years. So if you ever have to compare your lovers, compare them for the compatibility instead of the passion. After all, there are always ways to bring back the sexual chemistry even in an older relationship. [Read: Is it true love or is it just lust?]

The problems of being in love with two people

As a society, we’re not ready to fall in love with two people at the same time. And that’s the biggest problem there is. You may truly love someone other than your partner, but it’s always looked at as an illicit affair, not a budding romance.

So the best way to deal with the problem of being romantically involved with two people is to walk away from one person. It’s hard, but it is still the best way out.

But if you do want to have two lovers and can’t imagine parting with any of them, here are a few things you need to think about and work your way around it.

# Would you partner accept it?

If you want to be in love with two people at the same time, you have to let both your partners know about it. Do you think your partner would have the emotional maturity and strength to accept your choice? [Read: Are you ready for an open relationship?]

# Jealousy in love

You may try to balance your love life with two partners and make sure you give both your lovers equal attention, but can you ensure that one of your partners will not end up feeling jealous about the other? [Read: How to deal with a jealous boyfriend]

# Would your partner want to get even?

Let’s face it. You have two lovers, and you get to have twice the fun all the time. What would you do if your partner wants to get even and tries to have a sexual relationship with someone else just to satiate their bruised ego?

# Morally unethical

When you share your bed with two lovers, it’s not something that’s morally accepted. Can you deal with that?

I have a friend who’s immigrated to the United States from a little community in Tibet where polyandry (a woman has multiple husbands) is actively practiced. She has two fathers and she has no idea who her biological father is, and since she’s given equal parental love from both the men, she has no intention of ever wanting to know who her real father is. While such forms of love are commonly accepted without any psychological effects in some scenarios, it can lead to confusing relationships in other cases over the long term.

What to do when you’re in love with two people?

The answer is subjective, but simple. Do what you feel is right. It can’t get easier than that. In most cases, the best possible way to deal with falling in love with two people would be to break away from one relationship and live happily with the other.

And if it’s just a little crush we’re talking about, then perhaps, you don’t need to confuse yourself over your emotions. Crushes come and go, and even if it does turn serious, you always have the option of walking away from a new prospective lover if you must.

Ask me and I’d tell you one thing. Love is complicated, and it’s easier to be in love with one person, whoever you may pick. Pick two and you’ve just doubled your complications. So unless you really have no choice, try not to fall in love with two people at the same time!

[Quiz: Would you cheat on your partner?]

So are you in love with two people at the same time? How are you dealing with it? Or what are the consequences of it? Share your stories here.


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Have your say!
  • Patty Ace
    January 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    Loving two men is really frustrating and hurtful…i have been with my boyfriend for almost two years already and i even live with him but i fell head over heals for my best friend who has liked me for the longest time….last night was his birthday and our friends rented a hotel room to party in…well lets just say that me and him ended up alone and had sex…it felt soo right but then again i cheated on my boyfriend and i feel terrible…me and my best friend agreed on keeping it a big secret from everyone and to play it off but deep down we want to show everyone how much we care for eachother…my boyfriend used to be best friends with him until he found out something may have been going on between us so now he prohibited me from seeing him…i dont know what to do right now…my feelings for these two guys are huge and i cant stay away from either one of them,

  • Doratheexplorer
    April 6, 2012 | Permalink |

    It’s tough because yes as a society we don’t accept being in love with two people at the same time but sometimes it’s unavoidable!You may meet someone who has so much more in common with you than your current partner and although you love your current partner,you long to have this magical romance with the other one you have fallen for.Thats when it gets complicated because you don’t want to break your current partners heart but you have so much more in common with the new person you slowly get to know over time.Its not really cheating if you have fallen head over heels with someone else and haven’t had a sexual relationship with them but you long to be with that person.that’s when it gets emotionally tricky!!!!

  • Robin
    April 15, 2012 | Permalink |

    So, I m in love with two men. I m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I love him a lot. I really wanna marry him and have kids with him. But there is another guy. A good friend of mine who is here in the same city. I don’t wanna continue this forever but I care for both of them. People can talk about the morals, the troubles, the problems with such a situation but nobody can deny the beautiful feeling when you are loved so much. I don’t wanna think about what’s right or wrong ,I just remember his eyes when I m in his arms.I believe I have discovered two different ways in which you can love a man.

  • May 22, 2012 | Permalink |

    Well this is an interesting topic. I have been it this situation for 2 years once upon a time. It is the hardest thing a person will ever go through. I lost both women and I assume most will lose both eventually.

  • paige
    May 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    i have know this person for 16 yrs, been friends him, know all about his failed relationships, walked our dogs together, talked endlessly. always wanted a guy that could carry on a two way conversation with. we have been talking alot on the phone (different states) from 2-7 hrs in at least twice a week. we have (had) numerous compatibility points. i was going back for a visit and had plans to physically find out if this is real or not, one weekend thats all i was asking for. the problem? he is casually dating someone who is not compatable the way we are. the results: he felt too conflicted to continue, i got thrown away. does it make any sense? no. he is pledging his loyalty to someone he can’t even be honest with. makes no sense at all. if we all waited for perfect timing we wouldn’t have so many divorces. it took 3 weeks of sadness, he was my best male friend. but the offer is off the table and i’m ready to move on. his loss.

  • Dayna
    June 25, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have been with my boyfriend for five years and I love him more than anything. Unfortunately, I also love his best friend in a different way. They are like opposites.

    Glen is sweet, sensitive, committed, and has been incredible to me for all this time and I can easily imagine my life with him. Tom is very opinionated, sort of wild, but still passionate and kind. We used to hate each other because our opinions clashed and we both are very strong willed. I can’t tell Glen about this because he would feel jealous and I don’t ever want to hurt him.

    I feel like I have to just forget about Tom, but I know that he feels the same way even though we haven’t broached the subject because we both love Glen so much. I can’t stand the thought of losing either of them, or them losing each other. I wish we could all just be together, but I don’t know if that would be a possibility. It obviously seems clear which one I should be with to the outsider. However, I’m not sure I can handle both being around and not being around Tom. I wish everyone wasn’t so judgmental about these sorts of circumstances. I know I can’t choose Tom because of the pain it would inflict on Glen, but I am not sure if I should tell Glen about how I feel so he can help me cope of so Tom and I aren’t alone? I have no idea and I’m not the kind of person to cheat. Any helpful coping mechanisms would be great.

  • melissa
    July 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    I hear a lot of stories about boyfriends and girl friends but what if you are already married? I have been married for 10 years now to a wonderful man, and each day the love we share just gets stronger! However I became close to another man who was also married, he ended up leaving his wife and he believes he is in love with me, says he’s willing to wait for me, etc…

    I do have feelings for him as well but I have such conflicting emotions, I feel like I am betraying my husband’s love for me and if he knew he would think that I don’t love him anymore and that is not the case. I would do anything for him and yet at the same time I can’t get this other guy out of my mind either. I hate this because I used to be a firm believer in not cheating and loving one person for the rest of your life, I never thought I would find myself in the hot seat! Where no real answer seems to be the right one… for now all I do is just take it one day at a time and see where fate leads me.

