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10 Reasons Why Saying ‘I Love You’ Too Soon Sucks

saying i love you too soon

Do you find yourself saying ‘I love you’ too soon all the time? Learn why waiting to say ‘I love you’ just a while longer can make love so much better.

When you’re falling in love with someone, it’s hard to hold yourself back from taking the plunge.

If you’re smitten by someone you’re dating, chances are, you’d be really enthusiastic about saying ‘I love you’ and taking the next step.

But how soon is too soon?

When is the right time to say ‘I love you’?

And why is it better to wait a while instead of blurting it right out when you feel like it?

[Read: When should you say ‘I love you’ for the first time?]

Are you saying ‘I love you’ too soon?

Love always takes time.

You may be madly infatuated by someone you’ve met on a date once, or you may think you’re in love after your first kiss.

But it’s not really love at all.

It’s just the first stage in several stages of that mushy thing called love.

[Read: The 9 relationship stages all couples go through]

And what makes falling in love with each other so magical is the tension and the confusion, the insecurities and those stolen moments of passion that build as two people start wooing each other.

But if you do say ‘I love you’ before you and your new date can feel the excitement of actually falling for each other, you could ruin the happy moment and turn it into something far more serious before both of you have even had the time to evaluate the potential relationship.

Is it wrong to say ‘I love you’ too soon?

Well, truth be told, it’s never wrong to say ‘I love you’ too soon. After all, if you feel it, you feel it. What’s the point in hiding your feelings for someone?

At times, revealing your love for someone may be the best thing you could do, especially if they love you back already. But what happens if you’re dating someone who’s still evaluating you as a long term partner potential?

If you rush it by professing your love for someone who’s still not ready to love you, you may end up losing the relationship even though both of you were perfect for each other. So if you can wait for it, it’s always better to wait a while rather than rushing into something and ruining it without giving the relationship a fair chance. [Read: 10 different ways to say ‘I love you’ without saying a word]

10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks

If you truly love someone, or are waiting to say ‘I love you’ for the first time, keep these 10 reasons in mind and test your own potential relationship.

And if you feel like you stand a good chance and are not rushing into love even after reading these tips, then go right ahead and say those three magical words to the one you love!

#1 The guessing game is over. The excitement of playing hard to get with each other is what makes falling in love so much fun. Both of you like each other a lot, can’t stop touching each other and feel so good inside every time both of you meet. You’re not in a relationship yet, but both of you are falling hard for each other already.

If you say ‘I love you’ too soon, the excitement of wondering what’s on each other’s minds would end overnight. It’s not a bad thing, but a longer courting almost always gives a better chance for a longer relationship because both of you waited before taking the plunge. [Read: New relationship advice to have a perfect start in love]

#2 Are you an obsessive lover? Some people are obsessive lovers. They jump into a new relationship with someone as soon as one relationship ends because they can’t stay single. They love being in love, and need love to feel complete. These kinds of lovers end up saying ‘I love you’ even without realizing whether they’re really in love with their date.

And as you meet your date often over time, instead of trying to build the love, you may spend many of your dates trying to convince yourself that you’ve actually met the one!

#3 When there’s no reciprocation. If you say ‘I love you’ and your date doesn’t respond with the same sentence, it makes the whole relationship go backwards. It’ll leave one of you confused and the other angry.

And that builds insecurities and fills the air with a lot of awkwardness. Unless you’re completely smitten by this person you’re dating and don’t care whether they love you back or not, avoid saying it too soon. [Read: 10 perfect ways to ask a girl to be your girlfriend]

#4 A big misunderstanding. If you say something as serious as ‘I love you’ very early into the relationship, your date may think you’re not really in love with them, but are just saying it to please them. That’s really the worst thing, because your three magical words have just lost all meaning to your date.

#5 How well do you know each other? People get infatuated by each other at first sight. They don’t fall in love! If you really need to love someone, you need to love them for who they are. So what do you know about your date? Do you know about their exes, how many relationships they’ve been in, about their likes and dislikes and the kind of person they are? Always make sure you actually like the real person you’re dating for their personality before professing your love to them. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility]

#6 Are you insecure? Ask yourself this question sincerely, are you saying ‘I love you’ to this special person just to cover your insecurities? Some smitten lovers say those words just to beat any competition out of the way, or arm-twist the one they’re dating so they can feel more secure about the relationship or push away anyone else who’s threatening the relationship. If you have to profess your love, do it for the right reasons.

#7 Stuck in love. If one of you says ‘I love you’ too soon, and the other person accepts and responds with the same line without really thinking, one or both of you may feel stuck in the relationship because it all happened so fast.

