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Kissing on the First Date – Is that a Yes or a No?

kissing on the first date

Kissing on the first date isn’t wrong. But it isn’t always right either. Puckering your lips up for a smooch depends more on these circumstances.

Let’s face it.

Most guys want to kiss the girl on the first date.

And most girls, well, they’re confused about this big question, to kiss or not to kiss on a first date.

A kiss is an intimate expression of affection.

It seals an invisible bond, and signifies that both of you are now intimately involved with each other.

And it also takes the budding relationship forward into the next stage *whether you’re ready for it or not*.

After all, you can’t take the kiss back, can you?

[Read: 15 secrets to make your first kiss really memorable!]

Guys and that first kiss

Every time a guy dates a girl, he wants to know whether he’s made a really good impression on the girl.

He’d want to believe that the girl has had a wonderful time with him, and is head over heels in love with him already!

If he has to allow himself to fall in love with her, he wants to see a convincing sign that she likes him.

He may like the girl a lot and may be totally infatuated by her, but he’d always be hesitant to fall head over heels in love with her until he can get a big sign of affection in return. [Read: How men fall in love – The 7 stages of love for men]

Guys sow their wild oats at every instance they get, and they want to know immediately if there’s a potential to get together with the girl to evaluate whether they’re ready for a commitment with that girl.

Girls and that first kiss

Now girls aren’t very different from guys when it comes to that first date. When a girl goes on a date with a guy, she’d want to see a happy sign that the guy is enjoying himself on the date. And even more so, she’d want to see a big sign that proves that the guy likes her a lot!

But here comes the tricky part, that plays the big difference between men and women, and that first kiss on the first date.

A guy likes to sow, while a girl likes to take it slow. Evolutionally speaking, a man can prepare himself for sex and procreation every few hours, whereas a woman takes nine months to conceive and be ready for procreation again.

It’s this evolutionary fact that subconsciously makes a woman take time to decide if a man is worth the effort and the time. So the harder the man woos and pursues a woman *to prove just how awesome he is!*, the sooner the girl would fall in love with him and show her appreciation for him in return. [Read: Evolution and why men love particular parts of a woman’s body so much!]

Is a kiss on the first date that big a deal?

Kissing on a first date can feel really good, but at the same time, there’s no going back from the first kiss. It may leave one or both of you wondering if things are going too fast. You may wonder if you actually like the person you dated, or was that kiss an accidental mistake that you come to regret.

You need to remember that many people may not be comfortable with the idea of kissing someone they’ve been with only for a few hours. Of course, if you’re living in a big city where life is fast paced and people don’t have time to take it slow and easy, you may see that kissing on the first date is more of a norm than an awkward thing to do at the end of the date. [Read: 16 first date tips for guys to charm your date]

But generally, even if there was a great potential of a perfect romance, that first kiss could complicate things and make you hasty, because you’d want to judge this person as a potential partner even before you get to know them well.

On the other hand, some guys or girls you date could see the first kiss on the first date as a sign of commitment! And they may start behaving like your partner on the very next date, which can make things so darn awkward, especially if they still feel like a stranger to you. Or it could get worse if they’re expecting another kiss or something more on the second date because you kissed them on the first date! [Read: 16 first date tips for girls to dazzle your date]

When is it okay to kiss on the first date?

Kissing on a first date isn’t bad. But it all depends on just how comfortable you are with the idea. Here are a few circumstances when a first kiss is completely acceptable.

#1 The sexual chemistry is intense. You can’t wait to make out with this person. And your date is having a hard time keeping their hands off you too! [Read: 13 lusty signs of sexual attraction to keep an eye on on the date]

#2 Mutual attraction. Both of you have been attracted to each other for a while before getting together on the date.

#3 You like your date. You’re on the date, and at some point during the date, you realize you actually like this person. [Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on the very first date!]

#4 The perfect date. It’s a real date that’s lasted long into the night, and both of you have been really touchy feely the whole while.

#5 I’m not seeing you again! You’re on a date with a gorgeous person. You like them, but you just don’t feel the chemistry. You think the person is nice, but there’s nothing in common and you don’t intend on dating them again. You might as well just kiss the person and get the what-if over with!

When is it acceptable to not kiss on the first date?

While a kiss on the first date is perfectly acceptable, there are a few instances when it can just feel awkward and scripted. Here are a few reasons why you could skip the kiss on the date.

#1 It’s only been a few hours. You’re still getting to know your date, and you really don’t like kissing strangers.

#2 You don’t think you’ll date them. You’re not sure you want to date this person again, and you really have no interest in kissing someone you don’t find fascinating.

#3 Scripted kiss. There’s just too much pressure on that kiss at the end of the date. It’s killing the mood and you can’t concentrate on your date because you’re constantly thinking of that kiss. You may find it easier to just avoid kissing on the first date so you can enjoy the date instead of feeling stressed out.