  • cedslyc
    July 17, 2012 | Permalink |

    BS! you cannot be in love with to people. Yea you can LOVE two people but NOT be “IN LOVE” with two. Being in love is completely different then loving any one. if you truly loved the first one you were in love with you would have waited centuries for their return and not cheat on them. that is just an excuse and shows that you do not know what love is. So if you THINK your in love with two people.. You are NOT. You really are in love with the second one and not the first. Now the first person you were in love with you love them and care for them.

  • Debbie
    July 20, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, we have been on and off because he has broken up with me, cheated on me, and I broke up with him because I couldn’t handle him being so mean. I have always taken him back because I love him and care so much about him. Over the past month or so I have fallen head over heels for this new guy who lives about a 2 hour plane ride away. I don’t know what to do because I don’t know who I should be with. My boyfriend or ex bf wants me back and is willing to change everything to make me happy, he loves me and wants to marry me. The new guy likes me a lot and wants to see me happy and just not to get back together with my ex bf. If I choose between them I lose one of them. I don’t know how to choose because I love them both and each of them I would have to take a big chance on and change my life for…. Help please! :(

  • El
    July 23, 2012 | Permalink |

    Ive been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for almost 1 year and we’ve had to deal with a lot of things including my depression and he’s been and absolute treasure and helped me with it and im so happy when im with him! But another man has started talking to me he has depression as well and he gets what im going through and i can talk to him so easily and im completely comfortable with him..i think i;m falling for him!!! HELP!!!!

  • owls
    August 1, 2012 | Permalink |

    Two and a half years ago I met my boyfriend in one of my university classes. Between my dating others and the friendship and professional relationship we developed, it took a year for him to finally tell me how he felt – I was unsure, but we started dating. He was wonderful and silly and fun, but then four months later he broke up with me due to growing stress over work and his illness. I was unexpectedly devastated. I cried for days on end, was paralyzed with social anxiety, and felt like I shouldn’t go on. I felt like I’d gone insane. But at a show about eight months ago that he hosted, I met someone else. He listened to me, he did everything he could to comfort me even when I all I could talk about was the lingering pain and anxiety from the first guy, and even after all the horrible, jealous pain I put him through he still wanted me to stay. I was so confused, I didn’t know what was right. I kept pushing him away, thinking the first guy was finally going to ask me back, then he would seek me out again and would tell me that it was all going to be alright. He made me feel wanted and loved, and I just wanted to feel like I wasn’t worthless.

    Just five months ago now the first guy asked me back out. We’ve finally fought and yelled and revealed how much pain we’re both in to each other, and we’ve never been more comfortable around one another… but I think about the second guy constantly. I wonder what my life would be like with him. We have painful, silent phone calls, and occasionally I run into him – the most recent time we kissed. We’ve had sex since my boyfriend and I got back together, and it didn’t feel wrong at all. I know I’ve done something wrong, but it wasn’t guilt-ridden; it was just sad. I know I have to tell my boyfriend, I know I have to be honest. But I’m going to lose them both, I know it. They’re such opposites, yet they’re both such creative, prolific, and incredible people. I don’t know what to do. I love them both.

    I’ve realized that the only right thing to do is leave them both, but I’m so scared.

  • Eline
    August 3, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve been dating now for almost two years. But I’m also in love with another guy. I had an affair with this guy… I still love this guy and my partner too. Sometimes it’s so difficult!

    I can’t forget him. We haven’t seen each other for 6 months, and every day I miss him more. Sometimes I don’t understand myself, because I’m happy with my partner, he’s a nice guy. I don’t want to leave him, but I’m so in love with the other guy, every day I think about him!! It’s so frustrating… I want to forget him, but I can’t…

  • Lillian
    August 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    This is absolutely brilliant. Thank you, truly.
    I have often said in terms of cheating and being emotionally unfaithful that it is a form of what I call “compartmentalizing.” It’s not that you love either of them any less. It’s that you refuse to allow yourself to be carried off in a swell of undue emotions. This works for a time, but not forever.
    You CAN be in love with two people at the same time. However, in most cases, you CANNOT have your cake and eat it, too.

  • MikeBonyak
    August 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am now in a three way relationship. My girlfriend brought in another girl who i happened to like in the past. Now i cant find myself not thinking of them. I smell them whereever i go, even if i am in a place they have never been, i dream of them, and never could hurt them. but the balance of them is hard. even after two days i had to resolve differences. it is a true test of determination, trust, kindness, and most of all love. if you dont think you can balance them perfectly as they want it, but fairly, dont attempt it. it will ruin it and maybe even get you dumped forever depending on how many people find out. because society hates it as a whole. so congratulations to whoever found true love with two people and havent screwed up. you all are roles models. in a sense.

  • Kendra
    September 4, 2012 | Permalink |

    Hi, I am currently falling in love with one of my best friends while in a relationship with another.
    I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years. We knew each other through mutual friends for years before this but nothing ever came of it.

    My best guy friend I have known about 7 years. We are close in regards that we talk to one another a lot about everything. We have been extremely emotionally intimate I guess is what you could say. He is attractive physically, but I am drawn to the way I am able and he is able to communicate. We have basically grown close because of writing to one another about situations in our lives.

    When my current boyfriend and I were19 and he was 23 at the time we started dating. Me and my best guy friend were also growing closer to a more than friend level. We ended up meeting up one night to talk and decided to rent a hotel room to hang for the night and have some beers/wine coolers. We never did anything intimate except that I gave him a massage. However I felt drawn to him and knew I wanted something but waited for him to make a move. When he didn’t I moved on with my current boyfriend.

    Now 5 years later my boyfriend and I have our own apartment and two children together. I feel like I am the one constantly moving the relationship forward. He is a great father, he takes care of me, he is loyal, he loves me for me and I am okay being myself with him. HOwever, I don’t know if I could see myself building a future with him. Over the years I have struggled with the way his family is and I have helped him to break away a lot from them and how they treat him. IN regards to finances especially they really control his life. They still have access to his finances and pay his bills with his money and pay their own with some of it. This leaves us with no room to more forward with our future together for us or our children. Around the time I got pregnant with my second child I started to lose focus of my relationship. I was having mixed feelings about where to go with him. I felt like I was the one pushing for us to have a future together and be married. I know he cares about me and loves me but i just started to lose that feeling of wanting to be intimate.
    At the same time I got back in touch with my friend, the guy I had wanted to be with but never made the moves. Over the last year and half it is now we have grown closer than ever and he’s met my boyfriend and he knows pretty much everything I’ve been feeling about my boyfriend with regards to wanting more of a future and him to stand up and be a man and be our own family. I just feel like if my boyfriend loved me enough we wouldn’t have to go to his mother every month to get his money so we can pay our bills and rent and buy our kids things they need.

