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Dating a Compulsive Flirt – How to Fix It for Good

dating a compulsive flirt

When it becomes apparent that your loved one isn’t about to give up flirting, even though you’re now a firm item, how do you deal with it?

Flirting is such a subjective thing. What one person considers a harmless bit of flattery or a playfully innocent social interaction, another may interpret as grounds for divorce. Our own upbringings—social class, parents’ attitudes, religion, regional culture—all have a significant say in how we view such things, and these may never entirely agree with the views of others. If, however, such clashes of outlook occur within a relationship, you could be in for a rather choppy ride.

Dating a flirt  and the degrees of flirting

There are certain actions that can readily be identified, in almost any and all circumstances, as an overt flirtation. The question, then, becomes not whether it is indeed a flirt, but how potentially harmful to the relationship that flirting is. Even by considering this question, harm may have already been done and trust issues may be beginning to raise their ugly heads. The only way to bury them is to tackle the issue head on.

But how?

Which method is likely to be the most effective? [Read: 9 subtle signs your man is overly flirty with other women]

Never fear, readers, this is where we come in with a LovePanky top ten list on dealing with an inveterate flirt—complete with an effectiveness scale, out of ten, to allow you to make the best educated decision possible on your chosen course of action.

#1 Talking it over. Talking about a relationship issue is never a bad thing, and the whole concept of communication is one that consistently comes to the fore in any such discussions. So, if your other half is upsetting you with frequent flirty asides to the opposite sex, then just have a little chat with them about it. It may be the case that they don’t even realize they’re guilty of this particular proclivity and are horrified with themselves once it’s pointed out to them. [Read: How to build trust and communicate better in a relationship]

At the very worst, you will have the opportunity to air your concerns, even if your other half seems initially unwilling to cooperate. This way, you’ll have drawn a line in the sand and let them know that they can no longer get away with it.

Effectiveness: 9/10

#2 Returning the favor. Quite simply, this step requires you to fight fire with fire. If your partner is constantly flirting with everything that walks, then try beating them at their own game and showing them how unacceptable it is. Be warned, though: it might backfire, and you don’t want to be the one who ends up breaking up the relationship on the back of a poorly executed effort at tit-for-tat.

Effectiveness: 5/10

#3 You’ve been framed. Want to see if flirting would turn into real action, given the opportunity? Many have tried to set up their partners in situations where a plant has encouraged them to step beyond the usual barriers of flirting. But really, what stage is your relationship at if you have to resort to such desperate measures? Not the most effective option available, by a long shot.

Effectiveness: 3/10

#4 The klaxxon effect. Every time they flirt, no matter what the environment or scenario, you reward their actions with a blast of klaxxon, or some other similarly brutish noise or visual effect. What can I say on this front other than: please, grow up!

Effectiveness: 1/10

#5 Encourage them. The ultimate in reverse psychology, this is where you actually support their flirting, telling them to do it more than they are, encouraging them to continue in that behavior, etc. In an ideal world, this will make them think that you are emotionally detaching yourself from them in some way, and they will begin to lessen the flirting in order to focus on you. However, depending upon the individual’s sensitivity to the situation *or lack thereof* they could just interpret your actions as a massive thumbs up. Way to score a goal for the wrong team!

Effectiveness: 5/10

#6 The spy who loved me. If the issue is exactly how much sexual intent lies behind the flirting, you could choose to do a little spying on them when they think you’re not around to gauge how harmless—or otherwise—it truly is. Again, though, if you have to resort to spying, the relationship can’t be that healthy anyway. [Read: 18 really clever ways to catch a cheating partner in the act]

Effectiveness: 6/10

#7 The ego block. Send a friend! If the constant flirting is getting you down, then send your most loyal friend to go and do a bit of ego blocking; mentioning his partner in front of the object of the flirt is a useful tool in this particular arsenal, and guaranteed to make the offending person deflate like a football on a barbed-wire fence.

Effectiveness: 7/10

#8 Hound dog. While it is very much like the ego block, the hound dog instead involves carrying out the ego blocking yourself. Following your partner’s every footstep, you don’t let them leave your sight and intercept every oncoming flirt with the skill of a fighter pilot. Just one minor issue: this particular course of action is more often referred to as ‘stalking’ and is unlikely to earn anything but resentment *or a court order* from your loved one. [Read: Online flirting – Signs you’re cheating and don’t even know it]

Effectiveness: 4/10

#9 Never the twain shall meet. You could just decide that enough is enough and that you aren’t about to put up with even a moment’s more flirting, with separation the only option. An effective way of making sure that flirting with this person never becomes an issue again, it nonetheless ignores the fact that if you had just sat down and had a mature discussion about your concerns, you could have ended up living happily together for the rest of your lives. I believe they call that ‘cutting off your nose to spite your face’!

