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What to Do if You’ve Been Single for Too Long & Want to Find Love

single for too long

For one reason or another, you’ve been single for too long. That can make it really hard to get back out there and find the one. We can help.

It’s not really your fault. You may have got out of a serious relationship and took a while to get over it. Or maybe you’re just someone who’s focused on your career. No matter the reason, you’ve been single for too long and are having issues getting back into the dating scene.

It’s like we forget how to date when it’s been a while. You get overwhelmed with the idea of seeing someone after so much time out of the game and so you don’t. But then you end up with this void you need to fill. You want love but don’t know how to get it.

Some people only want to get back out there because they’re pressured to do so

Your mom or friends just won’t leave you alone about it. Every family function turns into an inquisition into your love life even if you don’t care that you’re single. This happens all the time and it’s so toxic to start dating because of it.

Truthfully, you have to be willing and ready to give love a shot. You can’t dread it or barely have any interest in it and expect it to go well. If you’re only going out because people are telling you to, it could be a big problem. [Read: 14 signs you’re ruining your first date unknowingly]

How to find love when you’ve been single for too long

If you do just want to find true love and are at a point in your life where you’re ready to make that commitment, we can help. Here’s how to get back out there and find some confidence in the dating world even when you’ve been single for too long.

#1 Work on your confidence. You may not feel that great if you haven’t been out for a while. The unfortunate truth is that many people get their confidence from others. And while that’s not always healthy, it can make things harder for you.

So work on building it up. Hit the gym and start eating better. Think positive thoughts about yourself and aim to have more confidence. Having high self-esteem will only help make getting back out there easier.

#2 Figure out the type of person you want to date. The type of person you want now might be completely different than who you would’ve gone for before. Make a list of the traits you’d like in a partner and have a good idea of what that would look like.

Obviously, don’t let this list be a deciding factor. It should be used as a tool to help you approach the right people. [Read: Dating expectations with type A vs type B personalities]

#3 Sign up for online dating. Nowadays, online dating really is the best way to get back out there. And the best part? You don’t actually have to go anywhere. All you really have to do is upload a couple pictures, jot down a paragraph about yourself, and see what’s out there for you.

#4 Get some help from friends. Your friends know you really well. They also know what type of person you’d do really well with. And if they’re in relationships themselves, they probably know other single people.

It might be hard to let your friends set you up when you’ve been single for too long but there are so many couples who succeed by being set up. And best of all, your friends already approve.

#5 Go shopping. It’s time to get a new outfit that makes you feel and look amazing. You’ve been single for a while and that means your “date” outfits are pretty, well… dated.

So hit the mall and find yourself something amazing. Just make sure it’s something that feels great on you. Comfort is far more important than showing up in a skimpy tight dress. When you feel good, you ooze confidence. [Read: 15 tips to get you looking your best]

#6 Make an effort. You can’t meet someone else and find love if you don’t at least TRY. Yes, the dating scene can be intimidating but once you’re out there, it’s far less scary. So all you really have to do is make an effort to get to know other people. Don’t shy away or avoid eye contact with those checking you out.

#7 Go out so you can meet new people. You also want to actually leave the house every now and then. While online dating can be a great start, there’s nothing quite like the initial spark of chemistry when you say hello to someone at the bar.

#8 Keep an open mind. You never know what someone will be like when you get to know them. Looks can be very deceiving. You want to keep an open mind going into the dating world. If you keep shutting down every single person right away, you’ll never find love. [Read: 12 rules of dating etiquette for getting back out there]

#9 Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s not that big of a deal if you don’t find someone right away. If you put too much pressure on yourself, you’ll take the fun out of it. You might not find love right away and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that and thinking so will only make things worse.

#10 Don’t put too much pressure on someone else. If you expect the world of someone, you’ll always be disappointed. I’m not saying you should keep your standards low by any means but don’t expect so much.

They’re not going to come into your life and be the best thing ever right off the bat. It takes time to get to know someone and grow a bond that develops into love.

#11 Prepare for conversation. You’ve been out of the game for a while. Conversing with someone in a flirty way that shows interest probably isn’t something you’ve done for a while. Making sure you have conversation topics ready to go will help eliminate some awkwardness, too. [Read: 15 conversation starters for the shy and socially awkward]

#12 Take things slow. Don’t move too fast. You’re new to this again and while finding someone great might be exciting, it’ll also cause you to not think straight. Work on slowing things down and really getting a feel for someone before going all in. It’ll help you out in the long run.

#13 Enjoy yourself. Dating is fun. Finding love is supposed to be exciting! So sit back and enjoy yourself. It’s been a long time, sure, but that doesn’t mean it has to be hard or awkward all the time. Let loose and it’ll be a lot more fun than you think.

[Read: 9 steps to get back in the dating game again]

Just because you think you’ve been single for too long doesn’t mean you have been. Get back into the game and trust your instincts. It’s not nearly as complicated as you think it is.

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Bella Pope
Bella Pope
Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...

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