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Rebound Relationships and Why it’s Good for You

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One of the biggest perceptions of a rebound relationship is that it’s bad. To many, it’s just a wrong way to get over an ex or deal with a difficult situation. But is that true?

rebound relationship

Rebound relationships are completely misunderstood.

And for all the wrong reasons.

Most people assume that a rebound relationship is actually a bad way to cope with a break up.

And many others think it’ll never really help you heal completely because you haven’t had time to get over your ex.

But the truth is, unless you let some more love and happiness into your life, you’re never really going to get over your ex in the first place.

As a matter of fact, rebound relationships are one of the perfect ways to get over a broken heart.

But if the only reason you’re getting into a relationship is to forget your ex, and not really to fall in love with someone new, then perhaps it would be better to let your new date know what you have in mind rather than hurt them later.

What is a rebound relationship?

Many of us fall into a rebound relationship without really realizing it.

It happens all the time with consoling friends of the opposite sex who are attracted to each other, on chance meetings at a party and even when old crushes get in touch immediately after a break up for a feel-good call. [Read: How to kiss a friend and get away with it]

Every time you have a break up and feel good talking to an old crush or feel a tingle of excitement when you’re cuddling up with a crush or a friend that’s consoling you, it’s nothing but the first flicker of a rebound relationship. You may not realize it or want to take it further, but it’s all the first few stages of a rebound relationship.

When you break up, the only logical thing to do is to get over it or try to get over it by having a great time doing something that keeps you preoccupied.

So what if you have to flirt with someone or fall in love with someone else to feel happy and nice all over again? [Read: How to get over a broken heart]

Does your new date trust you?

Entering into a new relationship soon after a break up can be a cause for concern. You may feel happy and romantic, and your new date may wonder if you’re even serious about the whole thing. After all, this could just be a little fling to feel happy and get over the breakup.

One of the best things to do in these circumstances is to take things slowly. You could talk to your new date and let them know that you’ve just broken up and need a bit of time before you’re ready to get serious. But make it clear that you would love to spend more time together with your new date and are excited to go out with them.

By making it clear that you’re genuinely interested in your new date and want to take things slow, it’ll help this new person in your life understand that you are looking for something serious and not just a rebound fling, which is one of the biggest concerns of dating immediately after a break up.

Whatever you’re looking for, be it a quick fling or a serious romance, let your new date know what you have in mind, at least by your actions if not by your words.

How can a rebound relationship help you heal?

When you break up with a partner, you’re left with an empty space that just needs to be filled. And the only reason you pine over your ex, try to get back in touch with them, or even call them repeatedly is because of the lack of happiness and love in your own life. [Read: Signs your ex is thinking about you]

You could spend time with friends or indulge in a few activities that make you happy. Or you could date someone and fill that emptiness of lost love with more love and flirty excitement.

Once you experience happy love, it’s hard to stay away from it even if you’ve broken up. Love is too wonderful a feeling to lose out on, especially if you’ve had a great relationship until circumstances split both of you apart.

Some of us are meant to love and stay in love. So if you have a hard time moving on, stop trying to look for ways to keep yourself occupied, instead look for ways to fall in love again. It’s easier, happier and with a bit of luck, you may meet someone who’s perfect for you. [Read: How to find love]

Why are rebound relationships a good thing?

A rebound relationship is a great way to move on, but there’s more to it too. It can help you find true love too.

# You may have been in a relationship for a long time, but when you finally step back into the dating scene, you may meet a lot of charming, cute and lovable dating potentials who are looking for someone just like you. If you do want to meet someone and fill that void in your heart, meeting someone who makes your heart skip a beat is a great start to love and happiness.

# A rebound relationship is primarily used to get over your ex quickly, and it does its job well. A good bit of rebound love can bring you back on your feet and bring the excitement back into your life.

