Home Flirting Flings Wild Secrets 25 Friends with Benefits Rules to Remember

25 Friends with Benefits Rules to Remember

Like Us on Facebook

Print

Email

Wondering how to be friends with benefits without the complications? Read these 25 friends with benefits rules that can make all the difference. By Jessica Dawson

friends with benefits rules

Being friends with benefits with someone can seem like a dream come true.

Especially if you’re not interested in anything more than a satisfying romp.

But a few good movies and a few bad stories from friends could have taught you a few things about the infamous FWB relationship.

You can’t have the cake and eat it too.

But if that’s exactly what you want to do, here are some things you need to keep in mind.

[Read: Tips to start having sex with a friend]

Friends with benefits rules that make a difference

Met a cute hottie who seems equally interested in your appearance or your bedroom manners?

Well, here are a few things you need to get into your head before getting into each other.

[Read: 6 ways to accidentally kiss a friend and get away with it]

#1 Don’t fall in love. This is the biggest rule and the easiest one to remember. Don’t fall in love. But then again, this is also the hardest one to follow.

#2 Have emotional maturity. Understand what kind of a relationship you’re getting into right from the start. There isn’t supposed to be a happy ending. Be satisfied with a satisfying ending.

#3 Set ground rules. How often should both of you call each other and how often should you meet? These rules aren’t set in stone, but both of you must make a conscious effort to follow it.

#4 Don’t get clingy for attention. Your friend with benefits isn’t your lover. Don’t constantly call them or try to make a conversation when you have nothing better to do. [Read: Signs of a clingy lover and tips to avoid it]

#5 Keep it a secret. Don’t talk to your friends about it. Gossip has a funny way of spreading within minutes after you tell a friend about it. You’ll end up pissing your friend with benefits or getting a bad reputation.

#6 Don’t sleep with two friends from the same group. It’s too risky and you may get caught, especially if both of them are trying to exchange sly smiles and sneaky glances with you, or worse, trying to reach out to your crotch from under the table at the same time.

#7 Don’t be overenthusiastic. Yes, you get to have a no strings relationship with someone. Yeah, good for you! But keep that libido and  enthusiasm down or you’ll end up getting bored or scaring your screw buddy away.

#8 Don’t go on a date. You may be intimate with each other, but that’s no excuse to see each other in any place other than a bed. You’ll ruin the relationship.

#9 Distract yourself. Get interested in someone else as soon as you start having sex with your friend with benefits. It’ll take the option of falling for them out as long as you’re infatuated by someone else.

#10 Don’t stay in touch too often. Don’t try to find out about their personal life or have conversations about life and its problems. You’re into each other for sex and you really should avoid involving anything else. Call for one reason and one reason alone.

#11 Avoid sleeping with a good friend. As sexually attracted as you may be, avoid having sex with a good friend that’s good looking. You will lose that friend or both of you will hate each other within a few months.

#12 Remember how it ends. Both of you will almost always stray apart. Or end up having an affair when one of you is in another relationship and that can get really messy. Pick the first option. [Read: Conversation tips to end a relationship]

#13 Avoid anyone who’s seeing someone else. It may sound sexy and wicked and even give you an ego boost, but you’ll get caught or one of you will have to deal with a heavy bag of guilt that will ultimately be shared in the open.

#14 Mentally date someone else. Don’t talk about your personal lives with each other. But convince yourselves that the other person is actually dating someone else. It’ll help avoid falling for each other.

#15 Be honest. If you’re falling in love with your friend with benefits or feel like things are slipping out of hand, you owe it to your friend to at least let them know the truth so both of you can decide the course of the relationship. [Read: Signs you’re more than friends]

Things that can happen in a friends with benefits relationship

As fun as a perfect friends with benefits relationship could be to begin with, it does have a few bad sides too. I’d like to tell you that you can avoid any dark corners, but at some point of time, the bubble always has to burst.

