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I’m in Love with My Best Friend… What Next?

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I’ve been in love with my best friend and made all the wrong choices. But if you like your friend, here are a few things you can do to win them over. By Ethan Kent

im in love with my best friend

The line between friendship and love is extremely thin.

Think of it, you share everything with a best friend that you’d share with a lover, the only exception being sexual intimacy.

And it’s so easy to get confused about your feelings, isn’t it?

If you have an attractive and charming best friend of the opposite sex, big chances are, you may have fallen in love with them at some point of time or are secretly in love with them even now.

[Read: Are you experiencing a big crush or is it limerence?]

It could have been love, a little crush that passed over in a month or two, or even a huge sexual urge to become sex buddies.

You don’t have to feel embarrassed about it though, because almost all friendships between attractive opposite sexes go that way now and then.

I’m in love with my best friend

About three years ago, I experienced the same dilemma with my best friend.

I had known her since we were little kids, but she had moved to another city for a few years.

She got back home during her two week vacation from work and we met up the very evening she returned. But something within me changed when I saw her this time around. She just looked beautiful. It felt weird to even look at her as my best friend.

Even as she hugged me that night, all I could feel was her attractive body against mine. And as she stepped back, her fragrance lingered like love in the air. [Read: Are you really falling for your best friend?]

We met each other all the time, and she told me everything about her new life, her work, the guys she was dating, and everything else. But all I could think of was how I could tell her that I was falling in love with her.

The two weeks passed swiftly, and without thinking, on the last night before she had to leave, I told her that I was in love with her. At first, she laughed. Then she appeared shocked. And then came the awkward silence because I told her everything I felt, including all the romantic and the sexual details. It was stupid. And the biggest mistake I did.

Telling her that I loved her wasn’t the stupid part though. The way I professed my love for her was the stupid part. It was abrupt, idiotic and just plain dumb. [Read: 8 perfect ways to tell someone you love them for the first time]

We parted ways that night with a warm hug and she left the next morning. Things seemed really fine even though I asked her out, but in reality, things were never the same again. We could never be friends again the way we once were. Every time she told me something about the guys she was dating, I was hurt. Every time I told her how much I missed her, she felt weird about it. We wanted to be friends, but we just couldn’t anymore.

Are you in love with your best friend?

Well, all romantic best friend stories don’t have to end the way mine did. I know exactly where I went wrong, and I spend quite a few lonely nights wishing I could turn the clock back so I could have done the right thing. But there’s no point regretting about something that can’t be changed. [Read: How to get over a crush and have fun doing it]

But if you’re secretly in love with your best friend, there are a few things you need to think about and a few things you need to do before you pop the big question out of the blue. And if you follow all my tips right, you may just be able to win your best friend’s heart and turn your friendship into love.

What are you really feeling?

So you’re in love with your best friend. But how sure are you that it’s love and not a passing infatuation? How long have you liked this friend of yours?

Could you just be jealous because your good looking friend is dating someone else, or is your feeling of love a side effect of having less time to spend with each other because your friend is now busy doing something else or dating someone else?

Always ask yourself if it’s truly love that you’re feeling. There’s no point throwing a friendship of many years away just because you couldn’t figure out the emotions you’re feeling towards your best friend. [Read: How to stop thinking about someone you like a lot]

What matters more to you?

You have to understand that there’s no going back once you fall in love with a friend and decide to ask them out. You may think things will stay the same, but it never will. It may work in your favor or not, but your relationship is bound to change forever.

So what would you rather have, your best friend or a hope for something more romantic? If you value your friendship more than anything else, back away and avoid any romantic thoughts as soon as you get it. Try to think of it as a little crush, and forget about it by dating someone else.

But if you feel like you’ve crossed the point of infatuation and just can’t stop getting attracted to your best friend, well, you don’t have a choice. You need to let your friend know what’s on your mind, and hope for the best. Just don’t hide your feelings and try to stay as a friend. You’ll only end up hurting yourself a lot, and your relationship with your best friend will start to get affected too. [Read: What should you do when you like a friend?]

