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Chivalry is Dead Because Men are Lazy

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Do you think chivalry is dead and forever gone? With the way most men behave and have expectations these days, it’s probably all gone forever. By Jessica Dawson

chivalry is dead

For most men, this is glorious news.

And for most women, this is just another headline that proves that fairytales don’t exist.

So is chivalry dead? Really?

Chivalry is a funny thing.

It’s complicated and confusing, and yet to the ones that understand it, it can make life and romance so much better.

As a single American woman, I know just how determinedly and fiercely most American men try to chokehold chivalry.

Most men will go out of their way to try their hand at being unchivalrous.

In fact, I’ve seen guys who hold a door open for me, and suddenly realize how chivalrous they’re being, and leave the door on my face while mumbling a low apology for being chivalrous in the first place!

Well, this may not be a common scenario in the gentlemanly world of the Brits, but for Americans, chivalry most certainly is being forced into a slow death.

[Read: Are insecure men ever worth dating?]

Dating an unchivalrous guy

In one of my dating stints, I started dating a guy who seemed more like a feminist. He said he wanted women to be treated as equals with men and always tried to make women feel just as powerful as men. I liked that thought.

But what he was saying really was that he was no chivalrous gentleman. I found that out later.

Now I don’t expect a guy to run around a crowded street and open my car door for me. And I definitely don’t expect him to treat me like royalty.

But I do expect basic courtesy like holding a door open, pulling a chair back for me if he’s close, and little things like that.

I liked this guy at first, but every time I saw another guy who treated his girlfriend better from the corner of my eye, I found myself sinking lower into my seat or curling my toes in hidden embarrassment. I didn’t like the way I was being treated. I wanted to feel appreciated and loved, respected and taken care of, and my boyfriend who would rather treat me as an equal, would do none of those things. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn offs for women]

Men want everything the easy way

It’s true. Men absolutely want everything in the easiest way possible. They don’t like trying hard, and yet, they don’t respect anything they get easily.

If a woman expects a guy to be chivalrous, the guy thinks she expects too much. But what most men don’t realize is that chivalry can be a great way to impress a girl while showing off their good side at the same time. [Read: How can a guy be more chivalrous?]

How is chivalry good for both sexes?

Women like feeling protected. Men like protecting.

It’s natural instinct. A girl feels better on a date when the guy she’s with takes care of her and makes her feel protected. And a guy feels good about himself when the girl he’s with depends on him for her safety and happiness.

While most men hate the whole act of chivalry, what they don’t understand is that they’re making the whole experience of dating a lot less romantic and fun by underplaying chivalry or killing it off completely.

Women who lower their standards

As women jump from one bad guy to another, they start to wonder if all those fairytale romances they hear about are all just lies. And more often than not, most women actually give up on their own fairytales and fall in love with any slob that gives her attention. [Read: Falling out of love and why it happens to you]

Marge may be in love with Homer Simpson, but seriously, don’t you think she’d be happier with another guy? She’s probably given up on any hope of chivalry in her life.

And that’s what happens to many women. They start lowering their standards and go along with any guy that shows her any attention. These guys then expect all women to be that easy to get, and get annoyed when any woman expects him to treat her with respect. And thus, the life and death of chivalry starts a whole new cycle of confusion between the sexes.

But women who give in easily and put up with a guy and his shortcomings are never really happy anyway. They just learn to subdue their real expectations until another knight in shining armor walks past them or until they see another couple who seem to be blissfully happy in each other’s arms. [Read: Why do women cheat on men so easily?]

Chivalry and playing hard to get

Chivalry is also deeply engraved in the rules of playing hard to get. Women play hard to get, men show off their chivalrous sides. And when both sexes feel they’ve played their parts and found someone deserving, love gets into the picture.