#16 You can’t fall in love. You lose the chance of falling in love with someone who may be perfect for you. You may take a while to realize it, but even if you think your sex friend is the most charming person in the whole world, you really can’t do anything about it because it’s too late to retrace your steps.

#17 You may lose a great friend. If one of you have been hasty or made a few wrong decisions, both of you can’t do anything but walk away forever. Can you handle that?

#18 You could end up jealous or unhappy. As much as you may try to pretend like you don’t care, you may be upset if your friend dates someone else. And all this even though you know the ground rules.

#19 There may be a disease involved. No one likes talking about this part. But it’s something to be wary about, especially if your friend has a lot of active friends with benefits. And of course, you’re not going to talk about it because *you don’t care*, right?

#20 Romantic feelings will find a way. Romance always finds a way to crop up for one of you if the relationship lasts more than a few months. And trust me, both of you aren’t going to like where that road goes. [Read: Are you falling for a friend?]

Things to remember to prolong the relationship safely

#21 Are you slipping? If one of you find yourselves slipping or falling for the other person, end it at the first doubt. You really have no choice. Almost all the time, love is not an option. [Read: Signs to find out if you’re in love or lust]

#22 Poke into the details. You may not like it, but get to know about your friend with benefit’s sexual partners at least by numbers instead of names so you know how active they are. Get a medical checkup now and then too, if there’s some suspicion in the air. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

#23 All good things come to an end. Firstly, a friends with benefits relationship isn’t a good thing. It’s a dangerous excuse to avoid commitment. But yeah, it’s a lot of fun though! At the end of it all, as fancy as it sounds, a friends with benefits relationship is almost always too good to be true. [Read: Ways to deal with a complicated relationship]

#24 There will always be doubts in the air. Even if both of you mutually fall in love with each other, would you be happy in the long term? Trust me, I’ve been there. You’d always doubt your friend’s fidelity. If you could get your friend to have sex with you so easily, can’t they have sex with someone else even though both of you are in a relationship?

#25 The bad ending. If you end it, you may infuriate your friend who may even want revenge. Unless you end the relationship nicely, there’s really never going to be a happy ending, for you or for your reputation. [Read: Tips  to reject someone who likes you]

A friends with benefits relationship is always fun, as long as it lasts. Use these 25 friends with benefits rules to prolong the fun for as long as both of you safely can, and end it just before it’s too late.


We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!

Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship?
You can change someone else’s life too!


Like Us on Facebook


Like Lovepanky on Facebook and follow us @Lovepanky. Join our conversations and let’s create better love and relationships in the world.

Have your say!
  • Dariela
    July 21, 2012 | Permalink |

    very helpful…

  • friendw/benefit
    July 26, 2012 | Permalink |

    I happened to run into this article by accident. So glad to have found this. Very useful

  • the f*ck buddy situation
    January 14, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve never been a relationship girl, whether its been my experience with guys or my genuine nature of not trusting someone, I just don’t like them. I have a friend, whom I’ve know since forever, I’m 20 now and we grew up together and ended up at the same university. I can’t explain to you the sexual tension that has been building over the years, but I can tell you we’ve maintained the same relationship for about a year now. Ladies and men, don’t be scared about all this bull you hear about it not working out. I’m telling you right now, sometimes being in FWB relationship with a really good friend is much better then an acquaintance because communication about anything becomes so much easier, and as we all know communication is KEY in ANY type of relationship.

  • Tina
    April 1, 2013 | Permalink |

    This is somewhat helpful but also a bit confusing. I am in a fwb relationship with a co worker. We’ve had sexual tension between us from day 1 but I was unavailable at the time. Now im not anymore and we hooked up during a work weekend (it’s a traveling job). He told me he didn’t want to put me in a relationship so soon after my break up so I told him I was fine with fwb and see where it goes.

    After sex we cuddled and watched some shows and the next night we went downtown and strolled. He held my hand, randomly kissed me and so on. Even during work whenever he was free he would come to my station and surprise me with a quick kiss or a hug.

