Relationships and cheating are two complex terms that inevitably unite at some point in our lives. The temptation of cheating enters every single relationship, in the form of an invitation or a doubt, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. So what is cheating then, really?
Click here to read the introduction on cheating in a relationship.
Have you ever understood the bond that relationships and cheating hold with each other? As we’ve seen in the introduction, the more we’re aware, the more we tend to cheat. So what is cheating then?
Is it wrong to flirt with someone else when you’re in a relationship? Of course, everyone *knows* flirting with someone else is cheating.
Acknowledging this as the truth only makes you a liar and a cheat, because all of us flirt, whether in front of our partner or behind their back.
The French author Leon Paul Blouet once wrote that flirtation was ‘attention without intention’.
Whether you agree or not, we are all flirts in our own way. The only difference is that men do it obviously, and women are more subtle.
You’re only cheating if you actually follow up on your sexual innuendos.
Flirting can destroy trust, but whether you agree or not, everyone is a flirt.
Flirting, relationships and cheating
Flirtation is used today in most scenarios, to persuade a cab driver to take you somewhere out of their reach, to win over business deals, to persuade someone to employ you, to get a nickel off your overcharged fare, and what not!
The problem with flirting is that an individual does not always know when they are doing it. You could be talking to someone for one minute. And the next thing you know, you’re touching each other like a petting zoo. [Read: How to flirt by touching]
But let’s be realistic here. If there is a slight intention in the flirtation, then that is a different story, and anything but acting on it with the intention of having sex should not be taken seriously.
Flirting is fun, and an essential and universal part of human interaction. Everyone indulges in it, whether it’s in front of a partner or behind their back.
Our achievements in everything we do are merely side-effects of the essential ability to charm and impress others with our own abilities. An exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten the day, raise self esteem, and strengthen social bonds. So before you throw a tantrum and ask your partner to stop flirting with others, ask yourself about your own flirting abilities and look beyond this age-old dilemma of cheating.
Flirting and text messages
Relationships and cheating have come really close ever since text messages came into our lives. Normally, this starts as cheap fun in an office atmosphere, but again, if it’s not acted upon, why are we getting ourselves worked up over words?
Haven’t you ever texted a friend back and forth and found yourself flirting? But you know you weren’t cheating on your lover, right? So what is cheating then? Is it cheating if your partner does the same thing?
Everybody knows that a text is just a text, and nothing else. When you start reading between the lines, you’d not only confuse yourself more, but you’re probably damaging a relationship over nothing.
This is where trust comes into play. If you’ve found your partner texting fascinating messages to someone else, then don’t assume it’s cheating. In fact, you should ask what it is they were doing and clear it up. The worst case scenario could be assuming something without knowing all the information. What could be assumed as cheating could easily be harmless fun, though it’s difficult to see your partner flirting as an amusement.
The course of true love never did run smooth. And remember, actions speak louder than texted words. If it bothers you, and you think that’s cheating, talk to your partner about it. [Quiz: Would you be unfaithful?]
Cheating with a glass of wine
A drunk encounter at a party with an ex-lover or a colleague at work can at times end up with both of you kissing each other. Or worse, the moment may just feel right and even before you know it, you may find yourself in someone else’s bed.
So did you just cheat on your partner? Quite frankly, you just did. But then again, as painful as it can feel, it was an accident. So again, what is cheating?
Is kissing someone else cheating?
The ultimate betrayal (apart from sleeping with someone else) is cheating via ‘the kiss.’ Yes, you’re not kissing the person you should be kissing, but you’re not exactly shagging them either.
What would be worse, you finding out that your partner kissed someone else, or you finding your partner sleeping with someone else?
It may be a mistake that you come to regret, but of those of us who are victims of this scenario, don’t let a kiss kill your relationship. You may feel insecure at first because you feel as though this should never have happened, but in reality, shit happens, heck, so do a lot of other things. You feel disgusted, victimized, unworthy and unloved, but don’t let yourself feel as though you’ve just experienced a scenario out of Carrie’s pages!
Life doesn’t imitate sitcoms, so don’t let yourself be fooled. Of course, the feeling of guilty conscience comes into play and may cause a situation whereby the victim finds it hard to regain the trust.
In life, we face many drawbacks, and in relationships we face them more because of the level of emotions involved. I’m not condoning everything, but neither do I condemn it. But, to endure yourself in misery, it depends on how you can get over it.
