Relationships and cheating are two complex terms that inevitably unite at some point in our lives. The temptation of cheating enters every single relationship, in the form of an invitation or a doubt, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. So what is cheating then, really?
Click here to read the introduction on cheating in a relationship.
Have you ever understood the bond that relationships and cheating hold with each other? As we’ve seen in the introduction, the more we’re aware, the more we tend to cheat. So what is cheating then?
Is it wrong to flirt with someone else when you’re in a relationship? Of course, everyone *knows* flirting with someone else is cheating.
Acknowledging this as the truth only makes you a liar and a cheat, because all of us flirt, whether in front of our partner or behind their back.
The French author Leon Paul Blouet once wrote that flirtation was ‘attention without intention’.
Whether you agree or not, we are all flirts in our own way. The only difference is that men do it obviously, and women are more subtle.
You’re only cheating if you actually follow up on your sexual innuendos.
Flirting can destroy trust, but whether you agree or not, everyone is a flirt.
Flirting, relationships and cheating
Flirtation is used today in most scenarios, to persuade a cab driver to take you somewhere out of their reach, to win over business deals, to persuade someone to employ you, to get a nickel off your overcharged fare, and what not!
The problem with flirting is that an individual does not always know when they are doing it. You could be talking to someone for one minute. And the next thing you know, you’re touching each other like a petting zoo. [Read: How to flirt by touching]
But let’s be realistic here. If there is a slight intention in the flirtation, then that is a different story, and anything but acting on it with the intention of having sex should not be taken seriously.
Flirting is fun, and an essential and universal part of human interaction. Everyone indulges in it, whether it’s in front of a partner or behind their back.
Our achievements in everything we do are merely side-effects of the essential ability to charm and impress others with our own abilities. An exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten the day, raise self esteem, and strengthen social bonds. So before you throw a tantrum and ask your partner to stop flirting with others, ask yourself about your own flirting abilities and look beyond this age-old dilemma of cheating.
Flirting and text messages
Relationships and cheating have come really close ever since text messages came into our lives. Normally, this starts as cheap fun in an office atmosphere, but again, if it’s not acted upon, why are we getting ourselves worked up over words?
Haven’t you ever texted a friend back and forth and found yourself flirting? But you know you weren’t cheating on your lover, right? So what is cheating then? Is it cheating if your partner does the same thing?
Everybody knows that a text is just a text, and nothing else. When you start reading between the lines, you’d not only confuse yourself more, but you’re probably damaging a relationship over nothing.
This is where trust comes into play. If you’ve found your partner texting fascinating messages to someone else, then don’t assume it’s cheating. In fact, you should ask what it is they were doing and clear it up. The worst case scenario could be assuming something without knowing all the information. What could be assumed as cheating could easily be harmless fun, though it’s difficult to see your partner flirting as an amusement.
The course of true love never did run smooth. And remember, actions speak louder than texted words. If it bothers you, and you think that’s cheating, talk to your partner about it. [Quiz: Would you be unfaithful?]
Cheating with a glass of wine
A drunk encounter at a party with an ex-lover or a colleague at work can at times end up with both of you kissing each other. Or worse, the moment may just feel right and even before you know it, you may find yourself in someone else’s bed.
So did you just cheat on your partner? Quite frankly, you just did. But then again, as painful as it can feel, it was an accident. So again, what is cheating?
Is kissing someone else cheating?
The ultimate betrayal (apart from sleeping with someone else) is cheating via ‘the kiss.’ Yes, you’re not kissing the person you should be kissing, but you’re not exactly shagging them either.
What would be worse, you finding out that your partner kissed someone else, or you finding your partner sleeping with someone else?
It may be a mistake that you come to regret, but of those of us who are victims of this scenario, don’t let a kiss kill your relationship. You may feel insecure at first because you feel as though this should never have happened, but in reality, shit happens, heck, so do a lot of other things. You feel disgusted, victimized, unworthy and unloved, but don’t let yourself feel as though you’ve just experienced a scenario out of Carrie’s pages!
Life doesn’t imitate sitcoms, so don’t let yourself be fooled. Of course, the feeling of guilty conscience comes into play and may cause a situation whereby the victim finds it hard to regain the trust.
In life, we face many drawbacks, and in relationships we face them more because of the level of emotions involved. I’m not condoning everything, but neither do I condemn it. But, to endure yourself in misery, it depends on how you can get over it.
Getting over an unfaithful incident
What’s happened cannot be undone. Instead, you could take your own fate and decide to commit the exact same act upon your partner. But why? To feel that justice will be served? Hardly. If anything, trying to regain any kind of justice in a relationship isn’t possible. That doesn’t exist.
Justice is not served from relationships, love is, and to truly love is a test of one’s ability to move on. Just remember as Gandhi once said, ‘an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind’. [Read: Getting back with an ex for sex]
If you don’t want to feel miserable endlessly, you will have to try and forgive, forget or move out of it. There are far worse things in life that can happen to you, ones that are more worthy of your sorrow. The life and love we create is the life and love we live. If you face the situations that cheating seems to be defined as, it’s the belief in yourself and the way you think that will get you over this situation.
Ask yourself what is cheating, and define your boundary of faithfulness.
Too many relationships fail because the boundaries are not set at the beginning. But even if they are set, we get drawn into what is considered cheating by those that define it around us. We set boundaries based on what we see in the movies or in our friends’ lives. It is only up to you to know what is worth the value and what isn’t.
Perhaps, I’m an optimist, or even an idealist. But we only live once in this lifetime and to let your eyes believe you’re being cheated makes you blinder to the bigger picture.
In life, we all make mistakes and we all learn from them. But in love, when we make mistakes we don’t allow ourselves to learn because we are restricted by whatever boundaries are conceived upon us.
Today, the temptation to cheat and even the opportunities to cheat have increased ten fold. Opposite sexes spend days and nights together over work or while socializing, and it takes a small oversight to make a huge mistake. We don’t live in a fairy tale romance where there’s just one good damsel and one prince charming. We’re surrounded by lovely fairy tale people all the time.
So here we go again, what is cheating, really? [Read: Dating facts]
Define your own boundaries in a relationship, and you’ll be a lot happier in love. Cheating and relationships go hand in hand, but that’s only if you define it by the rules of old romantic novels. So what is cheating again? Make your own rules and let us know what they are!
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