If you say it too soon, your lover may even get angry with you if they jumped in too fast and reciprocated by saying that they loved you too. And instead of focusing on love, your new partner may have to spend all their time wondering if they really need to be in a serious relationship with you. Would you like that? [Read: 30 super sexy ways to keep a guy interested]

#8 Pressure doesn’t always work. Once you say it, the secret’s out in the open for you and your date to see. And you can’t take your words back again. What if your date just wants a casual relationship with you and doesn’t want anything serious just yet? They may really love you, but they may still be unsure about doing anything about it.

And remember, there’s no going back once you say it. If your date’s uncertain about the future of the romance, saying ‘I love you’ will force them to think about it. And the extra pressure on deciding immediately may just force your date into turning you down or walking away if they’re not ready to be held down in a serious romance.

#9 Prove your love. If you really want to say ‘I love you’ and hear it back from your date, then learn to play it safe. Instead of saying ‘I love you’, prove your love through actions. Don’t say how much you love your date, but show it through your romantic gestures. If your date loves you, they’ll reciprocate with happiness. But if they aren’t looking for something serious, they’d seem uncomfortable with your affection. [Read: How to prove that you love someone the right way]

#10 Watch their response to your love. You’ll know if your date loves you back if they go out of their way to do something for you too. After you smother your date with love and romance, wait and watch their response. If your date really loves you, they’d start indulging in little romantic gestures like buying you gifts or going out of their way to do something nice for you. [Read: 10 types of love you’ll experience in your lifetime]

If that happens, yeah, your date loves you. On the other hand, if your date doesn’t respond in kind, perhaps they just need more time to fall madly in love with you.

When is the best time to say I love you?

Express your love when you believe you’re truly in love. But at the same time, be certain that your date is ready to hear it. A good rule of thumb here, both of you should have spent at least a month seriously dating each other each and must have met each other on at least five real romantic dates. [Read: 7 dirty and naughty texting games for new couples]

To some, this may seem like it’s all too fast. And to many others, it may seem like a lot of waiting. But a month into dating each other is the perfect time to express your love for this special someone. The infatuation would have peaked and led to something a lot more beautiful, and big chances are, it could just be love! [Read: Cute and romantic ways to tell someone that you love them]

The waiting game

If you wait too long, your new date may get bored or wonder if the relationship’s going anywhere. If you say it too soon, you may ruin your relationship because of all the added pressure and the confusion.

[Read: How to fall in love like you’re in a fairytale]

If you want the experience to seem like a fairytale romance, take your time while saying ‘I love you’ and read the signs. Keep an eye on the budding relationship and take the plunge when you feel like love’s all around in the air.

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Jessica Dawson
Jessica Dawson
Jessica Dawson is guilty of using way more emojis than are necessary, and is a lover of all things British. And when she isn’t working on mastering a fake Bri...
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24 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why Saying ‘I Love You’ Too Soon Sucks”

  1. I once told a guy I loved him (after a few months of dating) I thought he felt the same. He said “oh, that’s really nice” AH!!! I was mortified. I was never the first to say it again after that!

  2. irishdebs.ie says:

    I quite like reading through a post that can make men and women think.
    Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  3. LemOn says:

    Well that’s all true. Im seeing this guy for a week now and I believe we both so in love . He said to me he loves me whilst he was drunk , thought he said that because maybe his drunk the next day when he was sober he said the same thing. So im not too sure yet if we in love or something else but we already talking marriage lol

  4. Leah Daniel says:

    My boyfriend said he loved me the week we started dating. We’re in high school so it doesn’t surprise me that he made a mistake like this, but it completely made me miserable up until now! I reciprocated too quickly and became bitter. I even told him that I didnt love him, then decided I did, then decided I didnt. So up until today, he’s been saying “I love you” and I’ve been saying “umm yeah thanks”. But today I’ve realized that I finally do love him and I’m so excited to sit him down tomorrow and just look into his eyes and tell him that I’m in love with him. Because I really am now! Thank goodness his and my mistake didn’t completely ruin the relationship right off of the bat

  5. Corinne says:

    I met a beautiful man 6 days ago. It was pretty amazing from the moment we met. It was like we were a male/female version of each other. It was the strangest feeling of contentment just being with one another. I’ve never been treated like such a lady. I just feel utterly enthralled to him. He looks at me- almost in bewilderment that he might have found someone like me constantly telling me I’m beautiful and just exclaiming “fuck man, wow!”. He says he feels proud of me for what I’ve gotten through and the work I do. Something I desperately wanted my husband to recognize and appreciate about me for our whole relationship. I feel so special and after my previous relationship where I was controlled and manipulated for 13 years I feel safe and that I am accepted just as I am. The best thing is my best self seems so tangible when I’m with him. We seem each other every day since we met. He texted me earlier a simple “I love you” after we had spoken on the phone. He hadn’t been able to get hold of me for 4hours prior as ny phone had died. He’d been pretty worried so that was really sweet. I recognize a few of the points above. I don’t want to tell him I love him just out of logic! I don’t hold it against him. I feel the best I have in 13 years and I’m so ecstatic to have attracted someone like him. He truly is wonderful!

