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8 Subtle Signs Your Fling is Turning into a Relationship

fling turning into a relationship

You said you’d be friends with benefits, but somehow, you’re getting more than just the obvious benefits. Are you headed to relationship territory?

In this fast-paced world that we live in, flings are pretty much how most, if not all, relationships start. It seems like old school courtship isn’t exactly the in-thing anymore, and most of the getting-to-know-you part just happens through text, chat, or phone calls. It’s as if the internet has become the main tool for this era’s “courtship style.”

Additionally, hookups are so rampant that it doesn’t really matter to people anymore if they have sex with someone they’re not in a relationship with. I guess this is the way our world adapts to its people’s fast-paced lifestyle.

With all of that said, it won’t be such a big surprise if the guy or gal you’re casually screwing on the side turns out to be your next serious partner. You may have started off with a casual flirtationship, but things are starting to get serious. Before you know it, you’re asking yourself, “What are we?” [Read: Flirtationship – When you’re stuck in between a fling and a romance]

How to know if your fling will become serious

Before you jump to conclusions and assume that your fling’s two-text-messages-a-day habit will turn into wedding bells and babies, check for these signs to know if your little sumthin’ sumthin’ will turn into something more serious.

#1 Consistency. Consistency is always key in knowing if two people are really into each other. Do you consistently make plans to see each other despite your busy schedules? Do the two of you have constant communication? This could be through texts, phone calls, chats, social media messaging, and the works. If so, then this is most likely because this fling is turning into the real thing.

#2 Both of you have brought up defining what you two share. Nowadays, labeling seems to always be one of the biggest issues in relationships. Most couples don’t really define what they have until they’re both sure it is something serious.

Obviously, if one of you has brought the topic up and the other agrees, then doesn’t that give the two of you a signal that what you have is most definitely more than just a casual relationship? [Read: 6 spot-on tips on raising the idea of being exclusive]

#3 Family and friends know you’re seeing each other. Would you really introduce someone to your FAMILY and friends if that person isn’t someone you want to have a serious relationship with? I think not.

None of us would ever dare to bring a f*ck buddy to meet the parents. Meet the friends, maybe. But parents? Heck, no. The idea itself of letting the people you love know who you’re dating is a clear sign that we consider our “partner” more than just someone to hook up with. [Read: Are you falling for your fling? – 21 signs to decode that fuzzy feeling]

#4 You go out on real dates. And by real dates, I mean lunch and dinner dates, going to a theme park or setting a beach trip in advance. Real dates mean spending time to get to know each other. If you only go out to have drinks or hang out at your partner’s place, then that sends an awfully wrong message – drinks and hanging out at their place mean you two just want to get laid.

Oh, and the guy should always bring the girl home, we might not live in the olden times anymore, but that’s just how real dates are. Plus, never forget to make a follow-up call/text the day after the date – it comes off as rude when you go MIA a day after the date. [Read: Is the guy boyfriend material or just fling material?]

#5 Having sex isn’t the only reason the two of you meet up. Let’s say you and your fling have been hooking up for a seemingly significant amount of time, but then you realize that you two are making plans to actually spend time in the outside world, and you’re not confined to hanging out in the bedroom – you must rejoice because this is an extremely good sign.

The fact that you two enjoy each other’s company and the fact that your relationship does not revolve around sex alone means that what you have is becoming real, if it isn’t already. [Read: How to make your FWB want a real relationship with you]

#6 You two make plans for the future. Let’s assume what you have is a summer fling – if both of you decide to see each other even after you leave the beach, for example *where it all started*, then that’s kind of the start of something real.

Would you really include someone in your future if you didn’t have intense feelings for them or if your main goal is to keep them as a fling forever? I don’t think so. We make people a part of our future only when we actually see a future with them.

#7 Exclusivity. This is very important. The most obvious sign that it is becoming real is when you two have talked about being exclusive. A fling isn’t exclusive. When exclusivity becomes a part of the equation, then your fling has evolved into the real thing.

#8 There’s love. Bet you saw this one coming a mile away. Last but certainly not the least – you two share a fluttering, blissful feeling… one that we all call love. Flings progress into something more when there are feelings involved. This, of course, should be mutual and clearly not one-sided.

All the signs I have mentioned all lead to this – love. It just happens, but you’ll definitely know, and it won’t be confusing for you and your fling if and when you two start having feelings for each other. [Read: 19 sure signs of falling in love to watch out for!]

What’s truly important is that you and your partner talk about what you both want openly. Maybe at the beginning, you had an agreement that it isn’t going to be more than just a fling – sometimes, things just happen, and you could have absolutely no control over it.

