One of the biggest perceptions of a rebound relationship is that it’s bad. To many, it’s just a wrong way to get over an ex or deal with a difficult situation. But is that true?
Rebound relationships are completely misunderstood.
And for all the wrong reasons.
Most people assume that a rebound relationship is actually a bad way to cope with a break up.
And many others think it’ll never really help you heal completely because you haven’t had time to get over your ex.
But the truth is, unless you let some more love and happiness into your life, you’re never really going to get over your ex in the first place.
As a matter of fact, rebound relationships are one of the perfect ways to get over a broken heart.
But if the only reason you’re getting into a relationship is to forget your ex, and not really to fall in love with someone new, then perhaps it would be better to let your new date know what you have in mind rather than hurt them later.
What is a rebound relationship?
Many of us fall into a rebound relationship without really realizing it.
It happens all the time with consoling friends of the opposite sex who are attracted to each other, on chance meetings at a party and even when old crushes get in touch immediately after a break up for a feel-good call. [Read: How to kiss a friend and get away with it]
Every time you have a break up and feel good talking to an old crush or feel a tingle of excitement when you’re cuddling up with a crush or a friend that’s consoling you, it’s nothing but the first flicker of a rebound relationship. You may not realize it or want to take it further, but it’s all the first few stages of a rebound relationship.
When you break up, the only logical thing to do is to get over it or try to get over it by having a great time doing something that keeps you preoccupied.
So what if you have to flirt with someone or fall in love with someone else to feel happy and nice all over again? [Read: How to get over a broken heart]
Does your new date trust you?
Entering into a new relationship soon after a break up can be a cause for concern. You may feel happy and romantic, and your new date may wonder if you’re even serious about the whole thing. After all, this could just be a little fling to feel happy and get over the breakup.
One of the best things to do in these circumstances is to take things slowly. You could talk to your new date and let them know that you’ve just broken up and need a bit of time before you’re ready to get serious. But make it clear that you would love to spend more time together with your new date and are excited to go out with them.
By making it clear that you’re genuinely interested in your new date and want to take things slow, it’ll help this new person in your life understand that you are looking for something serious and not just a rebound fling, which is one of the biggest concerns of dating immediately after a break up.
Whatever you’re looking for, be it a quick fling or a serious romance, let your new date know what you have in mind, at least by your actions if not by your words.
How can a rebound relationship help you heal?
When you break up with a partner, you’re left with an empty space that just needs to be filled. And the only reason you pine over your ex, try to get back in touch with them, or even call them repeatedly is because of the lack of happiness and love in your own life. [Read: Signs your ex is thinking about you]
You could spend time with friends or indulge in a few activities that make you happy. Or you could date someone and fill that emptiness of lost love with more love and flirty excitement.
Once you experience happy love, it’s hard to stay away from it even if you’ve broken up. Love is too wonderful a feeling to lose out on, especially if you’ve had a great relationship until circumstances split both of you apart.
Some of us are meant to love and stay in love. So if you have a hard time moving on, stop trying to look for ways to keep yourself occupied, instead look for ways to fall in love again. It’s easier, happier and with a bit of luck, you may meet someone who’s perfect for you. [Read: How to find love]
Why are rebound relationships a good thing?
A rebound relationship is a great way to move on, but there’s more to it too. It can help you find true love too.
# You may have been in a relationship for a long time, but when you finally step back into the dating scene, you may meet a lot of charming, cute and lovable dating potentials who are looking for someone just like you. If you do want to meet someone and fill that void in your heart, meeting someone who makes your heart skip a beat is a great start to love and happiness.
# A rebound relationship is primarily used to get over your ex quickly, and it does its job well. A good bit of rebound love can bring you back on your feet and bring the excitement back into your life.