    Well, my best guy friend and I were talking about getting together around the time my daughter was born, just to talk and hang out. We would flirt and things changed from being about me and my boyfriend and my issues to being about well if I left my boyfriend I shouldn’t think that no one would want me because I have kids and how we could start hanging out and seeing where things could go.
    Well, instead of doing this, I introduced him to one of my single mother girl friends and they hit it off. My girl friend knew of my feelings for this guy and said she wouldn’t go there with him, but I knew they both needed someone and I thought it would be good for them and good for me to break away from him in any intimate ideas and just go back to being there as friends for each other. So well we did for about 5 months now and he and my friend got a little serious, but this past week they decided to call it quits. They’ve struggled with balancing the ideas of what they both want right now. He wants a girl who will do things with him and make it known she cares and she’s very independent and doesn’t “need” a guy, she just wants a guy who will love her and cuddle with her, but he wants to feel needed. I love him I really do. I cry knowing he is hurt right now. He told me all he really wants for his birthday is someone to like him. And I try so hard to still feel for my boyfriend now, but we’ve gone through my bday, mothers day, our anniversary and just feel like when Im with him theres no spark there anymore. Im just going with our day to day flow with our kids, we go to bed at night, I say I love you. I kiss him but I feel nothing. And the guy I think about is my friend and he’s the one I feel for. And when we hang out and we talk I get that tingle inside. I feel young and flirty and fun again. I want to feel that way. I want to fall in love again. Just don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend because of the father he is, what we’ve been through together and the loyalty and respect he has for me. BUt I love my friend because of the person he is, the way I feel when I am around him and the fact that he is someone I know I can always go too.

    Can anyone tell me what should I do? :(

  • Trina
    September 11, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve been married to my husband for 5 years, but only 2 years in to it I found myself falling in love with another man. The other man was always there for me to talk to, and he made me feel great about myself and always told me how smart I was. Things didn’t turn out so well with him and we went separate ways. That was almost a year ago, but I still feel like I love that man more than I do my own spouse.

  • September 11, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have been married 15 years and have 2 kids. My husband and his friend and I all decided one night to experiment with sharing me sexually. It was a consensual chioce between us 3. We thought it would just be sex until me and my “boyfriend” started to fall in love, while I still am in love with my husband. We all 3 talked about it. My boyfriend decided he was getting jealous of sharing me with my husband and my husband felt wierd about that. It feels as though my boyfriend cant share me, or see me ever becoming his own, so he ended the realtionship 2 days ago. I am hurting so bad and my husband supports me but he just doesnt understand. I read these stories from you all and most of them are about secret affairs. I feel so empty and alone,,,,,

  • B
    September 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    Ive been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years now. I accepted my bf because I felt like I could have a future with him. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love. Since then, we’ve gone through heaps of ups and downs,
    At this moment, I really want him but I’m very doubtful as to a future together.

    At the same time. I met a guy a work, we’ve been working together for almost 2years as well. In the beginning we hardly talked, I always thought he was a snob. In the last year or so, we have gotten much Closer. We always go to breakfast and lunch together, he shares food with me, and we text a lot outside of work. He’s always been there for me and is generally a very sweet , generous, and reliable person. I’ve always known that we clicked and get along really well but because I’ve always been with my bf and he recently said he had a gf (only claims,never really talked about her or had any proof the relationship exists). Not to mention that I didn’t really see him that Way for the longest time…
    He left our workplace today and I found myself crying my heart out. ESP after he hugged me and told me he will miss me.
    Only then I realized how much he meant to me.

    Logically I don’t think we would work.he gives me a really safe and comfortable feeling, like a high school crush but deeper. I can’t imagine being physically intiMte with him but. Actually when we first became good friends I remember being mortified at the idea of kissing him on the lips but now I think I wish I had the chance.

    What I’m confused about? Am I in love with him? I know I’m in love with my boyfriend now but that took a long time and is now very much tainted by all the crap we went through, I love and hate him at the same time.

    With the other…. I cqnt figure out whether im in love or if it’s infatuation. I just feel so happy with him. That and I’m hesitant to have a physical relationship.. Which makes it illogical to want to have a life long relationship..l right?

    I don’t know. I wish I could always be in this space where I could just be plain and happy with my colleague. Just holding hands and cuddling, (definitely a new idea since most relationships end up with some sort of intimacy and also baby making!)

    Sigh. I’m getting really close to my 2 year anniversary with my bf and all I’m thinking about is whether to get back to this ex-colleague and tell him how I feel. :(

    Which is most probably unwise.

  • Ash
    September 16, 2012 | Permalink |

    Ive been married for almost 9 yrs.I can say that d relationship is ok but I can feel that I am not happy anymore.Then 3 yrs ago me and my 1st love started communicating each other. At first we just reminisced what happen to both of us.But after a month my old feelings for him started to grow again.I dont know what to do but there is no time I didn’t think about him. And the worst part is dat I love him more than my husband. For now we still communicating each other, and the worst thing is that my feelings for him is getting deeper. I want to leave my husband for him but I dont what to do or how to start.I want to be with him for the rest of our lives.I do love him and I don’t want to lose him.What should I do

  • Katy
    September 19, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve been with my fiancé for three years and we are getting married in two weeks. I love him more than anything but recently I’ve been less interested in him sexually. all because I met this guy, he is very attractive, he lives for excitement and completely worships me. we also share exactly the same sexual likes and dislikes, where me and my fiancé are very different… me and my fiancé are total opposites, which attracted at the start, and me and this guy, we are totally in sync.
    this guy told me he loved me three weeks ago, and although I didn’t say it back I love him too. I’ve thought about cancelling the wedding but I can’t because I love my fiancé and I can’t hurt him. it’s the most difficult situation anyone could find themselves in.
    I know that whichever one I chose, I’ll lose the other one, but I just can’t lose either.

  • kitty
    September 23, 2012 | Permalink |

    i split with my ex nearly 2 years ago and have since started a new relationship i love my new partner very much but i still love my ex aswell i know we would never work as thats the whole reason hes my ex but i cant get rid of these feelings unfortunately i cant just stop all contact with him as we have 3 children together which makes it a lot harder for me. i realltly doblove my new partner and want to marry him etc but need to.know how to get rid of these feelings for my ex

  • September 30, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have been with my boyfriend for about one year now. We had been friends for a couple years before we had started dating and I fell head over heels for this guy. I mean, he’s everything that I ever wanted. Incredibly handsome, smart, talented (musician), very committed, determined, etc. He became my best friend. But, we have somewhat of a long distance relationship. And he is straight-edge. (no drugs or alcohol) I like to drink and smoke. Occasionally go to parties and do my own thing with my friends. In which he totally doesn’t approve of. We have two different lifestyles but still, we fell in love and it was completely amazing in the beginning.