Effectiveness: 0/10

#10 Let it be. Entirely at the opposite end of the scale, you could choose to turn a blind eye and pretend that nothing’s happening. This may work to an extent, but *more likely* will increase the possibility that you’ll end up building resentment and ruining the relationship, anyway, through a series of misdirected arguments and disagreements. Far better to get it all out in the open and let nature take its course.

Effectiveness: 4/10

Flirting doesn’t have to signal the end of a relationship, but it definitely is something that has to be addressed if you wish it to progress any further in both a satisfactory and fulfilling manner.

[Read: How to get rid of your boyfriend’s wandering eye for good]

Take heed and ensure that you’ve put the proper steps in place to deal with your own flirtation woes using the techniques above.

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Philip Hegarty
Philip Hegarty
Currently reclining with a peaceful and contented smile upon his face, with perhaps just a hint of mystery and steely resolve, Philip Hegarty has an obviously i...
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DISCUSSION

5 thoughts on “Dating a Compulsive Flirt – How to Fix It for Good”

  1. Paola says:

    I am a big believer in talking things over and I also have returned the favor. Talking made me feel good and doing the other did not make me feel as good as I thought it would. The attention I got was great but the way it made my honey feel took some of the air out of my sails. I think that I can be flirtatious when I am in a comfortable setting and I do have a tendency to be great with words and how I can use them to be sexy, mysterious, etc. I know that flirting can be innocent fun or it can be dangerous and cause great damage. Communication and balancing my personality is the key.

  2. Patty says:

    I have dealt with this many times before. It is hard to date someone that flirts a lot. I think the best idea is to talk about it. If your partner is a flirt by nature, it may not be because you are not right for them, they just like to flirt. A lot of people have very flirty personalities and it is there way of being social. If they can’t tone it down for you and it truly bothers you, then they are probably not the best fit for you. It is best to talk about it though. Never let it sit and fester, then it will just continue to bother you.

  3. cool kids says:

    The problem is both of us are compulsive flirts because we are just so open minded like that. I don’t really see it as a problem, not unless she would offer her number to a guy and same for me if I would give my number to a girl. That would be the boundary for us. We are both just flirtatious in nature and it’s just who we are. We can’t change that the way we act seems like flirting to others but for us, it’s not really flirting, you know what I mean? We might seem flirty to you but to us, it’s a normal thing to be. We accept each other’s traits and as long as we remain loyal to each other, there would be no problems. We are not the jealous types either. We love each other genuinely and that love comes with trust and we communicate all the time, so it’s not really that big of a problem to be just ourselves. As long as we’re not touching another person, that’s fine. We engage in small talk with people all the time, that’s what makes them think we are flirting. There are so many times where a guy misinterpreted my girlfriend’s nice attitude and tried to ask for her number, she would always say that she doesn’t give out her number because her boyfriend doesn’t like it. Which is true, of course. I hate that but I love my girl. I trust her with my life and she trusts me with hers. We’re cool like that.

  4. grace says:

    I have a confession to make. I met my husband when I was 16. We’ve been married for 8 years, together for 14 years. I have never cheated on him and I don’t think I ever would. But, I don’t get the attention from him anymore that I used to get. He never compliments me. He never says I love you unless he’s going to bed. He never holds my hand when we walk somewhere together. He doesn’t do any of the “little things” anymore. I miss the feelings and the rush I used to get from those “little things”. Lately, I’ve found myself openly flirting with some of the men, younger or older, that I come into contact with at work. I know I act like I’m interested in them, but I’m really not. I just enjoy the playfulness that comes along with the flirting. I enjoy hearing that I look nice or my hair looks pretty or that I have a beautiful smile. It gives me butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t had that in a long time. I don’t feel guilty about this, but I do wonder if I have to let my partner know about this. I’m not really a compulsive flirt and I really don’t think I’m doing anything wrong.

  5. Gail says:

    I wish more people, male and female, would read the first tip here. If there’s something concerning you in a relationship, whatever that concern may be, it’s always best to open the lines of communication. If your partner really appreciates you as a person, then they’ll take the time to hear you out with a serious ear and give anything some serious thought. Whether they act on your concerns or not is another story altogether, but at least you’ve made yourself known. I’m sick of the whole “you should’ve known” kind of lines.

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