# One of the surprising benefits of ending a relationship is the hope of something better and truer. A friend of yours or a hottie you’ve always appreciated may have been in love with you for a long time, unable to reveal their true feelings for you because you’re already seeing someone else. While this may seem like a rebound relationship to you, to your new sweetie this could be the moment they’ve been waiting for their whole life. [Read: How to date a friend]

# The best part of a rebound relationship is the hope of finding true love. You’ve been in a relationship long enough to read the signs of a bad lover or even a bad relationship. By using your experiences in love, you may be able to find someone you actually end up falling in love with. [Read: Why you can’t find love]

All said and done, rebound relationships are a great way to get over an ex and a perfect way to uncover a true love potential out of the blue. But even if you don’t really meet the love of your life immediately, heck, you’ll still be able to get over your breakup in no time.

[Read: An ex’s revenge story of rumors]

The next time love comes knocking on your door in the form of an exciting rebound relationship, don’t slam the door on it. Welcome it and experience the happiness and the new hope of true love that it brings with it.


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Have your say!
  • kari
    February 8, 2012 | Permalink |

    a big thank you! And I felt all guilty because I have been dating all this time, after my two-year relationship ended. Certainly I’m much more vulnerable and scared as we divide. However, I think something pretty casual would be even better than simply refuse to see someone for years until I am perfectly well again. I thank you for validating my choice.

  • Tina
    November 20, 2012 | Permalink |

    I don’t think rebound relationships are a good thing. I was on the receiving end of a rebound relationship. I was weary of it from the beginning, but he re-assured me. He said he wanted to be with me and he would never hurt me.

    At first he was really nice. He even asked me to move in but i felt it was too soon. He seemed so sincere.
    He had come out of a 5 year relationship which he said had been over for 2 years. He had no confidence in himself and was struggling financially after his property settlement.. We were friends and I was concerned about him because he seemed depressed. He had a string of disasters over the last year and my heart went out to him. I gave him so much stuff and I worked hard to help him rebuild his confidence. Even as a friend i was there for him at every hurdle. I wanted to help him so much, and I fell in love with him. He was always complimenting me and showing affection.

    After a few months he would get into these moods where he would withdraw. He told me he was suicidal about his finances at one stage. He said he felt bad because he couldn’t afford to take me to dinner. i told him that i’d pick him up and take him out.
    After that we always took my car and I paid for fuel. I didn’t always pay for dinner but I had my hand in my pocket often. At first i didnt mind but after he got on his feet he continued to do this and I felt a bit used but didn’t say anything.

    He ran hot and cold and i always felt that something wasnt right. He would be really affectionate and draw me in, but every time we got close and things were going well, he’d pull away. He’d look for a reason to dump me. He had my key and his things at my place, but he made no attempt to return my key or collect his things. So after a couple of weeks i’d call him to get it back and for him to pick up his things. We’d talk, he’d apologise and we got back together. I tried to talk to him about it, and told him several times that if he didnt love me, or if he wasnt over his ex, he should tell me. He would get annoyed and say that he wanted to be back the way we were. I was madly in love with him and I accepted this. If he picked up that I had doubts he would reel me in again. After about 15 months, he started to find fault in everything I did or said. I just couldn’t get it right. His life had picked up, but mine was not so good. I have a medical condition which was flaring up, and I lost confidence in myself. At the time I was under a lot of stress which was exacerbating my condition. I needed support.
    He was excluding me from doing things with him and then blaming me for not wanting to do them, when he never asked.
    I missed him and he said he missed me, but he was becoming distant and when he was with me he often criticised me. As i said earlier, he ran hot and cold. If I’d have doubts and he’d do something really sweet to draw me in. We had several breakups but we always got back and when he wasn’t in those moods we enjoyed each others company. After the last breakup, I told him that if he didnt see a future with me that there was no point in us being together. He agreed and apologised for saying nasty things. He said he didn’t mean it and it would never happen again.