    But I also love someone else. We have known each other for quite awhile, as we live in the same town. We are just alike. We enjoy the same music, have the same opinions, and we laugh at each others joke. There’s just no judgement between us. He likes me for me. At least from what I can tell.
    He’s quite a bit older than me though. Like, 6 years older. Which doesn’t seem to bother him or I. We became friends through mutual friends and talking to each other. And next thing I knew, we were texting every single day. Making sure one another was okay and talking about our lives and what we were interested in.
    We had talked about hanging out for quite some time. So one day I went to his house. Before I even got in the car to go over there I felt like throwing up. I had butterflies like crazy. I was so anxious and nervous to see him. It ended up just being us sitting outside for hours just talking.
    We hung out a few other times and it was the same thing.
    But our texts started getting more serious and we had both told each other how we felt. We knew that we both cared about one another. And we would do anything for the other. I’m there for him and he’s there for me. I trust him.
    So, the last time I went to hang out with him…there was a lot of weird tension and at times it was awkward. But it was only because we wanted to be close to each other.
    So, we were.
    He would put his arm around me, kiss my cheek, tell me I was perfect, hold my hand here and there. Then we couldn’t help but cuddle. And of course cuddling lead to other things.
    We didn’t have sex. But when we kissed and touched it was so raw, and passionate. We wanted each other so badly.

    But I LOVE my boyfriend. I can’t see him not being in my life. I can’t see the other guy not being in my life, either. I have developed stronger feelings for both of them than I could have ever Imagined.

    My feelings are so unfair. Loving two people at once is so painful. You just know that you’re going to hurt someone no matter what and lose them. Or even lose both. I’m no where close to knowing i’m going to do or what I even want to do.
    I just wish it was okay to love two at once.

    I’m so incredibly happy, but so incredibly sad and confused.

  • Erin
    October 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    I’ve been with my now boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him to death. He is so sweet and kind to me…but the problem is. I am still In love with my ex we dated for 3 years. I feel like I never was over my ex when I started dating my now boyfriend. My ex and were young and so I love. But we didn’t have the best relationship, and yet I couldn’t let him go and I still can’t. My boyfriend now has no clue about me talking to my ex. And I feel bad but I just don’t know what to do :( I wanna make the right decision and its hard because they both still love me and I sill love them both.

  • stacey
    October 13, 2012 | Permalink |

    this makes no sense..
    loving two people at the same time is possible but being in true love is different..
    if you start to love the second person then you can still love the first person but intensity would never be the same..
    after all no two human beings are same..
    so think before you act or say you are “equally” in love with two people

  • Trina B
    November 5, 2012 | Permalink |

    I have been dating my bf for 6 years on and off. He actually broke up with me going into our 4th year of the relationship; he wanted to be single. During that time I became extremely close to another man. He and I were like two peas in a pod. We got along great and are very complatible. But he was in a commited relationship at the time. My ex came back about a year later and I took him back. I completely stopped communicating with the other guy because I wanted to put my all into my BF. Its been about a year and a half now and I have started to communicate with the other guy again. This time I am not so happy with my relationship, and he is no longer in a relationship. I have found that my feelings for him never went away and I feel like he is the man for me. I can see us being together for a long time. But Im so confused because I love my bf very much and we have been through alot together. I just dont know what to do.

  • Steph
    November 5, 2012 | Permalink |

    I just wanted to thank the author. I was in a situation like this and made a decision but felt constantly guilty for making this choice and hurting someone. Now reading this, I realized there wasn’t much else I could’ve done.

  • retrobabe
    November 6, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am in such a tough state….I have been with my bf for a short period of time but the things he has done to me… no woman should have to sustain it! He treats me really bad, ignoring me and being abusive! During the ignoring state, I met somebody, OMG he’s such a darling! All the things I ever wanted in a man, I’m BEING OFFERED by him! Now for me to decide. Since my boyfriend NOW realizes he has competition, he has now turned into MR LOVA LOVA! He wants me to come back n fall in love. HELPPPPP!

  • laila
    November 7, 2012 | Permalink |

    hi..i’m in a serious comitted relationship for 4 years now,im 23 years old.we were very close and are stil close but in a very different way in comparison to old times,in the sense that we used to spend lots of time together but dont now due to our med school busy lives.i had a crush on this cute doctor recently,and he approached me first,despite me being occult,i bailed on him so many times,and even revealed my relationship status to him but somehow we went out as i started feeling bad for him.he told me he likes me on the first date itself and we kissed which i regreted very much later and i told my boyfriend about it,he understood and asked me not to repeat this again,i tried cutting down on all of his calls and messages,he insisted on going out agan,n promised not to touch me again,but things got wild as we got high we spent a night together but never had sex,i feel terrible now that i cheated on him,i cant pour this out on him as our finals are approaching,it would be unfair.and this another guy is really nice but i need to cut down on him,im just not sure what to do..i need help. im constantly feeling guilty and suffocated

  • ggarwood
    November 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am thankful I came upon this site. I now know I am not alone. Loving two men is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.

    I have been married for 5 and a half years to an amazing man. He is the type of guy that will bend over backwards for me. I love him but not the way I used to. Problem is, an ex of mine and I started communicating with each other about 2 years ago. My husband knows I’m in contact with my ex. He’s ok with it since my ex lives in a different country. My husband says he trusts me, even though I don’t trust myself. My ex and I didn’t have a bad break up or anything like that. He had to go to war and didn’t want me to wait for him in case he never came back. He was the first guy I ever loved so it was hard for me when he left for his tour. That was10 years ago. Anyway, we have been chatting a lot and have realized how much we still love each other. I went to go see him recently and I brought some friends with me so that I wouldn’t cheat on my husband. All was well until we had to say goodbye. My friends waited in the cab for me while I said goodbye to my ex. Hardest goodbye ever. Worse than when we broke up. I did not want to let go of our hug. We have a connection that I have never had with anyone else ever. It’s something neither one of us can explain. As we were breaking away from our hug, he kissed me. I melted. I didn’t want to leave but I had to. My girlfriends made sure of it.

    I told my husband everything when I returned home. He said he wasn’t happy about the kiss but he’s happy I didn’t sleep with my ex. My ex and I have talked and I am making plans to go and see him on my own. With no distractions this time. I am extremely honest with both of these men. I felt no guilt about the kiss and I have yet to feel guilt about planning to go see him again. I can’t see myself ever leaving my husband but I also can’t see myself without my ex in my life. I know I am selfish but what are you supposed to do when your heart is split in 2? It is unfair to both men but I don’t know what to do. It’s not sex. It’s the emotional connection. I feel disconnected with my husband and connected to my ex. But I took my wedding vows and don’t want to break them. So confused.