How to tell your friend that you’re in love with them

If you’ve decided to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, well, I’m with you. There’s no way you can fall in love with someone and behave like a friend. It’s painful and frustrating, and just not worth it.

If you do want to confess your love to your friend, just don’t make the mistake of asking your friend out, out of the blue. Learn to understand your best friend’s mind first and try to find out if your friend can ever like you in a more-than-friends manner.

Does your friend treat you like a lover?

This is an annoying experience to deal with, especially when you’re crazy about your best friend. Your friend may cuddle you, hug you, give you pet names and spend hours talking to you. Sometimes your best friend may even say that they love you, but you know they mean it only in a friendly way, right?

When you have a best friend of the opposite sex, the line between romance and friendship is very thin. Don’t jump to conclusions ever, and take your time to find out if there can ever be a chance of being more than friends with your best friend. [Read: Signs both of you are more-than-friends already]

Don’t say it out just yet

Sometimes, when you love someone, it makes sense to just say it out loud and be done with it. But that’s not being tactful. And there’s a bigger chance that you’d lose your best friend and the one you love at the same time by popping the question out of the blue.

A sudden confession about love could even destroy your friendship, especially if your friend doesn’t like you back the way you want them to. By reading the signs and watching how your best friend reciprocates to your moves, you can back away if you feel like your friend doesn’t like you. [Read: 20 reasons why a guy may never ever like you]

Steps to make your friend fall in love with you

Don’t ever ask your friend out unless you think they like you back romantically. It’ll do you no good, and you may just lose your best friend.

Instead just use these flirty steps to try and convince your best friend to start looking at you in a more-than-just-friends way!

#1 Compliment your friend. If you find your friend attractive, then you’d definitely have no problems coming up with lines to compliment them. Don’t overdo it, but every now and then, say something sweet and memorable, so you send out the right signals to let your friend know that you find them attractive. [Read: 25 compliments for guys they’ll never forget]

#2 Support your friend. Be the friend in need. Spend more time with your friend and let them see just how great a person you are. Be a helping hand when you have the time, but don’t be a pushover and be available at your friend’s beck and call all the time. By helping your friend out with little errands or shopping trips, you can let them see you as someone who’s an important part of their decisions and their life.

#3 Avoid getting physical. Friends are quite touchy feely, but not in a romantic way. Do you guys hold hands, slap each other or put your arms around each other all the time? Well, you need to put a stop to that. Don’t let your friend get too familiar with your touch. Instead learn to play with lingering touches and soft grazes that’ll make your friend feel a tingle of sexual excitement. [Read: How to flirt sexually with your friend by touching the right way]

By avoiding friendly touches and indulging in sensual, soft touches, you’d be able to build the sexual tension and make your friend fall for you even before you say what’s on your mind. [Read: 10 ways to build sexual tension with a friend you like]

#4 Talk naughty. Both of you may spend hours over the phone every day, and that’s just great. Use these conversations to turn the friendship into romance and sexual excitement. Start talking naughty, especially late at night. Spend a few days or weeks building the flirty conversations and you’ll see just how sexually attracted both of you can get in no time. [Read: The guide to flirt by texting late at night]

#5 Meet up for dates. Meet each other often, be it for coffee dates, dinners or new movies. The more both of you *date* each other exclusively, the more closer both of you will start to feel towards each other.

#6 Use your flirting side. Don’t be obvious about this, but start flirting with your friend at every opportunity you get. And always try to use double entendres or lines with double meanings all the time. If your friend says something, try to find a sexual pun to their line and make a joke of it now and then. [Read: 7 naughty texting games to play all night long]

#7 Don’t ever be possessive. If your best friend spends a lot of time with some other person, or is already dating someone, don’t be rude or behave possessively. You may end up losing your best friend with your attitude. Remember, you’re the best friend. You already have an unfair advantage. Just learn to use the closeness you already have to make your friend a lover.

#8 Make your friend addicted to you. This is the most important thing you need to do. If you can make your friend miss you every time you aren’t around, you’ve worked your magic just fine. Speak for hours every night of the week and appear busy one night. Try to create a routine and skip the routine now and then. By doing that, you’ll make your best friend realize just how important you are to them.