But recently, as a woman, I’ve seen men getting really hostile when a woman expects a man to woo her. In a comment made by a Lovepanky reader, Natasha on playing hard to get, I believe she made a valid point albeit it’s strongly worded. [Read comment here]

If a guy has all the money in the world and wants to buy a car, he would test a few cars and pick the one he feels is worth most. So if an attractive woman plays hard to get, tests a few guys for their chivalry by playing hard to get and picks the best one out, is that really such a bad thing? Several guys commented back in that post calling Natasha names and branding her as a bad girl. But really, men, why is it so bad for a woman to be spoilt with choice if she’s worthy of attention?

If a girl is attractive and good enough to get any guy she wants, and she gets the attention of several men, is it bad for her to pick the best man out of the lot depending on how much he pursues her?

It seems like men can do what they feel like, but women just shouldn’t be allowed to have choices. Doesn’t something feel wrong there?

When a man behaves chivalrously with a woman, it shows the woman that he respects her and cares enough for her to treat her like a lady. And in return, the woman falls in love with the man. That’s the beauty of chivalry and playing hard to get. And guess what, it’s always worked! [Read: Why do great guys like a good chase in love?]

The two kinds of men

There are two kinds of men in the world. Men who pursue chivalrously and get the best women. And men who are determinedly killing chivalry.

The best men who always find the nicest and prettiest women to date aren’t lucky. They just know how to treat a lady. If a woman expects to be pursued, these men pursue with chivalrous grace and win over her heart.

On the other hand, the men who do everything possible to avoid being chivalrous, end up bitter and angry. They assume women play games and trick men. They go out of their way to be disrespectful to women, and at some point of time, date a woman who’s given up on her romantic standards and treat her like crap until she either resigns into a life of sadness or leaves him for someone better. [Read: Why dating tips and advice never work for some people]

Chivalry is dead only if you let it die

Women, hold on to your standards and believe in your fairytale romance. Men, learn to be chivalrous and care for the woman you’re dating. [Read: Why are men attracted to damsels in distress?]

Chivalry may be a dying trend, but it’s dying only for the unhappy lovers. Evolution has taught us enough to understand that chivalry and playing hard to get works like a well oiled machine.

As long as the men up their game and behave like gentlemen, women will start to behave like ladies around them. And with so much chivalry, respect and love in the air, love will be a much better experience for all of us.

[Read: 18 Steps to fall in love like you're in a fairytale]

If you believe that chivalry is dead, you’ve probably given up on ever experiencing happy love. Keep chivalry alive and don’t give up on it. You’ll see how pretty the world of love looks through the rose tinted glasses of chivalrous love.


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Have your say!
  • Alex
    March 31, 2012 | Permalink |

    Personally I enjoy being chivalrous when I’m pursuing a girl, but if she starts playing hard to get, and is playing the field, the chivalry will end very quickly because I’ll start to feel like a sucker.

    I don’t think playing hard to get is ever a good idea, unless you’re truly not interested and want to look cool in front of your friends. I can’t speak for all man kind, everyone is different, but I much prefer a woman that is up front and knows what she wants.

    I also just want to add that here is a lot of misinformation about men in the articles I’ve read on this site. I would recommend that you all take this stuff with a grain of salt. Each article is written by one woman, it’s just the writer’s opinion, not an insight into how men think.

    Chivalry is not dead, it’s just been wounded.

  • April 24, 2012 | Permalink |

    Thank you for your “2 kinds of men” section. We are out here, wanting nothing more than to love a woman with our entire lives. I just found this site & its awesome. Is there a place to request topics? Namely this: I’ve never met a women who didn’t claim to want find a gentleman who will always put his lady first, NEVER cheat, roses, remembering b-days, anniversaries, etc. Yet as these high expectations are announced, women, as beautifully fascinating as the are (yes i mean all of you) never actually want what they claim to be to be their deepest desire. And generally He’s right there waiting. Thanks.

