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DTR Talk: How Many Dates Before a Relationship Becomes Official?

how many dates before a relationship becomes official

Dating is confusing. And if you’re wondering how many dates it takes before your relationship becomes official, well, here’s everything you need to know.

Dating is different for everyone. Some people find it to be easy. They don’t stress about making things official right away. Others go into date number one questioning whether or not they should be in a serious relationship based on how much they like the person and how many dates before a relationship is official.

No matter which category you fall under, you still have to know when it’s been long enough to bring up “the talk.” And by this, I mean the relationship talk. Are you two officially in a relationship or are you still just casually dating? Not knowing this drives a person insane.

Mistakes people make too early in a new fling

There are some mistakes people make that ruins a relationship before they’re even official. Being too eager to hop into a relationship is the main one. They try to bring up “the talk” after only one date and then wonder what went wrong when they no longer text you back.

Many also make the mistake of thinking they’re already in a relationship just because they went on a date or two. Then they get upset when they find out the other person may have been on a date with someone else. They confront the person and are bummed when things end. [Read: Talking to someone about the relationship – DTR made easy]

So how many dates before relationship talks?

Something that could fix all those mistakes? Simply knowing when it’s the right time to make things official. It’s difficult to gauge someone else’s feeling about something like this and guessing incorrectly could destroy your chances of getting with them in the first place.

That being said, people want to know how long is long enough? How many dates do you have to go on before you bring up the prospect of a relationship with someone? The magic number is about to be revealed.

The magic number

The truth is, there isn’t such a thing as a “magic number.” I know that’s not exactly what you wanted to hear, but it’s the reality. Because nobody is the same. And no two people are going to move at the same pace as someone else.

There are many things to take into consideration when moving from “dating” to “in a relationship.” The best thing to do if you really want to know how long you should wait before bringing up the possibility of an official relationship is to read the other person. [Read: 10 definite signs it’s time for that relationship talk]

They want a relationship

Figure out how they’re feeling about you and your relationship beforehand. If you’re unfamiliar with how to do this, here’s how you know they want a relationship.

#1 They make plans with you for a long time out. If someone is making long-term plans with you or asking you to go on a date that’s a month down the line, then they see a future with you.

They see themselves with you for that long and aren’t afraid of letting you know. If this is the case, they probably want to be in a relationship with you. [Read: Rushing into commitment? 10 grim signs you might just regret it]

#2 They talk about being in a relationship. If they refer to relationships in a positive way or talk about how great of a boyfriend/girlfriend they would be, it’s a test. They’re trying to show you they’re ready for a commitment. They’re gauging how interested you are in the same thing.

#3 They make it known that they’re exclusive to you. This is a huge sign they’re ready to be in a relationship, but are just waiting on you. If they tell you they’re not seeing anyone else and they don’t want to, then it’s safe to bring up the relationship discussion. They’re most likely just waiting for you.

#4 They fish for relationship opinions from you. If they’re asking you how you feel about relationships and what your opinions are about certain aspects of them, it’s because they want to be in a relationship with you. Again, they’re trying to get as much information from you as possible about how you view relationship and if you’re ready for one. [Read: Just hanging out? 10 romantic sparks you just can’t ignore]

#5 They bring it up first. This is obvious. If they ask if you want to be in a relationship or if they call you their boyfriend or girlfriend, they obviously want to be in a relationship with you. Now it’s only up to you to decide if you’re ready to jump into one with them. Or maybe you want to wait it out a little longer.

They don’t want a relationship… yet

These are all the signs to look for when the other person isn’t quite ready to make a commitment. Even if it’s five dates in and they seem to like you a lot, any of these should be red flags to hold back on “the talk.”

#1 They avoid making long-term plans. If they don’t make plans further than a few days to a week out, they may be keeping you at a distance. They don’t want to confirm plans with you for any longer because they’re not sure they see themselves with you that far out. [Read: How to stop liking someone you know you can never have]

#2 They talk negatively about their past relationship. If they’re always talking about how shitty their previous relationships were, it’s a red flag. If they had a bad experience in their last relationship, they’re going to be a little more skeptical about getting into a new one. Therefore, they may need more time to date before committing to the real thing.

#3 They don’t talk much about their personal life. If you don’t know much about their friends or family by date three, it’s a red flag.

If someone holds back a lot of personal information, they don’t see you as someone they want to share it with. AKA, they’re not ready for a relationship yet. When they start opening up to you, it’s safer to bring up “the talk.”

#4 You usually initiate the conversations and/or dates. If someone isn’t texting you first or making plans with you as much as you are with them, they’re not serious about you. They don’t crave the attention or even spending the time with you. Therefore, they’re not ready for a relationship despite agreeing to go on dates with you. [Read: 6 spot-on tips on raising the idea of being exclusive]

#5 Whenever the topic of relationships come up, they change the subject. Another sign they’re not interested in pursuing a relationship just yet is their habit of changing the conversation whenever a discussion about relationships comes up.

It can be about your previous relationships or even just chatting about if you were in a relationship. The bottom line is if they don’t want to talk about it, they don’t want one.

[Read: Are we dating? Read these 17 signs then ask no more]

Knowing the proper time to have the talk about making a relationship official helps save you from ruining a good thing before it even happens. And these are the ways to bring it up at the right time.

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Bella Pope
Bella Pope
Lover. Laugher. Writer. Reader. Guitar Player. Craft Enthusiast. Workout Junky. Wannabe Chef. Traveling Free Spirit. I’m just a small town gal fighting my way...
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