Are you in love with a great person, but can’t help wanting to get out? As sweet as being in love can be, sometimes it leaves a sick taste in the mouth. I want to be single again and I know what I want. But do you? By Morgan Miller
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been in love.
I’m happy in love, and have always been happy knowing I’ve got someone special who wants me and wants to be with me.
But all of a sudden, I want to be single again. And I want it bad!
I had my first boyfriend when I hit puberty, and I’ve been in just four relationships in almost two decades.
And surprisingly, I’ve never been able to spare more than a couple of months of being single in between all the loving.
I’ve never really experienced being single, ever!
I’ve never had a problem being in love. In fact, I’ve always cherished it. My girlfriends envied me because I always got the nicest guys. And my relationships always lasted a long while and ended because of unavoidable circumstances.
I’m almost thirty and in love with a great guy for the last seven years. We’ve been living together for the last five years, and I couldn’t ask for more. Ahem… until recently.
Ever heard that line, weddings make people feel more romantic?
I was at a good friend’s wedding recently with my girlfriends, and I remember looking up at the bride and groom. They were a sparkly couple and it seemed nice.
I sat back, enjoying the balmy breeze under the open sky and tried to imagine my boyfriend and me at the altar. And as shocking as it seemed, I couldn’t visualize us together. And the harder I tried, the more it disturbed me. I lost that thought over the next few hours though, and my friends and I decided to go clubbing. We were out of town and our boyfriends weren’t accompanying us, which was enough of a reason for binge drinking and having fun with the girls.
Cut a long and confusing story short, I met a lot of guys who were interested in me, danced with a few, batted my eyelids at a few others and had the time of my life. [Read: Should a girl accept a drink from a stranger?]
It’s been six months since that eventful day and ever since, I couldn’t help but wonder what if…?
It’s a terrible thing to wonder, especially when you’ve got a loving, confused boyfriend who’s trying to figure out what’s happening to his girlfriend. The guy I was dating was perfect for me. He loved me, understood me and definitely made me a better person. But I just wasn’t happy anymore, and it wasn’t his fault.
I was just sick of always having to think about another person no matter what decision I took. I was annoyed with the lack of privacy. I could never really be alone and enjoy my space. We knew each other’s social network passwords. All our friends treated us like we were a married couple. And for crying out loud, he wanted to get married when we both hit thirty!
I felt claustrophobic and just wanted to escape, and be free. Yeah, it sounds bitchy and mean, but you know, the heart wants what the heart wants. I knew I wanted to be single again.
If I have to give any credit to science, humans have evolved to mate and procreate, not settle down with one person and live the rest of your life wondering ‘what if…’
I ended my relationship with my shocked boyfriend citing “it’s not you, it’s me…” and a few million other reasons including the awkward one, I want to be single again. Gosh, I know, I feel awful about it! [Read: How to end a relationship the right way]
Perhaps I was having my own quarter life crisis. I wanted to experience being single, because I really had never been single all through my teenage years and adult life. And I just wasn’t ready to settle down to a married life without ever having fun as a single girl. I wanted to meet guys, flirt with any guy I liked without having to think twice or feel guilty. And I wanted to have sex… glorious sex with whomever I wanted!
After breaking up with my boyfriend, I felt free. But then again, I wondered if I wanted to be single because I didn’t have any flirty fun with other men, or was it because I was stuck in a relationship that just wasn’t progressing and evolving. I guess it’s one of those things we’ll never know.
A few months have passed ever since my metamorphosis into the single life, and ungracefully, I have to admit that I’m having the best time of my life. I’ve been meeting new guys all the time, and I love the attention I get. It’s especially exciting to be wooed by a new guy almost every other day. [Read: How to flirt by touching]
I don’t know what life holds for me or my love karma *gasp*, but I’m happy now and that’s all I can think of.
Do you want to be single again?
All of us get a fleeting thought now and then and wonder if we’d be better off single or in a relationship. And if you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering if you can take a break for a few months and get back again, well, forget about it.
You can’t take a break from love for a few months and get your spouts and canals filled and get back with your lover and expect things to be normal again. It’s a ridiculous thought!
But for all the confused lovers out there who are contemplating over the mystifying sentence, I want to be single again, here are a few questions that could help you make up your mind.
Are you willing to risk losing your partner forever?
