Do you go running the second your lover beckons? If so, you might have a problem. Here’s how to know if you’re too available for your partner.
Nobody likes someone who is always available. Where’s the fun in that? No matter how much you want to spend time with your partner, being too available can have its downfalls.
The pitfalls of availability
If you are too available, you may seem needy, like you don’t have a life of your own—which may put you at risk for being taken for granted. The old strategy of “playing hard to get” comes into effect a little bit when it comes to availability; less is usually more.
The chase is part of human nature. Everybody loves the act of trying to “get” someone. If they know they’ve already got you and can have you whenever they please, the interest goes away fairly quickly.
I’ve been there many times. Unfortunately, I used to be the girl that would forget about her friends the second she started dating someone because she just wanted to spend all of her time with the newest flame. And, well…that definitely didn’t work out for very long.
Once I started putting the pieces together, I figured out that I was just too available for the men in my life. I would always say yes when they wanted to do something and that led to me being taken advantage of, and encouraged them to place high expectations on my time.
So how do you know if you’re too available for your partner?
Usually, this isn’t very hard to discover, because there are a LOT of signs that you’re way too available. Take it from me: read these signs and change them ASAP—if you want to make something work.
#1 “Yes” frequents your vocabulary. If you’re constantly saying yes to everything your new squeeze asks or wants to do, then you’re too available. Don’t you have your own plans? Don’t you just want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie, instead of going to some lame car show?
#2 You immediately reply to any call or text. Umm…you’re in the shower. You should not be texting back if you’re in the shower. This is a big sign that you’re too available. It’s okay to reply right away if you’re not busy with anything, but if you’re in the middle of getting your teeth cleaned at the dentist and have to spit on your hygienist in order to communicate, you’ve got issues.
#3 You apologize for missing texts/calls. The second you see a missed call because you were in a meeting or even just taking a quick nap, do you call back and immediately start apologizing and explaining yourself? Honestly, this sounds more desperate than you being nice. Instead, say a quick, “Oh sorry, what did you need?” It makes you much more mysterious and actually makes it seem like you have a life outside of your significant other. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and just don’t know it]
#4 You initiate most of the conversations. Texting him multiple times a day and chatting about his day seems not only too available, but slightly desperate as well. If you’re busy with your own life—as you should be—then you shouldn’t have time to text 50 times a day.
#5 You accept last minute dates. It’s Friday night at 4 PM, and he calls *which you pick up on the first ring, of course* and asks if you want to do dinner at 6. Even though you already threw in a pizza and had prepared to lie on the couch *in PJs, stuffing your face* you excitedly say, “Of course,” turn off the oven, and head straight to the shower. This is certainly a sign that you’re way too available.
#6 You let them reschedule last minute. On the other hand, perhaps it’s 6 PM and you’re freshly showered but get a text saying something “came up.” Now you’re left to change BACK into your PJs and try to down a half-cooked pizza.
Yeah, it’s no fun, but you graciously reply back *immediately, I may add*, “No biggie!” and get on with your boring night. Letting your significant other reschedule things at the last minute without fuss doesn’t mean you’re “understanding.” It means you’re too available and don’t mind the random shift in plans. Let him know his canceled plans are off-putting; you are not a doormat.
#7 You cancel plans with your friends when they want to do something. I’m extremely guilty of this one, but it’s inexcusable. When you cancel plans you’ve made with your friends just because your partner wants to do lunch, it’s a sure sign you’re too available. Telling them no every once in a while is okay. In fact, it’s a good thing!
#8 You don’t make plans with your friends in the hopes that he’ll want to do something. Once again, I’m ridiculously guilty of this. If you get invited out on a Saturday night and say no just because you’re thinking your significant other MIGHT be able to do something, then you’re too available in the worst possible way: you’re passively waiting for someone who isn’t necessarily interested.
#9 Whenever he asks, you tell him you’re not busy—even though you are swamped with work and a new hobby. Or maybe you always tell him you’re not busy so he’ll ask to do something. Although this isn’t actually being too available, you are pretending to be—which is just as bad. [Read: The LovePanky dating girl code all girls need to know]
#10 Your friends tell you that you’re too available. Listen to those friends, please! Because they’re probably the friends you keep ditching to go hang out with your new special someone. If a friend is telling you that you’re being too available *aka: ditching them or not making plans with them at all* then that’s a surefire sign that you really are too available.
#11 You frequently ask to spend time together. When you ask him every day to go to dinner or on a date, he’s going to realize that you don’t do much outside of spending time with him. Let him ask you—and then say no sometimes. Always having time available and wanting to fill that time with him is a definite sign that you have too much time available. [Read: 9 effective ways to stop being so clingy and needy in the relationship]
#12 You plan your life around the possibility of him being present. “Should I join that new yoga studio down the street? Hmmm…if I do, then I won’t be able to do dinners with *insert name* three days a week…” So you don’t join because, just maybe, you’ll be busy with your special someone. Not joining in on activities because you might be spending your time with him means that you’re making yourself far too available—and unnecessarily so.
#13 People ask if you ever spend time apart. Because it seems like everything you ever do *which, of course, isn’t much; you need to have an open schedule for your fella, after all* is with your significant other. People are curious about your other hobbies and goals…but you can’t seem to answer fully without leaving him out of the equation.
Spending time with your significant other is always wonderful, but when you’re too available, it can actually have the opposite effect; you will not only seem desperate, but uninteresting and bland. The chase is part of the fun, so give your man something to run after.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...