# One of the surprising benefits of ending a relationship is the hope of something better and truer. A friend of yours or a hottie you’ve always appreciated may have been in love with you for a long time, unable to reveal their true feelings for you because you’re already seeing someone else. While this may seem like a rebound relationship to you, to your new sweetie this could be the moment they’ve been waiting for their whole life. [Read: How to date a friend]
# The best part of a rebound relationship is the hope of finding true love. You’ve been in a relationship long enough to read the signs of a bad lover or even a bad relationship. By using your experiences in love, you may be able to find someone you actually end up falling in love with. [Read: Why you can't find love]
All said and done, rebound relationships are a great way to get over an ex and a perfect way to uncover a true love potential out of the blue. But even if you don’t really meet the love of your life immediately, heck, you’ll still be able to get over your breakup in no time.
[Read: An ex's revenge story of rumors]
The next time love comes knocking on your door in the form of an exciting rebound relationship, don’t slam the door on it. Welcome it and experience the happiness and the new hope of true love that it brings with it.
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a big thank you! And I felt all guilty because I have been dating all this time, after my two-year relationship ended. Certainly I’m much more vulnerable and scared as we divide. However, I think something pretty casual would be even better than simply refuse to see someone for years until I am perfectly well again. I thank you for validating my choice.
I don’t think rebound relationships are a good thing. I was on the receiving end of a rebound relationship. I was weary of it from the beginning, but he re-assured me. He said he wanted to be with me and he would never hurt me.
At first he was really nice. He even asked me to move in but i felt it was too soon. He seemed so sincere.
He had come out of a 5 year relationship which he said had been over for 2 years. He had no confidence in himself and was struggling financially after his property settlement.. We were friends and I was concerned about him because he seemed depressed. He had a string of disasters over the last year and my heart went out to him. I gave him so much stuff and I worked hard to help him rebuild his confidence. Even as a friend i was there for him at every hurdle. I wanted to help him so much, and I fell in love with him. He was always complimenting me and showing affection.
After a few months he would get into these moods where he would withdraw. He told me he was suicidal about his finances at one stage. He said he felt bad because he couldn’t afford to take me to dinner. i told him that i’d pick him up and take him out.
After that we always took my car and I paid for fuel. I didn’t always pay for dinner but I had my hand in my pocket often. At first i didnt mind but after he got on his feet he continued to do this and I felt a bit used but didn’t say anything.
He ran hot and cold and i always felt that something wasnt right. He would be really affectionate and draw me in, but every time we got close and things were going well, he’d pull away. He’d look for a reason to dump me. He had my key and his things at my place, but he made no attempt to return my key or collect his things. So after a couple of weeks i’d call him to get it back and for him to pick up his things. We’d talk, he’d apologise and we got back together. I tried to talk to him about it, and told him several times that if he didnt love me, or if he wasnt over his ex, he should tell me. He would get annoyed and say that he wanted to be back the way we were. I was madly in love with him and I accepted this. If he picked up that I had doubts he would reel me in again. After about 15 months, he started to find fault in everything I did or said. I just couldn’t get it right. His life had picked up, but mine was not so good. I have a medical condition which was flaring up, and I lost confidence in myself. At the time I was under a lot of stress which was exacerbating my condition. I needed support.
He was excluding me from doing things with him and then blaming me for not wanting to do them, when he never asked.
I missed him and he said he missed me, but he was becoming distant and when he was with me he often criticised me. As i said earlier, he ran hot and cold. If I’d have doubts and he’d do something really sweet to draw me in. We had several breakups but we always got back and when he wasn’t in those moods we enjoyed each others company. After the last breakup, I told him that if he didnt see a future with me that there was no point in us being together. He agreed and apologised for saying nasty things. He said he didn’t mean it and it would never happen again.
A couple of weeks later i stayed at his house one night . He seemed so pleased when i asked him, he was going away to work for a week so we wouldn’t see each other so it was nice to spend time together. He got up and made breakfast in the morning and we spent the afternoon shopping. He stayed at my place that night and left for work in the morning. I felt really good being with him, as i had so many things happening in my life and none of them were good. I felt like he was the only thing that was going well in my life.
That night he called me and dumped me. I could tell this time was different. He had arranged to go out with somebody else. I was devastated, and my condition worsened.
