How to make the walk of shame feel more respectable
If you want to hide the fact that you’re walking back home after shaking the bed with a guy all night, in attire that’s bare minimum and definitely inappropriate for an early morning, just use these 8 easy tips. It’ll make that walk of shame easier to handle, and you’ll feel great about yourself too.
#1 Better safe than sorry. As exciting as going home with a perfect stranger may be, avoid it. It’s just not worth the risk. He could turn out to be a serial killer. If you have no idea about a guy or if none of your friends know anything about him, completely avoid the idea of letting him take you home, especially if you’ve had one too many shooters at the club. Expect your friends to do you a favor and hold you back when they think you’re going home with the wrong guy. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to remember]
#2 Don’t sneak out in the morning. Sneaking out in the morning may work in the movies, but it’s not a nice thing to do in real life. I’ve sneaked out a couple of times and I’ve felt terrible about it.
Firstly, it makes you feel like a whore working on a timer. Secondly, it makes you feel more insulted and ashamed about the whole one night stand thing. Wake him up if you’re up early and he seems like a nice guy, or prod him with a stick and tell him you’re leaving.
#3 It’s okay to be late. Never rush out early in the morning. It may feel like the right thing to do, but it never is. You may be late for a prior appointment. But spend a few minutes to compose yourself and collect whatever you’ve dropped behind in his place. If you leave in a hurried confusion, you’d be more disoriented than you can imagine. Spending fifteen minutes more in his place is better than walking out like a disheveled prostitute after a busy night.
#4 Carry a few basic essentials. Your basic essentials are like condoms. You may not have sex every night, but you still make sure you carry it, just in case. Just like a condom, there are a few things you need to carry with you to a party, just in case you hook up with a cute guy you fancy. Carry a jacket or a coat, enough money to pay for a cab *plastic is no good here*, a pair of sunglasses and your essential minimal makeup. It’ll make your morning walk of shame easier and well concealed.
#5 Spend a few minutes in the bathroom. This is important. I’m not a morning person, but I do have regular morning routines. Don’t be in a hurry to leave. If you think the guy you left in bed is embarrassing, wait till you walk out on a busy street in your worst bed head look.
Always spend a few minutes in the bathroom to clean yourself up for an as-fresh-as-possible morning look. Use your finger to brush your teeth, untangle your hair, splash some water on your face, dab on some makeup and cover up any smudges. You’ll look a lot better when you’re walking down the street.
#6 Call a cab. If the guy seems nice, ask him to drive you home if it’s not an inconvenience. No nice guy will decline it. But if he’s too drunk to remember your name or if he isn’t moving, call a friend who lives close by and ask them to pick you up. You could always make it up to your friend by returning the favor. [Read: How to kiss a friend accidentally and get away with it]
#7 Tell him exactly how you feel. Okay, so you’ve spent the night with a guy. Are you happy about it or are you annoyed with yourself? If you don’t want to see him again or if you want to erase the earlier night from your memory, drop a few hints to let him know about it. No matter how you feel, make sure you tell the guy about it, be it a happy feeling or otherwise. One night stands have a way of making us feel like we have unfinished business.
#8 Don’t be ashamed. You had sex the earlier night. You go girl! That’s a great thing you did. You had a wild night and you had fun. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. A walk of shame is shameful only if you feel ashamed about it. Lift your chin up, smile radiantly and walk down the street with your head held high. [Read: How to look sexy without trying]
And perhaps you should remember this. All the others who stare at you when you’re walking down the street fell asleep with their fingers for company. All the girls secretly envy you. All the guys secretly wish they could have spent the night with you.
Now how on earth can that ever be a walk of shame?
So the next time you’re lying in a guy’s bed the morning after and wondering how to get back to your place, just remember these 8 tips. It’ll definitely make your walk of shame a lot less insulting and a lot more respectable.
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A lover of bad ideas and a true romantic at heart, Cheryl James hates excuses and loves integrity. She believes that one day can change everything and wakes up ...