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How to Love Again After Being Hurt

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It’s easy to think you’re a failure after a failed romance. But learn to take that leap of faith by understanding how to love again after being hurt.

how to love again

So you were in a relationship, and now it’s all over.

You may have assumed that it would last forever.

Or perhaps, you had happy thoughts and dreams about your perfect relationship until the moment it ended heavily on your heart.

Life after a breakup can feel terrible, especially if you didn’t want the relationship to end or if you’ve been cheated on.

But what’s important now is to understand how to love again and get back on your feet.

You didn’t stop walking just because you fell down as a child, did you? Or did you stop playing a game or driving around in your car because you screwed up at some point?

Life isn’t perfect. It’s the little imperfections that make live perfect.

You wouldn’t know happiness if you don’t understand pain. And you won’t understand true love without understanding how a broken heart could feel like.

How to love again after being hurt

While this may sound like a consolation, this really isn’t. It’s the truth.

Life is unpredictable and doesn’t always plan out just like you wanted or expected. Learn to deal with the losses and cherish the happy experiences, and learn from your experiences.

Don’t give up on love because of a broken heart or because you think it’ll cause you pain. Bad relationships cause pain, not love. Remember that.

A break up is like a doorway into another relationship. How long it takes you to open that door is up to you. But at some point, you have to brace yourself and open that door and meet someone else. [Read: What is unrequited love?]

Have you given up on love?

Almost all the time, many lovers who endure bad relationships and failed romances give up on ever finding true love. They just assume love doesn’t exist, and think it’s something all people call a relationship where two people put up with each other and sacrifice their happiness for the other person.

It’s an easy way to squirm out of a situation where you may partly be at fault. Denying that love exists is a coward’s way of lying to the world that they failed or haven’t met anyone who’s worth living for. [Read: Why some people can’t find love?]

If you can’t find love in your own life, stop trying to make yourself feel better by telling everyone else that love doesn’t exist, because it does.

If you’ve endured an unsuccessful relationship or have suffered a painful break up, take your time to get your own life back in order. And when you’re ready to look for that special someone, take a leap of faith and dive headfirst into love.

Falling in love again

If you want to know how to love again and experience a better relationship, here are ten steps that can help you experience a happier relationship and a better life.

#1 Accept that your old relationship is history

If you want to love again someday, learn to accept that your relationship is over. Many heartbroken lovers pine and dwell over lost relationships like they’ve lost their own lives. It could feel that way, true, but it’s all in your head.

You have the choice to bring a smile back on your face if you choose to. You may feel like it’s a bad thing to be cheerful or have a good time after a breakup, especially when it’s easier to stare at a wall and sadistically feel good about the pain you’re going through. [Read: Is your ex thinking about you?]

Heal your heart in a manner that’ll work for you, but don’t spend all the time locked in isolation. Convince yourself that the relationship is over instead of holding your phone in your hand hoping your new ex will call you back and make it up with you. You could fall back into a broken relationship a million times, but you’ll never be happy. Remind yourself that it’s over. As painful as it may seem, it’ll give you the strength to move on.

#2 Where did you go wrong?

The breakup may have come out of the blue or it may have been a series of little fights that led to your partner calling the relationship off and walking away. But whatever the reasons may be, even if you have no reason to blame yourself, learn from the relationship.

Did you choose the wrong partner? Were you insecure, or did you always know the relationship was doomed right from the start? Learn to read the signs of a bad relationship and make sure you don’t make the same mistakes again.

Experience is what you get when you fail at something. But it’s a valuable lesson nevertheless. So learn from your failed relationship and keep those little things in mind.

#3 Enjoy your spanking new single status

It’s a case of the grass being greener on the other side, but for once, learn to enjoy the other side of the fence. You’re single, so start loving it! [Read: I want to be single again]

You’ve probably been in a relationship for a while, which explains why you’re heartbroken and upset. But don’t let that hold you down. Spend more time with friends of the opposite sex. They may be friends, but there’s always a teeny bit of sexual tension and flirting fun even between friends. And you could use that now to feel better about yourself. [Read: How to kiss a friend]

Speak with friends of the opposite sex late into the night, call your crushes and friends that have a crush on you. You probably had to avoid these friends earlier, what with you being in a relationship and all, but now you can speak to all these people for hours. If you want to understand the secret behind knowing how to experience happiness and how to love again, always look for the silver lining in every dark cloud. Optimistic and happy people enjoy their lives no matter what hurdles they face. We really can’t say the same about the sad pessimists, can we?

[Read: How to meet the one for you]

Always look at the bright side of life and learn from your experiences. It’ll make you feel better, and your life a lot more fulfilling. Use these steps to know how to love again after being hurt, and read the rest of the ten steps to healing in how to fall in love again.