    Since that weekend he has been txting every day whenever he could, calls me names like baby/babe and amour. There is plenty of secting going on between us but most of the time its just normal conversation. He wants me to spend some time with him before the next trip too.

    I wouldn’t want to over thing this but I’ve had fwbs before and none of them acted this way. Is he still interested in making this something more even though he denies it? Because only one or two rules apply to us right now. I tried talking to him about it but it barely gets anywhere.

  • Curious Cat
    May 28, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been in a FWB relationship on and off for the last 3.5 years with the same guy. We used to see each other randomly, but now it’s kind of regular.

    A couple of weeks ago he asked me to pick him up at his family’s cabin, and once there he invited ot stay the weekend (Sneaky). He became very affectionate with me in front of his family. He has spent time with my son and done father figure type things with me. I think he is trying to take it out of the FWB zone for sure. I kind of like the way things are going between us, but I am not 100% sure that it’s what I want. We’ve gotten to know each other rather well, but I haven’t allowed myself to dvelop feelings for him in all this time. I just really like his company and we have tons in common.

    So many people say that an FWB “relationship” cannot ever develop into something “real”. I’m trying not to read to much into all of this, but I think the signs are there BIG TIME. I don’t know what to do, just go with it… or end it. Sigh….confusion.

  • Emma
    June 7, 2013 | Permalink |

    I’ve been hanging out with my fwb for almost 3 years. We see each other outside of the sex. We go to dinner, the movies and concerts. We even chill at home and watch a movie before the Rex part sometimes ;) We are both mature people in our late 30′s. We see/date other people, sometimes the sex stops with each other when we do (sometimes it doesn’t). We have never had a problem with jealousy or love. We came into this relationship with very clear and concise rules, and we both follow them. We were friends before we entered into this, for almost 3 years. I think it can work with a friend. They are someone you can trust more to be honest with you. The problem(s) arises when people think they’re mature enough to handle this type of relationship, but aren’t. I don’t believe you should ever start a fwb relationship before you weight your personal pro’s and con’s. It IS about more than just sex. To keep it going there has to be mutual respect. Screwing your buddy just bc he’s super hot, smells great and oozes sex is not the reason to start a fwb relationship. Being mature, knowing what you what, what they want and sticking to the rules is what makes this type of relationship last. The key word here is “friends” . You have to be willing to be friends, or this is just acquaintance sex…..which is exactly the type of sex that never works out and has a ton of issues that go along with it.

  • Jen
    July 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    I recently became involved with someone. I have a past of abuse and very bad experiences with men. However i am not a hateful or vengeful woman, i think personally i am a prize. Met this guy 3 months ago, i wanted to date. Become friends and have fun. See where it takes me. ON our 2nd date i mentioned my past fwb. How i wanted fwb, and it worked but i wanted to experience dating. So we agreed to be fwb. However we both are confused as to what our goal in life is. He says things and makes comments that pertain to long term. And i fell for it. So I was misinterpreting him. Thinking we are in this fwb, with the potential for long term. I wasnt thinking serious commitment at this time as i am IN NO WAY ready for it. And neither is he. But suddenly he has brought a new woman into the picture and has feelings for her. So i am confused as to why we are in this fwb, when he wants a relationship with her, and of course he wants to keep our fwb. I know he sounds like a slut and a dog, but he is a great guy. IN the last 3 months, i truely have felt like he is my other half, the piece of the puzzle i am missing. Our confusion in our lives is what is keeping us apart. APparantly he is attracted to her dark skin and that she is nice… my problem is my goodness do we have fun, not just sexually. Even out dating and our conversations are very deep. He considers me his buddy, he says i am the only person (friend) he feels totally comforaable with. I am cool, awesome… etc… Both me and his new fling are overweight, i may be more then she is. He told me that if i lost 50 lbs i would be a hot babe. So im up for that challenge… i would LOVE to get looks from men… lol… oh and i am very sexual, more so then he is. He feels he found his sexual match. He says things like once we both get our lives figured out then maybe we can commit to each other… etc…