    A couple of weeks later i stayed at his house one night . He seemed so pleased when i asked him, he was going away to work for a week so we wouldn’t see each other so it was nice to spend time together. He got up and made breakfast in the morning and we spent the afternoon shopping. He stayed at my place that night and left for work in the morning. I felt really good being with him, as i had so many things happening in my life and none of them were good. I felt like he was the only thing that was going well in my life.

    That night he called me and dumped me. I could tell this time was different. He had arranged to go out with somebody else. I was devastated, and my condition worsened.
    I contacted him later but he didn’t care. He told me he had been thinking about dumping me for a year. As time went on he told me he did it because he didn’t love me anymore, and that he wasn’t over his ex in the time he was with me. Yet he continued to accept everything I did for him and use me for every advantage he could get including helping him to get a great job which he would never have known about. He dumped me the week before he started.
    He said he didn’t break up with me sooner because he didn’t want to hurt me. I’m sure he didn’t tell me sooner because he was maximising opportunities, as well as waiting until he had someone else.

    He recently told me that he might be back, if things don’t go how he wants them to. I told him not to bother. i didnt want to be his rebound again. He also said I should be pleased with him because he learnt from the mistakes he made with me, so he was going to become a better person for the new lady he was persuing.
    I couldn’t understand how he could think i’d be pleased with that, when he didn’t afford me that consideration, after everything i did for him. i asked him if he knew he was treating me bad, why didnt he change for me.
    He couldn’t understand why I was upset. He went on to tell me how this woman was really skinny and pretty. I sent him a message telling him he was a selfish lowlife and no matter what happens i wouldn’t take him back, but he didnt reply.

    It has been over 6 months since he broke up with me, and I’ve found it so hard to move on. My health has deteriorated and I find myself crying often. I’ve been in therapy ever since.

    He used me to get over his ex and for every other advantage he could get.

    Just recently I went out with some girlfriends to a venue and he was there with his girlfriend. Its not somewhere he regularly goes and he would have had a fair idea that i would be there. He saw me and looked away. Walked past me an pretended he never knew me. He danced with her right near me, When they were sitting, he had his arm around her In a very loving way. Later when we were all leaving, he gave her a long passionate kiss in the street right in front of me.

    I can’t believe that someone I loved so much and did so much for would want to hurt me so much by rubbing it in like this.

    I’m 52 years old and he’s 55. He’s happily in love and I’ll stay alone because i feel so damaged, that I will never trust anybody again.

    Sent from my iPhone

  • dafuq
    March 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    Tina, I feel so sorry about your experience. I really hope you get better, if you haven’t already.

    It is true that many times rebound relationships can be devastating, I think it really depends on the foundations (the trust that is built during the first few months). It seems your relationship started with a lot of baggage and overall lack of stability.

    I respect your opinion and point of view on the matter but I personally think that, like with everything in life, the wrong person can traumatize an idea. The main reason you got hurt is because he was a douchebag at the core.

    If your first time kissing & falling in love is with a douchebag, it will probably leave some marks. If it’s your first time having sex, moving in with, marrying, dating the ‘best friend’ or having a rebound, is with a douchebag.. it will definitely be bad and will subconsciously make you remember that experience as a traumatizing one and a bad idea.

    It’s all about finding the right person. They exist, even though not many. But a douchebag is not worth your tears.

  • Diana
    April 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years and we have recently broken up. I found out things that made me realise that this guy is a boy not a real man. I also found out that he is meeting other girls and it has only been a week. He even ordered a penis enlarger serum which I can’t get my head round. Day by day I’m hating him more and more and I need to meet someone who can fill the emptiness in my heart. I feel that this is essential as he has moved on already and I shudnt sit here and I cry for him because he clearly showed his true colours. Does anyone have any advice for me? :(

  • Sim
    May 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    @Tina, wow you must have been at a pretty bad time in your life to attract that douchbag. You proved that you are capable of loving someone so much, it’s time you loved yourself like you loved him. Everything you did for him, do for yourself (sounds pretty new age and hippy but baby girl, it’s your answer for now). Also you need to google Narcissist and Co-dependents…that’s what you were…you enabled all that because you love being needed. People like him will do that to their own flesh and blood. He is sensitive to his own needs and feels deeply insecure and needs this validation regularly. Your response is what he was after. It gives him an ego boost even more so if you show emotion. Its hard for you to get your head around someone like that because you couldn’t fathom doing that to someone who was there for you. I’m even going to go so far and say he was highly egotistical and talked a lot about himself and hardly asked much about you.