  • Thomas
    June 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    If chivalry is dead, women killed it. The “feminist” movement did more to undermine women than anything else ever has. It de-emphasized the importance of a woman finding a “good” man, and in doing so….the importance of being one. It marginalized men in women’s minds and so we moved on. The women who didn’t fall for it but remained apathetic to it allowed it to spread like a virus through society. A man not treating every woman like a princess became acceptable, and in many parts of society, doing so even became taboo. Hell, we can be charged with sexual harassment for what are honorable compliments or simply treating a woman “differently” than we’d treat a man.

    So yea, chivalry may be dead, but the blood is not on male hands.

  • Thomas
    June 9, 2012 | Permalink |

    Also, I can tell you EXACTLY what was going through the man from your “extreme example”‘s head when he mumbled the apology….

    1st thought: “A woman, I need to open the door for her”
    2nd thought: “Crap, She might think I’m coming on to her or something..”
    3rd thought: “I wouldn’t hold the door for a man…I may be opening myself up for legal trouble or an awkward confrontation”
    Final thought: “I’d better apologize to cover my butt”

    These thoughts run through a guys mind now just about every time this situation presents itself…at least for me and the few i’ve discussed it with. I just ignore it thou….I’m southern and don’t really care if it offends one of those crazy femenists….because they are stupid and their opinions do not matter to me anyway. Just walk through the door and give me the courtesy of keeping your disagreements to yourself.

  • Mickey
    September 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    Chivalry sure as hell is dead. I was at the autopsy.

  • Mickey
    September 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    Why should a guy show any chivalry when most women consider men to be completely worthless???

  • Mickey
    September 14, 2012 | Permalink |

    Jessica:

    This is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read in all my life.

    Women will find fault with guys for any of the following reasons, at the minimum:

    1) Men try to be decent and respectful, but that’s not good enough.
    2) If men try to be the so-called “alpha-male”, he’s written off as overly cocky/insincere.
    3) A man can’t read a woman’s mind and she gets mad.
    4) Women are convinced that men bring nothing to the table.
    5) The “all men are dogs” mentality.
    6) Women carry themselves as “unapproachable” all the time.

    Guess what? It sure is hell hard for women to find a good man when all they do is run guys off at every opportunity.

    Thus, the next time any woman starts whining that she can’t find a good man, I suggest that she LOOK UNDER HER SHOES!!! I’ll bet my last dollar that since she probably stepped on so many guys, that’s the most logical place to look!!!

  • Kathleen
    December 12, 2012 | Permalink |

    As a female who has long been part of the dating world, chivalry is far less important to me than basic manners. If a man wants to hold a door for me, fine. If I got there first, I’d do the same for him. I don’t however see the point of sitting drumming my fingers and pretending I can’t open a car door. I am a feminist–I wear makeup, I shave, I like to cook and sew and do other “girly” things as well. I also will do my own painting and minor repairs around the house. But I disagree that men have been marginalized by most women. We still want you guys, and you’re still important in our lives. We simply want other things as well and don’t want our lives to be ALL about you. And since most of us are working, we’d like some sharing of the things we don’t enjoy doing, either, like dishes and routine cleaning. One of the biggest dating mistakes men have made with me regularly is fishing for compliments or expressions of affection while being unwilling to compliment or affectionate themselves. I’ve even had some go so far as to tell me how I feel about them, which usually kills off how I feel about them. Yep, guys, we know it’s a tough world because we’re in it too. Just don’t expect more than you’re willing to give. What feminism really did is let women know that it’s okay for us to expect to have choices within our relationships. Let’s not get excited about the vernacular here. Not every feminist burns her bra, just like not every Republican can be defined by Rush Limbaugh.

  • Chris Horner
    February 17, 2013 | Permalink |

    Sorry but women killed chivalry not men, you women wanted equality and chivalry is the preferential treatment of women, sorry but you can’t have both.

  • Kelly
    April 13, 2013 | Permalink |

    The guy above is admittedly right, from a historical standpoint. Romantic attraction is such that the sexes cannot hope to treat one another “equally” in any sense. I’ve been a dumpy-looking woman, and known the misery of being ignored and marginalized. I’m currently a beautiful woman, and there I’ve known the misery of being used for sex and having an infallibility that ultimately translates to being merely a trophy on someone’s arm.