    I know he is keeping me because he really does cherish the friendship and yes the sex is amazing, of course I would be the best he has had…

    Anyways, we had a heart to heart last night and I admitted that now with this other woman in the pix I am afraid of being pushed to the side like im nothing. Yes feelings have happened, not that I want to act on a commitment now, as I am NOT ready. But I was really hopeful that eventually this would turn into something more. Like a couple years down the road.

    He says he is not sure why he doesn’t feel the romantic feelings towards me. But he knows he cares about me very deeply. And that I am teaching him how to be with other women, this is all great. But I want it to be me!! Lol…

    Also the distance is an obstacle, I live in an area that really doesn’t have much to offer. I have to drive an hour or 2 to find men who are worth dating. So here I found the perfect man, someone I could be friends with, relieve my sexual energy, and hopefully grow to love.

    However that is not the case, I have a good friend for sex and dating but there will never be love. Both of us do believe we are not capable of love. And honestly now that I know what I know I can get myself someone on the side too, but I really do cherish the time, dating and sex that we have, so foolishly I will be staying with him until he tires of me. Now of course we have to have a schedule, because he cant let her know of me, as she will not be so happy with him dating other women. Which is a total other issue that me and him have talked about, but its his problem not mine.

    I would have been fine had it been just me and him, but yes I guess that does seem like a relationship even tho that is not how I looked at it.

    I need some comfort, advice, positive outlook, I wont give up the friendship or the sex… but I need help as to how to go about keeping this. He wants me to stay, I want to stay. I have so much fun with him, its just crazy. I truly believe he is the other half of me, but time will tell… but then again, I don’t want to say time will tell because I want to think that my future is with someone else. I have done it in the past with other fwb, so im not sure why this one is so different, or maybe he is not and I just need time to adjust to what really will be….

    I know im all over the place with this posting, I should mention that I have ADHD and so does he…. I would like girls and guys advice, please email me jferh@ymail.com… Im an awesome friend!!

  • tracy
    March 29, 2014 | Permalink |

    FWB worst idea ever and the dumbest most harmful thing for women. This is a male invention of the worst type. I unknowingingly got into a FWB relationship with a narcissist, it damaged me very badly. I was thinking we were actually dating and I became surprised to learn it was a FWB. Then I got pregnant and he told me it was a FWB! It was confusing, we went out on dates, cuddled, etc. The pregnancy scare was false. But he led me to believe we were not in a FWb, he led me on, for years then he broke my heart saying he was “seeing someone else,” I was like wtf, crazy. I would never ever recommend this BS and women who get into this knowingly are very dumb, you can waste years and years! of your precious beauty and life to be used like a common whore. Then disgarded at any time.

  • Craig
    July 26, 2014 | Permalink |

    I was in a fwb situation and it sucked for me. My problem was is that I was in love with her before we started the benefits and that was my fault. There were no ground rules to between us. We hung out every day before the benefits and then everyday after it started. She wanted me around all the time texting me and calling me I had no free time. When I tried to distance myself because of my feelings she got mad at me. It felt like a actual relationship which is what I really wanted and her actions to me signifies that it was a relationship even though she said it was friends with benefits from the start. I was afraid to lose her because now I was deeply in love with her. I got a text saying we should stop this because she didn’t want a relationship. I was heart broken and started writing letters to her to clear my head. I never sent the letters then one day I did and she finally knew I was in love with her. Now she is pissed at me and I lost one of my best friends. I tried telling her that her actions made me think it was different than fwb. She said you knew what you were getting into from the start. Lessons to be learned from this is don’t do it if you have feelings, and set some ground rules of how often you see each other. Dont cuddle after or spend the night either. You will end up heart broken like me. I am still trying to figure out why she needed me there all the time too. I will never do this again because of this situation that happened to me. Im not mad at her and I love her unconditionally. Theres a lot more to this story as well but to keep it short she said stuff to me like “I don’t want to leave you broken hearted” because she thought she was dying. Anyway she was very special to me because she really helped me out of a dark depression and she said that’s why she said that. She still lives and im broken hearted so i am confused there. Anyway listen to my advice from earlier and ddon’t do it with your best friend.