    Read up about narcissists and realise you are the normal one. Stop helping guys. Help girls instead until you deal with your need to help.

    @ Diana, I suggest No Contact and get yourself two-three male companions. Dont have sex with either of them.

  • esther
    October 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    i will never advise anyone to pursue rebound relationships.i have seen what it has done to my friends,leaving them desolate and dejected because all the other party was interested in is getting over their pain.take time to learn a person before you can commit your emotions.Careful

  • julez
    October 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    I just meet a girl who was getting over her ex that she was only with for 12 months. She use to be a neighbor of mine 11 years ago and she use to have a crazy crush on me but she was only 12 at that time. Now she was 23 and I’m almost 30. We hit it off right away but she warned me she was not ready for a relationship because she was not over her ex, even though she is a relationship type of girl. I took it very slow because I thought we might have something special. I took it a slower then she might have wanted for I think she was going to give it up the first night but i never tried because I didn’t want it to feel cheep. When we finally went for it weeks later she was all into me until we got to the bedroom. It felt like there was something holding her back like she wasn’t ready but she had been acting like she wanted it for weeks so we went through with it. 5 minutes into it she wanted to stop because she was bleeding a little and it got on the sheets. Now I have a big D*** and I didn’t have a chance to do much because it was 5 min and she was on top half the time, so I know I couldn’t have messed that up that bad. I always comforted her and let her know I was there and did so that night after too. We were just fine after that and we got together the next weekend and had a great day. The day after that I went to hang out with her and she was so wishywashy like she always was even BEFORE but this time I called her out on her mixed signals she gives out. I did this because I went to give her a kiss goodbye and she acted like she only wanted a little kiss so that’s what I did. When I pulled away she said “Are you not gonna kiss me back” and I told her how confusing she was and sending me mixed signals all the time. She didn’t know what to say really we kissed goodbye and I got a text on the way home about how she wanted to slow it down and just be good friends first because she is still not over her ex. I called her the next day and told her I was starting to catch feelings and it was not fair to me to be a rebound because they never work, and that I wanted more then just a friend. She told me how much she really liked me and attracted to me and wanted to be with me but maybe I was right she needs more time to heal. Then a week later she said we don’t click right and she wants to be single. I think she is crazy because she was telling her good friends about me, even the best friend that does not talk to her ex. She was telling me things here and there indicating us in the future like she was looking that way, and how happy I made her,etc. One time she said it was almost to good to be true. We did click, she is crazy off and on and I got worried and started looking up shit like signs she is not over her ex and about rebounds, just 3 weeks in. I have a crazy gut feeling about this girl and don’t know what to do. I have not seen her in a week or talked. She pretty much said she was not ready for what I’m ready for and she all of a sudden doesn’t think we click but I know it’s because she can’t think about me because she has him on the brain. they were only broke up for 2 or 3 months when I met her and she said she got attached to that ex more than any ex before and didn’t know why because he was not that good of a boy friend and kept her at arms distance and broke up with her and cut off all communication. She never wanted to break up she was ready to move in together. Between her mixed emotions and all the shit i read and heard that scared me, I messed it up and showed that I was catching feelings before she was obviously there. She left me in the dust and ended up telling me that it was not about her ex even though she told me it was a week before. I don’t know what to do now…she might be gone for good and if she was over him I just know it would have went way different and in a good way. She showed how into me she was by giving up her time and money(when I didn’t pay) and when I met her best friend the night we attempted to have sex, her friend acted like she liked me just from what she heard I could tell. Her best friend even told me how much she heard about me and it was all good. What the hell should I do I want another shot at this because I still have a gut feeling. I am worried I waited to long to bond with her in the bed but I was also worried that she might not be ready and that sex with me can’t do justice if she is not ready and has her ex on her mind. Now what? and what would have been the best idea with the sex waiting or doing it just cause she claims to be ready even if her body language says different?