Getting over an unfaithful incident
What’s happened cannot be undone. Instead, you could take your own fate and decide to commit the exact same act upon your partner. But why? To feel that justice will be served? Hardly. If anything, trying to regain any kind of justice in a relationship isn’t possible. That doesn’t exist.
Justice is not served from relationships, love is, and to truly love is a test of one’s ability to move on. Just remember as Gandhi once said, ‘an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind’. [Read: Getting back with an ex for sex]
If you don’t want to feel miserable endlessly, you will have to try and forgive, forget or move out of it. There are far worse things in life that can happen to you, ones that are more worthy of your sorrow. The life and love we create is the life and love we live. If you face the situations that cheating seems to be defined as, it’s the belief in yourself and the way you think that will get you over this situation.
Ask yourself what is cheating, and define your boundary of faithfulness.
Too many relationships fail because the boundaries are not set at the beginning. But even if they are set, we get drawn into what is considered cheating by those that define it around us. We set boundaries based on what we see in the movies or in our friends’ lives. It is only up to you to know what is worth the value and what isn’t.
Perhaps, I’m an optimist, or even an idealist. But we only live once in this lifetime and to let your eyes believe you’re being cheated makes you blinder to the bigger picture.
In life, we all make mistakes and we all learn from them. But in love, when we make mistakes we don’t allow ourselves to learn because we are restricted by whatever boundaries are conceived upon us.
Today, the temptation to cheat and even the opportunities to cheat have increased ten fold. Opposite sexes spend days and nights together over work or while socializing, and it takes a small oversight to make a huge mistake. We don’t live in a fairy tale romance where there’s just one good damsel and one prince charming. We’re surrounded by lovely fairy tale people all the time.
So here we go again, what is cheating, really? [Read: Dating facts]
Define your own boundaries in a relationship, and you’ll be a lot happier in love. Cheating and relationships go hand in hand, but that’s only if you define it by the rules of old romantic novels. So what is cheating again? Make your own rules and let us know what they are!
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Is oral , sex? I told my guy I never had sex with anyone since we started going out but one night at a friends party a friend gave me an orgasm orally during a game of dare.Now I am wondering is this classed as sex and should I tell him or leave him happy not knowing
@DEE, oral sex is not the same as sex. But oral sex is pretty much right there at the top. It’s almost like sex.
So if youdid get oral sex from another friend, it’s still definitely something that’ll upset your boyfriend. The tricky part here is that if you do tell him that you cheated on him over a game, he’ll definitely leave you. On the other hand, even if you keep it a secret, he may get to know eventually.
Do what you feel is right, tell him if your conscience matters more than your relationship, because there seems to be no future here if you tell him you got oral sex from someone else.
Does it count if a blindfold and alcohol means you don’t even know who gave the orgasm. I am guessing it was a girl because I never had a tongue work on me like that before. Is it cheating or just getting carried away in the fun?
@Dee, my advice to you is to not tell your guy about it. It looks like you had a lot of fun. Keep it that way and forget about it. If your boyfriend was there, he would have done the same thing. But he wasn’t so he will never understand you or why you participated in that.
If he ever finds out, tell him you’re really soory about it but it all happened so fast, and you were drunk. And you were feeling really bad to tell him about it. Unless you’re boyfriend can think of it from your perspective and be understanding, he’d be pissed off!
I read about 20 articles on this site tonight. It is the first time I’ve seen this site. At first, I thought there were some good things to read here within the few articles I had read. The more I read on about the different articles offered here, the more I dislike the morals behind most of them. Being drunk is never an excuse to cheat. I agree that maybe defining your particular set of rules as to what cheating is may help to clear up a lot of problems. However, a kiss, grabbing someone’s junk, oral sex, anal sex, slapping someone’s ass, these are all cheating. The reason why? You have broken a boundary of trust with your partner. Unless they clearly stated otherwise “Oh no, it’s fine, you can kiss other girls/guys”, then this is cheating. The fact that you would be an advocate to forgiving someone who has betrayed your trust is just utterly stupid on your part. I don’t care if the saying once a cheater always a cheater is true or not. The point remains, they betrayed your trust. Game over. And Dee, you’re not a very good person in my opinion.
I agree completely with someguy.
It’s still cheating if it’s an accident.