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Have your say!
  • niall aldridge lol
    August 13, 2012 | Permalink |

    hey all i got dumped by my first love when i was 16, i used to find it easy to like someone and from then im useless iv just given up and use girls for sex instead :(

  • Wendy Blue
    August 29, 2012 | Permalink |

    My husband not so far ago confess me the lust for woman’s he have, he start to talking to me about “‘oh this week I feel attractive to ….” ”oh I wish if U can love woman’s like me, so we can talk about them” #o/ … He over trust in me, I guess, but after that I just feel hate for every one, I feel I can’t go out with him and enjoy like before, I feel like if all that hugged love that it was there, is in ”waiting” now. Is very confusing because he is a very good man and I do really love him with all my heart. But now knowing that, I just ever going to feel enough for him any more. We have 5 years of marriage… Based in always been best friends first…

  • frank
    December 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    i am a straight man that had been hurt myself after my wife cheated on me with another woman. there are just too many women into other women nowadays breaking up many families. now divorced and single again is very hard for me trying to connect with the right woman again, especially that many women today that now have a very bad attitude problem and are so very hard to start a conversation with them.

  • Vanessa b xx
    February 4, 2013 | Permalink |

    How can i be positive when i keep getting ridiculed by every man i have came across? Whether ive dated them or not they damaged me so bad.
    Even my own dad has taken a shot. Not only is my confidence is on the floor buts its dead and buried. And i am ridden with jealousy and rage when women that i know are in longterm relationships/just got married and then theres me: single 6 years and havent ever experienced intimacy or anything meaningful. Ive lost hope because im sick of taking risks when it got me nowhere. I never get approached, never been asked out on dates so most of the time its me getting things going, and if i never did then i would be 26 and never even known what its like to even hug a man and i wish thats how it was. My life wouldve been painless thats my biggest regret

    Great article though, its made me realise im not worth anyones time.

  • Niki
    February 11, 2013 | Permalink |

    The biggest problem is that too many of us girls ignore the red flags that are right under our noses, one thing my past relationships has taught me is that look for them and if you feel for one second that the guy is not the one for you then get out of that relationship as soon as possible, no one is perfect and there will always be problems in a relationship but as they say love is blind and there is more truth to that saying then people realise, i do now find it hard to trust any man that i take an interest in or vise versa but i feel now that maybe it was good thing as i know now what to look for, its taught to me to not be soo nieve and that maybe one day i will look back and laugh at what an idiot i was whilst with someone that is ten times better and worth the time i give them, one thing to remember is that the majority of men cant help but lie and most of it is just to boost their own egos cos of their insecurity’s they want to feel like men sadly tho they will never be seen as one.

  • Vaaly
    March 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    So many hurts in relationships and always so many lessons to learn, but do we notice the red flags the next time when someone walks into our lives. I am trying very hard to get unattached to my ex after 6 years into our relationship. He cheated on me but used his unemployed status as an excuse to have left me for someone else, him re employed again, we still have contact, mostly from my side. I know the no contact rule but find it hard to apply that,we have seen each other again after 5 months (stuff of his I returned)and the old feeling is back in my heart. I dated another guy but could not get closer to him due to this unfinished goal in my heart that keeps on coming back. I have empathy to all those who suffer like I do, if you had not been in the same position you cannot judge anyone.

  • Adrian
    May 5, 2013 | Permalink |

    Hey Vanessa b, I feel your pain. I’m a 23 yr old guy and I’ve never had a girlfriend before. It’s so true what you say, it’s like people don’t want to approach you. I don’t know how it is for you, but for me I always feel like an outsider, that can never get into a circle of friends or make friends, but just someone that’s in the background always, that person who everyone loves to ignore. The only thing I’ve ever gotten from a girl is a hug, but not in that way, only as a friend. I would be happy even if I could just kiss a girl for once in my life. I just feel like I’ll never be good enough for any girl in the whole world and that I’m just a waste of space. It’s not just this though, I feel like I’ve totally lost control over everything in my life – this one thing has become a general lack of fulfillment in all areas in my life – nothing I do is right and nothing gives me joy anymore. The only thing I feel is failure and sadness, I never laugh and I can’t smile anymore. I want to thank everyone on this site for listening, you are the only ones I can share this with. I can’t share this stuff with anyone I know because I know they’ll just laugh at me and tell me to “come right”. I’ve got all the lack of self-confidence related problems – addiction, appearance, etc. but it wasn’t like that years ago. I feel like I’ve run out of answers. I really hope all you guys conquer all your problems, you deserve happiness and from what I’ve read, someone will be really lucky to be with you and you guys have a lot of love to give if only someone would see it. For me I think that ship has sailed though. Thanks for listening guys.

  • Yvy
    May 21, 2013 | Permalink |

    Adrian, I’m 21 and have had a few boyfriends, so I’m not going to pretend like I feel your pain. But I can tell you that I have felt some other serious emotional pain anyway. Relationships don’t make you happy, nobody can make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. I for one wish I’d stayed the hell away from relationships, I’d be much more sane today.
    Anyway, there are 4 things that I think can help you. Your happiness ship has not sailed.
    1. Stay away from all drugs including alcohol
    2. Change your diet, stop eating animals and all their stress amd toxins (look at MindBodyGreen for inspiration)
    3. Get as much sun as you can, and sneak in some long healthy walks
    4. Get yourself into The Art of Living. Look it up on Google because there is a centre in every major city in the world. They teach numerous things including a simple and quick breathing technique which done daily can change your life.
    You are obviously a great person. You wished everyone happiness even though you feel hopeless. It takes a true and kind heart to think of others at times like these.
    I dont normally comment on these articles but I made an exception today because I really think The Art of Living would help you.
    Good luck, and don’t give up.

