A serial cheat is someone who has a string of cheating behind them. Not just a one-time deal, they seem to enjoy the drama of being a serial cheat.
We can all agree that nobody wants to get cheated on in a relationship. It’s unpleasantly dramatic, it hurts, it breaks trust, and of course, it ends relationships. And if by chance you find out that the person you’ve been seeing has previously cheated in past relationships, that would be an instant red flag for you to keep away. Because a serial cheat is the last person we want to end up with, right?
However, that’s not the worst of the kind. There is also a kind of cheat that gives infidelity a whole new level: the serial cheat. Because the thing that’s worse than plain cheating is cheating someone not only once or twice, but in numbers that they can’t get away from. But the question here is, why? Why do serial cheaters do what they do? What is their reason and motivation?
What is a serial cheat?
If psychiatrists define a serial killer by number of victims, does it also apply to serial cheaters as well? Well, not really. However, you would be surprised to find out that there are several minor aspects that bring the two together, which is not really good news.
Serial cheats are said to be people who have a penchant for infidelity. They enter relationships but don’t really care for the basic fidelity rule which is the must in keeping themselves in a relationship. Serial cheaters cheat multiple times within a relationship, and like we previously mentioned, have previous relationships that have ended due to their constant infidelity. After all, “once a cheat, always a cheat.” [Read: Fool me once, shame on you – How to not be fooled again]
Why do serial cheaters cheat?
If one thinks about it, cheating is actually bad for the cheater in many ways yet they still do it. So what drives them to keep taking that risk? Here’s why:
#1 Because they can. A common reason why a serial cheat does what they do is that they can and they don’t care. Some serial cheaters are people who are too good–looking, too rich, and too confident to worry about their current partner’s feelings. And given their advantageous situation, they are confident that hook-ups will come their way regardless of how they screw up their past and current relationships.
#2 Sexual promiscuity. Another typical and common reason for most serial cheaters is sex. There will be those kinds of people who cannot stick to one bed for their whole life. Of course, their current partner may be of some value to them but with their urges uncontrollable, they find their sexual fix outside of the relationship with different partners.
#3 They are not into long-term relationships. Other times, serial cheaters cheat because they have short commitment spans to be able to fit in a long-term relationship. Once they find the next chance to jump ship, they do so without warning. They are also too lazy and self-occupied to break up with their current partner which doesn’t make them less of an a**hole. [Read: The affair fog – How to know if your lover is under another’s spell]
#4 They find stable relationships boring. When two people start a relationship, there are stages. The first stage is the “getting to know” stage where you bond and discover each other’s personalities. The next stage is the “settling stage” where you have a clear grasp of each other’s personalities. The second stage is also where you become comfortable doing stuff that you usually avoid doing in front of your special someone.
A serial cheat typically disdains the quiet, settled second stage and sticks with the getting to know stage. So when the relationship slows down to calm waters, they feel uncomfortable and bored, compelling them to find the first stage thrill in another person. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples go through]
#5 They lack maturity to deal with relationship problems. No relationship is perfect. When faced with problems, there are mostly two mature options: you either sit down and work those problems out or get out of the relationship if it is beyond saving. For serial cheaters, the other option is to bypass dealing with the problem with their partner and find relationship bliss outside of their current relationship.
#6 Sexual self-objectification. Some serial cheaters cheat not because of an undesirable aspect in their current relationship but in a flawed sense of sexual self-objectification. That may quite be a mouthful but in simple terms: they want to see themselves as someone sexually desired by others.
These people place a high value in their sexual desirability among the population, but they view that being in a relationship closed off that opportunity for them. That’s why they satisfy their “need to be desired” by finding sexual thrills outside their relationship. Once they successfully hook up with a third party, their false self-perception of sexual desirability is satisfied like a vampire getting a drink of blood after a long time. [Read: Relationship with a narcissist – What it means to love one]
#7 Old world “machismo.” We’re not sure why this type of thinking still exists but it still does among some men raised in this type of thinking. One of the hallmarks of the old machismo character is the ability to bed as many women as they can. This trait is desireable for this kind of thinking but you know these types of guys end up drunk, lonely men.
#8 Serial cheaters cheat because they have a very forgiving partner. Sometimes, it’s not about the cheater but the partner who allows it to happen many times over.
We marvel at these types of people who just sit back quietly and let themselves get cheated on over and over again only to keep “forgiving” the culprit. But whatever reason they have, we all agree this is an unhealthy relationship. [Read: How to forgive a cheater: 8 questions to face the betrayal]
#9 Because they are opportunistic. Serial cheating is like capitalism. If you get all the rewards with little cost, then you do what it takes to get you in that win-win situation. For example, a guy with a girlfriend who’s nice and homey yet sexually incompetent tries to fill that shortcoming through infidelity. If he can go further to find a bored, rich widower and so on and so forth. You get the idea.
A serial cheat has varying motives in being unfaithful, but in the end, it all boils down to a lack of regard towards their partner, and a self-destructive cycle of finding a solution to their relationship problems outside the relationship.
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Paul Timothy Mangay
Paul aka Morty is a keyboard-pounding cubicle-dweller based in Manila where he occasionally moonlights as a writer for anyone in need of his mediocre word-strin...