The biggest mistake people usually commit when it comes to flings is that they never tell their partner what they really want. They wait on each other until everything gets messed up. Speak your mind if you feel that you want more, so you know if it’s going to evolve into anything because you can always just go and end it if not.

[Read: 19 signs you’re ready for a serious relationship]

When it comes to grey area relationships like flings, sometimes all it takes is for one person to speak up. After all, you never know if your fling could be the one true love you have been waiting for.

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Jorella Valino
Jorella Valino
Jorella Valino is a freelance writer, human resources manager, and animal rights advocate. She maintains a cruelty-free and vegan blog dedicated solely to raisi...
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5 thoughts on “8 Subtle Signs Your Fling is Turning into a Relationship”

  1. Sirnetra says:

    I really should have read this article before the last “fling” I had ended terribly. I told the guy that I really liked him, a lot. He wouldn’t really say anything in response to that. Instead he would let me see the “red receipts”, making me wonder what I had said wrong. We would see each other almost every other day. However, we never really went on dates. Out of the many times he came over, we only did non-sexual twice. He met my family and everything. Like why would he introduce himself to my family if he knew that all he wanted was sex. My uncle asked me if he and I were together, and I told him we were working on it. But then the guy ended up cutting me off and had a girlfriend the next day! He text me the other day and said that we could still talk and see each other, I don’t know what that means, or how I should feel about it.

  2. Marsha says:

    It’s the very first point, consistency, that’s the crossing line between just another fling and something more serious. When guys are more eager to see me on a regular basis, then I’m happy to start tuning out those who don’t seem all that serious about me or even see me as just another booty call. That’s not to say I completely close the door on them until

  3. Deborahdean says:

    I had a fling once that was with a friend who had always liked me. I gave in and then it became intimate or what you call a fling. I really did think of him as a friend and I believe we both understood that I was in a rebound phase after a lengthy and painful breakup. He had been privy to my relationship and had often been a shoulder to lean on. At some point during our fling things started to turn and the direction was relationship. The signs for me were the fact that we spent time outside of the house and went places together. We also discussed our goals and future aspirations which seemed to be aligning. He expressed a desire to try and see if we could be more serious and give it a try. The signs were right and we did try.

  4. sarah says:

    I’ve had couple of flings but none really got serious until I met my I coworker Jake, since I’m new to the job he was the one who’s always helping me get the hang of things. One day at a company party he invited me back to his apartment. We were so drunk from the unlimited booze and well we all know what happens between two drunk person alone in a comfy apartment. Twas kind of awkward after that because we were seeing each other everyday at work. I thought it was the end of it but then on Valentine’s day I was surprised to find a bouquet of roses on my desk and with it a note inviting me to a formal dinner. We became a couple there after and I couldn’t be happier.

  5. Treni says:

    He is my brother in-law’s brother. Which isn’t at all the reason it’s a secret. We were trying to be discreet because of our nieces and nephews (mine are his step nieces and nephews, and vice versa). I’m very careful about who I date because of how close I am with the kids. I try to be a decent role model, and don’t want them to know I’m involved with someone until I get a handle on it. Also, we just wanted to see where things would go without everyone’s opinions and advice. We met when I moved back home a few months ago. I have to admit, it started as a fling, but we realized pretty quickly we had a lot in common and got along amazingly well. Which neither of us expected, honestly. I just knew he was the hottest guy I’d ever seen, and didn’t ruin it when he opened his mouth. We grew up in the same neighborhood, which means a lot in my city, but that’s where the obvious similarities end. Superficially we couldn’t be more opposite from one another. He’s Puerto Rican and I’m German-English. He looks crispy hip hop (reggaeton to be more accurate), and I so look grunge punk. I say “Okie dokie” and he says “aiiight”. Like I said though, it didn’t take long to figure out that I had more in common with him than any guy I’ve ever been with. It’s the big issues like values, ethics, honesty, and expectations that we share…and our crazy, obsessed love of all things music. Both of us were in very long term relationships that didn’t end so great, and we’re both totally gunshy. We decided early on that we were together without being “together”, or tangled, as we took to calling it. It’s working out great. We both have all the time and space we need, but know we have someone who genuinely cares about us. I’ve never been in a more honest relationship, and consider him one of my best friends. The problem is it’s working out a little too well. What was supposed to be breezy and unweighted down by love, and muck, and all of the other things we were so afraid of; turned into two people getting crazier and crazier about each other. So now what? Even my niece keeps saying “I think you and Tio (Uncle) should go out. You’re just like each other and act so goofy.”. I think either of us would be willing to “come out” if it’s what the other person wanted.

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