@ Dee: Oral SEX. Seems to be obvious.
What is worst to sleep with someone or for for an actual relationship with another person while married
well, my girlfriend thinks that i am cheating on her because i wanted to talk to a girl who added her in facebook to ask her the reason why she added my girlfriend. the girl was a complete stranger to us. so I asked my gf if I can ask her why she added my gf. but it turns out badly.
she is now accusing me as a cheater. she said that having the thought of talking to someone else is cheating.
so I’m asking you guys what is your opinion on this?
is talking to a stranger with the consent of the gf is cheating?
did anyone else wonder what the hell kind of parties does “Dee” go to???!!
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
So! This article made sense but I need opinions. I started dating my friend two years ago. I never really actually been in a relationship and before him I only kissed one other person. I was a virgin and sex kissing love always freaked me out it was the last thing on my mind.last night we were all drinking our bestfriend and I walked to the store alone I was wasted and I think we kissed I don’t remember the act just the conversation it was like “ew I don’t even like you like that OMG! Wtf?” We freaked out and I was being so evil I said don’t act like you’re not attracted to me and he said we had a connection for ever but it’s so wrong and I said I dont understand anything I don’t get it. Because I don’t understand why it happened I love my boyfriend we’ve been through so much I never had a thought like that last thing I want is too htort him and I have horrible ocd in my drunk head I honestly felt like it was my bf with me walking. Anyways I TS my boyfriend and he laughed and said he doubt I kissed our friend that we’re both stupid for all we know we hit heads or got too close and assumed we kissed that the other guy has a wild mind and Im naive and believed the accusation and I was really wasted
Gosh typos anyways he said I was wasted and it was okay that he doubts it happened I asked what if it did and my bf replied he’d be mad but it wouldn’t break us up and he told he knows me I’m not capable of that and too stop tripping but he’s too calm I feel disgusted and I want to ask our friend but he doesn’t remember the night at all. I don’t like myself I want to leave him so he can find someone better whose good for him.idk it happened.. it meant nothing and when I think bout it, it makes me nauseous because if I did kiss him it would be like kissing my brother. It’s so f***** up! So do I just say screw it move on? I feel like I can’t trust myself anymore.
While reading the article, I learned that flirting is considered cheating by some/many, this is something I never would have imagined. I am a flirtatious guy, I flirt with everyone and by god if that was the case I would be the biggest cheater on the planet. The thing is I’m not the biggest cheater on the planet. Why? Because flirting is not cheating. When you flirt it does not mean you have the intention.
Another thing, slapping someone’s ass isn’t what I would call cheating. Depending on the circumstance and the motive, it could mean MANY different things. I mean people do it to me as a joke, and I do the same back, but that’s just a friendly thing, but I also know the people very well. But by this logic is dancing with someone who is not your partner cheating?
Because if so, I bet you that someguy and Patrick, you are BOTH cheaters.
Then about the drunken involvement, it’s not necessarily an excuse, but it can’t be taken to heart depending on the circumstance. For starters, if you are so drunk you can barely think straight, how do you expect to have the mental ability to goose between “right and wrong” I mean you’re already drunk off your ass, so you kinda threw what’s right out the window. And if you do end up being involved with someone, you can’t really control it, because you are not in the conscious state to do that. The next thing that determines the reaction, if you (or the partner) who did this, goes around telling people with a smirk and is proud of it, kick them to the curb. BUT if that person realizes the nature of the act they committed, and truly feels guilty about it, then it is not reason enough to separate.
Now comes the issue of the kiss. Oh this one is a weird bridge to cross. So kissing, there are different types, the soft peck, the awkward kiss, the spit-swapper, the I’m-ramming-my-tongue-down-your-throat-and-so-are-you kiss, then there’s the friendly kiss, the passionate kiss, etc. Now, I have never kissed another girl, while being in a legitimate relationship with someone else, so I want to clear that to begin. Here’s where I’m going, how many of you have had a best friend of the opposite sex, that the only way to describe it is that you love(d) them to death? Not a relationship kind of love, not a sibling kind of love, but somewhere right down the middle. I have kissed a few best friends who were like this to me.
Now I would never be in a relationship with them, I just, can’t. But they know more about me than my girlfriends. So isn’t it only natural to feel a slight interest? So I have kissed friends like that to me, obviously they were okay with it, and I was NOT in another relationship at the time. But it wasn’t the kind of kiss that is the like super sexual kiss, it was basically a kiss that words can’t describe how much that person means to you, and almost a thank you for being there to listen and for caring for so long.
