Orgasm during Sex: 7 Surprising Reasons She’s Not Having One

orgasm during sex

If one partner is having trouble crossing the finish line during sex, something needs to change. Here are 7 reasons why she can’t orgasm during sex.

Can sex still be good without an orgasm? The answer for most women is a resounding yes, but it sure isn’t as fun. A whopping 10% of women have never had an orgasm – ever! Not with a partner, nor riding solo. Many women have trouble reaching an orgasm during sex, and there are plenty of reasons why.

For many women, sex is the only time when we actually experience penis envy. Thrust, thrust, cum! If only life with a vagina were that simple. Instead of a little back and forth, women need all the help they can get with relaxation, stimulation, lubrication, and plenty of rhythm. Hell, some women even seek sexual therapy to help them get to the Big O!

Why some women can’t orgasm during sex

Did we mention it can be extremely difficult to orgasm during intercourse? We’re looking at 7 reasons why ladies sometimes fall short of fireworks in the bedroom… and what can be done to change that.

#1 She doesn’t know her body. Having good sex is all about exchanging information. Ooh, that feels good. Touch me there, like this, harder, slower, faster, and the list goes on. One of the biggest reasons why some women can’t seem to cum may stem from the fact that they don’t know their own body!

There are women in their 20s who still don’t know where their clit is or how to please it. Bottom line? If you can’t explain to your partner how you like to be touched, how are they supposed to please you?

The solution: Get to know yourself intimately. Start with your hands. Play with vibrators. Once you know what you like, you’ll be able to let your lover in on it! [Read: Going solo: The 15 sexy benefits of masturbation]

#2 Her partner doesn’t know her body. He’s fumbling around down there, rubbing your thigh, thinking he’s actually rubbing your vagina. Sound familiar? We sure hope not, but if this sounds like your sex life, then the problem may not be you, after all! It could be that your partner just doesn’t know how a vagina works. Like, at all.

The solution: Play a game of show and tell. If your man doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, odds are he learned his arsenal of moves from porn, and porn is a terrible teacher. Let him know where the clit is, what you like during foreplay, and exactly how much time you need to get warmed up before making your final boarding call!

#3 Changing positions too much. Changing it up in bed definitely adds an element of spice to your romp, but it isn’t always beneficial for the female involved. Women need consistency and continuous rhythms to reach orgasms, not to be uprooted every five minutes. While varying your sex positions may ensure that the man involved isn’t going to orgasm too quickly, it may have the same effect on the female partner. Where’s the fun in that?

The solution: Let your partner know beforehand what positions you’re up for, and in what order you’re going to want them. Say something like, “After I get nice and wet on top of you, I want you to bend me over and finish me off.” Just make your ideas sound sexy instead of instructive. Otherwise, you risk making your sex session sound completely void of spontaneity! [Read: 13 spice sex positions to heat up your bedroom romps]

#4 Skipping out on foreplay. There are two things women need in order to orgasm: time and foreplay. Don’t get us wrong, quickies are fun, but they don’t often end in orgasms. Not for the girl, anyway. That’s because women need time to get revved up, while a man is basically ready to cum on command.

For the woman, foreplay cuts down on the time it’s going to take her to orgasm during sex. No foreplay = not a great chance of climaxing.

The solution: Have lots of foreplay. Lots and lots. Oral, manual stimulation, grinding, kissing, you name it! Foreplay is essential for the female orgasm. One study of 3,900 guys and gals found that the more foreplay and varying acts done besides traditional intercourse *penis + vagina*, the more likely participants were to cum during sex play. [Read: Foreplay done right: The art of really turning her on]

#5 She’s distracted. Distractions are the worst. There’s nothing that can ruin sex quite like thinking about work, the bitchy comment your friend made via text, or the interesting new braid tutorial you saw on Pinterest. Sometimes, it can be difficult to focus during foreplay or intercourse, even if you’re really looking forward to crossing the finish line.

The solution: Stop thinking about other things. Easier said than done, we know, but try your best to focus on your partner! He loves how you look naked; otherwise, he wouldn’t be having sex with you. Also, stop thinking about the bills, the cat, whether you’re taking too long to O. Instead, start with a relaxing massage and put on a fantastic sex playlist. Feel like you’re going to take 30 minutes to cum? Be selfish, stop worrying, and enjoy every minute of it. [Read: How to increase passion in bed and get the sizzle back]

#6 No clit, no O. Repeat this phrase before every sexual encounter. Keep in mind that the clit is a whole lot like the head of the penis. Blood fills it up, the clitoris becomes erect, lubrication happens, and because it’s chock-full of excited nerve endings… BOOM! Magic orgasm *or something like that*.

The solution: Start playing with that clit like you’re digging for gold, and we don’t just mean during foreplay. Using your hand, stimulate her clit during intercourse, or find positions *such as CAT or cowgirl* that will rub against her clit while you thrust into her. For everything else, use a vibrator! [Read: Clitoris stimulation: 1o sexy ways to please the clit]

#7 Medical issues could be at play. There is an actual medical term for women who, while they respond positively to sexual stimulation, just can’t cum or find it very difficult to cum. This is called anorgasmia.

Symptoms include a newly developed inability to orgasm alone or with a partner, frequent difficulty orgasming, or never having experienced an orgasm. The causes range from physical to psychological and may include having had any gynecological-related surgeries, over-the-counter medication side effects, stress, anxiety, menopause, and more.

The solution: If you’re unsatisfied with your sex life and feel like you have anorgasmia or another medical concern, schedule a trip to your family doctor or gynecologist. He or she may be able to help you fight off your inability to O, and can narrow down what is causing the problem. [Read: When sex hurts for women: The causes of painful sex]

Having an orgasm during sex isn’t the be-all end-all, but it sure is an added bonus. If your girl is having trouble having the big O during intercourse, keep these three things in mind. In the end, it’s all about the mood, the lube, and lots and lots of foreplay.

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Minot Little
Minot Little

Minot Little is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peop...

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