  6. Momo says:

    I’ve been dating a guy for about 6 months now… we weren’t exclusive when we first started dating but we just sort of petered off seeing other people the more we hung out. He’s basically become my best friend and we spend a lot of time together and have gotten to know each other really well and are really comfortable around each other.

    After about 2 and a half months my feelings for him started to get really strong. I’d officially broken things off with the other guys I’d been dating because I found myself just thinking about when I could make excuses to leave and go see him when I was on dates with those guys, which didn’t seem fair and obviously wasn’t what I wanted anymore. And then I was laying in bed with him curled up, head on my chest, and he looked up at me and smiled and the words “I love you” literally almost just flew right out of my mouth without any input from my brain. I barely caught myself in time to not say it. And that started happening more and more and I didn’t say anything.

    So about 2 weeks into that I went on vacation to the beach for a week with family and he and I texted each other constantly, and we both hate talking on the phone and avoid it at all costs but he actually texted me one night after 4 days to ask if he could call me because he “wanted to hear my voice.” And he is Mr. Sarcastic besides being a phone-call-hater so that was really surprising to hear. We ended up talking on the phone for about 45 minutes.

    I knew I was really falling hard for him. I had him on my mind constantly and fell asleep every night thinking about his smile and woke up thinking the same. When we first met we said we just wanted to be casual and that had been what I wanted so when I realized I was falling for him I fought it tooth and nail but it caught hold of me anyway. And then he and I went to the beach together for a couple days and when we got back we were laying in bed together and I told him I loved him. It’d been about a month and it was at the point where it felt like not saying it was literally eating a hole through my guts. I knew he wouldn’t say it back but I just couldn’t stand to keep it to myself anymore. Well at first he didn’t believe me and then he was just kind of in shock, so I left, and he needed some time to process but the next day he basically chased me down to my house and made me talk to him about it for hours, and told me he wasn’t going anywhere unless I “forced him out of my life” and that he cared about me. Well it’s been 6 months total now and we’re still best friends and we’re still dating (just established that it was exclusive, another long story- basically I told him I couldn’t keep seeing him when he was seeing other people because it just was really painful, and I said I just needed some space and to not see him for a while so I could move on because I really wanted to be friends- i wasn’t trying to force his hand at all, I was totally okay with him seeing other people if that’s what he wanted to do, I just couldn’t keep doing what we were doing knowing he was dating other girls because it hurt too much being in love with him- and he said okay and he’d give me space and to tell him when I was ready to talk again, and then 3 days later he started sending me text after text and said he broke it off with any other girls and then (in his words) “basically begged me to date him”) anyway though, we’re still best friends and we’re dating but I don’t know if he’s ever going to love me the way I love him. Honestly we’re very different people and it might be for the best for both of us if he doesn’t ever return my feelings in the long run, but I still just wish sometimes. I know he cares about me more than either of us know though, I just don’t know what to call it. Maybe it shouldn’t matter.

  7. Alisa says:

    I also made the mistake of yelling my boyfriend that I love him first and now I spend every day together wondering if he loves me or if he every will. It sucks knowing my feelings are stronger than his because I feel too vulnerable and insecure now.

  8. Julie says:

    Please, please don’t say I love you too soon. It ruins it. The person will think (maybe know) you’re just infatuated and acted impulsively. Maybe you’re just being selfish. Then they’re on the line for some kind of hurt.

  9. Kasey says:

    Do NOT play games with this one. Be honest first with yourself, and when if you really do love someone tell them. #1 is potentially dishonesty in the guise of romance. BUT if you say it make sure you are telling the truth, to both of you.

  10. Kelly says:

    There is a lady that i have been seeing for one week now. she told me that she loves me but am not certain if she really means it. am truely confused because i do not know what to say about it.

  11. Shaun says:

    Is there a way to fix the damage that the I love you causes? We both feel that things went a bit too fast and are willing to start fresh. But I’m scared I lost the feeling I had in the beginning! We are both open and honest with one another on voicing our concerns. I don’t know if we need time apart or start fresh or if it’s too late.

  12. Fousty says:

    I have never love anyone. basically, i even hate myself

  13. Miami says:

    So i have my first boyfriend that i met at college and we haven’t seen eachother in a month. Anyways school is starting back up and i will not be attending, he’s really upset about it and says if we dont see eachother soon we should hold off our relationship is this right? Also he says I love you does he mean it? Especially if we’ve only really met a couple times?