I contacted him later but he didn’t care. He told me he had been thinking about dumping me for a year. As time went on he told me he did it because he didn’t love me anymore, and that he wasn’t over his ex in the time he was with me. Yet he continued to accept everything I did for him and use me for every advantage he could get including helping him to get a great job which he would never have known about. He dumped me the week before he started.
He said he didn’t break up with me sooner because he didn’t want to hurt me. I’m sure he didn’t tell me sooner because he was maximising opportunities, as well as waiting until he had someone else.
He recently told me that he might be back, if things don’t go how he wants them to. I told him not to bother. i didnt want to be his rebound again. He also said I should be pleased with him because he learnt from the mistakes he made with me, so he was going to become a better person for the new lady he was persuing.
I couldn’t understand how he could think i’d be pleased with that, when he didn’t afford me that consideration, after everything i did for him. i asked him if he knew he was treating me bad, why didnt he change for me.
He couldn’t understand why I was upset. He went on to tell me how this woman was really skinny and pretty. I sent him a message telling him he was a selfish lowlife and no matter what happens i wouldn’t take him back, but he didnt reply.
It has been over 6 months since he broke up with me, and I’ve found it so hard to move on. My health has deteriorated and I find myself crying often. I’ve been in therapy ever since.
He used me to get over his ex and for every other advantage he could get.
Just recently I went out with some girlfriends to a venue and he was there with his girlfriend. Its not somewhere he regularly goes and he would have had a fair idea that i would be there. He saw me and looked away. Walked past me an pretended he never knew me. He danced with her right near me, When they were sitting, he had his arm around her In a very loving way. Later when we were all leaving, he gave her a long passionate kiss in the street right in front of me.
I can’t believe that someone I loved so much and did so much for would want to hurt me so much by rubbing it in like this.
I’m 52 years old and he’s 55. He’s happily in love and I’ll stay alone because i feel so damaged, that I will never trust anybody again.
Sent from my iPhone
Tina, I feel so sorry about your experience. I really hope you get better, if you haven’t already.
It is true that many times rebound relationships can be devastating, I think it really depends on the foundations (the trust that is built during the first few months). It seems your relationship started with a lot of baggage and overall lack of stability.
I respect your opinion and point of view on the matter but I personally think that, like with everything in life, the wrong person can traumatize an idea. The main reason you got hurt is because he was a douchebag at the core.
If your first time kissing & falling in love is with a douchebag, it will probably leave some marks. If it’s your first time having sex, moving in with, marrying, dating the ‘best friend’ or having a rebound, is with a douchebag.. it will definitely be bad and will subconsciously make you remember that experience as a traumatizing one and a bad idea.
It’s all about finding the right person. They exist, even though not many. But a douchebag is not worth your tears.
I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years and we have recently broken up. I found out things that made me realise that this guy is a boy not a real man. I also found out that he is meeting other girls and it has only been a week. He even ordered a penis enlarger serum which I can’t get my head round. Day by day I’m hating him more and more and I need to meet someone who can fill the emptiness in my heart. I feel that this is essential as he has moved on already and I shudnt sit here and I cry for him because he clearly showed his true colours. Does anyone have any advice for me?
@Tina, wow you must have been at a pretty bad time in your life to attract that douchbag. You proved that you are capable of loving someone so much, it’s time you loved yourself like you loved him. Everything you did for him, do for yourself (sounds pretty new age and hippy but baby girl, it’s your answer for now). Also you need to google Narcissist and Co-dependents…that’s what you were…you enabled all that because you love being needed. People like him will do that to their own flesh and blood. He is sensitive to his own needs and feels deeply insecure and needs this validation regularly. Your response is what he was after. It gives him an ego boost even more so if you show emotion. Its hard for you to get your head around someone like that because you couldn’t fathom doing that to someone who was there for you. I’m even going to go so far and say he was highly egotistical and talked a lot about himself and hardly asked much about you.
Read up about narcissists and realise you are the normal one. Stop helping guys. Help girls instead until you deal with your need to help.
@ Diana, I suggest No Contact and get yourself two-three male companions. Dont have sex with either of them.