If you do so happen to have one of these in a relationship, then I think ot would be excusable, so long that it never happens again, and that it doesn’t get talked about, or further acted upon (similar to the drunken thing). But if a partner does kiss some random person, yeah, it’s messed up but depending on how they act afterwards should determine the result. So to shitouttaluck, it wouldn’t be fair to break up with him after he has forgiven you. He still loves you and wants to stay with you even though that happened. But you want to leave him because you are mad at yourself? So not only are you punishing yourself, but you’re punishing him, for something you feel guilty about. That’s not fair at all. Stay with him, you two care about each other a lot.
So, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 yrs (I am 18). Recently I was at a party with one of my best guy friends (who has been longer than I’ve dated my bf), I got super hammered, and it was very, very hot outside. We decided to go skinny dipping, and we tried really hard to get other people to come with us but no one would. We went anyways, but I told him he couldn’t look at me and he had to keep his distance.
Needless to say he did not keep his distance, even though I would try to swim away. I let him touch me, but not in sexual ways, just the kinds of touching that happens when people go swimming. Like dunking, splashing, ect. I told my boyfriend that I went skinny dipping with our friend, do I tell him that the guy touched me too? I mean it wasn’t like him caressing me in any way whatsoever, we joked about each other’s nakedness but I think thats a normal thing to do when you skinny dip with people. I feel like the worst person though because I left out the contact part, I said we stayed a distance because I faltered and got worried. I have been pretty bent out of shape about it, and feel like I don’t deserve my bf because he is so wonderful and understanding. Was it cheating, do you think he can forgive me? Should I tell him?
When I first met my now husband, I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. I cheated on him with my ex during the first 6 weeks we were dating. We are now married for four years, and I am considering telling him because I love him so much and feel guilty. I have justified it for years because we were never “technically” together. What do you all think??
I would like to see what others think about my situation. I decided to divorce my ex husband back in September on the grounds that he was abusive. I left and told him that I wanted to be separated. We became legally separated at that point.
About October I met a guy and started seeing him but we were not a couple or exclusive. About mid October, me and my ex started playing around with the idea of getting back together if he changed his ways. We never decided at what time we were going to do this so I still was seeing this other guy.
When my ex found out, by hacking my Facebook, he said that I was cheating on him because I had intentions of us getting back together. He also said I was cheating because we were divorced yet even though he got a girlfriend soon after all this. I am just confused because I don’t know whether I was cheating or not. I lean more towards not but I can’t be sure. I didn’t have those intentions that’s for sure, if I was 100 percent sure it would be cheating I wouldn’t have done it. What do you guys think?
I’m with Someguy on this, and I absolutely haven’t come close to cheating ever. I’ve been with my man for 3 years, and I’ve never felt a single twinge of interest for another person since. I don’t flirt, and I certainly don’t do any of the other acts. “Accidents” don’t happen; unless its rape. It always takes two to tango. If you are in a committed relationship with someone you truly love, then yes, kissing and anything around that area is cheating. When you are in love, there should never be any feelings or attraction for others. Sure, there are handsome men out there, but I would never consider getting “feely” with them. Maybe I’m just crazy to think that people can actually be loyal to each other, but trust is just too important to me.
Cheating is getting caught. Till you get caught you aren’t cheating. Sharing my body and allowing others to enjoy me is not the same as loving them. You can have sex with more than one person at a time but you really can’t love two people at the same time as you do your partner. I’m honest with my heart where it matters and careful in the other matters to keep it very hidden. It’s the best of both worlds.
Ive learned that I flirt… but very unaware of it.. it has the Guy of my dreams falling back from me… I really love him and him and I was together for four years.. so I’m trying my best to change what I’m unaware of..I told him that I’m just a friendly person but that doesn’t give him any comfort …. what can and shall I do?
If your friend shows you a message your husband sent her and it says he wants to sleep with her and they schedule a place and time, Is it considered cheating if he actually shows p to the place waiting for her?