    Men feel the same hypocrisy, and the same marginalization into categories by women. Whether desired or not, you’re still a tool to someone else. Therefore to my hoped-for Master I offer not freedom from this, but love and the exchange of my role for his. I do not give for nothing and I do not give to weak men, but I do give.

  • Doug
    November 20, 2013 | Permalink |

    Chivalry is dead to me. A needy, clingy woman clutching for security is a serious turn-off and definitely gets the cold shoulder from me. I receive no feeling of “good about himself” for being treating like the night’s free butler and chauffeur. Likewise when it comes to a whole host of relationship matters.

    When I’m dating, a women receives no such perks, and I don’t accept any complaints about it, just like a majority of women don’t accept complaints from men about being denied men’s “traditional privileges” that are meaningless in a modern world.

    Chivalry. Dead. ‘Nuff said.

  • Quinton
    November 30, 2013 | Permalink |

    Twice was read the riot act for being chivalrous while on first dates with two seperate women.

    Most women like it and appreciate it for what it is but for some it’s belittling and off putting as if you are trying to make a Stepford wife out of them. That’s totally not what I was trying to do, I was looking for someone who is strong and independent who could challenge me in every way possible (and I found her) but I was just trying to treat women like I thought they expect to be treated.

    So I can see how normally chivalrous guys might hold back if they’ve been bitten before but hopefully they learn that everyone is different and that someone out there will apreciate it. You just have to keep being yourself and put yourself out there, it’s hard but it’s worth it.

  • Mickey
    December 3, 2013 | Permalink |

    Politically correct, man-hating feminazis killed chivalry!

  • Luke
    December 8, 2013 | Permalink |

    ‘Politically correct, man-hating feminazis killed chivalry!’
    Translation: ‘I can’t be a man because women won’t let me!’
    Dude, if you’re letting other people dictate your behavior, then you were never much of a man to begin with.

  • Mickey
    December 10, 2013 | Permalink |

    “Dude, if you’re letting other people dictate your behavior, then you were never much of a man to begin with.”

    Wrong, friend. Anytime I see a man-hating feminazi, I keep walking.

  • Vasil
    December 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    I agree with the comments that feminism killed chivalry. You cannot have two paradigs occupying the same social norm. You can have either a) gender equality or b) preferential treatment; not both. Still, I’m chivalrous with my wife because she doesn’t promote the feminist agenda. She acknowledges our differences and doesn’t dare tread into my territory – as I do in kind for her.

    You’ll be surprised that our elders taught us to be chivalrous and we would actually like to exercise it. However, all you need to hear is a couple examples of the woman in a relationship throwing her newly acquired status (education, fitness, income/promotion) in the face of her make counterpart and you’ll understand how countless guys do the math. “There is NO WAY I’m going to offer someone preferential treatment if they’re going to disparage me like this. We’re ‘equals’ now, apparently, so you can open your own doors, pull in your own chairs, and remove your own jacket. @$#& yourself, while you’re at it.”

    Men nowadays have no problem with equal pay, benefits, protections, etc. It makes sense. But to give you the same pay and responsibilities AND expect me to be the social mule is going to far. Equalizing genders across the board (aka, feminism) is a social Frankenstein borne of women and overly sympathetic men. It’s your beast, so if you don’t like what it did to chivalry, it’s up to you to euthanize it.

  • George
    December 23, 2013 | Permalink |

    Preaching to the choir here. I love being chivalrous, but got tired of being belittled or berated for it by women. Blame the feminists for emasculating men for treating women like ladies.

    If chivalry is dead, it’s women killed it.

  • Doug
    February 26, 2014 | Permalink |

    Chivalry will never die while there is breath in me (it’ll just keep bleeding badly)

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