  • Vanessa
    November 27, 2012 | Permalink |

    My Bf still miss his ex and he admitted that he still loves her… :’(

  • Caroline
    December 2, 2012 | Permalink |

    Okay so ive had a boyfriend for like a year and 3 months now but we broke before the summer cause he didnt really know how to be a good boyfriend tor and treated me bad but i still liked him so much, so we began talking again over the summer but that one week we were broken up i hung out with a guy i had a class with at my house and we always flirt and stuff and we have this thing for eachother. He is the sweetest nicest attractive guy that says the nicest things to me that my bf never said to me. My bf is young and still learning alot of relationship type things so i understand and all, but sometimes hes just straight up rude to me but i love him alot and we always have a good time together usually. When im with that other guy tho, he blushes and always says he loves talking to me and just always makes me smile. He also has a gf tho, thats the thing we both are in the exact situation. I love both of them. What do i do?

  • Karen
    December 13, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am in love with two men. One is younger than me and I have been seeing him for about 2 years. I do not see him that much, but when I do, I adore him. He has stressed to me that he is not interested in getting too involved and likes it the way it is. We occasionally sleep together. Because he feels this way, I figured, well then it would be ok to meet someone else,which is what happened. He also likes to be with me but doesnt want to get too involved, we also sleep together but not very much at all. I had told the first one that I had met someone else and slept with them and he was angry and said that I had cheated on him. I didnt think so. The other says it is my choice if I would see someone else but that he would not like if I slept with someone else. If one of them would commit, I would leave the other. Of course I would miss which ever one it is, but I want a relationship and I would enjoy one with either one of them.

  • Haley
    December 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    I am in love with two guys. One of which I have been on and off with for abou three years, the other one I have had a connection with for about a year. Like you, I never thought it would be possible for me to love two people at once, but they are totally different from each other and I love all things abou each of them. When I with the 3 year guy he makes me feel safe and secure, and I can tell by the way he talks and by his actions that he truly does love me. But on the other hand when I’m with the one year guy he makes me feel alive and sexy by making me laugh and treating me like a woman.. I know I have to choose one but I don’t know how to decide which one is better for me. I love them both and I don’t think I could walk away from either of them. What should I do?

  • Hope
    December 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    I really don’t understand why everyone is pouring their heart out on here. It’s not like the author is going to give you any tips by the looks of it. But looking at the comments and subject I can relate and it’s not easy because you know deep down you could loose them both, yet you don’t want to let go. Selfish perhaps but it’s reality we all have to face.

  • Noah
    February 15, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, or…was. Long-distance, got to see each other twice a month. I love him dearly I want to marry him. At the same time, I’m so used to doing my own things. Since it’s long distance, I literally do everything on my own. Meeting new friends, going to places, work, etc. These two years have been wonderful, if not, perfect! We never had a single argument or fight. Im always so calm when Im with him. As much as I want this to work, I fell for someone else.

    At work, I fell for a new person I met. In the beginning, I thought he would only be my friend. He ended up showing so much love towards me. He was so attracted to me. I think you know how the story goes. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend to be with him. This was it. I thought… It was an “old boyfriend gone, new boyfriend together” thing. If only it was this easy, I wouldn’t have been Googling for posts like this.

    I came to realize how much argument I get into with my new boyfriend. With this new boyfriend, we’re not as perfect and he has a lot of habits that I really don’t like. Since I cheated on my “boyfriend turned ex”, he was upset. As much as he did not want this, he didn’t get in my way. Now that I think back, he was quite mature handling it.

    My ex forgave me and said we could still be friends. In fact, we are really best friends now. I can tell him things and he wouldn’t mind. He also tell me things such as he’s meeting new people and liking the new girls. I am happy where I am right now. I am really thankful that my ex decided to be my best friend instead of ignoring me. I remember once in an argument with my current boyfriend, I told him that both of them were important to me. I wasn’t afraid to hurt him.

    Even though he’s my best friend now, I’ve come to realize that I love both of them just as much. In different ways, of course. To this day, I still wonder why my ex forgave me and decided to be my best friend. He says that he’s thankful because I brought him to God.

    Right now, if I were to choose someone to marry, I wouldn’t know how to pick. Perhaps this is why I’m still not married and I’m still in a relationship. I’m very lucky that I’m only 22 right now. I think I still have time to decide. I bet, all three of us believe that time will tell. Time really will tell. I wish someday Lord Jesus can lead my way and write my love story. Who knows, maybe he’s already doing it. Lord, I love you. I also believe that he who loves you most, will see most clear.

  • sean
    March 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been in a 6 month relationship with my bf and i was seeing this guy before i was with my bf and recently i havent been able to stop thinking about him and my partner and me are always fighting and he is never happy with what I do. the other day I met up with him and it was like fireworks and he confessed how he likes me alot and couldnt stop thinking about me. I dont know what to do as my sex life with my current bf is terrible and I just dont feel comfortable being with him.

  • Jess
    March 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    Yes I’m in love with two people. Im getting married in a few months and I couldnt be happier. I love my fiance he and I are a good match in almost everything, However there is this other guy who I have been friends with for a while and have had feelings for. I pegged it as a crush and pushed it away. but It hurt to be away from him and I thought about him on a daily basis when I put some distance between us. I finally go the courage to do something about it. And I couldnt be happier with the result I love spending time with him. I know that when I get married this relationship cant continue. He feels guilty about our feelings since I’m spoken for. But I dont feel guilty because It dosent feel wrong to be with him or both of them. I just wish loving two people could be more simple

  • Secret girl
    March 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been dating my current boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. Me and him have been inseparable our whole relationship, until I met his friends brother. He was a little older then me and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He ended up trying to talk to me and we hung out a few times too (with my boyfriend also). We ended up getting drunk and having sex. We hid it from everyone for a while. Then I broke up with my boyfriend to be with him. After a month I told him I still love my boyfriend and I needed to be with him. We got bak together and the other guy got mad. He ended up telling everyone about our relationship, bit I denied everything. My boyfriend refused to let me ever see or talk to my secret lover again. But to this day I still talk to him every night, and for longer then my actual boyfriend. I tried to tell myself I was not in love with him. I didn’t think it was possible to love two people at once. And here I am.

  • So Confused
    April 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years and for the past year I’ve been in love with someone else. What makes it complicated is that he introduced me to this other person (they are friends). The other guy is so sweet, smart, funny, considerate, and has many great qualities. I miss him when he’s not around and am always wanting to spend more time with him. I find myself thinking about him all the time. I think he likes me too but doesn’t want to betray his friend. I want to confess my true feelings but am afraid of hurting people’s feelings and am afraid to have my feelings hurt if he doesn’t like me back.

  • April 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    This a site for women only? I have experienced this emotion, loving two women at same time; it’s disconcerting.
    If men are allowed here, I’ll post my story
    Tom

  • Glinda
    April 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am the other, the one he is ‘in love’ with while at the same time loving his wife. it’s too hard when the wife doesn’t know. as the other, i will lose. i plan to tell her so that the affair will have no chance of continuing. i need that unfounded support to end what has turned out to be an emotional hell.