  • Mary
    August 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    Yes, I found myself in a FWB situation. I had know him for well over a year before we started to go to the Sunday matinee to watch all the top movies up for Oscars, as friends. We paid our own way and would meet at the theater. After a couple months, he kissed me one night after parting from a restaurant where we went for drinks/apps afterwards. We discussed what each was looking for, and he agreed he wanted the same as me, which was a long-term monogamous relationship. Well, after having sex a few times, he stated he wanted to have kids some day, all the while knowing that I already had 2 grown kids and no longer fertile.

    We continued to see each other for a total of 6 months. he said we weren’t dating that we were only physically attracted to each other, he always put me second, never introduced me to friends, never told anyone he had been dating me, because according to him, we werent dating.

    The final straw was when he refused to allow a pic of us on Facebook timeline,

  • Meow
    October 19, 2014 | Permalink |

    I’ve been reading a bunch of these types of articles regarding FWB… I’ve noticed the consistency of all the “rules”… I agree with most of them and practice them well, I think, yet I often find myself in a situation where I observe that my partner does not, unfortunately. In addition, I am getting tired of reading the “girls need to protect themselves from getting a broken heart,” and becoming too “clingy.” This is so cliché!! Lots of woman are fully capable of having casual sex, no strings attached, and often the men are the ones who get all clingy, emotional, jealous, etc. I am a woman and often find myself in a friendship with a male where he ends up wanting to date me, or in a FWB situation where it is the guy who wants to cuddle, who wants more affection and the other relationship elements. Whenever I confront the guy on these things, he completely denies it, he says he is very happy with our arrangement and is happy and satisfied. My gut tells me different, and I feel claustrophobic and too “needed,” and it starts to make me feel guilty, obligated, responsible, annoyed… I suppose since I have already tried to discuss the issue but things didn’t change and he is still breaking the “rules” in my opinion, the alternative is to simply end it. This would protect his feelings from getting stronger when I know I will never return them, and it will protect me from dealing with this hassle. Am I being too black and white here? Why do I hesitate to break it off? Well, it’s a shame to do so when the sex is so good and the fundamental concept of the FWB is ideal in so many ways. In the past, I continued along with FWB dynamic, once having had the above “conversation,” convincing myself that “he said he’s fine! He’s not falling in love with me, he said so!” yet the same patterns keep on happening. Are there any other ways to keep the guy in line or do you just walk away? I don’t want to feel like this “bitch” or “selfish” when I say no to cuddling or don’t want to do something that seems more on the “date/relationship” line. It’s tiring to deal with that kind of expectation. I keep saying in my head, “I thought we were on the same page here! You said you were cool with this!” I guess someone can say all they want that they are okay with FWB situation with me but they could be lying to me or even to themselves in order to get something rather than nothing… Or is really okay with them and I just have serious commitment phob. issues and am being too sensitive…? I want it to be satisfying and easy with no drama and maintenance… I suppose in the end, the sex is not worth the frustration that comes along with a clingy partner. I welcome thoughts and advice…. thanks :)

  • Tulip
    December 18, 2014 | Permalink |

    This has just broken my heart so much! I cannot express how sad I am. But this was required, and I’m so glad this post has been put up.

    Thanks!

Join In!

Something you wanna say about this feature? Enjoy a great conversation right here...

Your email is never shared. Required fields are marked *

Love Couch

Flirting Flings

Sensual Tease

Men

Women

My Life

Travel and Health

Entertainment