[Read: How to kiss your best friend accidentally and get away with it]

And that’s all there is to it. You may be in love with your best friend, but if you use these moves, you’ll definitely make a huge romantic impression on your friend too. Now all you need to do is express what’s in your heart and hear the same words back from your best friend!


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  • Mariam
    June 11, 2012 | Permalink |

    Ethan, I understand what you went though. I was in the same boat as were in. In your case, you fell in love with your friend. But in my case, my friend actually started flirting with me and even tried getting naughty now and then. And then, all of a sudden, he stopped behaving funny and even flirting with me. He just started behaving like a best friend all over again.

    But by then, I had started falling madly in love with him. And eventually, one unfortunate day, while we were sitting in his car after a movie, I told him I liked him. He held my hands and told me that he liked me too, but not in a more-than-friends way. He was being very gentle and sweet. But it was all over.

    A week later, I found out through another best friend of ours that the only reason he rejected me was because he just didn’t know what to say as it all happened so fast. Six months later, both of us did start dating, but that’s only because of the help of our common best friend who told me what really happened.

    If only I had a guide like Lovepanky to help me out, it would have saved me months of tears and heartache. Sharing your story is a brave thing to do. It may make you seem vulnerable, but it’ll definitely help so many young friends understand the right way to tell a best friend that they’re in love with them.

  • Sani Emmanuel
    February 6, 2013 | Permalink |

    This feature was great,honestly am in love with best friend and it has been painful see her date other guys,but i can’t tell her,because i don’t want to lose her,but this feature has given a relief

  • Man on a ledge
    February 18, 2013 | Permalink |

    Although this a much older post, it’s still very appreciated today.

    I have also come to have romantic feelings for my female bestfriend. We have been bestfriends from the start 5 years ago. It’s not until recent that I have developed stronger feelings for her. Confussing… Yes. Out of the blue… Yes

    I’ve been there for her through tough times, breakups, etc, just as normal bestfriends do even though we are of the opposite sex. But I’m now facing the dilemma of what to do next.

    It would be impossible for me to confess how I feel about her, and even if I did, I don’t believe she would tell me she felt the same way or would even contemplate the idea of us together in the future.

    I fought the idea in my head of what steps to take next.
    Can I still be there for her as I once ways?; the shoulder to cry on, the person she talks to about the men she dates, the romantic/ sexual things she does with boyfriends.

    I came to the conclusion that I don’t believe I can, at least not at this point. I hated the idea of not being there for her during the times that she needs me. Concerned of how she will be if I’m not available like I always have been.

    But I took a step back, understood and reminded myself that she has other close friends, she has a great family and she has the men in her life as real boyfriends. At this juncture, I need to be a little selfish for my own sake and step away to recollect myself, and find someone else or at the very least preoccupy my time with positive things until I do find someone else.

    To be honest, I just can’t be around hearing about other men in her life, whether it’s a current boyfriend, or someone new. It really is like torture hearing about it, and pretending that I don’t feel anything.

    For the sake of retaining my own sanity,
    1) I’ve stopped replying back quickly to any of her text messages, replying back a day later or so, and that goes for phone calls
    2) I don’t see her in person, and limit the interaction we once had
    3) I’ve kept myself busy with hobbies and recontacted older friendships
    4) I’m doing more for me, going back to the gym, buying new clothes etc.
    5) I remind myself, she is a wonderful person, that I’m not doing this to hurt her, but something that I need to do to get passed this.

    It’s a slow decent I guess you can say. It does hurt a little not contacting back right away when she tries to contact me. But I know she will be okay. We were both fine before knowing each other, and we will both be fine while the friendship gets put on hold.

  • Andy
    May 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi Man on a Ledge

    Great reply and great points! I love the phrase:
    “We were both fine before knowing each other, and we will both be fine while the friendship gets put on hold.”