#4 Your date is warm, but not ready. Your date seems to be enjoying your company and they seem to like you. But they’re not showing any real signs that they want to pucker up at some point at the end of the date. [Read: 20 obvious signs of attraction on a first date]

#5 You just don’t feel like it. This could happen at times. You like your date and really want to see them again, but you don’t feel like kissing them. You probably want that first kiss to feel special and the moment just doesn’t seem right.

The first kiss and the fear of rejection

Many people live by the code that they don’t kiss on a first date, however well the date goes. For a few others, a kiss at the end of the first date feels rather scripted and expected, which can kill the romance and spontaneity of a perfect kiss.

A few girls would think the guy is sweet if he waits for more than just one date before planting a kiss. On the other hand, a few other girls may assume a guy’s weird or uninterested if he doesn’t try puckering up before the end of the date.

And guys, well, they’d just be confused about what to do! But usually, a guy who sees a serious romantic potential in his date may prefer to stay away from the kiss on the first date unless he sees a sign from the girl. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do, and it’s a lot safer than being rejected by someone he really wants to impress.

Girls, if you do want the guy to kiss you, give him a few subtle signs so he can get the hint. [Read: How to get a guy to kiss you when you want him to!]

And guys, work your magic and help your date feel more comfortable during the date. And if she likes you, chances are, she’d want your kiss before the end of the night. [Read: How to kiss a girl for the first time and not screw up]

Testing the water to avoid that awkward feeling

There are so many kinds of daters in the world, and you can’t really tell who’s stingy and who’s generous with their first kiss. So take it easy, don’t script any kisses into the first date and go with the flow. If you really like your date and intend to kiss them *but you don’t see any signs of reciprocation from your date*, wait until the end of the date. [Read: How to kiss a guy for the first time and turn him on!]

As you sit in the car or stand outside their door during that final goodbye, move in closer to hug your date, and plant a soft kiss on their cheek. And as you do that, don’t move away. Just stay close for a few seconds and see if your date reciprocates by bringing their face closer to yours.

If your date moves away after that hug and the kiss on the cheek, well, better luck next time. But if your date comes closer, well, move in for that kiss because that’s what your date wants too!

[Read: 20 ways to perfect your first date conversation and make your date fall in love with you]

So what’s your take on kissing on the first date? Remember, there’s no right or wrong answer here. It all depends on you, your date, and what both of you want at that particular moment!

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Keith Brown
Keith Brown
With a penchant for downing more energy drinks than is sane, Keith Brown is a bartender and amateur mixologist who geeks about superheroes and spends way too mu...
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DISCUSSION

13 thoughts on “Kissing on the First Date – Is that a Yes or a No?”

  1. Mary says:

    I think it depends on the date – if it’s someone I’ve known for a long time beforehand or liked from afar I’ll have a hard time not kissing them. But it it’s a guy I’ve met online or a blind date I think kissing is a bit too intimate for someone you’ve only known for a few hours. Of course some people probably think I’m being a prude but I don’t want to kiss someone unless I really like them.

  2. Josh says:

    In my experience, on a first date where I really wanted to kiss, I’ve found a way to give a girl a playful kiss on/above her ear (doesn’t matter if her hair is in the way) and say, “Thanks for hangin’ out with me today”, with a big smile. If she responds to that by turning her head to you with a big smile and reciprocates the comment without turning away, she’s ready for you to put another one right on her lips!

  3. TTVGTS says:

    So…. I have an issue, and i would love some help. So i really like this girl, like, really like. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty confident guy, in fact was told by my teachers multiple times that I’m comfortable in my own skin, and all that. But this girl…. She makes me so nervous, and tongue-tied and my hearts starts beating so fast even thinking about her. I finally manned up and asked her to hang out, just the two of us (I tried to make it seem like an informal date, etc.) and we decided on the movies. Now, with my nature, I irreverently got even more nervous, like if I mess up I’m worried about ruining my friendship with her. So that and one other thing has got me worried. The other thing is that I’ve known this girl for over a year, and kinda flirted on and off, but tried to never be “friend-zoned”. I’m also worried, that even despite my best efforts that she still only thinks of me as a friend, and sees this movie thing as two friends hanging out, and wouldn’t it be oh-so-awkward if I thought it was more…. and the worse thing is, I have no idea how to tell what is one way or the other. I would love to know if there is a way to tell without outright asking her, or the other “option”, going in for the first kiss and getting rejected and our friendship being really awkward afterwards. Oh, the joy of teen-hood and highschool…. 🙂 Oh and btw both of us are 16, or close to it

  4. Rok says:

    That’s just ridiculous. People have sex on the first date.

  5. Nicodemus says:

    I try not to make a habit of it. If it is a girl who I feel is only going to be a one night stand I will or if we have spent a great deal of time together and passion just can’t be controlled than I will do it but usually not kissing a girl on the first date is a sign that I like her and want to see where it goes.

