Having mutual sexual tension can be really difficult to deal with, especially if you can’t satiate it. Here’s how to handle your irrational desires.
One of the most obvious signs you and another person have some serious chemistry is mutual sexual tension. You feel it the second you meet and interact and honestly, it doesn’t usually go away on its own.
And that can be a major issue if you can’t satisfy those feelings due to being in a relationship or not wanting to ruin a friendship. Sexual tension, in general, can be an issue if you’re seeing someone else and suddenly you have this intense desire to have sex with someone else.
Why you sometimes want someone else even when you’re in a relationship
Don’t feel too bad if you’re having dirty thoughts about someone else while you’re in a committed relationship. Loving and caring about someone is completely different than having mutual sexual tension with another.
And if we’re being honest, humans are genetically not meant to be monogamous. Being committed to a single person is a decision we’ve all made and therefore, our instincts work against that choice sometimes. Just because you love and care about one person doesn’t mean you’ll never feel lustful for someone else. So long as you don’t act on those feelings, everything is fine. [Read: What to do when you like someone else]
Signs of mutual sexual tension and how to deal with it
If you’re not sure if what you feel when you’re around someone is mutual sexual tension, these tips can help you determine if it truly is. And if you definitely don’t want to act on those feelings, we also have some tips for dealing with it.
#1 A lot of eye contact. If you’re sexually attracted to someone and they feel the same, you’ll make a lot of eye contact. Since eye contact shows a person you’re connected and into them, it only makes sense that two people with mutual sexual tension would spend a lot of time looking at one another. [Read: What prolonged eye contact when flirting means and how to do it]
#2 Immediate flirty behavior. When you first see someone and you greet one another in a very flirtatious way, it’s clear you have mutual sexual tension. The first thing you do when you see each other is spark the attraction and it’s obvious you’re both thinking about one another sexually.
#3 Increased heart rate. More than likely, two people who are attracted to each other and have sexual tension will definitely be nervous and upbeat around each other. If you notice your heart rate increases around them along with these other signs and they also seem to be giddy, it’s definitely mutual sexual tension. [Read: 15 weird and unlikely signs you like someone]
#4 A lot of smiling. You really won’t even be able to help yourself around someone you’re sexually attracted to. The moment that tension hits, you’ll be flirty and smiling like crazy. It’s a natural response when we’re around people we want to get with.
#6 Flirty body language. Your body can tell you an awful lot about how you feel. Are you leaning in to talk to that other person? Are you straightening your clothes, biting you lip, and casually touching them? If so and if they’re doing the same, you have major mutual sexual tension.
#7 You’re attached like a magnet. Basically, you always end up near that other person and you don’t really know why. Even when you’re in large friend groups, you always end up next to them. It’s not by chance. The mutual sexual tension acts as a sort of magnet. We always want to be around those who make us feel great and sexual tension definitely gives you those feelings.
#8 Mutual staring. Even when you’re across the room, you can’t help but stare at them. And when you do look at them, they’re staring back at you. This is a huge sign of mutual sexual tension. You can’t get enough of looking at one another. This is very clear you both want to hop in each other’s pants. [Read: The art of staring at a woman’s cleavage like a gentleman]
How to deal with your mutual sexual tension
#1 Avoid being around them. No matter your reason for not being able to get with that person, just avoid them. When you’re not around someone, you can’t have sexual tension with them.
#2 Remind yourself why you can’t do it. Keep the reason you two can’t be together replaying in your mind. Soon enough, you’ll associate them with wrongness and it’ll diminish those naughty feelings right away. [Read: 15 ways to handle liking someone you can’t have]
#3 Think of your partner. Being in a committed relationship makes dealing with unwanted mutual sexual tension a lot easier. Just think about them. Focusing on how much you could hurt them will make it a hell of a lot easier to deal with.
#4 Think of the consequences. This will also help you avoid adding to the sexual tension. What would happen if you gave in to your feelings? Most likely, nothing good. Thinking of those consequences will clear your head and get rid of those lustful feelings.
#5 Stop flirting. Just stop. You have control over how you act and if you really want to deal with those feelings toward someone, just stop flirting. That behavior will only make it worse and you don’t want that. [Read: How to stop a guy from flirting and hitting on you]
#6 Shut down even the possibility early on. If you’re friends with the other person, shut down the idea of ever being with them right away. Don’t even give them hope that it’ll ever happen. Then they’ll stop pursuing you and it’ll be easier to get over those feelings.
#7 Ask friends to intervene. If you don’t trust yourself, ask your friends for help. They can help steer the other person away from you and they can also help remind you of why you could never be with that person in the first place.