  • Anonymous Female
    May 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve was married to my first love, even though he was a cheater. Even cheated on me when we were in a long distance relationship which turned into being engaged. After 2years he met someone at work and he told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. We just bought a house but had no children. We separated and divorced. I met my then bf who was the best lover ever…but after a year he needed space. K, then the ex started coming around. I was dating both. But ended up re-marrying the ex. Years later the ex bf found me and we had an affair. But then ended it. Two yrs later he’s back in my life. I love them both. But now I have 2 kiddos…I dont have the right to be selfish. Sure is difficult. Not so black and white when it comes to love. Y’all need to stop judging. Everyone has a story. Everyone.

  • Alex
    May 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    I was with my first love for almost 2 years It was an up and down relationship, but it ended because I moved away. Breaking up for this reason gave me no closure, even though it may have happened eventually anyway, but after about sometime I met a new great girl and thought I had moved on… Me and my ex started talking again as friends and eventually she tells me she’s still ridiculously in love with me and I realized I feel the exact same way. The issues are that I am in love with my new girlfriend, who is great and is where I am living for the foreseeable future. But just the love and passion I have for my ex is so much more powerful currently than they are for her. I talked to my ex about us a number of times now and in the current situation we can’t even try things again for at least a year. Anyway I feel like I’m emotionally cheating on both of them (stayed loyal physically).

    Moral of the story is I love my girlfriend, but still super in love with my ex even though we can’t be together.

    Just wanted to vent, anybody out there have an opinion let me know please!

  • Peter
    May 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    the good part of this article is that is about only when the GIRL is in love with two men.
    The author “forgot” to mention what happens in the case that the man is in love with you and another woman.
    Would you have the “emotion maturity” to accept it?

  • Amy Innocent
    May 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m so glad to read everyone’s stories and know I’m not alone!! I live in a small town where multiple lovers is really not acceptable at all.

    I’ve struggled with multiple lovers for many years. While married I occasionally had another lover, but usually dropped them abruptly after feeling my husband’s pain. The last lover lasted three years and ended my marriage after my husband fell in love with someone else. This devastated me. Looking back, I don’t know why I wasn’t totally understanding. I could have endured my husband’s affair like he had endured my love affairs.

    Anyway, here I am, divorced and living alone on another continent than my husband. I have a sweet, loving boyfriend who also has an angry streak. I see another man about once a month and our erotic play is thrilling. I really don’t want to be with either for the rest of my life. I feel like moving away and clearing out my life of these emotional difficulties!!!

    I have a strong sex drive and I feel alone because most women my age (54) don’t seem to. I can’t imagine being without a sexual partner and I can’t imagine being with only one for the rest of my life. The alternative of several changing partners, is not very satisfying either. I’m in a horrible slump like I’ve never been before as I take inventory of my life and try to make a better tomorrow.

  • May 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    Patty Ace, I have to exact same situation as you. I was also with my boyfriend for almost two years. Me and my boyfriend were going through a lot of problems and were about to break up. I was hanging out with my best guy friend as he came out to me that he always liked me, kissed me and then we ended up having sex. It felt to right and perfect, but I too also felt horrible for cheating on my boyfriend. I broke up with my boyfriend after that, but I still care and love him very much but at the same time I care about my best friend a lot too and this new found connection between us feels so right. I don’t know what to do. I know that they both deeply care about me and they both want to be with me. I am so lost on what to do. This is the most confusing situation I’ve ever being in.

  • Miella
    May 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    I am currently in love with two people, & it scares me to the core. About 3 years ago, I met this amazing man, who I just connected with, in the most unique, most unexpected way. He liked me for who I was. But our timing was never right. He lives an hour away from me. It doesn’t seem like much, but when you’re a CEO of your dad’s company, and go to college, and also have a social life, it’s kind of hard to drive that hour (not including traffic) and then going all the way back home, at God knows what hour of the night. I understood. He admired that. We talked on an off through out the 3 years, and whenever he would end up being in a relationship, I’d cut him off and out of my life, because I couldn’t bare seeing him with someone else. We occasionally hung out, and when we did, it just felt right. Natural. Like drinking water. It was just something that you did. But timing was still not right. The distance was his main issue above all. However, recently, we have began talking again, and we couldn’t be more close. Yes, he’s still an hour away, still a CEO, and still has his social life. But he’s finally ready to be willing to make the time and put in the effort. Which is what I have waited for all along. My heart has always belonged to him. However… our timing couldn’t be more wrong. I have also, met someone who i believe is my soul mate. 9 months ago, I met a man who is now my current boyfriend. He is also the first man I’ve given myself fully to. (Lost my virginity to this man). I have never felt more comfortable and more myself with this man. I love him more than anything in this world. But that same love, is just as powerful as the love with Man #1 … I don’t know what to do. My heart and head tell me two different things. Go with the man who stole your heart 3 years ago? Or go with the man you met 9 months ago, but feels like it’s been 2 years of history? I just don’t know. I know deep down who I should choose. I just don’t know if I am in denial of the truth… or hurting the other person. How do you tell someone you’re in love with someone else? That your heart has belonged to someone else. I don’t know if I could live with that. I’m at a cross road and don’t know whare to turn.

  • Eac
    May 26, 2013 | Permalink |

    Seeing all these comments realising I’m not alone is comforting. I have been married for 11 yrs and have two kids with my hubby who I love very much, however I have alot loved a man I have known pre my husband, we lost contact for a few years and found each other again, he is now married with three kids but we always loved each other and I know it is despicable but reality is I love him he loves me, and same with our partners. It took us almost 4 years to decide that we have to live with things as is, I’m frustrated as it is difficult juggling two relationships and tried several times to walk away from this man, he tried to walk away from me as we both don’t want to do this to our families and there’s no excuse except we cannot stop loving each other. In all these years we have never slept together until recently which didn’t turn out well as our guilt was more than we can both bear, and again we tried to stop seeing each other but doesn’t want to lose each other we have now again not to ever sleep together again but however you look at it we are still cheating and that makes us cruel to our partners. Some days I really want all of it to end I just don’t know how and where to start loving two people is a burden but feelings can send someone out of control and if your weak which clearly I am I have no hope. Also, for my kids sake I need to really end all of this not sure how to approach this?

  • Dani
    May 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’m so glad that I’ve found a forum to express my thoughts about loving two men.
    It hasn’t been easy at all. I guess I have to put myself in the “girlfriend who has been in a dead end 5+ year” relationship. I simply refer to it as a dead end because it lacks growth. There’s no mention of marriage or children.

    My boyfriend is content with just being “life partners.” He is my first long term relationship. We have been through a lot together.

    This second man came into my life a year ago. He’s quite younger (8 years to be exact).
    I met him in the most suspecting place (at work). I didn’t pay him any attention at first. I would ignore his stares. I would ignore his attempts in trying to spark up a conversation. I’ve always been a woman who would dismiss any type of attention from a man.
    I decided to let my guard down and help him with a particular task at work.
    Speaking to him made me feel like he was worth my time in getting to know.