  6. jude franco says:

    kissing always leads to screwing

  7. Chris says:

    Interesting and well thought out article. A lot of pro’s and con’s here.

    There is definitely no “one size fits all” model. It depends on the situation.

    A couple years after my divorce I met my current girlfriend through Match.com. We both had kids from our previous marriage so scheduling sometimes was an issue. We talked/texted for a couple weeks and I asked her out on a date. Well, stuff started coming up with our kids and we had to cancel. We decided to have a “Skype” date instead. Once our kids were in bed we ended up Skyping for 3 hours and hit it off really well. Well, she had to leave on business a few days later for a week. We were texting/talking/Skyping any free moment we had. And it was like that until she got back. By the time we actually met in person for the first time, we had been talking for about a month and already knew quite a bit about each other. We both made a comment during our date how it didn’t seem like a typical first date at all. We were playful, relaxed, and generally just having fun. It was snowing and we were at a small bar in a really cool little town between the two of us and I walked her to her car. It was a perfect moment and I kissed her…..honestly, it was perfect and she called me when she got home and told me that if I didn’t make the first move she was going to kiss me because moments like that are few and far between.

    So again, it depends on the situation. If you really haven’t had a chance to get to know a person before you meet for the first time, it’s probably best to wait until at least the 2nd date. But in our situation, the moment would probably have never been better and neither of us have any regrets.

  8. Seth says:

    This helped me so much, I’ve been literally setting in front of the computer shaking. I have a date soon and I’m not sure if I should kiss her or not! It’s our third date and we’re doing awesome. We are both having lots of fun and enjoying each others company. I just feel like I’ve never had the chance to kiss her yet. Do you guys think I should wait for the perfect moment or just kiss her next time we say goodbye to eachother?

  9. Delzy says:

    Have you kissed her? Or did you wait for the special moment

  10. IMO says:

    I know this was a while ago now, IMO you should create the moment (it shows confidence).
    Try lingering hugs or some sustained kisses on her cheek, but near the lips, if she reciprocates or leans in then move things forward into a proper kiss or go in part way, to let her come the rest of the way into the kiss.

    She’ll let you know if she’s interested by her actions.
    I wouldn’t even wait until the end of the date, maybe after you’ve done a major part of the date like had a meal (make sure you don’t eat any garlic or anything smelly and keep some breath freshening gum or spray ;)), the movie.
    If you’re doing something more active it’s a good opportunity to get close and flirt a bit.

    Even kissing at the beginning of the date can be a good idea, if you read the situation and the conversation between date 2 and the 3rd one has been affectionate or flirty then give her an affectionate glance when you meet next and test the water with the closeness, lip/cheek kiss thing, you can always move from cheek to a full on kiss if she’s adding pressure.

    Just my 2 cents.

  11. Badna says:

    I don’t think it’s bad at all. It really depends on how well you knew the person before the date. If I went on a blind date with a woman I just met and we didn’t kiss at the end of it, I wouldn’t be too concerned since we just met and are still trying to get to know each other. If I went on a first date with a long-term friend or even a classmate I had flirted with all semester and we didn’t kiss at the end of the date, it would be a much bigger deal.

  12. Greg says:

    Always kiss on the first date. I don’t understand everyone’s idea that a kiss is such a big deal. Yes it was a big deal in middle school but you’re grown fuc*in men, a kiss is nothing more than a handshake. You want to kiss her, do it. Don’t dilly dally and wonder if you should do it. You’ll get what you want and she’ll know you’re interested in moving forward. And dude, you can fu*k on the first date. You can fu*k without even dating. If you’re feeling it, you’re in the zone, whatever, just go for it.

  13. Olive says:

    Kissing on a first date isn’t bad but I’d rather wait than go too fast. If that kiss is actually a very spontaneous thing and you can’t tell who kissed first because of the chemistry between you then kiss is a perfect ending of the night. If it’s a blind date but you two have fun with each other why not to do it. I once went on a blind date, I knew him from the tv (some regular guy from my country:) and he only saw my pictures. We’ve chatted a little as well. He lived in the different town so when after a few months I went there he asked me out right away. We met at the same day and had a great time. There was a huge chemistry and I felt like he wanted to kiss me but got scared that maybe it’s too fast. So I kissed him, I didn’t care about what he thinks, he was so hot that I couldn’t resist. And I remember that kiss until now. We’ve been together for 2,5 years and even got engaged but our relationship just fell apart. It was amazing 2,5 years though.
    I remember that bad kisses too. When there’s no mutual attraction but he tries anyway (I kissed first only that one time), or you two are too nervous and it just doesn’t go right. 🙂 Or he kiss you just because he wants to have sex with you. So, I suggest to take it slow until that’s a person of your dreams and there is connection and chemistry.
    And if my writing isn’t perfect, I apologize as English isn’t my first language. 🙂 Have a great day everyone.

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