As tempting as the hope of taking a short break from your partner and board diving into a bed full of beautiful men and women can seem, it’s not an acceptable proposition for most lovers. The relationship may work out at times, but in most cases, it would be too emotionally disturbing for your partner who may prefer walking out of your life than waiting to clean your sexual fluids when you get back home. [Read: Open relationships]
Would being single for a while really make you feel any better?
I know I want to be single, but how sure are you? Most of us are fooled by a few days of fun with flirty friends and fleeting glances. But how sure are you about what you want? The grass is always greener on the other side. We’ve all heard that line before. But if you ever have to step out of a good relationship, try to be sure of what your heart wants. You really can’t come crawling back to your old lover and beg for forgiveness. [Read: How to kiss a friend]
Why do you want to be single?
Is it the hope of better sex? Or is it a boring relationship? While flirty interaction with the opposite sex is one of the biggest reasons for wanting to be single, it’s not good enough a reason. At some point of time, you’ll be bored of the variety and would just want to be with someone who can love you for the person you are. So unless you’re in a relationship that you’re not too happy about, don’t use the excuse of better sex as a reason to walk out. [Quiz: Will you ever be unfaithful?]
Could you achieve more in life by being single?
This is actually one of the best reasons to walk out of a relationship. If you really want to be single, make sure it’s for a great reason. If being single can give you a more fulfilled life, one that makes you happier and gives you a reason to jump out of bed the next morning, then hell yeah, you need to be single!
Why do I want to be single?
I took a few months to make up my mind, and I’ve stuck to it. I haven’t knocked on my ex’s door ever since and I don’t regret my decision either.
But you ought to know this though, the whole world is searching for love. And millions of people just wish for true love and hope to experience it someday. It’s not easy to find someone who will love you and respect you for the person you are, and if you’ve found that lover already, perhaps, you don’t really need to be single again.
Life is a game of chutes and ladders, and if you’ve been lucky enough to climb the big ladders and attain true love sooner, you really don’t have to regret skipping the chutes and the little flings. You can introduce yourself to a hundred new man packages or breasts, but they’re all going to start looking pretty similar after a while. It’s what’s inside that’s going to matter eventually. [Read: Cheating in a relationship]
You may wonder what made me walk out of a perfect relationship for no apparent reason. Well, I couldn’t see my boyfriend at the top of my ladder anymore. I was in love, and yet, he wasn’t really a part of my life anymore. A foxy part of me does think I deserve better too.
Heck, I’ve got one life and I took a leap of faith. Or perhaps, I was willing to lose my ex in the hope of something better.
[Read: Why are women fickle in love?]
I’ve weighed my pros and cons, and I may regret my decision to stay single at some point. But for now, I really do know I want to be single again! But do you?
We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!
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Your method of thinking disgusts me. Each day hundreds of women complain about finding an honest, nice guy. You found one and then broke his heart for your own selfish reasons?
Ever thought about the guy you’re leaving behind?
He’ll be left broken and questioning whether going through all the effort of keeping a woman happy for several years is worth it, if they can just throw it away on a whim.
Have you ever wondered why exactly it’s so hard to return to an ex-boyfriend that you do this to? It’s because you completely destroy their heart and force them to re-evaluate their approach to life. They become less trusting and less inclined to let the opposite-sex in – they may even treat them worse and not be so much of a ‘nice guy’ anymore.
You should NEVER leave your boyfriend/husband for a reason such as this. If you have any concerns whatsoever about your future, bring these up with him NOW so you can both discuss it. Bringing it up completely out of the blue when he doesn’t expect it is the meanest and bitchiest thing you can do in life. I hope you’re proud of that.
you did nothing wrong. You two were not ment for eachother. It’s your life, you shouldn’t stay in a relationship because it appears “perfect”. “I love you but I just love me more.” Samantha said that in sex and the city and its so true. You hit a point in your relationship where it was fulfeeling for him yet it wasn’t for you. His happiness isn’t priority; yours is! And if you both were happy… there you go. Both of you guys were in love. But, that isn’t the senairo. Congrats, off walking away from a dead end relationship.
