Are humans built to jump from one partner to another all the time? What is serial monogamy and why is it easier on the heart? Find out here. By Natalia Avdeeva
As humans, we’re never ever satisfied with anything.
We always want more.
So why should relationships be any different, wouldn’t you say?
For as long as the educated world can remember, we’ve believed in the institution of marriage.
The same one that promises eternal love and till death do us part.
But then again, most marriages and relationships don’t always end with a happily ever after.
Why is that?
Are we just putting too much pressure on ourselves to make a relationship work?
Are we picking flaws too soon and too easily because we want to ensure that our partner will be compatible with us from the very beginning?
It doesn’t matter how we look at it, but one thing is certain.
All of us have a lot of expectations from a relationship, be it our first love or our third marriage.
And almost always, it’s the expectations and the pressure to have a happy romance that leads to the downfall of love. [Read: New relationship advice to have a perfect start in love]
What is serial monogamy all about?
A monogamous relationship is one where both partners are truly committed to each other, and intend to stay together, for better or for worse.
Serial monogamy is the same thing, but instead of focusing on staying together for life, serial monogamists live for the moment.
A serial monogamist may experience several happy relationships over a short period of time, but at no point of time does this person ever cheat on a partner.
Crudely put, a serial monogamist is a person who stays in the relationship for as long as they feel the infatuation, excitement and love, and walks away into someone else’s arms when they start to get bored of the relationship. [Read: 15 reasons why you could get bored of your relationship]
The idea of serial monogamy
Most college students are big fans of serial monogamy, because there’s just far too much to experience and so little time. If you believe that college romances are just worthy of a good experience and jump from one romance to another to rack up a few experiences along the way, you’re living the serial monogamist dream. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to remember]
The important thing you need to know about serial monogamy is that it’s not cheating or two timing. It’s all about living for the moment, without worrying about the future of the relationship.
Serial monogamists are not cheaters. They take the higher moral ground and walk away when they’re not interested in the relationship instead of cheating or enduring a tough period.
Serial monogamy and our lives
For all of us, life is too short and we’re just not ready to compromise anymore. And in a world where instant gratification isn’t fast enough, would you be willing to work on a relationship for years to fix it, or would you intentionally put up with an incompatible partner just because it’s taboo to break away and find someone else?
Someone once said that the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else. So instead of dealing with a painful relationship, isn’t it easier to find someone else as soon as the passion of new romance dies away? [Read: 15 signs you're jumping from one relationship to another too soon]
There’s a serial monogamist in most of us
It’s true. There is a serial monogamist in almost all of us, but only some people do something about it while most of us carry on with our regular lives. You may be in a serious relationship for years, but what if you meet someone more compatible than your own partner tomorrow, someone that makes you moist with sexual chemistry when you sit next to them?
Wouldn’t that confuse you? Wouldn’t that always make you wonder about the big *what if?* And once that thought passes your mind, and you realize that you could be happier with someone other than your own loving partner, can you ever be completely happy in your own relationship?
Some of us put the thought away, but for a serial monogamist, that’s the sign to jump out of the perfect relationship and date another person. [Read: What should you do when you start liking someone else?]
Signs to recognize a serial monogamist
A serial monogamist is easy to find. They’re the kind that usually falls in love with someone else when they’re already in another long term relationship with someone. If you meet someone who almost enters into a new relationship even before breaking up with their ex, that’s a sure sign of a serial monogamist. Serial monogamists are not bad people, it’s just that they always want more out of love. [Read: Love triangles and its confusing complications]
Men are more prone to being serial monogamists. They always have been that way. Evolution has taught them to sow, and for as long as they can, a small voice inside of them constantly tells them to keep their eyes open for a new field to sow. It’s just that some men have managed to muffle their inner voice, while others listen to it and jump from one romance to another. But then again, there are many women who are serial monogamists too.
So if you aren’t a big fan of serial monogamy, ask the right questions before you fall head over heels for someone. Find out how many relationships they’ve had. The more the relationships and the more they’ve jumped from one to another, the bigger the chances that they’re serial monogamists. [Read: 7 signs he's interested in you for all the wrong reasons]
Is serial monogamy a better option?
Across many ancient civilizations, we’ve seen that humans are by nature, polygamists. But emotional security and cultural shifts are the primary reasons why humans avoid jumping from one bed to another.
As humans, we love stability in our lives. If you’ve been dating for a long time and suddenly find yourself single, it would probably scare you or leave you feeling lost. And even if you don’t want to, you may find yourself dating someone new within a few months. That’s because your instincts want you to have someone to depend on all the time. [Read: Is flirting cheating when you're in a relationship?]
Serial monogamy does have its benefits in many ways. As you’re only focused on the present in love, you wouldn’t have to worry about the pressures of ensuring that both your compatibilities match to the tee, and you wouldn’t bother about trying to mould your partner to match your needs. It’s all about living for the moment, until the next best thing comes along.
And the best part of serial monogamy is the fact that heartbreaks hurt less, because you never expected to stay in love till death do you part. You live for the moment, and you jump into someone else’s bed as soon as one relationship ends. So where’s the time to deal with heartbreak anyway?! [Read: Signs your past relationship is holding you back from moving forward]
Serial monogamy isn’t all glorious
Serial monogamy is fun and high inducing. But a relationship based on selfish needs is never going last forever, is it?
If both partners don’t work hard to make each other happy and don’t believe in unconditionally loving each other, flaws and all, both of them may become selfish and self-centered because they’re only bothered about satisfying their own sexual and romantic needs.
A relationship takes a bit of effort and understanding through the years. And if both partners don’t want to give, but only want to receive, the relationship is doomed to failure from the very beginning. [Read: 25 relationship rules to have a successful romance]
Serial monogamy and monogamy – Whatever works for you
Serial monogamy is definitely easier on the heart, especially if you start looking for a new person to date the very next day after your break up. You can avoid all heartbreaks within a few days and cover it all up with a brand new romance and happy infatuation in no time.
On the other hand, a monogamous relationship may need a bit of effort after several years to keep it exciting, but it provides emotional stability and security. [Read: How to have a monogamous relationship with a sexy polygamous twist]
There’s a bit of good on both sides. But what would you prefer if you had the choice?
So what do you like more, a series of sexual infatuations or long term emotional stability? The answer to this question can tell you what you are, a monogamous lover or a true believer of serial monogamy.
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