    It’s 10 months later & he’s still around.
    His life isn’t ideal for me. I don’t like how he chooses the “trap life” over getting a regular 9 to 5 job. He’s in the streets. :( I never thought I would even find myself around a person in which society would label as a “thug”. The tricky thing about love is that it is unconditional.
    He’s a good person and the complete opposite of my man. It’s like night and day.
    While my boyfriend has a career. He has never been in jail. He comes from a two parent household of loving parents who have been married for over 30 years. It’s like his family is like The Huxtables. I love them very much.

    My boyfriend is a very easy-going and calm person. He’s into sports. He loves anime. He loves video games, computers, and anything else that’s technical. That’s what drew me to him because we had so many of the same interests. We didn’t meet on the best of terms. He was technically in a relationship when we met. He soon broke up with that girlfriend and we began dating. The first year was rough because he was fooling around with another woman. I had to ask him to make our relationship exclusive. Two years had passed and things were starting to go well. Then all of a sudden I noticed things like unanswered texts/calls and trips out of town. To make a long story short, my boyfriend had been carrying on multiple affairs for years. When I call him out on it he acts as if its something I can get over. He then promises to be true. But now he has all these female friends that he claims are innocent. I don’t trust it one bit. Been trying to break up but keep getting sucked back in because of the love I have for him.

    As with the other, he grew up in a broken home. He had to survive by selling drugs and becoming part of a gang. He is in and out of jail. I try to help him with showing how to be positive and live on the right side of the tracks. He keeps saying he loves me and so glad how I bring positivity to his life.

    But I worry about him getting locked up of getting killed.
    I feel like I have to be a voice of reason,
    Sighs.

    Don’t want to let them go but something’s got to give.
    I feel like I’m going crazy.

  • Richard
    August 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    Well obviously im in love with to women, both of them are my ex’s, one of them is trying so hard to get back with me and was my first in you know what, while the other one is my first love. My first love and I started talkinq again we havent talked in a long time but after all that time I still feel that we have feelings for each other. Mean while my other ex we have gone through so much together, we both are young and we have alot of first time expiriences. While my first love and I when we were together we didn’t do much because we were in high school and I was very shy with her. But now that im a little older that shy thing as gone away and I know things could be different, I don’t know how to deal with this I dont want to lose neither of them. But I know I can’t be with both of them. In one hand I have my first love and the curiosity of how could things be different this time, in the other hand I have my ex which shes doing everything she can to get back with me, like everything possible.

    All this is so hard I know alot of people out there are going through similar things, I know we all are feeling like we are going crazy.

  • sai
    August 16, 2013 | Permalink |

    yes, I’m very in love for two guys. I am happily married for an amazing man for 13 years. Six years ago he accepted a job oversea and came home for 3 months vacation every end of his contract and came back to work leaving me with our two kids. we have regular communication like daily chats, txting and long distance calls. One time he conforted me to find someone elese to fill up his physical obligation as we missed our normal lovemakig. I had one guy I met in a party and we bcame friend and ended up in bed. I confessed to my husband and instad of getting angry or jealouse, my hubby approved me to have ilicit affair with a new guy as long as we used contraceptives to avoid me concieving as my husband does not want me to ge pegnant by this new guy. This new guy is also married so we agreed that our relationship is purely lust and sex, however we both love each other as our sex is most satisfying and wonderful and since then I felt I am the happiest wife for having a guys in my life…

  • Vulnerose
    September 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    A guy had a crush on me 3 years ago. For 3 years and two boyfriends he’s been crushing on me, staying with me through thick and thin but I never accepted his feelings. 2 years ago I got with what I believe to be the most perfect match for me. He was perfect in every way and everyone (even the first guy) could see that. His dad separated us about half a year ago but we still talk and still have some hope for the future. The first guy and I have become close even though I still believe the second and I are perfect. I really love them both more than anything in the world. I don’t want to hurt either of them. For the first time in 3 years I started hanging out with this guy and he’s wonderful. But my ex is also wonderful. GAH! They both love me more than life and I’m just really confused. My ex would be more emotionally and financially stable but the first guy is just so.. passionate about what he does and believes in and he puts me in awe every time we talk. I’ve decided not to date until I have my own place and not feel the pressure of others approval on my decision… I want it to be purely my decision.. but what will I do when that time comes…

  • Jenifer
    September 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been in a serious relationship for 10 yrs. I had four children whe we met 12 yrs ago (I had just gotten divorced). We have a 8 yr old child together. My children look at my boyfriend as their step father even though we are not married. I’ve been seeing someone else off and on for these ten yrs. It was a long distance relationship. I’ve always loved the other person also. He now lives in the same city as I DO. My boyfriend has been working out of town for a yr. I’ve been seeing the other guy again for four months. I’ve told my boyfriend and he wants me to move to where he is working. My kids found out also and they are upset with me. I decided it was best to move with my boyfriend but now I miss the other guy like crazy. I feel like not only am I homesick but I am also depressed. I don’t know if I should go back home or accept the decision I made and stay where I am. The other guy is very hurt he wants me to go back home. I’m confused. I love them both I, I think I’d be happier with the other guy but my kids are happy with my boyfriend. Does anyone have any advise?

  • Miss V.
    September 24, 2013 | Permalink |

    Wow! I see I am not by myself. I was with my current bf for 4 years, recently I ran into an old bf whom I had been in and out of love with over a 20 year period. I broke up with 2x. We recently got back together, it crushed by current bf. Well, what a huge mistake I made to ever leave my bf of four years. I ended up breaking up with the guy of 20 years for the third time because he is so mean and inconsiderate towards me, and has no desire to communicate with me when I bring up his rude ways. My bf of 4 years is 12 years my senior, but he gave me the world and loved me very deeply in a way I have never ever been loved and cared for. I left him initially, because I got bored, but what a big mistake. I called him and begged him back because I realized I still loved him, and I missed his deep love for me. I still think about the other guy when I listen to certain songs, but I am not going back. Gonna stick with the bf of four years- the love is real, and after all, that is what I really desire in a man.

  • crying inside
    November 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    It is so comforting to read all of your stories. I have been married for 5 years and my husband is wonderful but I have another friend who I’ve known for 8 years and I hadn’t seen him for a couple of years but this year we kinda started bumping into each other and since he’s friends with my husband and we ended up on some camping trips together. we started talking more and I know I love him just as much as my husband. I always have.. we texted back and forth a lot for a while but my husband found out and was extremely jealous cuz he thinks we slept together. We didn’t it never has been that kind of a physical relationship just long talks and long hugs. I haven’t seen him now for 4 months. man do I miss him some days I just want to cry because he is so gentle. I miss his hugs.

  • Daniela
    December 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have a bit of a dilemma. I live in Washington and I have been in a very happy relationship with a guy for almost 7 years. My mom recently had a horrible accident, and she lives in New Zealand. She’s my only surviving family left, so i dropped everything and came down here to be with her. She almost lost her live, but thank God, she lived through it and is going to fully recover.