  • doug
    June 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    I can relate as well. Possibly the worst and best perdicamint to be found in…

    I met her over five years ago. We work together and I have loved, admired, respected, and been intrigued by her since I met her. We work together in a very stressfull job where we are exposed to some very bad things, and have been through some very hard times together, and have helped each other through. Since that time, we also have become best friends, we tell each other everything. She had no idea how I felt. She has been in a relationship for 4 years, and they live together. 4 months ago she told me she bought a ring…thats right, SHE bought a ring…shes in a relationship with a woman and she is getting married….Yes I love my engaged, lesbian, best friend…funny, I know, would make a great Freddy Prince Jr movie. She has been and would be with a man though, she finds beauty in everyone. To save the details I was in the same position, to tell her and maybe lose my best friend and the only one I ever trusted and talked too, or watch the one I love marry someone else, when I dont believe she is truly happy.

    I after several failed attempts to tell her face to face, and as well at her recommendation, I spent several weeks writing and re-writing a letter. I told her how I felt, but what ever she decided I would be behind her no matter what she decides, and cant lose her friendship. I gave it to her…she was shocked. Without getting too personal, she is still engaged, but we are still friends, its very different…but still friends, closer now I think. Now she knows how much she means to me and its easier to be natural around her and let her know my true feelings. I just give her simple gifts every now and again, just to remind her, but nothing over the top, just a flower, or simple note. The only catch is her fiance found out…(not recommended). This makes it hard/impossible to spend time together, which is very painful.

    If your truly close, she will appreciate your honesty, and even if it doesnt workout as more than friends, you may become even closer. Its hard I know, she is still engaged, and now I probably cant go to my best friends wedding because of her partner, but we are super close now, and its a bit of a relief, even if its the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.

    But, you must be prepared and know, it may go badly, and she may be angry…its a big decision, but I think its how you say it that matters….make sure she knows no matter what your there for her(if your truly friends, and you truly love her…you will be), and you need her in your life one way or the other. If you do do it…be honest…and tell her everything.

    The biggest quandry known to man in my opinion…but such is life, and such is love…I never knew it could hurt so much to love someone, or feel so wonderful…all at the same time.

  • captjeanz
    August 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    i wonder if i have to follow these tips. but i know i have something to lose from the time i start to confess my feelings towards her; i may put to risk our friendship but what an accomplishment if i tell her my longtime hidden love . thanks for the guide. ^_^

  • Kitty Kat
    September 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Please help… I have a romantic dilemma…
    I have a crush on this guy i barely know! I keep dreaming about him, even in totally weird ways (ie, seeing him in the car next to me or him visiting my family)
    My friend has a crush on me, and asked me out ( by fortune-teller, go figure…), but I don’t ‘like’ him back… There’s a dance coming up (I’m in eighth grade) and I want to go with my crush, obviously, who has only ever started a conversation once. I’d start one but my brain dies when I’m near him. It was an intellegint conversation, though… Anyway, I don’t want to hurt my ‘love struck’ friends feelings, but how can I tell him I only want him as friend? I’m socially awkward and considered strange because I am a very high level thinker… Please help, any advice would be appreciated..

  • Crushy
    September 22, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi guys,
    I have a male best friend who actually was my crush prior to our friendship. He was just out of a 5 year old breakup so I supported him and in no time we became best friends. He shared all his deepest secrets his dates and even seeks advices in every step whether career or new dates.
    It really hurts when he shares what he is to wear on a date or how is he Gona impress the girl! T_T
    Now his parents are trying to hook him with a girl who is quite pretty too, b4 meeting her on a date he seeker my advice. I am dying inside and don’t know how to turn him towards me and see me as a gf more than a bestie!
    I know I should make him stop talking about other girls but I can’t confess neither can I ask him to stop that since he is most comfortable with me. I really don’t know what to do and this is killing me every second!!! I badly need someone to guide me out of this darkness!
    Any of Your reply will be greatly appreciated n thanks in advance!!!

  • Kitty Kat
    October 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    Crushy,
    I would start by flirting with him. Give him sweet but not over done compliments. Do NOT make him stop talking about other girls- that might push him away. Try to meet up for a coffee date or something- use the word *date* in asking him. Get together a lot, but then be “busy” one day. He’ll miss you. Hope I helped ;)

  • Lovepanky
    January 4, 2014 | Permalink |

    wow….really good fellas……….!!!!

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