Listen, I feel if the person would be hurt and upset if it was done to them then they shouldn’t do it. ANYONE in a relationship will NOT be okay with their partner getting or giving oral sex to someone else, kissing someone else, touching someone else in a sexual way, having sex with someone else, or sending and receiving sexts and naked photos. Lets be real! Drunken stupidness is NOT an excuse, if you can’t control your drinking to the point that you’re gonna kiss, suck, lick, have sex, or talk sexually to another person who is NOT the person you are in a relationship, then you shouldn’t be drinking, PERIOD. I’ve been drunk off my ass and around hot ass guys and have never once decided “Hmmm I’m drunk soo I’m gonna let this dude give me oral sex even though I have a boyfriend”. Control your alcohol or leave, I can’t risk my heart for someone who has not sense of self-control. Why be in a relationship with someone if you’re just going to go around giving yourself away to everyone else and doing what you do with your partner, with everyone else. Just be single then and allow the other person to find someone that willing and capable of being in a loyal, faithful relationship as much as they are. If you kiss someone else and you KNOW that if I did it, you would feel hurt and betrayed, then guess what? You cheated on me. Plain and Simple. If it wouldn’t bother you, but would still bother me and you want to be with me, then don’t do it and vice versa, if not we can just go our separate ways. There are billions of people in the world to waste your time on someone who doesn’t want or give the same in a relationship as you do.
Hi there, My partner cheated —2months ago, He let some women at work give him oral and they kissed, they had also been txting each other since it happened. ( I found out by chance because she sent him a message on his iphone, which came through to our ipod, He has told me everything and I have also spoke to that horrible women. We are trying to work thing out, But I cant stop thinking about what he has done. We have two children together, and stypidly I love him.
Has anyone else been through this, and got through his. Thanks inadvance
Hi, I’ve been dating a man for a year, and asked him where he thought our relationship was headed at the beginning of Nov. He couldn’t give me an answer. The month prior I had asked him to move in with me, and he skirted giving me an answer. I figured, he’s not that into me, and Im not going to wait around, twiddling my thumbs for an answer – I’m in my 30′s. Anyway, I was disappointed, and told him. I have a friend from an online class I talk to, about class stuff a lot, and he and I started sending texts outside class – he lives thousands of miles away. This wasn’t sexual, it was sending pics of where I live, of me, my dog etc kind of photos. One night he sent a text that he wished he could kiss me, I replied okayyyy….! Innocent TMs, but I did wonder about him and I, and told a friend of mine via FB email. I was frustrated (still am) about being single/alone no focused relationship. Well, the guy I was dating the past year hacked into my FB account and saw my messaging between my friend, then proceeded to hack my phone TMs and peek in my Windows one night while I talked on the phone with my mom & friends – thinking I was ‘cheating’ on him!
If a guy has no clue where he wants the relationship to go, and can’t answer a pretty simple question – then he’s not into me! He considers what I did as cheating, I don’t – I was talking with another man, whoopee! I also thought ‘maybe’ I could date him, ‘whoopee!!’ What do you all think?
i found some disturbing messages from my bf of 9 months asking other women if one wanted to talk dirty for a while and telling the other she was the best lay he ever had and that her vag was ” tight and warm ” PLUS messaged his ex after he told me he NEVER talks to his exs. i dont know wiether or not its cheating but its sure as hell disrespectful towards me, i know now that i cant trust him alone for even a few hours without him doing that behind my back. ( i was at a drs appt while he was doing all this ) i got his old facebook back and had to change the password and email so he cant give me the ” my fb must have gotten hacked again ” excuse. when i saw those messages i wanted to die. it wouldnt be the first time my bf/ex did this to me behind my back or physically cheated on me. i have panic/anxiety attacks and severe depression and severely low self esteem to the point where if i find something out like that i feel like im not good enough or wanted.
My boyfriend has always been the flirty and jokey type, even long before we met. We’ve been together almost 4 years and I found out last year that he spent a very big portion of our relationship chatting to girls, flirting, talking dirty and so on. I obviously see this as cheating because he betrayed my trust, he knew what he was doing was disrespectful to me and our relationship but because there was no physical cheating involved, should I just move on and believe him when he says he knows he loves me and he will never do it again? I don’t know what to do. I feel like i’m not good enough or he wouldn’t have felt the need to always talk to other girls. But when we were together we couldn’t have been happier. I don’t understand.