I really enjoyed reading your article. I don’t think you are being selfish at all. I recently have gone through the same thing and I have never looked back. I always say TRUST YOUR GUT. If for some reason you feel you need to get out and live independently by all means go for it! It’s not always about the right guy but the right timing too. Always do what you feel is right. That is all. Thank you
You just described my life!! I loved your article and your honesty… I think you did a great job and you have given me more to think about
I’m so glad I found this article!!! A girl I fell in love with broke up with me a few months back and it was actually the first time I’d been strongly in love (although for me being strongly in love is probably what is average love for most people). Naturally since she is the most amazing woman I’ve yet encountered, I was very upset about her decision to breakup. And she told me EXACTLY what you told your ex, but from maybe a different angle.
She told me how wonderful I was, and I believe her because I know for a fact she told all her friends the same thing. She told me how much she loved the way I touched her and just the way I was overall. So I’m listening to this thinking “so why don’t you stop treating me like a child and just say that you just don’t like me that much anymore?” Anyway, I questioned her, I asked the uncomfortable questions trying to get the “real” truth out of her so that I could get some closure about the whole thing, but she just kept saying that she doesn’t want a relationship right now. Your article has provided me the closure I needed since I couldn’t get this clear of an explanation from my ex.
I now realize why so many older men have told me never to love a woman very much. It all makes sense now. They told me basically to just date women, treat them well, don’t cheat on them if you’re in a relationship, don’t play games with them, but still DON’T deeply love any woman. Now I can see why because if a woman can love you and not want to be committed to you, then why bother letting her into your heart in the first place? BIG lesson learned!!! I’m guessing this is a difference between women and men but I can’t love someone and not be committed to them at the same time. I loved the feeling of being in love with a woman and truly loving her for who she was, but in the end I can see that it’s not worth it after it’s over. I now greatly respect the wisdom of the men who’ve warned me about this. But I’m glad I took a chance on that kind of love either way.
My boyfriend of 7 years proposed a “break” a week ago. I am devastated and was looking for answers on why. He says he loves me but needs time to figure out if he wants to be with me. I call this breaking up with me lightly, he wants to be single. Like the commenter before me (A guy….) I can’t get a clear explanation of why he was breaking up with me or “taking a break” if he loved me and liked me and said there was nothing specific in our relationship that made him decide this.
This article makes sense to me, though it is written in a female’s perspective. And to the commenter before me, it isn’t girls who think like this….it is both sexes. It just sucks for the person on the other end, wanting the relationship and trying to understand why the other person doesn’t want to be with and trying to figure out what changed their mind. This is really torture I need to stop doing to myself.
I would love to know what became of the authors ex after this debacle went down. She makes him sound as if he was an insignificant player in this mess. While she boasts of how great her life has become shedding herself of her dead weight boyfriend, what price did that poor guy pay for giving this relationship his best, but deemed not quite good enough for this self serving bitch?
That said, this happened to me as well. My girlfriend and I were together almost 5 years and were engaged. Blindsided with the same BS just as this poor fellow probably was. I had no idea it was coming. While understandable if you are in a place you feel you don’t want be, but exercise some human decency. Bring your concerns out early. Don’t save them and wait to spring the trap when it is convienent to you. This guy deserved better. In my case I passed on a promotion that would have taken me to another city. I stayed to be with her, and she helped me make that decision. Within a month, she played this same despicable trick. Karma is hell. She will get what’s coming to her in the end. I can understand why the author won’t show up at her ex’s door. It would be an unwise move. I severed all ties with mine after I evicted her from my house. She is not welcome EVER!
Am I bitter, you’re damned right I am. It will be very unlikely I will allow a woman remotely close to me again. Being in my late 30′s I really don’t want to start from scratch again with someone. Trust will be a major issue for me going forward. And yes, I realize not all women are like that. This taught me a hard lesson I won’t forget.
If you really love someone, you don’t just leave ‘m because of these dumb reasons.
or you have serious commitment-issues or you just don’t get the working of a true relationship.
Either way, you should only get yourself a boyfriend when you are 100% shure this won’t happen again.
And the whole scientific reasoning here “humans have evolved to mate and procreate, not settle down with one person and live the rest of your life wondering ‘what if…’ is BS.
Sinds humans evolve, couldn’t is be that we evolved to be more monogamous then ever?