  14. brandy says:

    There is a man Im dating who I met three years ago and have been dating almost a year ago. He told me he loved me the first time we became intimate. I didn’t say it back because I didn’t love him back but after being intimate a couple of more times I said it hesitantly because in my heart I knew it was too soon but I felt like he expected it. However now I really do love him and he still say he loves me regardless of sex. Personally I prefer time to say I love you. Three months is way too soon in my book. A month is death. I want love but I find that men for some reason dont love the way I do. I evaluate not just go by my emotions. It always end with me loving them even after they leave. They say I love you and I think yeah for how long? I also meet men who are stuck on their exes and what they did wrong. I hate that. Im learning which men to avoid through dating.

  15. Jessica says:

    I met a man just a few days ago… We went on our first date and we both agreed that it didn’t feel like a first date. We were immediately comfortable with each other. I know the difference between lust, infatuation and love and I am definitely falling in love with him. I don’t think that there’s a time frame. When you feel it, you just feel it! We have both been through a lot with our exes and have found solace in each other. It depends on the situation. I don’t need to hold back with him, we have declared FULL disclosure in our relationship. If you can’t communicate with your partner then you really don’t have anything to go off of! Articles like these are great, they give great pointers but go with your gut. You never know!!! As for me, our next date is at the gun range and I will be confessing my love, if you hear about a girl shooting her boyfriend on the 6 o’clock news, it was because he didn’t say it back!! Haha, just kidding… He hasn’t held his feelings back from me… It’ll definitely be mutual!!!

  16. Tony says:

    I said it too fast and screwed up our relationship. We have met once since then and I know she has feelings for me, but she felt pressured and backed away. She doesn’t want to be friends anymore because we got too serious. I want to know how, or if I can save this relationship.

  17. Tony says:

    I also need to add we are both in the process of divorcing our spouses and this affects her desire to get serious. She wants to dedicate herself to her children and family and I understand. I am afraid she will take this new freedom to date and possibly fall for someone else.

  18. guest says:

    I know it’s probably terrible timing and it could be a horrible joke. But just listen to Carl Thomas – I Wish and maybe that will help you ease your pain and misunderstandings.

  19. Dramatism says:

    I met a guy online (not a dating site), and we *met* two months ago, and started texting with him over a month ago (we usually text everyday throughout the day). We’ve face timed a handful of times, and we’re really really close already. We already know each other’s deep selves. We’re rather poetic sometimes together, and we have a lot in common, traits that are hard to find in other people. He texted me two that he loves me. It seems really fast, but it didn’t feel completely off-base. I didn’t want to tell him I love him because I’ve never been in a relationship, and I don’t know him in person. But I know he wants a relationship, as he made it clear he’d move to my state/country (he lives in the UK), and wants to meet me in a few months, and even invited to pay for me to visit him in the UK (I am a student, graduating soon, and he’s older, so has more money than me). It’s all a bit crazy. But I don’t think if you’re really close to someone, saying I love you is a bad thing. As the one that is hearing about the love, you simply have to be tactful in your reply. I responded with an analogy of how I feel for him, and how much I like him, but that I’m not ready to tell him I love him for the reasons listed above.

  20. Dramatism says:

    Oh, I checked and we started texting about a month and a half ago. Since we met on YouTube comments, we initially chatted through google plus, initially talked about societal issues, and then got more personal through texting after that. (And I meant that he told me he said I love you two days ago).

  21. Kingcent says:

    Jessica, the author, your advice is really not what ‘saying I love you is about’. Your advice is, ‘Give something to ‘get something’. And it’s all about playing games. when someone says I love you, they do it from the heart, with siincerity and without expectations. That is what love is about. It’s about letting that person know ‘how you feel about them in that moment, at that time, and it is NOT based on what they feel about you. If someone truly loves someone, they will love them regardless. It’s not a ‘wait and see what he or she does or says, or ‘conditional’ All those factors you named could be in place and what exactly does that guarantee absolutely nothing. Your advice is based on fear and insecurity. “I can only tell someone I love them if these conditions are in place, and that totally defeats the purpose of ‘expressing love. If someone is feeling the love, just say it. If that person is receptive to it, fine, if they are not, fine… the world will keep on spinning. The advice of ‘prove’ your love instead of saying, is just incorrect. What’s the difference? It’s all these bad advice, and game playing and trying to save face for the sake of ‘pride’ that is the sabotage of relationships. Love is love, if you feel it say it, if that person on the receiving end can’t deal with it, well then that is a situation that has come to light sooner rather than later, and that’s a good thing. If they run because someone tells them they love them, then maybe that is a good thing. There’s a lot worse things can be said than someone saying they love you. And that is the person’s problem, not the one who said they love you.

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