Hi I need help I was at a 21st when I got very drunk and people saw me dirty dancing with some guy I can not remember this and my bf saw to I also ended up touching a girl and kissing her not a pash just a kiss on lips now my bf won’t forgive me as he says I cheated and I dirty danced it was never on purpose to hurt him and I never planed to go out of my way to cause him pain I love him very much and I wish he could see that I didn’t ever plan to cheat as he says I hate myself for it am I a bad person
My bf and I have been together for 4 years now. And about a year
Ago I went overseas and I must say that’s I was saying some pretty Nasty things before I left which wasn’t the best idea.
When I was overseas he told me that he kissed another girl. I am with him now but I feel so betrayed. I do love him but I don’t think I could ever trust him.
What would you do…?
Okay, first to address the article: While yes, it is important to define the terms of what is acceptable in the relationship, the vast majority of relationships have the same boundaries… You sleep with only me, there is only oral and heavy petting with me, you can kiss and touch others under certain circumstances only. The only real issue I have with the article is that the tone leads to the feeling that cheating is all in the mind of the jealous one, and that you shouldn’t feel bad for “cheating” if it isn’t something that would bother you otherwise.
Bull. The “we all make mistakes” routine is only played by those who don’t actually feel bad for cheating… if this is what you’ve been hearing, maybe you need to have a serious conversation with your partner about said boundaries.
To address the other comments I’ve seen: Intent to act is the only grey area I see in all of the above anecdotes; everyone that has acted, including those under the effects of copious amounts of alcohol, did in fact cheat on their significant other. LET ME SAY IT AGAIN – Alcohol does NOT excuse those actions, because it was still you. If you are worried about “not being yourself” because you drank too much (which is also bull, btw), then how about showing a little restraint, for the sake of your relationship if not for the sake of your own health?
Now, that being said, cheating does not automatically end a relationship, as several here have already pointed out. If the cheater is truly apologetic and the other person in the relationship is willing to forgive them and rebuild that trust, then the relationship can begin anew. And it will begin anew, because you Will have to rebuild that trust. From scratch. And there is one key factor that I haven’t mentioned yet: The cheater MUST be willing to do, essentially, everything in their power to not cheat again… because that Will end the relationship, unless the other person is a fool. If that means cutting back on alcohol, or not going to crazy parties, then you need to decide which is more important to you: Those wild, crazy times of blacking out, or your significant other.
And as an addendum, to address one final note: If you and your partner decide that anything goes as long as the only emotional connection is with each other, and that makes you happy? To Hell with what boring old stiffs like me think is proper, enjoy your relationship and enjoy your partner
Sorry, one last addition… I just re-read what I wrote and realized I probably sounded like a pompous ass, so I would like to make sure it is clear… just because some people abuse the “everyone makes mistakes” line does not mean mistakes don’t happen… how else do people learn their limits but by crossing them a few times? These are not the end of the world, but it is still all about sincerity and trust between the two partners… If one mistake is enough to make your partner never willing to trust you again, maybe they weren’t mature enough to be with you seriously… then again, if your one mistake was really that bad (a drink kiss or dance probably doesn’t count, though it’ll surely lead to a fight), maybe you should be keeping yourself on a short leash till you learn those limits…
Once again… Honesty, Communication, and Love… Trust will come in due time.
Yes, kissing someone is cheating. Chasing someone is cheating. “Emotional Cheating” is not a mild or less-bad version of “cheating”. We like to be more strict in the definition where we know we’ve crossed the line or could see ourselves crossing the line.
If you have a crush on someone at work and you take action to pursue it, you’re cheating.
If you’re attracted to a friend of yours and you’re positioning yourself to see them, to be around them, and take actions in those directions it’s just under-the-radar pursuing which you may not be fully aware of — but you Are Cheating.
If you go out on even a casual not-really-a-date-but-hangout with someone you like in that way, or knowing they like you in that way — you’re Cheating.
If you build a “life boat” when your relationship’s on the rocks with someone else … setting things up so when you break up, you’ll be with them right after — you’re Cheating.
And obviously, engaging in kissing-or-more is cheating, too.
Basically, any emotional pursuit of someone else, even with no initial expectations at all, or engaging in sexual physical activity from 1st base or more, is Cheating.
That is why most people have cheated at some point in their lives, in either a not-so-serious dating relationship to a marriage. People will re-define things when things are on the rocks as not really cheating if there was no sex and their ex was an a-hole anyway, etc etc. But if you’re honest about it — most people have crossed lines in pursuit and/or physical barriers crossed.