The question why do people cheat seems to be an easy one, but it is anything but easy to answer. These 10 things help you identify the signs.
The answer to why do people cheat is not an easy one. Typically, no one thing makes someone look for the comfort of someone else’s arms while in a relationship. Also, the definition of cheating is different for everyone.
Some people define cheating in a relationship as having sexual relations outside of the union, while others find being emotionally attached to someone tantamount to cheating on them. In general, anytime you go outside of a relationship to find intimacy with someone other than your mate, you are cheating.
These 10 things signal there is a cheater among us
The reasons people cheat are as numerous and confusing as the definitions of what cheating is. There are some major reasons that people cheat, however. And, if you are looking for someone in your life to be real and not screw you over, these are the signs you should look for both before you find someone to love and while you are in love.
#1 They have parents who cheated on one another. We grow up learning from what we live. If you saw one of your parents’ cheat on another, then it is not uncommon for the trend to continue.
#2 They are very insecure. Often when someone is highly insecure, they cheat on their significant other. Needing constant attention, praise, or the euphoria of having someone adore them is a very strong need for people who are insecure.
Once the puppy love part of a relationship dies down, people who aren’t secure in themselves often look for someone outside of the relationship to make them feel relevant and worthwhile.
#3 They don’t believe in monogamy. Some people believe monogamy is attainable and some don’t. Not everyone who enters into marriage and says “I do” really means I do. Sometimes they get married simply because it is the next step, or they feel compelled to make things official.
If you don’t have a belief in the sanctity of marriage, when times get tough, it is much easier to get fulfillment with someone outside of the marriage than to work hard at trying to fix what is wrong within. If you want to ensure you are in a committed relationship, ask your significant other if they think monogamy is possible to begin with.
#4 They are bored with the relationship. Once the fun of being newlyweds and “in love” starts to be tainted by mortgage payments, children, and the strains of extended family, being in a committed relationship gets, well, boring.
Wanting just a little attention and exhilaration, some people cheat for no other reason than boredom in their current relationship and wanting excitement. Not thinking about the consequences, they take a chance to have some cheap thrill hoping not to be discovered. [Read: 15 reasons why so many couples get bored with their relationship]
#5 They are looking for a way out of the relationship. Some people aren’t secure enough in themselves to leave a bad relationship without jumping ship.
Sometimes they need a little help in the form of finding someone else who thinks they are worthwhile enough to push them to leave a failing relationship. Already disconnected from their current commitment, finding someone to cheat with, gives them the confidence and security they need to move on and out.
#6 Their emotional or sexual needs aren’t being met within the relationship. It is very difficult sometimes to have all your needs met in a relationship. Instead of working on the current commitment made, people go outside of their relationship to get their needs met. That can come in the form of sexual and emotional fulfillment.
If someone isn’t getting what they need in their current relationship, and there is someone outside of the marriage willing to give them what they crave, the pull is sometimes enough to make them stray. Instead of staying to work on what is missing or being honest with their current partner, they take the easier route. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably didn’t notice]
#7 They get caught up in a moment. We don’t always make the best decisions in the heat of the moment. Sometimes people cheat because they are drunk, upset, or just making a poor choice.
Not considering the consequences or fallout, people in committed relationships “slip up.” Albeit, a huge slip-up! But, sometimes passion and outside influences can be enough for someone to make a bad decision that they end up regretting.
#8 They feel unappreciated and unloved. It is not uncommon for one or both partners to feel unappreciated or unloved in a relationship. There are times when you feel like if you just disappeared no one would even notice.
Being lonely when you are alone is a horrible feeling. Being lonely when with someone is sometimes even worse. People sometimes cheat because they get to the point where they don’t feel any connection or that they mean anything to the person they are with and ask “why not?”. [Read: 15 revealing truths about feeling alone in a relationship]
#9 They didn’t understand that you were exclusive to begin with. There are times in relationships when one person assumes they are exclusive, but the other one is completely unaware. It can’t be cheating if you don’t even know you are in a committed relationship with someone.
If you want to be exclusive with someone, sometimes you have to come to an agreement verbally that that is where the relationship is at. If you don’t make clear boundaries and define what you are as a couple, then the other person may not be on board and may not consider that they are cheating at all. [Read: 6 spot-on tips on raising the idea of being exclusive]
#10 They are narcissistic. A narcissist is someone who cares only for their own needs. If you don’t satisfy them or you don’t adore them the way that they believe you should, someone who is narcissistic will have no problem going outside of the marriage to get their needs met.
Having no ability to empathize, the cornerstone of a narcissist, they are incapable of seeing or caring about how it makes the other partner feel. If it makes them feel good, that is all that they need to know or care about. [Read: 12 signs of a narcissist and 5 ways to break up with them]