  • Too confidence in myself
    June 27, 2013 | Permalink |

    I wish so much I could have a girlfriend but it obviously isn’t meant to be. At closer to 40 than 30 now and having never been on a date I feel empty emotionally and useless as a person…

    All my friends are married while I stand on the sidelines year after year, I am grateful for the few female friends I have even though they are already spoken for.

    I have given up looking now, rejection might be part of it all but I feel worse for trying than if I had just stayed alone… I obviously don’t have what it takes to be in a relationship so I won’t take up anyone’s time. Love is just too painful to pursue if you’re not strong enough I think…

  • omnyah m
    September 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    I had a very bad break up ……..I feel like I am no longer alive .He broke me in every possible way And the problem is I am still in love with him.I can not accept the idea of losing him .He has moved on ;he is with someone else and I am still trapped in the past

  • Michael Heynz
    October 9, 2013 | Permalink |

    Thank you for these words Lovepanky. I’ve been “locked up” in emotional limbo for nine years now. Totally celibate, unable to even fathom loving again. I just turned 40, lost my entire 30′s, not to mention the 20′s and half my teens on what I thought would be my lifelong partner. We had so many breakups, so many get back togethers, so many moves to one city or the other to try to start fresh, but he just kept on cheating, while I kept on ignoring the fact that he was a serial cheater incapable of being monogamous to me because of whatever reason. Perhaps I wasn’t good enough for him, perhaps he just hurt the ones he loved… I have been so afraid to even start another relationship. When we first met, I was 16. We fell into such deep love, we wrote poems, had celebratory parties to mark our “anniversary”, it was like heaven for the first two years. Then he graduated from college and wanted to have an open relationship (with someone a friend introduced him to who was 16 at the time and I had become 19). Sign after Sign I missed because I didn’t want to believe he *wasn’t* meant to be my lifelong partner. Over the years we just kept going through this. Certain times of the year was worse than others. I just kept thinking if I give a little more, forgive a little more, he’d grow out of this promiscuousness. We finally broke up after a ridiculous drama. I met someone who I really liked, my ex wanted me back, I froze up – I couldn’t decide, my new boyfriend ended up breaking up with me over my ex, who by the time that happened, had found his new lifemate.
    Now I have no one – for the last 9 years. Now that I hit 40, it’s like a flower which has forced its way open, my heart is bursting awake. I feel scared to death, old, wasted time, and hope.
    Yay 40!

  • yumnam peeter
    October 29, 2013 | Permalink |

    U nvr know wat ll b happening the next moments
    …after a bad breakup …still holding on.
    1..stay away from ny drugs n alcohol
    2..hang out wit friends

    After how fast u heal depends upon yourself..
    U can change ur thoughts n select which thoughts to keep n which not to.
    Like u can decide which clothes to wear ..
    Hard but not impossible…

    Remember.. nothing last forever neither bad times nor good times…

  • Buzz Beadle
    January 14, 2014 | Permalink |

    Cool place to share the thoughts of others. Speak up everybody!!!………..Pray for Peace……….Buzz

  • Gary
    June 11, 2014 | Permalink |

    20yrs ago I was dating a really nice girl (or so I thought) we were going along just fine then I had an accident at work and I hoped she would be there for me.
    She never rang or visited me.
    two months later I had a small do for my birthday and the girl I was dating walks in and announces her engagement to her new guy.
    First I knew about it!
    Since then I have never dated have lost all faith in women.

  • Shane
    June 26, 2014 | Permalink |

    Gary ur completely right I feel the same way

  • Yoshi
    August 12, 2014 | Permalink |

    Gary, I hate to say it but it helps to objectify women. They are best played until they prove their loyalty. At this point it’s much safer to let them in your heart.

  • Samwel
    August 13, 2014 | Permalink |

    I enjoyed my first love, I ignored many because of her, but shockingly she said It is over for no reason, she left me a lonely man! Pain in my heart is even growing, feeling like every girl under the sun is a liar! I dont know wat I’m gonna do to love again.

  • lostandforgoten
    October 28, 2014 | Permalink |

    Like many others, I was in a long term relationship and then dumped for no real reason and = left without resolve, no matter what I tried. So now I’m here, stuck in a rut and unable to feel like I can even love anyone else again, because I lost something I gave everything for. Why would I want to share it with anyone else, and how? Now I just live in fear that if I ever fell in love again they will just rip my heart to shreds again, for no damn reason and leave me in this black hole of despair. Who wants that? And you wonder why so many ppl are afraid to be in relationships sometimes… :/

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