    It’s going on the 4 months now. Well, I met this doctor at the hospital where I spend most my days, and he’s not her doctor, but he’s always around the ward. I at first had an innocent crush on him, but now after a few months, my feelings are growing. And we’re both very much into each other. I know it unethical for him to ask me out because my mother is a patient there, and I cannot ask him out because i’m in a committed relationship, but we had ran into each other the other day, and it was very apparent that we’re very much into each other and that once my mom leaves the hospital, then doors would open up.

    I don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend very much and I miss him terribly, but at the same time I cannot get this doctor out of my head. The attraction is so strong. In the last 7 years, I have never felt this feeling, apart from when I met my current boyfriend. To add to this, my boyfriend and I are absolutely the best friends, however our romance has suffered a bit, we haven’t had sex for over 8 months now, so before I left, it was going on the 5th months. And we tried many things, but it keeps going to that comfortable zone, where we love spending time together, but when it comes to sex, it’s almost like we don’t see each other in that way anymore. Yet, I’m very attracted to him.

    I’m really confused. I don’t know what to do. I might be here in NZ for another few months and I know if I got some alone time with this doctor, things would happen. I’m excited thinking about him and yet extremely scared. I know that new relationships are fun, and after a few years it always becomes a bit of work. I know all that, yet I cannot help but wonder.

    I’m trying to figure out why I’m attracted to this new guy, without comparing the two men, but one thing that keeps coming up, this new guy is very responsible and smart, confident but shy. Very caring.

    So I’m not sure if this is just an infatuation, a crush…something that will pass if I give it enough time. Or is it that person that you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with? Because every time I look into his eyes, it’s like i know this man and have known him for a long time. So weird.

    Should I pursue and see what happens, or do i just shut down, try to forget and get back home to my man? I’m very conflicted. Anyone? Thoughts?

  • Leila
    January 7, 2014 | Permalink |

    I met this guy in high school…I slowly realized that I like him. By that time, he already had a girlfriend. I was so confused because he would still call me late night and we would talk about anything. I started to like him even more. But later on, I told him I wasn’t comfortable the fact that he had a gf and was talking to me in that way. College came around, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend…I thought that possibly he would be excited to be with me or something…he asked me to come see him as if I was his gf…that was such a confusing request…I said no. During all that time, I started seeing other people. I met this amazing guy. Him and I got together 2 months after dating…for some reason I was excited to tell that other guy that I was in love and everything…i find myself telling him things I shouldn’t. To this day, I’ve been with this amazing guy for 4 years and we recently got engaged. I’ve been training myself not to think about that other guy…but just recently I found myself doing that. I’m trying really hard because the guy that I am with right now is amazing, i am positive that he is better than the high school crush. I dont know if im holding on to what could have been?????what is wrong with me?????If I could drink a pill to make me forget about him I would…..

  • IRock40
    January 20, 2014 | Permalink |

    Hardest thing ever to sort out in my head. Married to the man I love and any woman would want to love..but long for another who isn’t married..but attached. The passion I feel is indescribable. I have learned at 40 it is ok to feel like this. I am never leaving nor wish to leave my life. Yes, I have cheated..at this point and going forward, that will not be me.

  • Sick of twisted ppl
    February 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    I am sorry this is total BS you are trying to justify cheating on your current partner! If you loved your partner there would be no reason to try to find someone else or be with someone else. I am sorry when you love someone you would do anything to protect their heart from breaking! To me it just sound like you are self centered and like instant gradification! Do you think either of your partners could actually trust you ot believe anything that you said! Eventually both would get sick of your shit and move on!

  • Jewel
    February 25, 2014 | Permalink |

    Ok so here’s my situation. I’m in a long distance relationship with my bf for half a year now. I love him very much and our relationship is beyond perfect. He loves me just as much and has never treated me wrongly. The trouble comes in when my ex bf came back into the picture. Now before my current bf, I was completely madly in love with my ex. We had planned a future together and everything was just right. Think is we broke up because of something so unreasonable we both found it to be a mistake later on. I honestly didn’t want to move on because I wasn’t half over him yet. But then my (current) bf picked me off my feet and I’ve beenin love with him ever since. Just a few months ago my ex came back and we started talking again. All my feelings for him are back again. I told him I have a bf now but he told me to break up with him BC we are meant to be together. He promised he’s changed and really want us to work. Trust me its all I’ve been waiting for. But I love my bf and I can’t imagine breaking his heart over an ex. But like I said.. I never was over my ex. For the time being my ex is at boot camp for the marines and wants to get back together when he comes back in 3 months. I have till then. But I honestly don’t known what to do. I love them both dearly.

  • Rachel
    March 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been married for over 35 years. We have been through it all. Kids, bankruptcy, unemployment, you name it and we have weathered it together. Our love was mature, solid and happy. Then, an old friend came back into my life. I’m talking from 40 years ago. I loved him when we were kids and talked with him a couple of times throughout the years, but just seeing him, and talking, brought back all the old feelings. Try explaining that to your husband. You can be in love with two people at the same time. Your love can be in different stages or on different planes and still be true love. At my age, I wouldn’t dream of leaving my husband and breaking his heart. On the other hand, you only live once and my time, though not immediate, is coming to an end. Why shouldn’t I love the second one too? After all of the life I’ve been through, this is by far the most difficult to reconcile. There is not a single answer.

  • Kim
    March 12, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been married for 16 yrs with 5 children and last month I met another guy. He was only supposed to be a hook up, just something different. Now I find myself no stop thinking about him. I fell in love with him hard. He won’t admit it straight out but he’s in love with me also. We text each other everyday, on his lunch breaks and when he gets home from work. It feels so good being in his arms, when I’m in them i never wanna leave. My husband brought up the fact that he can tell that I fell for the other guy and mentioned a 2 weeks separation, i would like to do that but i dont want to hurt my husband or children.

  • Diane
    March 27, 2014 | Permalink |

    I had been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, we had been fighting a lot and I decided that I no longer was going to deal with it and broke it off. I met a girl shortly after and started dating her. I was always curious about women, so I thought this was my opportunitity to see what was out there. Little did I relize that I fell hard in love with her. The problem was I never completely stopped communicating with my ex. And before our split we had been on again off again so he didn’t believe it was over for real. So here I am 10 months later in a relationship with a woman, not ok with my sexulaity and in a relationship with my ex. I don’t understand why I cannot break it off with him complete me. I know that I am being unfair to both but I cannot choose between them.

  • B?STILLE
    April 21, 2014 | Permalink |

    I had been absolutely in love with a guy for the longest time, just waiting for the right time to tell him. But then another guy asked me to go out with him. Convinced that my first love would never want me back, I accepted. So my boyfriend and I grew attached to each other and our relationship was perfect. Just then I saw the first guy again, and a friend of his got him to admit to me that he liked me. At that point I was completely confused. I tried to get myself to break up with my boyfriend and start from there, but I see his beautiful face and I just can’t do it. But then again, every time I speak with the other guy, I feel so wrong and out of place. I honestly don’t know what to do.

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