  • julez
    October 19, 2013 | Permalink |

    oh yeah this is her first time actually being dumped in a real relationship is what she told me….

  • Bipasha basu
    October 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hi,

    So I dated a guy for over a year- everything was magical and we fell really hard really fast for eachother. He always said we were getting married and I was the girl of his dreams. Things were always going well but his family wasnt really into me and that made him push things off but we continued dating and being happy. Then at the end of July he said he spoke to his parents and this was it we were getting married now. He visited me and he was really on edge and the trip was a little rocky. When he returned home he said he couldn’t commit and needed time. This made me really upset and we broke up but I knew he would come back since he continued to say he loves me- then three weeks later he calls me to tell me he got engaged and the girl won him over and his family. And that he never cheated on me but met her after we broke up through a family friend. I have legit am so heartbroken I don’t eat and can’t sleep I take zquil every night and my heart won’t stop pounding he was my first love. I email and text him constantly he hardly responds but the few times he has he said he will always love me and he will never forget me and i will always hold a special place in his heart, and he still has all my stuff and can’t part with it yet. I don’t understand any of this. I want him so bad, even though he screwed me over. And i know the other girl doesn’t know about me, but wouldn’t she be a rebound and if so would it be smart to rush into marriage after knowing someone for that short of a time after a long relationship? And is it okay if he is saying this stuff to me. I want to meet him again just to see if he is really over me or he is doing this to make his parents happy, she is so different than what he said he wanted. Idk I just want to stop hurting.

  • amanda jones
    November 12, 2013 | Permalink |

    i disagree. I am a victim of a rebound and i would never do that to another person.

  • maria
    December 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    my bf broke up with me a week ago and for now i could not imagine myself in a new relationship.
    i think break up is a good time to focus on your own needs and making yourself feel better and great about yourself.better to start doing sports,meeting friends than to mess with somebodies else’s feelings. and that new relationship can make you feel even emptier and feeling like you are a failure

  • Stevie
    March 14, 2014 | Permalink |

    Fully disagree with this article. It seems to be by someone defending why they do it rather than really understanding that it is not good for any of the parties involved.

    I have seen girls break up and 1 week later they are blasting the facebook wall of another guy with pictures and messages of love and making that person their whole world while neglecting everyone close to them. In the hunt for true love it will very rarely work and can damage any chance of working over issues with your ex and also push away those who truly care about you.

    Much of the time your brain triggers to look for everything your previous lover wasn’t but neglects the things that you really did love about them in the 1st place. Your brain is thriving on dopamine levels and it feels exciting because its someone new but it wears off. Once it wears off you start to see the new person is missing things your ex had and you realise that all that has happened is you just delayed the pain of the person you cared for originally.

    You’re much better off taking 3-6 weeks at least to focus on being your best self, working and socialising with friends and using the freed up time to spend time you may have missed with family. This allows you to get in touch with who you really are and keep growing as a person. You will be able to reflect on why your relationship went wrong because if you dont then theres a good chance you’ll start to see a pattern forming as you keep making the same mistakes. Doing it this way is best because you come out a much stronger person for future relationships but also as you may realise you want your ex back you haven’t destroyed your chances of rebuilding the relationship to something better than before. Rebounds will just not help you learn about yourself, nor help if you eventually decide you want your ex back.