I am in the same spot as the author of this article. I feel so ashamed having these similar feelings after having read the version of opposite sex’s view on the manner. It is really sad to be in this position, but dragging along the person is worse then telling the person about your decision on the spot. Yes it is a shocking truth, to want out of the relationship for no explainable or apparent reason, but feelings and emotions change over time, and you can’t help it. If you cannot see yourself marrying the person, then why continue the relationship while you can be out there enjoying your single life ? I am not saying that being single brings more pleasure to a person. I actually think it’s quite sad and depressing being alone, personally. Sharing your life with someone is so gratifying, and brings you more happiness; as long as you keep the right balance and don’t lose your identity.
But meanwhile, like the author stated and so did one of the commenter’s, life is short and you have to go with your gut feelings. I definitely would not like to be on the other side. But put yourself in our shoes, and see how much pleasure you’d get out of staying in a monotonous and unexciting relationship? I know that sounds selfish, but how happy are you going to be for the rest of your life? You only live once. Going out of your comfort zone might just open up a whole new world for you, and you might rediscover yourself and be grateful for all the new things you have been missing out on. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. I am about to do the move of leaving him. I hate to see someone suffer. Its a cruel thing to do. But I have to look out for my own self, because in reality, I am the only one in control for my own happiness. Everyone is.
Ronnie, I hope you break things off decisivly with your boyfriend as soon as possible. You are right, stringing someone along is much worse. Every day you wait, steals a day from your boyfriend that he deserves to have so be can move forward as well. Yes, you are responsible for your own happiness, but at the same time, you do have his heart in your hands and you are very likely going to smash it when you break the news. This will be very bad for him when it happens, and depending on how you’ve treated him as of late, the longer you wait, the worse it will be for him. Just rip that bandaid off because you know it’s going to hurt. Once it’s done, he can start rebuilding and hopefully find someone who wants him. Most men are fact based. We really don’t care why. We care if you want us or not. If you do, great. if you don’t, then do what you have to do, but please don’t waste our time stringing us along.
What I took exception to from this article was the authors treatment of her ex. It appears to me she treated him poorly in the months prior to dumping him. Them being together all that time, one would think she would consider his feelings better than she appears to have done. Her attitude screams self centered. He likely was a very good guy that spent months wringing his hands wondering WTF trying to figure out what’s wrong. She rubs salt in it by stringing him along by not communicating with him and giving him a chance to bail. And when she finally does it, she goes about it in a cowerdly fashion. As I said before, karma is hell. The tables will turn on her one day.
I am 8 months out from this happening to me. I have to say, life is better without her. It came as a complete shock to me as my ex gave me no clues. I made a very poor life decision to pass on a job in another city. She was a big part of the decision making knowing full well what she planned on doing. We were engaged to be married on 04/20/2013 and plans were being made. A couple of girls night outs put this idea in motion that had been in her head for over a year and a half. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out like she hoped it would. She seriously misread her situation and so far her leap into the fast lane has flopped. The reality for her now is she is a single 38 year old high school math teacher living in an efficiency apartment geared for college students near her school. She’s barely scraping by and I heard through mutual friends she is miserable. I feel bad for her now, but that was her choice and she will have to see it through. She got in touch with me this past weekend feeling me out to see if reconciling was possible. My guess is our wedding date is approaching and she possibly could play off of that get me to warm up to the idea. My answer was no. She is now part of the past and I do not want to have another relationship with her or any other woman.
Ronnie, if you love and respect this man, end it quickly. All he needs to know is he fact is your relationship is no longer working for you and don’t wish to hold him back any longer. He deserves your best effort, especially now.
Wow, these comments show a lot of bitterness.
Well, I’ve had sparse relationships, and if I happened to find someone I liked well enough to be involved with, I wouldn’t end it “just to be single” as the author states here. But obviously, with her many relationships and guys throwing themselves at her every other day, I bet she is enjoying the single life.
I don’t know, I believe in working things out, rather just throwing them to the wind. Or at least trying. It can hurt the other person a lot, but this author seems very self-centered from the sounds of it, meaning she only wanted her own life, not caring about another persons. But then again what do I know? I’ve never been in a relationship as long as 7 years, probably because that person got their “need to be single/not in a relationship” long before that time elapsed.
That was hard enough for me dealing with that and all that went along with it, I’m sure it only gets harder to break up the longer you’re with someone.
I only hope the guy will realize that he’s better off alone without her. I do feel for the need for independence and the need to be single, I guess I’m just on the opposite side of it, coming from a different life experience as this writer.