On the other hand, a couple of painful relationships in the past can make anyone dislike love.
If you experience a heartbreak one too many times, you may not care too much about love because all it makes you feel is pain.
The defense mechanism of hating love
If you think about it, the feeling of love is a defense mechanism.
When you’re happy in it, you feel like you’ve got a perfect life that’s full of happiness.
And when you’re not happy in a relationship, your mind forces you to avoid falling in love because it makes you miserable.
I have friends who constantly debate about the good and bad side of love, and to be impartial to both sides, I must truthfully say that both sides offer a good argument.
A friend of mine who’s been married for a few years once told me that “a relationship or a marriage is a convenience for security, and finding happiness through love in your life depends on what you do with your life.” [Read: What should you do when you start liking someone else?]
For as long as I remember, she’s been having a series of affairs to keep herself happy because she doesn’t love her husband. And she doesn’t believe in love either.
Her logic is simple. Love gives two things, emotional security and sexual fulfillment. So she satisfies both of them by staying in the marriage and cheating on her husband.
I’m no one to judge her because that’s what all of us want, emotional security and sexual passion. And as much as the true believers of love say they’d avoid cheating, circumstances can arm twist any of us to make the biggest mistakes in our weak moments. [Read: 15 open relationship rules to have a better love life]
Do you really need love in your life?
No, you don’t. Let’s face it, true love is a luxury that few can boast of. But then again, love does make life more meaningful and satisfying.
There are so many things in life that we don’t need, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want it.
Many of us are tied down in unhappy marriages and broken relationships, and sometimes, especially in the darkest of times, all of us wonder if it’s just better to stay single. You can still get emotional support from friends, and sex from a series of one night stands. And if that’s as good as love will ever get for us, really, do we have a choice? [Read: Top 25 reasons for divorce you probably didn’t know]
Love exists within us all the time
Finding true love may be difficult, and it may be easier to just give up hope on ever finding love. But at the same time, we need to remember this. Love is a natural emotion. It exists within all of us, just like the feeling of pain or hunger. You can suppress it, but you can’t ignore it.
By avoiding falling in love or giving up on ever finding a form of love that will leave you feeling happy all the time, you’re actually stopping yourself from leading a normal life. People fall in love all the time, with movies, with food, pets, friends, and so many more things.
Love is within us all, whether we choose to believe in it or not. And the happiest form of love you can ever experience is in the form of a romantic relationship with another person. From the very first moment, you feel like you’re sinking into a warm blanket. And even years later, just lying in bed every night and knowing you can reach your arm across and feel the warmth of someone that loves you is a special feeling.
A break up shouldn’t end your belief
Love is an energy, a beautiful sensation that flows through us when we open our hearts to the world around us.
Each break up could make you lose faith in love. But a bad relationship doesn’t mean the end of the world. When you stop yourself from falling in love with someone, you’re preventing your natural instincts from choosing something that could make your life a lot more meaningful. Breakups hurt, true, but true love makes it all worth it.
Would you believe in love even after a series of bad relationships? You probably won’t, but as hard as it may feel, don’t give up on love. Instead, learn to introspect and understand why most of your relationships are going wrong.
5 steps to find true love when you’ve lost your belief in love
When love fails, don’t blame love for it. That’s an easy excuse to pretend like you had no part to play in the failure. Almost all the time, love fails only when the partners fail the compatibility test in love. [Read: 50 questions to test your relationship compatibility]
If you want to experience a beautiful romance, and start believing in love again, keep these 5 simple steps in mind. It’ll make the experience of love a lot better in no time.
#1 Love should be effortless. You can’t force yourself or someone else to fall in love with you. It has to come naturally. If you don’t feel it, you’re probably better in someone else’s arms.
#2 Playing the chase. Love always starts with a bit of a tease and a chase, not just in humans but in several other species as well. When both of you are past the chase and have fallen for each other, there shouldn’t be second thoughts about the relationship. If you’re not happy to be in the relationship, you need to get out. [Read: The right way to play the chasing game in love]
#3 Don’t fall hard immediately. Wait for a few months before you progress from the courting game to falling in love. Even if you’re really happy spending hours together, don’t get exclusive until you’re certain you’re giving your heart to the right person. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon sucks!]
#5 Give second chances. Even the best of us make mistakes. Even if it hurts at times, be prepared to give a second chance if your partner hurts you, but never give a third or a fourth chance. A partner who repeatedly hurts you intentionally doesn’t love you, they’re only using you. [Read: How to perfect the silent treatment in a relationship]
Take chances and experience a better romance
Work towards a relationship with all your heart. But walk away if you feel like you’re the only one making all the effort. Open your heart to love, but be cautious about whom you let in. Every heartbreak will make you hurt more, and make you lose your faith in love just a little bit more.
But then again, a bad relationship doesn’t mean love doesn’t exist. It just means you haven’t found the right partner yet. Learn with each experience, and look for love again. Soon enough, you’ll find the right partner who’d be perfect for you. [Read: 25 relationship rules to have a perfect romance]
The balance between believing in blissful love and giving up on love is a tug-of-war between happy relationships and unhappy ones.
The more you repeat your mistakes and end up in bad relationships, the more you’ll lose your faith in love.
So do you believe in love? Even if you don’t believe in it now, give love a chance after you learn your lessons from your past relationships. A perfect romance that’s full of happy love may be right around the corner, if only you believe in love and take that chance.
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Kirsten Cole doesn’t like falling in love often. Instead she prefers to hop, skip and jump through her perfect, beautiful life. And of course, if the perfect ...