  • Lena
    May 26, 2014 | Permalink |

    I really feel for the people who have shared their bad rebound experiences. Upon reading your stories, I’m starting to realize I was a rebound girlfriend for my recent douchebag of an ex. We were together for almost 3 years but he kept holding on to his ex until she found someone new and he was heartbroken(and this happened while we had been together for 1 year and 3 months!) I thought it was really weird since she always treated him like a servant and a doormat. I decided to be there for him as his gf and support him but deep down inside it broke my heart that he held on to her for as long as he did, even hiding it from me for the first year. He kept flirting around with other girls behind my back and when I’d find out he’d be annoyed. When our relationship ended, he acted like I was the one who dumped him when it really was him dumping me on the accaount that he wanted to “check the field” for someone who could “treat him better than what I could”, even though I did everything for him ,paid most of his food and stuff and helped him get a job. Now he’s trying to get back together and Iæve been so insecure. He was an emotional abuser, even if he might not have done it consciously.

    The reason I found this website is that I’m one month out of the relationship, but I’m already talking to other guys who try to talk to me, and I’ve met someone really nice that I would like to get to know better, but I am struggling with guilt because it’s so soon after and by ex is really trying to get me back and i’m insecure. This post helped me, and makes me understand it might be good to date again even if it’s so soon after my breakup. Me and my ex had so much drama and I was heartbroken by him so many times that I think I’ve mourned the breakup already, while I was in the relationship! (Does that make sense?).

    A part of me is thinking it’s way too soon and giving me constant guilt, but another part of me is starting to think “Let’s just see what a date can lead to”. This guy seems really nice, respectful and interested to get to know me and to let me get to know him. They say you can’t have a good relationship until you are comfortable with being single but I feel like I’ve been single for some time since the relationship with my ex was really bad in the end.

  • Just more hurt
    July 12, 2014 | Permalink |

    Rebound relationships are only good if both parties involved are at same level. I took the time to recover from a very painful break up. Decided to get involved with someone who was not 100% honest about when his last relationship ended. Just as our relationship appeared to be growing at end of two months he said he was not ready for a new relationship. I am left feeling used and hurt once again. Better advice would be to tell people to take time to heal because the next person that they could meet May have been the one but will get lost in the tornado of rebound and be lost. Always think of the other’s feelings and how much you will invest in them before proceeding.

  • dave
    November 15, 2014 | Permalink |

    This is all nonsense. A rebound relationship too soon is just about picking some random person as a replacement, as a crutch, instead of growing up and being comfortable with yourself.

    The way to occupy your time is the same as when you were in the previous relationship. If you had no hobbies, friends, or family you spent time with while in the relationship, then it was doomed to failure and the next one will be too. You can’t make your identity depend on being in a relationship with someone and have that work long term.

    A relationship is not a substitute for being a well rounded person, comfortable with yourself. After a breakup it is a time for retrospection, to consider what caused the two of you to drift apart and take the opportunity to be comfortable with who you are now, an evolving person who is older and wiser than when the failed relationship started.

    It is really easy to blame the other person and sometimes it’s fair to do, if the other person engages in self destructive behavior whether it be diet and health related, or promiscuity, or drugs and/or alcohol abuse, but all the more reason to take your time and weed out people who have similar personal issues and find the right person for the long term.

    It could be that you already know this person but in that case it won’t feel like a rebound if your prior relationship was already slowly dying to the point where you already had emotional detachment.

    Rebound relationships are not a way to get over an ex at all! They’re a way to try to avoid dealing with your emotions, bottling them up so they end up coming out later in bad ways. Trust me on this, I am now dealing with this very issue with a woman who is taking out on ME the bad things that her ex’s have done to her.

    That’s not fair to me, I am not a glutton for punishment. I’m distancing myself from her until she is emotionally stable again. The biggest problem with rebound relationships is the *victim* wants a shortcut, to start up with the new person as if it is the old person, instead of taking the time to get to know that person, do things the right way to build a lasting relationship.

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