Some people just care more than others, it’s a personality trait. If you feel like you care too much, you can learn how to care less in a relationship.
I can think of very few things in life as hard to maintain as a relationship. I consider plants very difficult to figure out. It seems like you always water them too much or not enough. Finding the perfect balance is hardly ever easy. A relationship is similar. If you feel like you water your proverbial relationship too much, then you might wonder how to care less in a relationship.
A relationship takes two partners caring equally for one another, but we don’t live in an ideal world. If you feel as if you care way more for the one that you are with and the feelings aren’t returned, then it just might be time for you to disconnect. Stop worrying about them for a bit to worry about your own feelings.
How to care less in a relationship with these 8 important steps
It is easy to become obsessed, especially when we can’t have the very thing we THINK we want. But that is the thing; it is just what you think you want.
When all is said and done, if you care less about your relationship, you just might find that it causes you a whole lot more angst than need be. A relationship should be supportive, fun, and equal. If it isn’t for you, then it is time for you to focus on your own needs and let them worry about them.
#1 Know that there are always other fish in the sea. Don’t buy into the notion that there is only “one” person for you. There are literally billions of fish in the sea. If your current relationship doesn’t feel right, and you feel the need to put all of yourself into it and aren’t getting what you want out of it, then it is time to consider that there are other people out there who might be better suited for you.
If you feel like they are the only one in the world for you, then you just might miss the signs that they aren’t. You are so focused on convincing yourself that they are, in spite of what you feel inside. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by the one you love]
#2 Focus on you. If you are a pleaser by nature, then relationships are even tougher. Those of us who care more about the people around us and their happiness than we do our own never find happiness. If you care more about the way your partner feels and negate what you need and what you feel, it makes you feel empty.
#3 Know that the only one you control is you. In a relationship, it is so difficult to come to terms that you can’t change other people. You can only change yourself. The problem is, the more you try to make people who you want them to be, the harder they fight against losing themselves and the more miserable you become with who they are.
If you have a hard time because you care too much, then think of it this way, you can’t control what will happen. Worrying about it, only makes you a nervous, unhappy mess.
Control the things you can by doing what you need to find fulfillment and care less about what you can’t control like their behavior or their love for you. You can’t make someone love you more by changing them. You only push them further away. [Read: Why loving someone too much only kills the love]
#4 Trust or be done. If you want to know how to care less in a relationship, then decide whether you trust your mate or not. A lot of the time we say we trust the person we love, yet we continually looking for signs of their loyalty, love, or want them to prove themselves in other ways.
If you want to care less in your relationship, then you either trust them and their love for you or you turn them loose.
Wasting all of your energy continually looking for signs isn’t doing anything but making you a nervous wreck and leaving you with more questions than answers.
That means that you must stop looking at their phone and their social media to see what they have been up to. When they say, “I love you” accept it. If you can’t, then maybe you know something isn’t right, and you should start to listen to that little voice that tells you so. [Read: Can *or should* a relationship without trust survive?]
#5 Find security alone. If you aren’t happy with you or secure knowing that you will be okay not just with their love, but even if their love should fail, then you are going to spend a lifetime holding on too tight. Love sometimes comes and goes, that is just the sad reality of life.
There are no guarantees in a relationship. What is guaranteed is that if you feel strongly and know you are secure on your own, no matter what comes your way, you stop clinging so tightly. Love is something that should add something to your life, not define it, or be the source of your security.
#6 Don’t become too dependent. When you get involved in a relationship, it is easy to let go of friendships and other people. Being new, you want to spend every waking moment together. Sometimes you wake up well into the relationship to realize that you have let go of pretty much everything you had and were before you became a couple.
If that happens, that makes you feel like you have a whole lot more to lose. If you want to care less in your relationship, hold onto your own identity and pursue a life outside of your union. If all you have is what binds you two, then it makes you feel isolated and worried without cause. [Read: 15 signs of a healthy relationship you should look for]
#7 Further and follow your own dreams instead of sacrificing yourself for the team. A surefire away to invest too much of yourself into any relationship is by sacrificing yourself and your dreams for someone else.
In every relationship, there is going to be compromise. It doesn’t mean only one person should continually sacrifice what they want for the needs of another, especially not if it stifles one and keeps them down.
#8 Learn from your mistakes. If you want to know how to care less in a relationship, the best way is to recognize your mistakes. If you care too much, put too much energy into your relationship, or obsess about things, consider how that worked until now.
Admit to yourself that all your concern isn’t helping. It only hurts your relationship. Sometimes it just takes admittance and recognition that your habits and propensities are counterproductive to what you want out of life.
The definition of a relationship should be a mutual concern. But, that doesn’t mean that everyone you care about is going to equally care back, or even have the ability to feel the same concern.
The only one whose actions and behaviors you can change are your own. So, if you feel like you care too much and it not only hurts you but your relationship, then start focusing on what makes you happy. Stop convincing yourself that you aren’t as important and worthy.