Modern dating has turned into an unpleasant slew of trends that aren’t doing any good. Here’s what those trends are and why they need to stop.
It’s understandable that with social progression comes the evolution of social interaction, but it’s surprising how much dating has devolved in terms of empathy and good, old-fashioned human compassion. Dating has been evolving since the dawn of man, but it seems as if the upward curve turned into a downward spiral once social media became involved.
Human beings are now more compassionate towards their fellow man, but to their significant others? Not so much. It has come to a point where dating is either attributed to a game or a race to the finish line. There is no middle ground anymore.
Either you want to keep it casual, or you’re striving for a commitment. Neither of those two seem plausible due to society’s influences, especially with the modern dating trends that are now running rampant across the globe.
What’s the difference between modern dating and old school dating?
With old school dating, you and your partner had a modicum of privacy, no matter what your intentions are. No one knew if you were dating, unless you explicitly told them. You couldn’t monitor each other’s lives, while slowly nitpicking each other’s profiles until there’s nothing left but a text saying, “See you around.”
There were downsides to old school dating, like gender inequality, double standards, and the like, but with everything that’s going on with dating these days, it’s starting to look like the better option.
Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m proud of the advances we’ve made in terms of equality and fairness among genders, but you have to admit that people cared more about other people’s feelings back then than they do now.
That’s why one can’t help wonder how this generation can develop social interactions between communities that are thriving, but also manage to screw up intimate relationships with their peers?
What are the trends that have ruined dating?
With these dating trends running rampant across all age groups, genders, and communities, it’s a wonder how some people still manage to find their happily ever after.
#1 First one to fall in love is a rotten egg. This is probably the biggest reason why most people end up single these days. They would rather keep people at a distance than risk being the one to make the first move. Back then, everyone was falling over themselves to find someone to feel passionate about.
#2 Social media TMI. Screenshot sharing, timeline fights, and unintended uploads – there are so many opportunities to show the world how bad of a couple you are. That may or may not be true, but it’s nobody’s business. [Read: Why social media is killing your relationship]
#3 Social media passive aggression. The problem with passive aggressive posts is that they provoke ill feelings and can make a person paranoid. When you combine those two, you’ll inevitably get anger and defensiveness out of the mix.
#4 Least amount of real-world interaction. The internet can be pretty useful, but it’s not the be-all and end-all of communication. You can talk to a person, hear their voice, or hold their hand in person. Those are better than any emoji Apple can come up with. [Read: The pros and cons of being too attached to our gadgets]
#5 Label confusions. Either you label it too early or you label it too late. The best way to go about this in the past is to ask and get a sensible answer. No one had to wait if it’s the right time to ask where things are going, and no one gets mad when they don’t get the answer they want. They pursue relentlessly until they are inexplicably rejected.
#6 Establishing pseudo-exclusivity-commitment. Whatever happened to a clear and direct path to commitment? People these days are more likely to hem and haw and take detours, before they inevitably fall in love or fade away from each other’s lives. [Read: 10 sure signs you’ve got the fear of commitment]
#7 There’s a time for everything. And we mean everything. You can’t ask a person out too early. You can’t ask them out too late. Lunch dates are for friends. Late nightcaps are for booty calls. Society has established a timeframe for every possible relationship issue, and you have no idea when you’re supposed to go out with a person anymore.
#8 Indiscriminate sex. People have been open about sex since the 40’s. The strange thing these days is how people don’t even think twice about why they’re sleeping with someone. The most common and unacceptable reasons are: insecurity, pity, revenge, pressure from society, and pressure from relationships.
#9 Stalking. There’s a reason why it’s illegal, but some of you do it all the time. Why do you think your browser history’s full of your crush’s name? Not only that, but some of you have even gone past the point of online stalking to attending the same parties or shopping at the same store as the people you like just to “bump” into them. [Read: 12 things you do that will make someone think you’re a stalker]
#10 Fading out. The worst way to break up or reject someone is to not do it at all. You can now block someone out of your life with the touch of a screen and pretend that they never existed. People these days think that silence is the most obvious answer, but that just leaves room for unanswered questions and self-doubt. [Read: What is Ghosting and why so many of us prefer doing it]
#11 The friend zone. Sure, it’s just a new label for a trend that’s been going on for decades, but people are now using it as an excuse, rather than a reason. Using the friendship card allows you to date other people while keeping that one person pining for you, just in case none of your other prospects pan out. Your friend-zoned friend obviously needs better friends. [Read: 17 terrible friends you should unfriend from your life]
#12 Negging. This is when you insult or degrade a woman, so that she will subconsciously seek your approval. It is also a form of reverse psychology that makes highly attractive women separate the one negging *in a positive light* from their usual admirers.
This dating move was invented by guys who wanted to psychologically manipulate women into sleeping with them. Fortunately, a lot of women are aware of this now and know how to neg these guys away from their immediate vicinity. [Read: 10 sneaky techniques guys use to get in your pants]
#13 The “plenty of fish” mentality. The problem with this new dating trend is that people are less likely to make an effort or have enough patience to see things through with the person they are currently dating. The turnover time for most relationships, especially the short-lived ones, are becoming shorter and shorter as years pass. People should stop focusing on finding more fish, and instead, give the fish they already have a chance to prove themselves.
There’s no way to stop the evolution of dating and other social interactions, but there is a way to keep them from turning people into cold and heartless beings. You don’t even have to regress to the traditional ways of dating. Just make a new trend – one that’s built on trust and communication.
Instead of dreading the loss of another mate, just think of it as an opportunity to make a new friend. Be kind with your words and actions. Don’t be afraid to let people know what you really want out of your interactions. You have nothing to lose, but you have a lot more to gain.
Dating is now a minefield filled with trends that, in the long run, only make us daters even more miserable. How about we all stop it with these awful trends, and just be nice and honest with the people we’re dating?
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Those who can’t do, teach. I can neither do nor teach as well as others, but I can try. Aside from being a writer, I am also a physical therapist. My dream is...